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oliveshoot Archive

View 11 posts and 154 comments by oliveshoot on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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10

The spirit is willing, but the body is weak. He may really want to, but he may really struggle with following through. It's simply very difficult--even more so for a man's generally higher libido--and you need to be able to help each other *both* out when you want to avoid getting physical too often. You both need strong boundaries, strong communication, and a thorough vetting process. I agree that if you ask for celibacy before marriage--which is laudable and is truly worth it--you will need to…
/r/RedPillWomen03/10/22 02:59 PM
1

It is important that you as a member of this marriage to graciously respect your own desire for children, even if just privately for a while. Laura Doyle talks about expressing your desires as a wife without pressure, and I recommend this approach. There is a risk in keeping totally quiet for years in that he might forget that you becoming a mother is indeed crucial to your identity and happiness, or else you would not have spoken about it prior to committing to him in marriage. So it's importan…
/r/RedPillWomen27/09/22 01:57 AM
11

Some bedroom decor ideas I had include: Removing and hiding visual clutter will get you at least 40% there. Absolutely free, too. Duvet cover or cozy blanket at the foot of the bed folded up. The bed will be where the eye goes first, so changing its color or bedspread will go a long way. A couple extra regular size pillows to have that hotel feel. Men typically aren't huge into decor pillows, but you can have four pillows (we have two 'euro' size behind our regular bed pillows to increase the lu…
/r/RedPillWomen21/09/22 10:57 PM
5

Thank you so much for this perspective. I agree with you, and it is helpful to have your opinion. I know other women would say to rest and let go when I am pregnant, but I wasn't sure if I should be <this> relaxed. Nothing is more important right now to me than my baby's life, so I will let the lesser priorities remain in the background. Thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen19/09/22 07:02 PM
4

Thank you for your encouragement! I thought about it after your comment, and I think a lot of it is me feeling down because I feel sick, things are in disarray, and I want to feel a little bit like my normal self with outfit and stuff. But that will come in time. My husband is really helpful to me, and I didn't want my negative attitudes to discourage him when he's being the most helpful to me. So these things are not necessarily things he's pressuring me to do, but things I want to do for mysel…
/r/RedPillWomen19/09/22 06:59 PM
6

Thank you so much for your help. It is reassuring to realize that other women go through this and what to really prioritize. Yeah, I really relate to your first trimester. I realize that my routines will probably straighten out as time goes by. Thanks so much for the clothes ideas and for you recommending I ask for help. Congratulations on your baby, and I wish you the best in delivery and when baby is here! :)
/r/RedPillWomen19/09/22 06:56 PM
5

This may not align with your priorities, but faith-based communities have later-in-life marriages more than the typical population. They also have men who prioritize family and children. I have a couple friends who are older than 35, one at 38, get married to men and conceive before the age of 43. You may benefit from a very targeted approach to dating. What I mean is asking yourself--or asking other people--where is the family-oriented man over 40 living? What does his life look like? Where can…
/r/RedPillWomen12/09/22 10:35 PM
1

Yeah, I agree with you. That "incremental reciprocation" idea for us as women is so useful.
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/22 07:41 PM
7

I think I know the type of guy you are describing. You said that "his work is his first love." Is he more of an idealist and perfectionist, maybe a bit disagreeable? I'd recommend some things I've read over the years, in my humble opinion. If you ever get to the point where you are talking again, I'd get him to talk about his dreams for the future. He may not see that his dreams (work, reading, exercise) and your dreams (marriage, family, etc) are compatible. You can--with finesse and very littl…
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/22 07:29 PM
9

Yes, I believe that personality types who are pretty loyal often wait to commit because they really know what it means to say yes to one person and no to everyone else. But of course there are ones who dither for years. The task is figuring out if you have a loyal person or someone who is perpetually indecisive and non-committal. Like you said, letting the man have complete freedom to make that decision is so important. I've also seen that in this age, big decisions like this don't come easy to …
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/22 06:21 PM
1

I write those things because I've been in the same place as you. I totally relate. Good luck to you!
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/22 05:59 PM
3

Some things that have helped me when I am excited and can't talk about it with people (especially the person I live with!) is having a cabinet for things I buy for said-thing (like a hope chest like from the olden days), an online folder for ideas for said-thing, a journal to get my ideas out before talking too much, and an outside person who is not my family or knows me too well, even just online friends would do in this case. That way the expectations won't disappoint them if it doesn't work o…
/r/RedPillWomen30/07/22 07:04 PM
1

I have benefited from The Secure Relationship on Instagram as she shows how people navigate anxious, avoidant, and disordered attachment styles in real life. It has helped me to cope when I am waiting on someone to respond or initiate. You can find some ways to respond or self-soothe whenever you are anxious about people not being there in the ways you need and want. It can be difficult. Oftentimes when I am overwhelmed emotionally, I journal all my feelings and wish that person the very best in…
/r/RedPillWomen29/07/22 01:45 PM
3

Right there with you on the clothes motivating me. There are some super cute ones out there! And about your health, I understand! I want to get a dog so I am forced to walk it. :) Good luck to you!!
/r/RedPillWomen13/07/22 07:38 PM
11

Look into your thyroid and estrogen levels. Exercise also increases estrogen which increases libido, mood, and energy levels.
/r/RedPillWomen13/07/22 03:57 PM
6

I wanted to add this. If you are wanting actual habits to add into your life, here are my favorite things that have really been pretty helpful. If you want to do more traditionally feminine things at home, focus on the things you love the most. Doing your favorite domestic art will give you confidence, structure, and momentum. Even if it is something done *with* him that you both love. My husband and I enjoy cooking and hosting a friend or two over. Exfoliating every inch of my skin and applying…
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/22 06:14 PM
11

So far as creating a skeleton of building little habits, I really like dabbling in creating routines—for daily tasks (evening routine, morning routine, etc.) and then assigning a day of the week for things—laundry, cooking, errands, personal projects, rest. FlyLady is good for getting into very simple routines and building up from there. She especially appeals to me because her personality is not Type A. Anyone starting out with managing home tasks always seems to recommend having a routine for …
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/22 05:50 PM
2

That's so awesome! Isn't it amazing? (I have a man who fits that same profile, and he's more masculine than a lot of tall men.) :) Thanks for sharing!
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/22 04:32 PM
1

It's important when a person (man or woman) wants to improve themselves to find an actual person who embodies those traits. It simply makes it easier to follow someone else's example because you see how they handle real-life issues lived out. It is a cliche, but surrounding yourself with at least one man who you personally respect, even if it merely means following them on social media or email, reading their books, or developing a friendship or type of casual mentorship. It makes the progress g…
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/22 03:58 PM
3

Something I have noticed (in the states at least) is a sort of interesting dynamic with shorter men. Because they are not the majority, it sometimes puts the pressure on shorter men to excel in other areas. And they strive to be more masculine or increase their SMV in other areas. I am not saying that these men should feel lesser than tall men, but the societal standards create in them this drive. And in the end, that drive that I see in shorter-to-moderate height men is pretty attractive. Many …
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/22 01:08 PM
2

Thank you so much for that encouragement! :)
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/22 08:44 PM
2

I understand this fact, and I am heartbroken by it. I want my adoptive child to know without a doubt that they are loved and that they belong. Adoption very much starts from a separation, which would be difficult for anyone. Thank you for your comment.
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/22 08:21 PM
2

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. This experience helps me to understand things better. I appreciate your desire to adopt in previous years, sorry that it did not happen then, and am wishing you the absolute best in your future plans to be that home base for them! Thanks again.
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/22 08:20 PM
1

Thank you for sharing. This simply breaks my heart that your mother felt this way. I very much want to do the exact opposite. If your mother has any advice (or if she's mentioned this to you) for how to create a bond between adoptive parents and their adoptive child, I would be all ears. Thank you.
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/22 08:18 PM
2

Thanks so much for responding. It helps to hear your thoughts. I wish you the absolute best with your future plans!
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/22 08:16 PM
2

I am grateful that you offer your experience as well. I would work so diligently and fervently to create that strong sense of belonging with my child. I am not adopted, but I have experienced the opposite in my life, and I want to be a mother who goes the extra mile for her children to feel very loved, accepted, and given opportunities. Thanks again!
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/22 08:13 PM
4

Thank you sincerely for your response. I understand those hurdles for prospective adoptive parents. The process generally weeds out the uncommitted, as it should. I appreciate your perspective. I am so sorry for the loss you have and are experiencing.
/r/RedPillWomen08/07/22 08:05 PM
8

I’m starting to realize this too—that “any role can channel feminine energy if the company culture is right.” I particularly think that roles which allow caregiving for anyone, advocating for people, creative work from music/decorating to teaching or baking, or helping a workplace build a solid team with strong collaboration display feminine strengths. OP, what feminine strength do you especially resonate with?
/r/RedPillWomen07/07/22 07:50 PM
3

Concerning dresses, I found that I feel really confident and put together if I wear shapewear along with them. Last year I bought an inexpensive pair of smoothing shorts. I wore leotards and swimsuits in the summer when I was little, and I've always preferred nylon hose for this reason as well. The looseness of dresses and skirts took getting used to, but the shapewear made me feel better about wearing them.
/r/RedPillWomen01/07/22 06:52 PM
9

I also feel feminine from external sources and compliments from my husband. I also feel feminine when I do feminine-specific activities like baking, rolling my hair, wearing skirts, encouraging and empathizing with others, and when I talk to women about social or relational things. I also have noticed feeling feminine when I am in the second-half, or luteal phase, of my cycle, interestingly enough. But when I do not feel super-feminine, I am encouraged by the fact that I can nurture and be a sof…
/r/RedPillWives29/06/22 03:58 PM
1

So sorry I neglected to respond to your great comment. Thanks so much for sharing! I’m curious about you going to grad school part-time. That’s always been an option on the table for me, but I haven’t pulled the trigger yet. Ideally, I want to be my own boss in any paid work I do.
/r/RedPillWives16/06/22 03:44 PM
21

I agree…living off one income and saving the other was the some of the best advice anyone gave me. I am not the super-penny pincher type personality but my husband and I still have been able to do this. Here are some things that helped me to get into the frame of mind: 1) Identifying as someone who was sort-of-minimalist or the FIRE (financial independent retire early) group. I surrounded myself with bloggers and others who enjoyed these lifestyles, and it helped me to not feel like I was living…
/r/RedPillWomen16/06/22 03:23 PM
2

I wanted to avoid divorce like the plague, so I was reading relationship books in my teens. I was serious about not wasting my time with men I did not trust to offer a good example to children. I also was vetting men before dating them, and I am not saying that I was perfect in the process, but my higher standard for not wasting time on useless dates seemed to pay off. I wanted to have people’s approval at that age, but I realized that who I got married to was in the top three biggest decisions …
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/22 10:32 PM
1

Have you ever had the inclination to help assist someone you love?
/r/RedPillWomen10/06/22 11:23 PM
18

Just some thoughts, but could he either be needing more people around/more extraverted? Could he be slightly depressed where not much is interesting to him? Or could he have slight social anxiety where your presence makes him feel better? He could also simply just love being around you, too, which is awesome! :) If he can find just one starting point, he can dip his toes into that interest, and that might broaden his horizons. When I’ve been low-grade depressed, it takes going to the library to …
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/22 09:19 PM
1

Yes, I am a brainstormer and he likes things decided and less up-in-the-air. This will really work for us to do!
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/22 09:00 PM
1

No, you are helpful…it’s nice to know that others are thinking of this too. :) It’s taken me years to take this up and start doing it. Made me realize I could improve his and our lives when I heard about my grandmas planning trips and stuff for their husbands and family. :) Best wishes!
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/22 08:59 PM
1

This is helpful for me to see the process of narrowing down the options! Thanks!
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/22 08:57 PM
1

Really like the idea of the “wish list” that he can choose from. Thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/22 08:56 PM
1

This is great info. Thanks for sharing!
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/22 08:55 PM
5

I have read about the jawline in men becoming defined with higher levels of testosterone, and I also believe progesterone and estrogen allow for fat deposits in cheeks and jaw. I also read that testosterone levels affect how the eyebrow bones either lay flatter or protrude a bit. Men’s foreheads are stronger-defined. It’s so fascinating to find out this stuff!
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/22 08:51 PM
1

Thank you! Any YouTube channels that you like?
/r/RedPillWomen05/06/22 09:22 PM
2

Thanks for your perspective and questions to ask him!
/r/RedPillWomen05/06/22 09:21 PM
1

Oh man, yeah, just take it easy! That would suck the fun and light out of me. :)
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/22 07:32 PM
4

I might take a step back and maybe assess what commonalities exist in all these moments of his outbursts. I am sure you’ve been doing this, but it seems like my husband does better with time to decompress when he’s frustrated or sad. I also know that men often express any sadness with anger, so it might be a facet to his emotions. It could also be something really simple, like it’s hot, or he’s been annoyed with someone else, or frustrated with himself in some way. I know, you’ve likely already …
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/22 03:23 PM
1

I've felt those feelings. Some things that have helped are: Surrounding myself more with people who either support me or don't care about my title. Working to build up my skills, and therefore my life. It gives your life substance, your conversations have more interest, and you have more confidence because you are more competent in your specialties. It takes time for people to understand this, and it takes time for you to feel confident enough to talk about these subjects with as much confidence…
/r/RedPillWomen01/06/22 12:37 AM
2

You can be at home raising your children. It takes being frugal and a good understanding, partnership, and communication with your future husband. You can always get your graduate degree. It’s a nice-to-have, but currently I think you double-majoring to increase job prospects and being debt-free are providing the bulk of your professional clout. The dividends decrease with a graduate degree because a) you may not actually need one to earn a decent paycheck to support yourself in the beginning, b…
/r/RedPillWomen28/05/22 01:38 PM
2

Have you read any books by Laura Doyle? You can change your marriage with just one person changing. Or “Fascinating Womanhood” by Helen Andelin. These both seem to say that you can change your relationship without having to have a perfect partner. It’s a pretty freeing concept. It helps me to think positively as well.
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/22 11:57 PM
23

“I think those relationships miss out on the fundamental intimacy that develops when a woman is there for her man during his building stage.” I agree. There is a risk with this, but the significant benefits are there too. These personality and character traits can be found in younger men and women. It’s just a bit more rare to find a man who is conscientious and a woman who can host a six-person dinner at age 20. If you’re looking beyond income and appearance when looking for a mate, you can fin…
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/22 08:44 PM
3

I sometimes dream about being a lawyer. The meaning from helping people in the justice field sounds so interesting. I got a degree in a related field but didn’t come into this interest until midlife. I would work with elderly, adoptions, or maybe just be a paralegal. Wonder if there are some options for if I want to be part-time/wfh.
/r/RedPillWives20/05/22 08:48 PM
3

Question: are you saying that you want to make certain he’s worth committing to by living together first to vet? or that you trust him enough to allow him to lead you across the country? Are you still vetting him, or are you committed and waiting on him to act?
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/22 03:00 PM
18

How long do you want to be engaged? Living together makes a man less hasty to commit. The details of managing a home life together only seem to make the dating/engagement season more ordinary and less exciting. You want his commitment, and men are gatekeepers of that. The neat things about living together wane in excitement fairly quickly. And if you have disagreements about all the domestic details, it might suck the fun out of falling in love. Everyone, whether married or living together, seem…
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/22 08:47 PM
9

This info relates to the research on attachment theory and foster kids/adoptive children. Children need to build trust with an adult who will notice their needs on a consistent basis. The younger the child is, the more they need to build trust that their needs matter to an adult. Read “Raising a Secure Child” by Kent Hoffman last year, and it’s recommended reading for foster parents. It’s really fascinating.
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/22 04:16 PM
11

I am married to someone who fits his personality type. (Not that I fit the bill perfectly yet.) I think my husband wanted/wants a woman who: Is genuine and authentically loyal to God in her life. Has gentleness, kindness, and positivity. Cares about making the home a place of calm. Cares very much about a clean environment. Likes to have intelligent conversations. Has her own goals she is thinking about, but these don’t have to be careers. Just something he sees you wanting to truly grow in and …
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/22 04:28 PM
5

I’m so sorry. I relate to everything you wrote. I truly wish every woman would know how all-encompassingly difficult infertility is. It would have changed how I made decisions in life. Best wishes to you, especially this weekend.
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/22 02:35 PM
14

I believe that you grow to trust a man over time. But initially, if you don’t align with him in your values, beliefs, and general goals (kids, work, faith, etc.), then it is more challenging to trust him. But if you admire him enough to choose him above all other men, then you can grow to trust him over the years. You trust him over time, and you try to trust him even when you are anxious about the outcome. Some times he will do things differently than you. But trust is reminding yourself of why…
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/22 05:33 PM
9

To answer your question on femininity: I personally believe femininity means a source of kindness, gentleness, and giving life to others. I believe this approach is more effective in achieving a woman’s goals than fighting to receive what is due her, which is generally what feminism asks a person to do. I believe gentleness is not weakness, but the exact amount of power necessary in a situation and no more. I believe that a feminine woman has the special ability to be the catalyst for making cul…
/r/RedPillWomen29/04/22 04:43 PM
2

A majority of women across our most recent history still have chosen to have children, give birth, spend tens of thousands of dollars on fertility treatments, and still continue wanting them after all the pain and inconvenience. In fact, it is telling that most women still choose to have a kid even when birth control has allowed women the choice to say no. Yes, there are exceptions to this rule. Are you among the exceptions? When the door closes on a woman’s ability to become pregnant, most wome…
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/22 02:19 PM
14

Definitely not an expert here, but I have an untested theory that women who have been pregnant for longer amounts of time have benefitted from the high dose of progesterone across those years, a hormone which has been shown to be calming. Maybe it’s true? :)
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/22 07:51 PM
6

What is ironic is that being at home allows you the most freedom in choosing what you want to do day-to-day. You could technically write a book or do heavy intellectual research from home and not be bored. Books and internet are cheap! And yeah, the world looks down on you nowadays for being at home. But it seems to me that feminists wanted choices and respect for their choices as well. If you’ve lived long enough, you realize that respect is elusive and simply another person’s opinion of you wh…
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/22 02:09 PM
5

Treat your daughter how you would want her future husband to treat her. Look her in the eye once a day and tell her that she brings you joy, with your words and nonverbals. My father passed away a few years ago, and the impression he left me were the accumulation of these short moments of connection. He was not shy to express his happiness around his kids. It meant all the world to me.
/r/RedPillWomen15/04/22 01:44 AM
17

You are emotionally connected to someone who differs from you on big things. Those differences are hurting you. You want it to work, for him to share your life and your values. But it’s near impossible to change someone else. I don’t think he’s able to be who you want him to be.
/r/RedPillWomen13/04/22 12:55 PM
12

It sounds like your gut says “no,” but you’re walking back because of your convictions have been said out in the open and because they might potentially hurt your boyfriend’s feelings. You weren’t planning on moving in together originally. There is hardly any ceremony or official-ness to this, either, when you do it out of convenience instead of planning. And you may actually want to a tiny bit. But would future-you benefit from this decision to move in? Whatever you decide, this might be an opp…
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/22 01:53 PM
9

The best antidote to anxiety is to willingly step toward the subject of your anxiety, taking steps that you yourself choose how and when to do. We all have a human need for connection and love, and you are not alone in wanting that. All it takes is one step forward toward what you think might put you closer to your goal. The mere act of taking a tiny action gets you out of the inertia that despair can produce in a person. You can do this! Also, I’m grateful to hear of all you have already been d…
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/22 02:21 AM
3

Thanks for this. I too don’t think I’m stellar. I want to be better at cooking and hospitality and other skills. I’ve learned also that when given a larger portion of unstructured time, it requires me to have more internal motivation and drive, much like an entrepreneur, and that’s sometimes difficult for me to shape that time into being utilized well. But this is the case for every person. Retirement sometimes causes people to go to work again because of the lack of structure. Just something I’…
/r/RedPillWives31/03/22 01:58 PM
2

Your comment was just what I needed to hear. I appreciate you taking the time to help. And yes, it is worth the risk to be there raising your children. It made me think too that life is uncertain even when I try to control everything. Might as well take risks that contribute to long-range happiness and minimal regrets. For me, that would be having memories with my kids and family as a whole. Thanks again!
/r/RedPillWives31/03/22 01:48 PM
3

Thanks for sharing this. Encouraging!
/r/RedPillWives30/03/22 02:17 AM
5

I’m really glad for you! I’ve been the healthiest in my life too.
/r/RedPillWives30/03/22 02:16 AM
3

I wish I could talk to you all about the just-in-case plans, because I am seeing that it is important to be prepared for contingencies. How does a woman make decisions long-term for working again? I have been saving money for additional college education, yet often wonder if the money would be better utilized on other investments like real estate. You don’t have to have answers, but your input is welcome. :)
/r/RedPillWives30/03/22 02:14 AM
5

I have benefitted a lot recently from reading a book from a counselor called “Untangling Emotions” (Alisdair Groves and Winston Smith). It really helped me to sort of learn how to sort through complex situations when I am not able to talk to a counselor. Best wishes.
/r/RedPillWives29/03/22 02:51 PM
3

I need to ask this: are you absolutely certain, before you secure his commitment, that you’ve vetted him completely? This is your first relationship, your thinking could be impacted by your emotions right now, and you are still trying to look for green or red flags concerning his ability to provide. This is the time to be vetting adequately first and foremost, before you secure his commitment.
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/22 06:33 PM
6

Yes, the things he says unprompted and when he feels free to be himself around you is what are his top priorities. Mentally take notes any time he does this. As for the sex, I think that his drive and desire for you is kind of temporarily lessened/literally sated after sex, but you can maybe try to build up the emotional and intellectual intimacy components of your relationship. Delaying sex in a long distance relationship builds desire. That book talks about how to basically build these aspects…
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/22 06:04 PM
4

I find hormones and the endocrine system very fascinating. They determine so much of a woman’s health and even outlook on life. I have read books by Lara Briden; PubMed articles on oxytocin, progesterone, estrogen, and testosterone; and Sara Gottfried. Also books on charting your cycle shows you in a more specific way how every month the hormones change you. Another book called “Hormone Horoscope” is an interesting take on things. Understanding your hormones is practical, very pertinent to ferti…
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/22 05:56 PM
16

My husband and I started out this way as you describe. He had graduated and was working in construction. Listen to him talk about his job on a regular basis. Hear what he complains about, if he does. Listen to his dreams for his own future and what his dreams in the next 10 years would look like. Ask him a few questions some day when on a drive or when on a walk when he is able to brainstorm easily. This will help you to know his desires for his life. In fact, talking about dreams is what fuels …
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/22 05:43 PM
5

People can inform you and encourage you toward their own priorities, but we all get to decide how we want and need to live our lives. You and your husband have these current needs and wants right now. Anyone deterring you from choosing what you guys think is best for your own lives will not have to deal with the consequences of your choice, but you will. If someone looks down on you cutting back on hours, they simply don’t have the same priorities in life right now that you do, and that is okay.…
/r/RedPillWives21/03/22 03:34 PM
3

Thank you so much! This information is helpful!
/r/RedPillWomen08/03/22 02:43 AM
1

I have read a lot on attachment theory, and I came across a book called “Raising a Secure Child,” which is a way for parents/adults to help the child to feel confident and secure at any age. It is really fascinating, and they call it the “circle of security.” I am not a professional, but to summarize, it shows how to be present with a child, give them eye contact and attention when they come to you, and so on. Just thought it might be something useful or interesting to you. There are many books …
/r/RedPillWomen04/03/22 05:24 PM
2

Thank you so much for these links! I sincerely appreciate it. :)
/r/RedPillWomen02/03/22 01:45 PM
3

Thank you so much. Yeah, I totally relate. Especially when I go from a confident, competent mindset and communication style to my home life where I enjoy and want to be demure, calm, and less direct. I get “stuck” in one world or the other. :) Looking forward to the discussion/post. :)
/r/RedPillWomen01/03/22 05:09 PM
3

I appreciate you talking about the mental and emotional shift of moving through these roles regularly. Going from opposite end to end is a bit challenging for me, and the transitions aren’t as smooth or as quick as I’d like. Are there any posts on this topic on RPW?
/r/RedPillWomen01/03/22 05:01 PM
4

I am hoping the absolute best for you. I am not a mother, but I’ve been trying to have a baby for many years to no avail. Every baby born comes into a world that is not ideal. I still believe to give someone a chance at life, at the best things about life, is worth it. Resilience is one of the best indicators of grit and success in a person, and you are resilient. You and your family will be resilient through these times, and it will be a good thing for that baby of yours. It must feel so vulner…
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/22 04:19 PM
2

Just wanted to say that I am grateful you started the conversation. Since people refer to us as the "first mate" quite often, this seems important to discuss with other women who want to be prepared. That, and men often cannot or do not want to discuss the details of contingency planning. Maybe we can help each other to prepare for these things, even if the only thing that comes about is the action we take alleviating some worry. I always feel better having taken action.
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/22 06:52 PM
1

I understand how anxiety works, so I want you to know that reducing your fears can be harder than it seems. But I am that person, and I am older than you, and the older I’ve gotten, the desire to be a mother has only increased, not decreased. I am an idealist, but no baby was conceived under perfect conditions. It’s truly a miracle that we all have life anyway. :) The best time to start is yesterday. But if you didn’t do that, then the best time to start is as soon as you can. Regrets are excell…
/r/RedPillWomen22/02/22 01:33 PM
2

I agree. Fascinating Girl is also decent.
/r/RedPillWomen17/02/22 05:52 PM
2

This is great stuff here! I agree about preserving time together. I get lots of ideas and then end up having to let go of some in the last hours! I hope you all enjoyed the day and evening! And have a very happy anniversary!
/r/RedPillWomen15/02/22 03:41 PM
2

I don’t presume to know your exact beliefs, but a Christian counselor named David Powlison wrote a book on this topic called “Making All Things New: Restoring Joy to the Sexually Broken.” I sincerely apologize if it’s not what you are interested in. I hope you find peace.
/r/RedPillWives12/02/22 01:03 AM
10

I agree. When you do have love for your husband, and he loves you, it seems that this allows for a healthy communication between each other as well as a mutual considerate nature. When you marry, you willingly choose to go along with your husband in his priorities, dreams, personality, weaknesses, etc. You can willingly choose to submit to a man you respect. If you cannot follow or willingly choose this man, it will make it difficult for you to feel like you want to submit to his choices. But if…
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/22 08:35 PM
1

Thank you so much for your thoughts! :) Chocolate covered strawberries and Oreo truffles--those sound super amazing! And how did you start making lobster? I've never made it before, but I remember "Julie and Julia." I agree with you--Valentine's Day is a good excuse to do these fun things together! Hope you have an amazing weekend and week preparing for it! :)
/r/RedPillWomen08/02/22 06:45 PM
27

I think maybe Laura Doyle had recommended in “The Surrendered Single” to give him your number, thereby giving him the freedom to make the “first” move. Has anyone here done this?
/r/RedPillWomen05/02/22 09:49 PM
2

Thank you for sharing. I grew up thinking that being feminine meant being either stuck up, fake, or worse. I too had to meet women in my life who dressed femininely who were down-to-earth and genuine.
/r/RedPillWomen05/02/22 02:25 PM
4

Some ideas: A book about love or a classic love story, writing him a poem about him (you can find guides on how to write a great love letter or poem online, to keep it unique), or a vintage copy of one of his favorite books. A painting or a poster/print of his favorite paintings, a nice canvas, or a trip to a neat museum. A thoughtful book of photos, a handmade calendar where you are the picture each month, hand painted valentines, etc. You making him any kind of his favorite foods or desserts, …
/r/RedPillWomen03/02/22 12:46 AM
1

Great job on the 5k!! That’s awesome. I used to work at a chocolate candy store, and it was so fun helping people pick out their chocolates! Have a wonderful day together! :)
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/22 10:17 PM
2

:) Sounds like a good plan to me as well!
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/22 07:05 PM
2

I do understand! I hope you guys have a lovely day together when you celebrate. We have one of our anniversaries in February and we celebrate then more so as well. I guess I was impacted growing up seeing all the expectant, hopeful people who want to be seen and appreciated for who they are, so my emphasis on Valentine’s Day is wanting to help people know that each individual is valuable and loved. :) That, and maybe the chocolate gives me a bit of a caffeine hit. Thank you for sharing.
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/22 06:59 PM
5

I think that is lovely that you are contemplating that for your parents. It probably doesn’t help much to hear but I’ve been where you are. I hope very much that you have a wonderful day, and that this guy is a good one for you. I’m sending you all the best wishes.
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/22 09:18 PM
2

Thank you so much for the recipe and the tip. It’s going on the menu!
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/22 09:13 PM
2

Yeah, I totally get what you mean. My husband and I were never ones to go out on the town like in movies. I love cooking a special meal we’ve never made before at home! What do you guys make? I got some bright red fabric napkins and tablecloth for Christmas at a thrift store, and I like to pretty up the table, sort of like an Italian restaurant! :)
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/22 09:07 PM
2

This sounds like my husband and I. We are low-key but we absolutely love it that way. Crème brûlée, man I had an amazing peanut butter crème brûlée for an anniversary dinner that I still remember to this day. Do you have any recipes for the standard kind? I’ve never made it. :)
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/22 09:04 PM
4

Man, a great pizza in the shape of a heart!? I’m totally going to do this. Thanks for the idea! And I too love spending good time with friends! It means so much to get together and talk and do all that. I’d love to host friends with like fondue or something!
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/22 09:02 PM
3

How sweet that your brother was born then. So glad for your good relationship with him. Brothers are the best. :) And yes, the river sounds like almost a requirement being inside for so long. I’m really getting into picnics and packing up treats! They just make everything nicer when you’re eating outside at a new location! What romantic comedies are your favorite? :)
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/22 08:59 PM
1

Thank you for the solidarity! :) Oh, I agree with BumbleBitny! I was in a long distance relationship, and VD was tough sometimes! Make when he comes home like a party, as I’m sure it will be!
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/22 08:57 PM
2

Never going to go wrong with that! I’m sure he will love it. I love old photos.
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/22 08:54 PM
3

I love this. Yeah, it’s so fun just to stay at home! What kind of cocktails? Sounds really neat! :) Maybe I can throw some hibiscus into a hard cider!
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/22 08:53 PM
3

So so glad for you four. Have the best time ever. :)
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/22 08:50 PM
3

Yum!
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/22 05:29 PM
3

That sounds nice!! What will you cook if you stay in?
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/22 04:48 PM
8

Just my opinion…you take what works for you. First of all, it is a big decision. Treat it with the intentionality that it deserves, so don’t stop searching your heart until you have peace about it. Get a binder, buy or check out the books, read the books, and talk to other women. Make the lists, and narrow down your fears and concerns. And perhaps see a counselor. It will be a big part of premarital preparations, so it is worth you talking to a counselor about. But don’t get overwhelmed. Just do…
/r/RedPillWomen26/01/22 01:33 AM
8

Just wanted to mention that before you decide to move on, if you do, make for sure that your physical health is right on, especially if you are in a climate where it’s wintertime right now. If you are depressed, if your hormones are low (estrogen and testosterone), or if you are taking birth control, then your libido most certainly takes a hit. There have been studies that show women at different times in their cycles have attraction for different types of men. Men’s testosterone (and therefore …
/r/RedPillWomen25/01/22 12:29 AM
1

You’re so kind to reply, and your advice is encouraging. Thanks so much. I love him dearly, it’s just a disconnect sometimes. I especially agree with sharing first with girlfriends so that I don’t expect too much from my husband. I really often wish that we could be closer emotionally and share each other’s emotions. These things will help.
/r/RedPillWomen24/01/22 04:42 PM
4

I want my husband to empathize with my feelings more often, but after your comment (thank you, btw!), I wonder if there’s a better way for me to approach this. How do you garner sympathy/empathy from him, or do you actually no longer expect this and take it to a female friend? It’s been a recurring trip-up for me. Thanks! :)
/r/RedPillWomen24/01/22 01:30 PM
5

It’s so cool that one or two steps forward can change so much for good. So glad for you, and best wishes. :)
/r/RedPillWomen16/01/22 09:06 PM
15

Great job! It must feel pretty good!
/r/RedPillWomen16/01/22 05:47 PM
15

Not the best: I need to be quiet more often than not. A good thing: By a surprising turn of events, I have been inaugurated into the world of hosting people for dinner, and it’s given my homemaking such newness and purpose. I now have invited about five different people/groups for dinner in the next several weeks as I was reading a book on hospitality/entertaining recently. I’m an introvert, so it’s a big deal for me. But I spent this week preparing the house, cleaning, dishes, setting/decoratin…
/r/RedPillWomen16/01/22 12:42 AM
3

We all have a finite amount of years and the physical energy to focus on our highest priorities. You have a few decades of high-intensity energy to dedicate to something. You are intelligent, so you understand that everything has a cost. You also understand when emergencies happen. When you have children, you will love them at least as much as your ambitions. They will have unshaped potential that you are the most primed to shape as their parent and mother. My advice to you is that you get that …
/r/RedPillWomen14/01/22 01:45 PM
1

Thank you so much! Will do!
/r/RedPillWomen10/01/22 05:06 PM
2

Thanks for your help. I think I will tell him what you said. He has a lot of energy and likes feeling accomplished. Any additional advice about how to take over my realm of duties is welcome! :) I really love homemaking when it comes to relationships, food, and decor! I need to grow these other areas, too.
/r/RedPillWomen10/01/22 04:15 PM
2

My husband came from a household with a mother who was very good at homemaking. He also prides himself on being good at domestic work (as well as his own work). He’s detail-oriented, and I love that he is good at what he does. He is a good cook, cleans well, and can keep a home tidy. He is generally patient and caring with me, and we tend to have our own home projects going separately. How do I manage a home when he will almost always do everything better? It takes away the pride of a job well d…
/r/RedPillWomen09/01/22 09:21 PM
1

I relate. I have a couple things that work more than others. I don't seem to do as well with a strict schedule as much as a routine checklist or a simple prioritized list. I made a little binder with each day's morning, afternoon, and evening routines in a sheet protector, and I crossed off the items as I did them. I put that into Google Tasks as a digital alternative. If someone had more complex projects, I think Trello seems to be a nice way for me to visualize projects and their lists. But ov…
/r/RedPillWives06/01/22 07:36 PM
2

I understand what you said about anxiety over not feeling desired by him, as well as your embarrassment over your own advances. That feeling of vulnerability, yeah, it’s kind of intense if it’s not reciprocated right then. Not sure if you have read any books by Laura Doyle, but she talks about women having an alluring, receptive way of communicating. I especially found her book “Things Will Only Get As Good As You Can Stand,” because it helps me to tell my husband what I want (physically and oth…
/r/RedPillWomen05/01/22 07:05 PM
5

If you could identify your emotions at the time of their peak, would you say you are mostly dealing with anxiety or shame, or perhaps an equal amount of both? Your emotions are clues as to what is going on in your heart, and your beliefs also impact your emotions too. I recommend journaling about the things that are driving these emotions. You can take those emotions and decide/analyze what is or isn’t good later. If you are still practicing your faith, you can take those feelings and pray about…
/r/RedPillWomen05/01/22 06:37 PM
7

I want to be more self-disciplined this year. Having more free time is great, but it requires that I am diligent in my goals. Especially when you are an entrepreneur or stay-at-home-mom/wife. It requires much more from me. Wishing all the best to you ladies in your endeavors this week.
/r/RedPillWives05/01/22 05:55 PM
4

Came here to say that actually, those feelings are possibly quite normal at your age, as progesterone and estrogen rise in the early twenties at least. Use those feelings to drive you forward into finding a great potential mate, husband, and father. Babies are great, yet get your fix with babysitting or becoming a nanny. That experience will only be a positive for your future self! Everything especially great is often sometimes got hard aspects to it, so go in with your eyes wide open! :)
/r/RedPillWomen29/12/21 11:06 PM
11

If you can find a way to see his character as it concerns work ethic, ambition, and ability to manage his earnings for a family, then this is what every young woman about to marry fairly young deals with. She looks for the character traits of a man who is conscientious. Is he conscientious? Is he faithful in the small things? Is he a spender or a saver? Does he have the appropriate attitude about money that would mean he could be a good steward of the money he earns? I suspect you will need to m…
/r/RedPillWomen26/12/21 09:16 PM
1

Thank you for your help. So sorry that you’re dealing with this too.
/r/RedPillWives23/12/21 06:08 PM
2

How do you recommend helping a man to grieve the loss of a loved one, particularly if they do not exhibit emotions except frustration/anger? I have given him space, yet also need to attend to him. I don’t know how to help, but I want to.
/r/RedPillWives22/12/21 05:13 PM
9

Love this post. How reassuring. It makes sense for women to be vulnerable.
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/21 12:29 AM
4

How would you list a MPDG’s traits in detail?
/r/RedPillWomen20/12/21 08:09 PM
4

Two years dating before our wedding was cutting it a bit too close for my husband and I. I look back and wonder why we didn’t just get married with like a 3 month engagement.
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/21 11:05 PM
7

I am an introvert who prefers deep conversations too. I sometimes try to find out what a person’s priorities are as a little challenge to myself. It’s sort of interesting to me what makes people tick and what they love. We are what we love. So I listen for what they say, thinking about their biggest passions in life. I ask preliminary questions like “What do you like to do in your free time?” Or “What projects are you looking forward to right now?” And I ask them about their family—if they have …
/r/RedPillWomen15/12/21 07:36 PM
0

I agree with you that you deserve a man who is committed to you. It’s so important to both spouses, but it’s important everyday for a wife to know her husband is committed to loving her. Insecurities can seep in as a woman ages, and as a woman I would always wonder why he didn’t want me enough to commit fully to me. Especially after a hard day, month, or a difficult season. You will need his commitment for your own heart to trust day by day. My insecurities would increase the older I get. If I c…
/r/RedPillWomen13/12/21 08:59 PM
2

I am grateful for all the comments because it’s something I deal with too. Here are little things that have sometimes helped me in the moment: writing out topics/questions ahead of time and keep in my pocket, calming down physically by lowering caffeine or sugar, drinking chamomile tea, taking magnesium or vitamin C, etc. I have seemed to resonate with the idea that active listening to people is an act of welcoming their personality into the conversation. It makes me want to help the other perso…
/r/RedPillWomen12/12/21 10:42 PM
1

Sorry, forgot to add how Tami tells people her husband is “a molder of men,” how she’s the first person to hug Eric after most football games, and how Matt Saracen’s grandma is so hospitable and sweet it makes me feel like I could conquer the world. Okay, I think I’m done. 😅
/r/RedPillWomen08/12/21 11:06 PM
1

I love Tami Taylor—jealous of her amazing hair—and the way she supports her husband. We’re rewatching this show for like the 10th time. We laugh at how they say “Babe!” so often. I especially appreciate that there’s an episode in the third season when Eric wants to say yes to buying the new house, but he says no. The moment of when Tami accepts his No with understanding, even though it’s something she wants. Any other moments you especially like? :) Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose! 🙂
/r/RedPillWomen08/12/21 10:56 PM
1

I agree. I have been mulling upon this woman in Proverbs and the solid wisdom in each of her attributes. The mother to King Lemuel was advising her son on searching for an excellent wife. Makes sense that she says a good wife is very rare. The older I get, the more far-reaching and applicable to modern life these verses are to me. Pretty neat that the discussion was as highly sought after thousands of years ago as it is now. Thank you for mentioning this.
/r/RedPillWomen03/12/21 06:15 PM
2

I’m so glad for you! That’s great! 🙂I think I get into these independent frames of mind and forget that the choices I make reflect on the husband I love. Good luck with all you guys do. 💛
/r/RedPillWomen02/12/21 12:13 AM
1

Thank you for saying that. :) I find it a challenge to maintain the right balance each day. It is slowly getting better for me, but I just wanted to encourage you! :)
/r/RedPillWomen01/12/21 11:42 PM
1

Yes, they are! :)
/r/RedPillWomen01/12/21 07:44 PM
7

I’m grateful you shared this. Motivating for me as well as others. So sorry for all those cringeworthy moments.
/r/RedPillWomen30/11/21 11:00 PM
7

Love that quote. Thank you.
/r/RedPillWomen30/11/21 09:19 PM
21

Yes. That reminds me too of why inviting people over for dinner was a wife’s domain and way for helping her husband in the community. Once a woman can manage her and her family outside the home, then her skills in managing inside the home gain respect too. Thanks for sharing.
/r/RedPillWomen30/11/21 08:44 PM
1

I’d also recommend Izabella Wentz. She researches thoroughly.
/r/RedPillWomen20/11/21 04:31 PM
2

Something that works for me is having a really big goal to save up for, rather than saving money for smaller reasons. I’m not great when the only motivation to save is just-because, or it would make me a better person. Set really big goals you can get behind, and maybe have a separate savings account where you can see the numbers climb. It becomes addictive. But nix that debt, and you’ll feel amazing. Make that interest work for you. Good luck. Edit: Oh, and if you can automatically withdraw mon…
/r/RedPillWomen03/11/21 11:46 PM
3

All I want to say is that I empathize with the acute ache you have written of for just one child. It’s incredibly difficult. I am struggling with infertility in many of the same ways. I wish you the very best, that this isn’t the end of the story.
/r/RedPillWomen31/10/21 05:15 PM
4

I share your experiences. I believe that every woman can be feminine, and your translation of that femininity will look different than a go-getter woman. I am sorry for the disappointment that a chronic illness can bring to your dreams. But it’s possible to be feminine and still have lower energy. Laura Doyle talks about being full of fun and light. How might you express fun and light on your low-energy days? I follow younger married women with severe chronic illness, and they encourage me by be…
/r/RedPillWomen25/10/21 08:37 PM
11

I really appreciate your words here. High value isn’t mainly about money. It’s about a man’s character when the going gets tough. That’s what’s really real.
/r/RedPillWomen12/10/21 11:11 PM
1

Thank you ladies for your help and ideas. I think it’s so nice to finally feel a bit more confident with my appearance, so that’s awesome! Thanks again! :)
/r/RedPillWives01/10/21 02:39 AM
5

I’m not used to focusing on beauty and appearance routines as much as I have for the past year and a half. I’m usually reading a book tbh. I’m finding it kind of a slight adjustment to my life. For instance, my husband has said he values that I’m a woman of substance. How do you balance the often-seen-as-“superficial” goals for makeup, clothes, hair, etc. with being a woman who cares about things that will last beyond her own life? Do these things start to blend into the background while you pur…
/r/RedPillWives29/09/21 03:41 PM
1

I also know that estrogen is central to a woman’s biology, which works in tandem with testosterone. Estrogen is prominent in giving physical energy and mental focus. Men have very small amounts of estrogen, but women depend on it to be in balance with progesterone.
/r/RedPillWives13/08/21 12:23 PM
2

Thank you for your reply. That’s interesting. I wonder if women enjoy having variety if they can help it. (Who doesn’t, I guess?) I’ve also wondered if it also is largely determined by personality traits instead of gender. I enjoy variety so much in many areas, and I do enjoy cleaning and cooking and having control over my schedule.
/r/RedPillWives13/08/21 12:20 PM
2

This is helpful for me. Reassuring to see that not only is it possible for women to specialize, but that it is deemed useful. I’ve also wondered if the season of raising children is like a way for women to try out things and generalize. Then they decide what they like the most and do best, and they can go forth to doing the very best things. Perhaps generalization or specialization isn’t relegated to one gender over the other, but men and women live their lives in different seasons. It may even …
/r/RedPillWives13/08/21 12:14 PM
1

That’s great. I wish you the very best. I was thinking that women do have seasons in their lives where they can focus and specialize. It’s not super conducive to the season of raising children, which might make me more frustrated than enriched, but we have time beforehand and after they are grown. I also think in my opinion that, as a kid, seeing a mom do her projects and work enriches me as well, so having smaller moments of work time when raising kids does benefit, if it doesn’t tip the balanc…
/r/RedPillWives13/08/21 12:07 PM
1

Thank you for your thoughts on this. It’s helpful to know. I am not sure if I would be enriched by pursuing my plans during the child rearing years, or more likely to be frustrated. I have a feeling I need to continue it, but not expect to have deep thinking on a regular basis.
/r/RedPillWives13/08/21 12:03 PM
1

Good points. Thank you so much. We are working toward having kids. Yes, even male productivity authors recognize that having small children sort of tears apart their systems of effectiveness and focus.
/r/RedPillWives13/08/21 12:01 PM
7

In my heart of hearts, I want this exact thing too—to be a matriarch of a family who comes together and cares for each other. So this compelled me to respond. I am also a wife who stays at home, and also someone who found it hard at first because I tend to be ambitious. If you use language like “dream job,” you will influence your own emotions further, leading you to possibly despair when you don’t keep your job. You can go ahead and use that term, but what may have been your dream in the past i…
/r/RedPillWives15/07/18 10:19 PM
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