Choosing to adopt or not

DifficultyMindless53 · 2022-07-08T19:52:37+00:00

Well, i did not adopt, but i did give a child up for adoption. So maybe i can give you some info to help you make up your mind. In talking to the parents (who also have three biological children), there are a few things to note. Firstly, it’s expensive. $30,000 expensive. Secondly, you’re probably gonna wait a long time. There are a lot more families waiting to adopt than there are mothers willing to give up their kids. Thirdly, the legal process could be really complicated. It’s pretty rare that both the bio mother and father are on the same page with adoptions, and that can turn into some lengthy court proceedings. Thankfully my husband and I were on the same page, but don’t count on that. And if you’re adopting from out of state(assuming you’re from the US) this could hinder your ability to take your baby across state lines, meaning you might have to take time off of your normal life to stay in the state with the child. Even with everything going very smoothly, the parents i worked with had to stay in state for two weeks while the legal stuff got taken care of. Fourthly, don’t count on adopting an infant. A lot of adoptions are for kids that are few months, if not a few years old. Everyone wants an infant, and so that’s hard to find. I did adopt straight from birth (the mother was in the room during birth) so it’s not impossible, but it’s not guaranteed. Fifthly (if that’s a word), it will be a LOT more emotional than you think it will be. It’s very bittersweet. I even have an open adoption, and have the ability to see my kid every few months, and I still screamed and cried when they took him, even knowing he was going with amazing people. That effected the parents too. Also, keep in mind that the mother can change her mind before she signs the rights away. So be prepared for that. So, hopefully that helps. if you have any questions i’m happy to answer them

Squidney995 · 2022-07-08T20:16:49+00:00

I'll admit that I don't have children of my own, as my partner and I are planning to wait until after marriage and after I have completed a masters degree. I have never really been enthusiastic about being pregnant and going through childbirth, but have always wanted to foster or adopt. My partner is on board with this idea so far.

There's a lot going into this decision, more than I can put in one comment, but I'd like to have one biological child and adopt more, or foster. There's a lot of kids out there that need someone to love them and I know it would be tricky to balance bio/non-bio kids in terms of both feeling worthy, valuable, not othered or left out.

I don't want to foster or adopt as some sort of savior, but because I want to make more of a positive difference in children's lives. There's only so much I can do as a teacher, seeing so many students for such a short time. I'd personally rather share what I have with someone already alive, than bring another human into this world.

titlejunk · 2022-07-09T13:16:29+00:00

My brother was adopted at 10 days old. That was roughly 11 months before I was born. Adoption was perfectly normal to me growing up. Bro was just the kid that didn’t look like the rest of us. I also have 2 bio siblings. Adopted brother is everyone’s favorite.

I assumed that once I was married I would also adopt a child. My first husband was vehemently opposed to “raising someone else’s kid” as he put it. No matter how many times I explained “they are yours once you pay for them”. We had 2 bio kids together.

I am now in my second marriage. My current husband has 3 bio kids from his first marriage. With 5 kids ranging from 18 to 11, adoption is off the table currently.

My niece was adopted from China in 2004. It was expensive. Niece is a brilliant and beautiful 18 year old now, however she has struggled with speech issues her entire life. There are sounds that she is incapable of making. She is very difficult to understand. There is a suspicion that she suffered some sort of brain trauma. But again, she is very smart and is headed off to university this fall.

What I would love to do (and I’ve told my husband that this will happen if he dies) is to foster older children, specifically those who are close to aging out of the system. I would love to be a “home base” for those who are in need of that. I understand that would come with a whole slew of challenges, which is why I also have to wait for all our bio kids to launch. But, that is my dream.

tab_log · 2022-07-08T21:11:36+00:00

First of all, realize that (almost) every child who gets adopted carries complex trauma with them.

Title	Choosing to adopt or not
Author	oliveshoot
Upvotes	13
Comments	20
Date	July 8, 2022 7:31 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/vuirgc/choosing_to_adopt_or_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/choosing-to-adopt-or-not.1122540 https://theredarchive.com/post/1122540

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