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pathalienation Archive

View 28 posts and 302 comments by pathalienation on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
1247

FDS TRANSLATES MENpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 04:05 AM
759

GLOBAL RESISTANCEpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 03:16 PM
731

RED FLAG 🚨pathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 12:56 PM
467

RED FLAG 🚨pathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 03:41 AM
399

PORN SICK, LIMP DICKpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 12:11 PM
395

DISCUSSIONpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 04:32 PM
375

GLOBAL RESISTANCEpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 03:36 PM
371

GLOBAL RESISTANCEpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 08:11 AM
302

THINGS SCROTES SAYpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 04:09 PM
257

DISCUSSIONpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 04:35 PM
250

CULTURAL MISOGYNYpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 05:15 PM
196

RED FLAG 🚨pathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 03:53 PM
177

MALE DEPRAVITYpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 04:17 PM
170

DISCUSSIONpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 07:33 PM
120

CULTURAL MISOGYNYpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 04:23 PM
78

MINDSET SHIFTpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 09:14 PM
67

FDS RESCUE MISSIONpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 04:58 PM
38

DISCUSSIONpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 07:20 PM
21

LIES MEN TELLpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 03:38 PM
12

NAH, SISpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 12:59 AM
9

CULTURAL MISOGYNYpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 07:22 PM
2

RED FLAG 🚨pathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 03:50 PM
2

pathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 08:09 PM
1

FDS TRANSLATES MENpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 06:20 PM
1

FDS TRANSLATES MENpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 06:06 PM
1

ROAST-A-SCROTEpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 03:41 PM
1

MINDSET SHIFTpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 07:33 PM
1

DISCUSSIONpathalienation/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 07:13 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
75

So, these men are only willing/able to learn from other men they are directly competing with, not from all the obvious reading material available online or from feedback from women, family, or friends in their lives? Sounds straight out of Lundy’s book on Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. Edit spelling
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/22 02:16 PM
83

You mean, how does HE bring it up? Cuz, do you want to be with someone who isn’t managing and communicating about their std hygiene on their own, or concerned about protecting your trust and your health?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 10:21 PM
94

Very similar. They tell on themselves by what they accuse us of, and the courts see man after man pulling the same damn stunt. Aaand they’re so “no value” that they don’t think it through- over and over, men make wild accusations and show up to court with no proof, and women show up for defense with tons of proof. BuT tHe cOUrtS aRe rIgGeD aGaInSt mEn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/22 06:46 PM
34

Yep. Can you say PROJECTION?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/22 06:42 PM
133

Came here to say this. My loser ex barely knew our kids’ names while we were married, but litigated for 27 months to try to take custody away from me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/22 06:16 PM
93

I hear you. It’s very fair to go through a grieving process, we have lost lifetimes of dignity and love. Next, you can dream then plan then live a life where YOU are the star of your life, where you know and love and cherish and spend time with your beautiful inner being. Big hugs, Sis. The future is ahead of you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 04:33 AM
260

I’ve spent years transitioning from loneliness to aloneness. The difference is the feeling of lack. I felt abandoned and disappointed and missing out on friendships. But I keep digging deeper in therapy and growing in my comfort level of being happy with myself, getting to know myself more, and truly treating myself like my own best friend. I still have lonely times, don’t get me wrong. But they diminish in length and in how painful they are, the more I cherish and respect my inner being.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 05:56 PM
173

How humiliating. “Do you want my family’s leftovers, because no one else is willing to hang out with us? You are my sloppy seconds leftover thought.” Edited grammar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 03:03 PM
96

Stay strong, Sister. It’s such a compelling story we want to believe, we want to convince ourselves the dreams we’ve been promised. But this man IS hurting you and your beautiful light. Pretending doesn’t make the horror of a bad man go away. It just gets us in deeper. We’re here for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/22 03:48 AM
2

Yes- no more shrinking: our talents, our voices, our very selves. Stand up and take space! Even if you’re not currently attached to a big company, you stand tall, know you’re value, and no longer shrink for them. 💪✨✨
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 08:42 PM
21

I found FDS because of this exact situation! FDS helped me leave my LVM company, I’d already left the loser man in my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 05:07 PM
7

No one is saying it’s a red flag to prefer other communication types- I think we all agree with you that other interactions like phone calls and in-person are more valuable. This conversation is about a red flag in the context of texting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 05:26 PM
14

Yes block his everything. He has threatened to “come after” people in your life. Stop all communication and stay safe, Sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 06:29 PM
57

THIS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 05:00 AM
146

So, a man child…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 04:59 AM
123

How’s that gonna pan out in bed… 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 04:59 AM
80

Hashtag Maybe a Sociopath
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 04:58 AM
100

What’s with the phrase “bad at texting” ?? He doesn’t know how to type “I’m traveling, will get back to you Monday” ?? That’s bad at ADULTING, his fingers aren’t the problem. Just because your friend accepts low value behavior, you don’t have to have the same low bar.
/r/askFDS11/04/22 04:00 AM
156

Here’s the thing about all of FDS: it’s not about external rules but about listening to your intuition. Every situation is different. Setting a generic rule of 1st date vs 3rd date deleting the app is unrealistic. Instead, the rule is: he’ll delete the app, he’ll do it reasonably soon, he’ll initiate telling you that (giving you security), he won’t pressure you to do the same before you’re ready, and most of all, it’ll feel right to you. If it feels wrong to you, when or how he does or doesn’t d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 08:02 PM
30

Thank you!! Needed to hear this today.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 02:05 AM
80

Did you catch the extra place in here where he told on himself??? “My wife is VIOLENTly opposed to PORN.” Translation: He’s into violent porn. Freudian slips are real, Ladies. Listen up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 07:56 PM
83

Make sure that you report it IN WRITING either before you call, or mention on your call that you will be following up so they have written record. In my (sigh, extensive) experience with HR complaints, they are significantly more likely to take action when they know there will be a paper trail of proof, attached to THEIR name for the report. (Also, let them know you are taking note of their name, in a nice way.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:46 PM
288

Here’s something to celebrate: not only is your tolerance for men’s shit at an all time low, but guess what? It’s gonna get lower, and lower, and lower. Cheers! 🥂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 10:38 PM
34

I’m really, really sorry that happened to you. But what you described is not “just” disrespect. What a creep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 03:42 AM
51

First, the whole reason this sub exists is because there are abusive/dangerous/violent things considered acceptable by society, which should not be. Then, to clarify on my point, I didn’t mean they’re literally testing if they can rape them. But it is in the same advanced stage or category of danger, much like how sexual predators of children have distinctive stages of advancement in the grooming process— which is a process of escalation and keeping you silent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 11:45 PM
306

And notice how he doesn’t even bother to DO the flowers and chocolate, “because that wouldn’t be enough.” So he’s doing nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 04:52 PM
17

Adding: the reason this is so important is because testing boundaries is an earlier stage of red flags for abuse or violence. Violating consent is a more advanced stage of abuse and violence, and a more advanced stage of danger. Don’t fool yourself, you’re a frog in hotter water than you think. Get out before it’s too late.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 04:40 PM
17

A. Me too B. Love your clever username, Sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 04:37 PM
61

They are not testing boundaries. They are violating consent, if she’s said she doesn’t like it and they are doing it. Huge difference, both in what amount of danger she is in, and how advanced of a stage of danger she is in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 04:35 PM
9

Thanks, I needed to hear this today.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 04:43 AM
108

Super post, thank you. FYI the financial question is HUGE. My diagnosed narcissistic sociopath ex actually checks most of these boxes, except financial. A lot of religion is kinda OCD, which is why a faker may even do these things at home or on his own. But LVM will not pay for things (or people) they don’t truly value, respect, and love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 02:31 PM
75

GOOD FOR YOU!! Buh-byeee!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 10:08 PM
199

Sigh. You’re not alone in this. But even though the feelings tell us we want them, we know in our minds and true heart and intuition that we need to love ourselves enough to protect us from abuse, which is what LVM do- they use and they abuse. And with therapy and personal growth, we rewire our pleasure centers away from the Disney-need-a-man story we’ve been sold all our lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 03:51 AM
69

Guess what- if they’re just blaming their ex, they are LVM. Personally, my ex was a controlling abuser, but guess what? I focus on ME- my part of why the relationship didn’t work out. I say I needed to work on healthy boundaries and got therapy so my next relationship will be more healthy. See how that’s about my agency, my growth? If all he can say is essentially, “it’s my ex’ fault” then it doesn’t MATTER if it’s true or not— he’s not adulting, and his next relationship won’t be healthy either…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 06:20 PM
132

Oh! Glad to hear that. Intuition knows before our brain sorts everything out and finds the right words for ourselves internally, let alone for explaining to others. You know this isn’t right for you, and that is enough of a reason. You got this, Sister! 💪
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 03:58 AM
549

Remember this: you don’t need to explain to anyone, not even him. People demand explanations so they can pick them apart, intentionally or not. All you need to say is, it’s not working FOR ME. I know in my heart this isn’t the best FOR ME. Don’t give people wiggle room where they start to get ashamed of their own standards and criticize you for yours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 03:44 AM
501

Be strong honey. It’s so so hard to let go, to leave. But I promise you, every day you stay is 10 more days you’ll need to heal. The longer you stay once you know, the longer those days take to heal- because he IS escalating more and more, you’re just so tired and defeated that it’s too much to catalogue any more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 02:21 PM
50

Makes sense- and yeah that would’ve been great. But oh well. Be kind to yourself- he invaded your world and stole your peace. What a jerk, what a loser. You’ll heal from his most recent wound and be stronger and more leveled up than ever 😘
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 04:11 AM
122

Are you saying you’re ashamed that your blood boiled, like he has a hold on you? If that’s the case, don’t be. Part of your rage was the adrenaline of fear rushing through you. Being angry is a motivator for change, not a sign that you’re attached where you shouldn’t be. You don’t need to be small or invisible when you are stalked. Big hugs, my dear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 03:53 AM
1

I posted a reply to this comment but in the wrong spot. I hope you see and read it as the reply above. xo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 01:19 PM
10

Dear one, dear Sister, dear Friend. His two exes were not kinkmeishas. This guy has danger, liar, gaslighter, porn abuser written all over him, more so with the more you write. You’re in love, you’re trying to convince yourself, you’re looking at external factors instead of at your instinct or your feelings. You sound scared of this situation and afraid to believe what your body and brain are knowing- it’s clear in what you say here. I share those moments of anguish with you. Keep reading, keep …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 01:18 PM
60

You don’t feel good about this- trust your gut and walk. “Adds variety” ?? Gross! He’s saying “it’s just another hole I stick it in.” That shows the disconnect from emotional connection. Also cheater warning- cuz some other hole he’s gonna stick it in “but she didn’t mean anything” right??? He was cOnFuSEd and mixed up that it’s men, not women who have a prostate gland/get pleasure out of anal? NO. He clearly isn’t concerned with a woman’s pleasure, plus he gaslighted you right there. He says a*…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 04:43 AM
549

Yep- change your mindset ladies! When he comes around with flowers and all that after you left him… don’t see that as “I should go back” but rather as “see, he could’ve done it all along and didn’t bother til he was trying to manipulate me for something…”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 10:51 PM
188

Can we be friends? 🏆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 04:14 PM
75

Nah, my dude also bulked up and took a retreat because he knew that would help him avoid getting busted by a woman again, not because he actually was interested in becoming a better person!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 09:54 PM
23

I hear you on that. You’re ahead of the game in that you’re aware of it. You’re in the stage of cycles of awareness, practice, mistakes, and learning! 💪
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 02:43 AM
21

Good for you, big hugs my dear!
/r/askFDS21/02/22 02:18 AM
82

Is is STILL weird. Your story starts with how happy you are with him and that he is a good boyfriend. Like this is just some glitch in the matrix. This is a serious symptom of gaslighting and abuse. I hear you that you’re temporarily mad at him but it’s hard to tell why you’re mad at him- maybe just for him not standing up in that moment? Your story and what it is very clearly missing is what worries me. You don’t understand his role (for your entire relationship) or why on earth a woman would t…
/r/askFDS21/02/22 02:11 AM
198

Something is seriously wrong BETWEEN the boyfriend and this friend. The reason you feel so uncomfortable and confused is because you’re focused in the wrong place. This is NOT about this woman alone. You have only his story, and none of this adds up— this story does not make sense, and you know that, but you can’t quite put your finger on what’s wrong. I hope things work out for you.
/r/askFDS21/02/22 01:52 AM
94

Tell him he can ask CPS what the law is, and report him. It’s his responsibility, not yours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 01:41 AM
25

I like to go ahead and tell men that lazy dates mean he’s prolly lazy in bed so byyyeeee.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 11:20 PM
659

Did you catch the NEGGING in there? Your choices are being lame and “nerdy” or casual sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 06:36 PM
4

I’m worried for your safety during/after the consultation and actual procedure. Please don’t let him around you unless it legally benefits you in getting the procedure. He will not make this easier or help you. He will overtly or covertly make it harder for you. If you don’t have trusted friends to call, there’s an amazing sub of people willing to be there for you. Idk if I’m allowed to post it here but PM me if you’re interested. Be strong, sweet soul. It takes such courage to escape violent me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 01:49 PM
57

And anger- oh, anger is our friend, so welcome her when she arrives, and hear her. Anger helps us notice things we didn’t catch, and anger motivates us for change, whether external (like to share warnings with FDS sisters) or internal (like to figure out how to connect more with our intuition). Big hugs, my dear! In my head I’m renaming your username LeaveMeAlone_IGotMyOwnRoses 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 04:41 PM
72

That’s awesome to hear, good for you! We don’t need to wait for a man to treat us right, we just can treat ourselves right all along, and then when they come along it’s more obvious if they can keep up. You might feel more sadness or doubt in a week or so as the emotional highs wear off. Just an fyi. Be kind and gentle to yourself, and patient with ups and downs. It’s all part of healing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 04:33 PM
154

So proud of you! And while yes, I cherish and accept your invitation to receive your FDS Valentine’s love, don’t forget YOUR LOVE FOR YOURSELF IS ALWAYS YOUR GREATEST VALENTINE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 04:20 PM
18

Amen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 12:01 AM
29

Yeah, improved title: Pickme and Future Child’s Lives Endangered Because Taliban have more respect for her than her NVM Baby Daddy Edit- a word
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 01:49 PM
66

Dismissive- that’s a very particular term. Connotes condescension, disrespect. “Trusting me” is the first thing he mentioned- odd. In my experience, sounding so off/odd is always a red flag. Part of you is saying noooo?? Yeah, trust that part. That’s your intuition.
/r/askFDS28/01/22 08:03 PM
41

That’s outrageous of him. His gift, according to him, was ON PURPOSE in VIOLATION of your boundaries of what you put into your body. Next year, if you stayed, you could expect non consensual sex. You did not over react— RUN 🚩 Also, happy birthday, dear Sis! Best gift ever- safety and self respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 03:12 AM
19

Oh, he WILL change— he’ll get even worse, because he won’t respect you for coming back for more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 10:20 PM
57

I don’t double dip. I love that phrase, speaks to the grossness: they only treat you worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 07:57 PM
389

Epic audacity, entitlement. Random notes: - all the people who moved on got therapy, but he “couldn’t afford it.” Guess what? It costs a lot to blow your whole life up instead of paying for therapy. - notice how when he mentioned how great he was for not taking alimony, he never mentioned child support when his ex wife has 100% custody. For four teenagers, he’s not paying a dime?! yeah right, alimony wasn’t even an option for this clown
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 12:59 AM
28

How long it took her to speak out is likely proportional to how much she was victimized as well as threatened. Poor woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 10:15 PM
42

I’m sorry to hear that. In trauma therapy, there is one specific trauma called a betrayal trauma. While it would obviously be even more severe to learn you can’t trust your own parent or something, it’s very real and injurious to discover we can’t trust someone like you described. It’s a further betrayal knowing that at some level, his label and agents knew (see: victim’s description of the video shoot) but still marketed him to the world as safe just misunderstood. It injures us by making us qu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 10:12 PM
34

Good job, Sis! You are worth investing in, again and again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 06:42 PM
61

So clearly, he WANTS you, he does not CHERISH you. Wanting means wanting to consume your time/attention/sexuality/esteem. He wants to consume, use, abuse, dispose. He can’t even explain what he likes about you or what attracts him to you because it’s not about you, it’s about what HE gets to USE. And you’re letting him use you, for whatever reason, against everything FDS teaches. Not meeting him in person is where you draw the line. He’s repeatedly said he wants to do things you’ve said no to: t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 06:24 PM
353

Different question- considering that men are fertile 100% of the time versus women’s small window, how much RESPONSIBILITY is he taking for having gotten you pregnant? How is he treating you as you suffer through an unwanted pregnancy he has more than 50% caused? Helping extra with your chores? Paying for the abortion? Doing things to comfort your mind, heart and body???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 12:43 AM
27

This guy has creep written all over- repeatedly contacting you, trying to prove his network is a big enough carrot to entice you. BUT your job is to be aware of that, stay safe, and judge for yourself how much you interact, how, and what you get out of it. The trade off is he gets to get off on feeling like a hot younger woman thinks he’s smart, and he’ll dream of one day enacting his porn dreams on you. With that said, remember that most manipulation and abuse start subtlety and before you know…
/r/askFDS19/01/22 01:18 PM
22

GOOD. FOR. YOU. So proud of you! And, good for you for sharing to encourage others. 💪🏆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 09:14 PM
50

You got this, honey! This was me 5 years ago. I’m so strong, so confident, so successful, and hot as hell!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 09:14 PM
28

By lying about his height, he is showing that your right to CONSENT is not important to him. Your right to make a choice about who you meet or talk with? His sense of ENTITLEMENT to have access to you overrides your right to choose. Your question is if you should communicate with him. This is not a communication problem. This is a consent problem. This is a danger sign. What will you achieve in communicating with him? Nothing except wasting more of your time, and possibly getting more hurt/gasli…
/r/askFDS04/01/22 10:24 PM
21

Your consent (choice, preference) is not important to him. Is that something to cOmMuNicAte?
/r/askFDS04/01/22 09:45 PM
94

THIS IS ABOUT TAKING AWAY YOUR RIGHT TO CONSENT.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 01:50 AM
68

He hit up my KID. Cuz me and all my HV friends blocked him. Even my 18 year old son was like eww, desperate much??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 04:38 PM
39

HOURS later
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 08:03 PM
95

Interesting how at the end his threat (to leave women alone) is what we actually want. Take note of the entitlement it requires for a man to think that it’s a threat to the world if he stops spreading himself to women! (Entitlement = abusive mentality)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 06:48 PM
7

Wow!! Any chance you’ll share please? Either way, good for you for being so creative!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 04:08 PM
36

Agreed. He’s violating boundaries by being in her house, etc. I help my kids prep for their Dad’s bd etc ahead of time and from my own space. And there’s no need to go post about how awesome he is online. Where’s the ex wife’s grateful post????
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 01:39 AM
18

It’s super hard, it’s ok to take your time. You’ll be ready soon, Sis, and we’re here for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 10:18 PM
15

Run. So many flags.
/r/askFDS30/12/21 10:05 PM
43

I feel like that perspective excuses men. They are equally capable of love as any other human being. So why are we women conditioned to expect less, to throw up our hands and say hE cAnT dO iT?? Oh yes he can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 05:21 PM
109

The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother. Read Why Does He Do That (Inside the minds of angry and controlling men). One thing it explores is how since abusers only respect other men, and they’re controlling, the BEST way to manage an abusive man’s behavior is through peer pressure from other men. So, your instincts are right that your brothers should do it. And you’re not just upset because they’re gaslighting you, but also because you’re confronting the reality that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 02:18 PM
265

If it was so innocently just about the cashier being pretty, why is the AH so pointedly stating that she was over 18 so it’s ok????
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 04:18 PM
148

Queen here: was seeing him for 12 weeks, after I knew him for many years. Met up with him in NYC. He violated an important boundary, then tried to gaslight me. No fight, I just said “This is the end of the line for me,” and walked out of our hotel, left him in the middle of Manhattan. Enjoyed the rest of my vacation like a Queen. Edit: Adding this: All my friends blocked him when he tried that trick. Having HV friends is awesome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 08:03 PM
186

When they tell you a story about their “close friend” it’s usually actually them…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 05:15 PM
57

Congrats on leveling up, Sis! As you work with your therapist on “not being mean,” just a reminder that when you’re stuck in that, you’re often mean to yourself in exchange for not being mean to someone else. Be a good friend to you. Don’t be mean to you, no matter what the cost!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 05:35 AM
16

Free copy of Believe Me by Jessica Valenti https://u1lib.org/book/5488856/f5713f Summary: What would happen if we believed women? A groundbreaking anthology offers a potent rallying cry and theory of change…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 05:52 PM
29

Right now, it’s in his phone 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 09:08 PM
9

I’m so sorry honey. Threatening you like that is 100% abusive. Denying you the safety of a roof over your head in the middle of the night if you don’t immediately shut off an appropriate response to him sending money to an ex?!! This is abusive, and it will continue to get worse and worse. It’s so devastating to let go of the Prince Charming we were promised. But the effort it takes to convince ourselves, and the increasing violence within our very selves, of betraying our own selves for the hop…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 06:37 PM
20

The thing is, every crappy relationship has a dream once promised. It’s not covid, it’s him. What you’re chasing or staying for is smoke and mirrors. We don’t want it to be true, but deep down it sounds like you know. And if he can’t get through one bad thing, he can’t get through another. You get sick? Tough economy? If you are looking for a life partner instead of a quarantine buddy, this guy does not have the skills. Part 3: you are afraid he will retaliate if you break up while you are gone?…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 06:14 PM
1

He pretended he was there to return money he owed her. She was sick so he pretended to help by drugging her with cold meds to put her to sleep and steal her money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 08:10 PM
10

My mom got divorced after 43 years. It’s been about 7 years now, and she is happier and healthier every single year!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 01:26 PM
81

Literally historically true, and all in the Hamilton musical: - before marriage, Alexander Hamilton was such a player that Martha Washington named her feral tomcat after him. - He married Eliza but carried on a documented “at least” emotional affair with Eliza’s sister for their entire lives. - For one affair he had with a married woman, the husband blackmailed Alexander and he paid it, ruining his very strong chances of ever becoming President. - When he was quietly accused by Thomas Jefferson …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 01:37 AM
11

True story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 01:06 AM
28

Loves Eliza from Hamilton
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 12:56 AM
145

As someone forced to marry for other cultural reasons (super religious family and I was pregnant), I was so emotionally distraught that I couldn’t invite the two friends who spoke the truth to me before my wedding. I knew I couldn’t survive my wedding day if I looked that truth in the eye, and although they were well-meaning friends, I had no true support system or true choice. Eighteen years later when I finally left my abusive marriage— and my entire community shunned me for it— one of the two…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 07:02 AM
43

Facebook knows it’s a huge place to cheat. Look how they introduced those disappearing messages…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 05:37 AM
34

You asked why he suggested then backed out. This is called “future faking.” Your brain has already registered positive first impressions based on his initial idea/proposal/“intention” but then he creates a scenario where he simply can’t execute on it, but “it’s not his fault.” The strategy is that he can invest his free time into faking you into thinking he is thoughtful, but then can avoid actually being thoughtful or actually spending money, while still tricking you into thinking he would if h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 08:59 PM
40

This needs an award.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 03:17 AM
155

Hilarious Easter egg: coworker doesn’t think enough of this guy to even mention she’s thinking of quitting, just tells him after the fact. But he feels like (read: entitlement) she’s his wife! Dude, she doesn’t even like you as a friend… or she’s too uncomfortable around him to even mention quitting ahead of time, knowing the harassment that would come with that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:05 PM
4

Good for you. There’s nothing wrong with being open and hoping while you observe and vet. Just keep listening attentively to your gut and talking openly with trusted resources. Remember though, it’s really painful to recover when you walk away, and the more attached you are, the more painful. You have courage and insight and instincts and us! Good luck, Sis!
/r/askFDS30/11/21 02:02 PM
16

Remember, that’s the whole FDS mentality- don’t do things for him, don’t initiate physical connection or communication about physical connection. Nine dates is an eternity, and if you think about it, that’s unheard of. Red flag. Something is off, whether it’s something in his sexuality or deep, deep shame (which is what drives many abusers). Somewhere, this man sounds like he has a very serious problem— which could now impact you.
/r/askFDS30/11/21 01:40 PM
9

That’s super weird. Extremes are rarely exhibited by normal people.
/r/askFDS30/11/21 01:08 PM
108

Agreed- huge area to be blindsided. It hurts to recover after all men hurt us, but a little extra here. Don’t give in, Queens! Solitude is better than heartbreak over abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 05:36 PM
281

We want to stay, we want to believe we’ve found a wonderful man except for this one thing. Honey, it’ll be hard to leave him now, but it’ll only get worse if you don’t. Big, big sigh. The problem here is not only the lies and broken trust, but the entitlement. That’s the biggest of all the red flags: he’s entitled to keep lying to you. Entitlement is the foundation upon which abuse is built. Please save yourself so so much more heartache. Every day you stay will get harder to leave and recover.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 10:13 PM
6

You ARE a success story, because you’re speaking up for yourself— you know you deserve support, and you’re being honest and asking for it in a safe place. FYI, I didn’t figure that out til I was 38— we all wish we learned and healed sooner. What happened to us is not fair. Breathe deep, and stay the course. You’re going to make it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 01:17 AM
49

That’s so powerful- good for you!! Proud of you, Queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 05:03 AM
48

First, know that this is super normal. Every single one of us who has been abused has periods of wanting to go back to our abuser. Especially when it is our mother, whom we already have such a natural bond with. Abuse creates incredibly strong bonds, sometimes stronger than addiction bonds. Know that your response is normal. Then, be kind to yourself. Comfort yourself, this is super tough. It sounds like you are in the US. If you can share your location or create another account to do so, sharin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 01:52 AM
152

I’m so sorry to hear you’re being violated by someone you should be able to trust. It is alarming to hear you say THIS is the only place you can talk about it. This is absolutely not the only place you can talk about it. Secrets hold power. You can talk to school officials, a therapist, school counselors, lawyers, the school HR department, and other students (who are probably also being targeted or harassed by him). Screenshot everything and only communicate to school employees in writing so you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 12:20 AM
12

States choose what is legal- for example, I think NY keeps them all private, but most states allow the general public to see. Then, counties choose how they can be accessed- via websites or via in person requests, etc. Most states are free and most counties have searchable online records.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 05:59 AM
7

Gotcha. In general, sorry Sis. Big hugs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 01:54 AM
12

Wait, you financially and/or physically support your unwell father? LEVERAGE IT. Tell your Mom to STFU or you’ll cut her off. Worst case, you back down and don’t follow through. Best case, she learns to shut up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 01:40 AM
186

FDS boils down to this: Trust YOURSELF, not a third party, not “proof,” not what other people think or say.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 04:12 PM
5

“You might be right.” - said like you mean it, but with little emotion
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 01:03 PM
-89

Nooooo!!! This is a big gesture, a dramatic gesture. He made the decision without her. She’s going from one abusive environment to the next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 10:57 PM
40

Lol just ask how many times she orgasmed on her one night stands.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 07:07 PM
83

OMG you deserve all the awards hilarious
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 11:13 PM
4

Same- guess how many hours of therapy til I unwrapped this…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 10:43 PM
16

It’s not about the dollar amount. It’s about how much it damages your feelings of safety, security, stability, reality…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 10:13 PM
195

Yep. And they further confuse you by forcing you to ignore the anger (anger is a motivator for CHANGE and the big brother trying to get attention for more quiet emotions like FEAR and POWERLESSNESS)… anyway they expect you to ignore the anger and FORGIVE- or you’re the jerk, because after all, it was just an accident…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:11 PM
5

Creepers CREEP. They don’t like to do it out in the open. He’ll sulk and maybe do something petty to get back at you but the #1 thing they need is you to be silent.
/r/askFDS28/10/21 01:00 PM
10

And ignore the “rules” if they say no deadbolt. Cheaper to pay a fine than therapy, hospital or funeral costs.
/r/askFDS28/10/21 12:58 PM
32

Gentle reminder to invest in your INTERNAL self/future/growth and safety net, not just your external (school, houses). Given that you grew up watching your mom being abused by your dad, consider investing in therapy over ANY other investment. All the external safety nets in the world can’t protect you from the relationship patterns a child internalizes from watching their parents.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 12:40 PM
41

Excellent clarification. My sociopath ex used to bring me breakfast all the time… In my car… While I was at a job and he was unemployed…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 07:42 PM
47

RUN.
/r/askFDS29/09/21 12:53 PM
25

Careful though, what worked for people in their 60s isn’t the same as for you. Is he working because he’s escaping or incapable of emotional connection? Is he at work all the time like he claims? In today’s day and age, most HVM should be able to figure out one job and level up at it so they can invest their time in you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 10:43 PM
47

So he forced YOU to deal with it, find a solution, AND initiate/drive the conversation. THAT is the problem, not the money. NoValue
/r/askFDS07/09/21 01:57 AM
9

Been there, had that fight. Wish I’d left then. The end.
/r/askFDS01/09/21 04:48 PM
120

This is not a quote but a message to OP. Good for you for reaching out to nourish yourself here, in a safe space where you truly can honor your needs and receive support. You are smart and strong, and you’re gonna make it through this tough time. Hugs, Sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 04:21 AM
812

You ended with “it’s almost like a negging technique and I’m criticized for this constantly.” Change that to: “it’s an awesome, empowered learned behavior, and it works 100% at drawing out hidden but extreme male entitlement and misogyny.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 11:48 AM
13

Good for you. It takes time and social skills. We don’t need to be angry to be assertive. Edit: by social skills, I meant, reading who/when you can stand up to and when it’s not safe for your career.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 08:40 PM
34

Yeah. Working with all men in tech, you just get used to expecting it at any and all turns. AND expect to be interrupted in whatever you say when you’re calling them out, and to just repeat it when they’re done their interruption. Find your vibe- I’m a super funny person, so I went with ballsy. “Whoops did you forget you’re at work?!” “Read the room man— awkward!” “Hashtag HR Issues” Have fun with it! You’ll get mad respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 08:27 PM
12

YES
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 08:18 PM
47

Flat out ask the question in your post to him in the meeting. No joke. “I’m wondering if you’re talking like that to make me, the sole woman in the room, uncomfortable, or if you just have zero concern for who you offend, given how awkward this whole room just got.” Men respect when you got balls. 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 08:17 PM
31

Your title made me burst out loud laughing. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 07:43 PM
85

It’s all about blow JOBS. My best guess: She gets a ring for such great blow jobs and low key regularly threatens to leave her if she stops performing them, but he’s also calling the public humiliation of a BLOW pop an “inside joke…”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 08:02 PM
2

It’s a long journey. We’re all here for ya, Sister!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 11:12 PM
16

I see you asking why in a few of your replies. It’s so hard because it’s a trauma bond, with tremendous amounts of intermittent reinforcement. Read up on both and you’ll find clarity. Per the internet: “Intermittent reinforcement (in the context of psychological abuse) is a pattern of cruel, callous treatment mixed in with random bursts of affection. The abuser hands out rewards such as affection, a compliment, or gifts sporadically and unpredictably throughout the abuse cycle.” Narcissists Use …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 10:14 AM
12

Careful, he will try a thousand ways to get you back or get back at you. Every time you are almost done thinking about him, he’ll jerk those strings again. Stay strong, Sis. Therapy and domestic violence support group helped me tremendously. It’s domestic violence long before they actually hit you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 10:09 AM
8

You’re right. I didn’t mean my comment as a summary of this whole (awesome!) post, just my personal key takeaway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 04:02 AM
51

Key takeaway: a woman trying to fix or help a man’s low self esteem is putting herself in danger and has zero chance of actually assisting his self esteem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 02:52 AM
8

Remember that anger is your friend - a motivator for change. Use the energy that anger gives you to make changes in your life to strengthen and protect yourself in the future, and to heal your past self that allowed that. If we don’t make friends with our anger, we bottle it up, where it eats us up and/or it explodes in the wrong places.
/r/askFDS04/08/21 02:38 PM
106

I decided to invest the same time and energy into finding HVW friends. Less risk, less draining, more reward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 05:16 PM
17

Agreed- and give your direct reports ideas on quick scripts. Personally, I have had success with confused look and “that’s awkward,” “wow creepy,” or “how uncomfortable!” I’ve also heard other women post here saying they’ve had success with “ew how OLD are you” which shames the creep into not complaining lol.
/r/askFDS30/07/21 03:19 AM
56

Oof lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 03:42 PM
29

Something I forgot on my other reply but so important it deserves its own anyway: With little sisters, cousins, etc: no exchanging physical affection for… well, for anything. Physical affection is not transactional. Example: I’ll give you this muffin if you give me a hug- nope!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 05:16 PM
65

I break it down into forming them behaviorally, emotionally, and socially. Behavior: - I learned healthy boundaries and show my kids in example and discussions. - I hired behavior specialists who showed me how to reward for good behavior rather than punish for bad behavior. This is super important because of privilege/entitlement. For example, they don’t automatically get a $600 phone and phone plan. They earn that with basic behavior expectations and if they fail to meet them, then they do not …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 03:34 PM
30

Without any judgment, just wanted to tell you ive been there as a friend to someone similar. Wanted to share my experience: the minute I flat out told her NO and she knew I meant it, basically she never spoke to me again. You find out who your friends really are when you tell them NO. I’m betting somewhere in your life she’s violating a million of your boundaries and making you uncomfortable. In my experience, once I said NO our relationship pretty immediately ended. And I’ve never felt better… …
/r/askFDS27/07/21 05:42 AM
241

Agree with all of this. One thing to add, particularly for the women like me who like/d to be convinced he wasn’t cheating or using, but just a workaholic. Guess what? Workaholics are addicts and slaves to their own insecurities and desires to please other men (their bosses/coworkers) instead of you. Leave him, Sis. You are not a priority, and he doesn’t know how to prioritize or set boundaries like an adult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 03:11 AM
3

Yes I’ve 100% noticed the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 05:04 AM
20

Learning how to enjoy your solitude (instead of settling for an LVM to do that for you) and to meet your own needs for being treated (again, instead of settling for someone you’re not that into) is ESSENTIAL for a healthy, happy and strong life.
/r/askFDS19/07/21 06:28 PM
183

And among the percentage of men who DO initiate divorces? A huge percent of those do it minutes before the wife serves him, just to “one up” her and/or hurt her “before she hurts him,” a reflection of their behavior in the marriage…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 03:43 PM
9

Yes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 08:28 PM
73

Basically just reminding them to pull up all the pics they have of you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 08:27 PM
2

I wrote a separate post because of this. TLDR sometimes they are just messaging you random stuff because all they really want is to put you in the top of their recent messages for next masturbation session. And if you reply, bonus 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 04:22 PM
3

I wrote a separate post because of this post. Not sure if it’s ok to post that link? TLDR sometimes they are just messaging random sh*t because all they actually want is to to put you back at the top of their messages for next masturbation session.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 04:20 PM
6

I wrote a separate post because of this post. Not sure if it’s ok to post that link? https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ohlncs/you_do_know_that_some_of_them_just_message_you_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 04:19 PM
8

Also— if he’s not on any social media, he’s almost always a cheater.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 05:56 PM
48

I did find out. It’s both. 😂🤷🏻‍♀️ Plus cheating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 05:52 PM
81

The “true type” is a placeholder too. If he can’t treat you like a human (after all, a placeholder is just a blowup doll/therapist/maid to be USED), he isn’t treating the next girl like one either- that’s a deep, disturbing problem within his personhood. Spoiler alert: In today’s porn sick society, most women are placeholders for porn.
/r/askFDS06/07/21 01:32 AM
30

YES. If he can’t think about your wants and preferences when planning a date, he can’t think about your wants and preferences in bed, finances, parenting etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 01:14 AM
22

Thanks. Save yourself the hassle! Men who don’t bother for first dates, just don’t bother for the rest of the “relationship” either.
/r/askFDS06/07/21 01:07 AM
3

Where do you recommend dance classes online?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 11:57 PM
45

Don’t go. I went on a golf date with a guy I told I was new to golfing. He never asked me if I owned my own clubs or not when he made our reservations. It was hard for me to follow FDS and not tell him that I needed club rentals. But I watched how he handled it when I got there. After a wonderful date, he future faked me, played some unusually smart mind games, and basically that one date was the entire love bomb he was willing to put into dating. I wish I hadn’t gone. Because then I had to go t…
/r/askFDS05/07/21 11:34 PM
167

Your whole question/problem hinges on you believing “clearly he needs the money.” There is nothing that makes it clear that he needs money. It’s clear he’s a whack job trying to create a reason for you to be thinking about and/or interacting with him, with a side possibility of squeezing you for some cash.
/r/askFDS05/07/21 10:49 PM
15

A. Good for you!! 💪💪 B. Famous quote from a 12 step program: “You find out who people really are when you tell them NO.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 11:35 PM
8

It’s not about them getting a BETTER offer. It’s about them getting an EASIER offer. See how the first is about US not being good enough, and the second is about THEM not being good enough?! Unlearn what society has twisted us to believe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 01:53 PM
10

That’s great to hear- you got this! Listen to your own intuition more than anything else. 💪
/r/askFDS02/07/21 04:19 AM
35

I bet now he gaslights her, tells her how relieved he is that she initiated, because he values her friendship so much, yada yada. But in reality, he’s just glad she’s doing all the work and maybe he’ll get some action with minimal effort. And he won’t have the sKiLls for cOmMuniCaTing or adulting or understanding her FeElings, he’s just bad at that too… Date your equal. It’s a very painful, disappointing path otherwise.
/r/askFDS02/07/21 03:46 AM
72

He’s openly told you he has a track record of not noticing when people like him???? Translation: he’s taken the initiative to let you know he won’t be taking the initiative, and to see if you’ll bite and do it for him. FDS teaches dating men with enough adulting and social skills to ask a woman out in a non threatening way, and who can handle rejection with dignity and decency. Sounds like this guy can’t.
/r/askFDS02/07/21 03:01 AM
10

What stands out to me most is the ending, where he says he can’t seek real legal advise so needs Reddit’s help. Um yes, he can. Lawyers consult about stuff all the time, and are bound by attorney client privilege. Sounds like he is literally gaslighting and manipulating/guilt tripping “lawyers” (within the sub) to give him free advice from the convenience of his cell phone! And THIS is what we watch for in FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 04:37 PM
14

Yeah. How someone else mistreats us is not a statement of our value, but we often think it is. If we lie to our friends or omit things because they’re awful, RUN!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 08:50 PM
8

Great description- I can relate to that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 04:14 PM
220

We’ve been conditioned to look at EXTERNAL behaviors, creating rules etc, when the ultimate tool is connecting to or identifying INTERNAL intuitive responses. Confusion is the first sign of abuse. 🚩 if you feel ashamed to tell others how he treated you 🚩 if you feel invalidated 🚩 if you feel uncertain if he likes you 🚩 if you feel unsure of his ability to adult 🚩 if you are think, think, thinking after you see him 🚩 if things are moving too fast or too slow 🚩 Edit: it’s still positive to look fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 04:07 PM
20

The only thing you would have to be embarrassed of is staying with him after this. His inconsiderate, immature behavior is not a reflection of you.
/r/askFDS28/06/21 08:55 PM
4

We look for intellectual reasons why, explanations and insights, when we want to avoid feeling. Comfort yourself (through self care and supportive people), and you will recover from this painful hurt. And every time you come back to thinking, thinking, thinking about it, push over into feeling and comforting. Big hug.
/r/askFDS28/06/21 01:34 PM
1

So creepy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 04:20 PM
5

Me neither lol. This particular (married) guy thinks he can stay hidden and act like he’s just a casual friend. Guess what- casual platonic friends don’t stalk women. Unhinged men who want (“deserve”)something do that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 03:28 PM
8

Sorry to hear that- but good for you dumping him! Stay safe, Sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 03:07 PM
17

That’s scary. This dude is “just an old friend” and married (poor wife). No joke, from what we know of him he’s permanently on social media and literally probably doing this same behavior with 100 women. He used to try with me too- sometimes she and I would receive almost identical texts- but I blocked him. **Because she’s not a “romantic interest,” it would be easy to say this isn’t valid or he’s not stalking her. But he is, along with 100 other women. Any prey, anywhere he can get a response, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 12:48 PM
33

Yep. My friend (the stalker’s target) has zero social media herself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 12:32 PM
57

Danger! Yikes this guy sounds like an unusually dangerous gaslighter. He’s pretending he’s a good cOmmUnIcaToR and good budgeter, but he’s definitely just a good manipulator instead. If a HVM ran out of money so early into dating, he wouldn’t TELL you. He would just find a free or inexpensive date, such as the free/reduced day at the museum. By telling you, he’s pretending he’s responsible, while intentionally creating feelings of unworthiness, guilt and shame for you, and/or testing to see if y…
/r/askFDS24/06/21 11:43 AM
102

PS This friend of mine is the one who introduced me to FDS. This is why it’s so important to talk with other FDS women and keep our perspectives in place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 05:00 AM
48

Many women find validation and newly opened eyes from attending domestic violence support groups. I met women who SOUNDED like they met my ex lol. Knowing MANY women were victimized by the EXACT same weird confusing patterns of behaviors from VARIOUS men may be even more validating for you.
/r/askFDS23/06/21 06:23 PM
1

I hear you. Consider how exceptionally rare HV men are. So, if you’re applying FDS principles, you’re very likely to lose your crush feelings as you get to know them. I hope that makes sense?
/r/askFDS23/06/21 12:15 PM
39

Let’s look at your current dialogue: Him: You pick somewhere (you do the work while I pretend I’m generous, thoughtful and flexible) Me: I just moved here (no) Him: Well I would have to go on TripAdvisor just like you would, so you do it (I’m ignoring your no, and I’m telling you I’m too lazy and testing if you’ll ignore that and offer to change your no to a yes) Me: I volunteer to ignore your lack of interest or willingness to work, and to change my no to a yes. All you need to know is that onc…
/r/askFDS19/06/21 03:38 PM
2

Overthinking is what we do when emotions are extra painful. It’s the body/brain’s diversion tactic. When you notice overthinking, push deep into your feelings. If you can’t find them, spend time drawing, journaling, in nature, or with your therapist. Don’t give up, you’ll find the feelings, and that’s where you’ll find healing/
/r/askFDS19/06/21 12:50 PM
10

Intuition is the voice inside you that loves you and protects you. Maybe you are anxious about something that doesn’t feel right. It’s hard to differentiate plausible and fair anxiety versus “over reactions.” Listen to your self attentively, keep talking things over with others, and the fullness of the situation will show itself.
/r/askFDS18/06/21 05:14 PM
5

Get to know them, keeping FDS principles in mind. If they are LVM, they will naturally become less attractive to you.
/r/askFDS18/06/21 04:32 PM
9

Thank you for all you do to make this a great place!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 10:19 PM
19

I don’t know what’s true about that lady but I do know women deal ALL DAY EVERY DAY with husbands who behave like she allegedly did. And what do women do? Not murder them, but leave, and get their kids therapy. And maybe get child support, and get demonized for it. Hrrrmm, maybe men should try that instead of murder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 10:19 PM
7

Cheat sheet: they both end in BOY
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 12:57 PM
5

Huge congrats!! There was a post recently about side job opportunities like transcription services. I can’t find the link but if anyone can, it would be cool to share on this string.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 08:06 PM
18

Lol “Do you need some assistance?” is a great upgrade from “can I help you?” Because WE aren’t the ones who will be helping them 🤢😂
/r/askFDS08/06/21 04:50 PM
2

And all the upvotes on the initial statement and on the comment about her making a good parent— thousands of people agree with this 🤦🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 10:53 PM
156

It sounds like the police didn’t bother to investigate WHY a minor in his exact victim target range (Black female) would have killed him. Edit not a woman. Child, poor victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 03:41 PM
6

He had been arrested multiple times for sex crimes and was currently under investigation when he died. There is alleged police evidence of him assaulting multiple underage Black girls (read: hate crimes against children) This Queen shot him and set his house on fire, freeing herself and about 5 others. She “stole his money and car and laptop.” (read: she took back her money, got an escape vehicle, and prevented revenge porn against multiple victims.) It took community groups and celebrities to g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 03:22 PM
6

Me too, Sis!
/r/askFDS04/06/21 05:48 AM
13

He said “Never been with a Pakistani chick”? Ew this guy is a woman collector looking for trophies to brag about 🤢 You’re two hours away? Perfect, you won’t run into all the other women he’s currently doing. It’s the equivalent of taking you to a hole in the wall restaurant because you’re hidden- possibly from his girlfriend, and definitely from all the other ethnicities he’s pursuing. Aaaand he has an excuse not to see you often- too long a drive! Good for you for listening to your intuition bu…
/r/askFDS04/06/21 05:45 AM
18

It wasn’t “off.” You saw him with the MASK off. The mask he normally wears to pretend he’s a nice guy, not a predator. And when you told him you don’t do that, he was willing to go back to pretending he’s a decent human being... but he’s not, and you will get hurt. Because you are not a human but a sex object and someone to be manipulated and used- he already showed you his priorities.
/r/askFDS04/06/21 05:37 AM
10

Wait, if there’s a discord where everyone in the group is talking specifically about their work, why did he ask for your social media first, and only give you the discord after you said no?
/r/askFDS02/06/21 02:25 PM
0

Lol then why would you ask a question without that important context
/r/askFDS01/06/21 07:15 PM
36

First of all, trust your instinct- the voice inside you that loves you and protects you. You’re saying you feel like there’s a red flag but you can’t put your finger on it. Then YES there is very, very likely a red flag. I’m kind of wondering if what you’re NOT saying is what the red flag is. It sounds like you’re saying you have a spark and have “met up,” but he has NOT asked you on a date or communicated non platonic interest. He also has not escalated things with you for a year. For someone w…
/r/askFDS31/05/21 02:58 PM
58

I agree with all other posts but also: because their exes are their PROPERTY. Even if you have a new Hermès bag, aren’t you upset about the one you lost, you had stolen, or worse yet, was legally negotiated out of your OWNERSHIP via a court dispute (think: divorce/restraining order)?! It’s all about controlling his property, and the aUdACiTy of someone else usurping his control of his property.
/r/askFDS30/05/21 08:59 PM
5

You are asking this question because her behavior leaves you feeling confused. Confusion is the first sign of abuse. What I hear you saying in the comments is that you can’t align her behavior with your idea of her as a true friend. The answer is that they do not line up. Her actions are that of an abuser. Sounds like you build her up a lot- of course she wants you around! Sounds like she puts you down a lot (“but she’s a nice gal”) in a covert, confusing way. Like you said, you’re visibly hurt …
/r/askFDS30/05/21 06:10 PM
45

Thanks. I’m in a way better place- happy, healthy, and strong! Go FDS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 05:26 AM
138

You just described my prison – I mean life - for 18 years. It was a slow painful death of my very self. And one day, I said no. And that was it. He no longer wanted me alive. Because after all, I was just a disobedient robot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 02:19 AM
2

You sound like you have a lot of courage. I avoided and denied a problem with my father forever, thought he was wonderful. I have so many repressed memories of pure terror. And even though he doesn’t do those things any more, he doesn’t NEED to- now he just acts like a “nice guy,” (manipulating and gaslighting all the while, and with strings attached to every morsel of love or attention)... he’s only able- and only willing- to act nice now that he ALREADY has me under his complete and absolute c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 11:03 PM
4

I spent 18 years with a sociopath. I’m in my 5th year of trauma therapy and just starting to unpack my deepest wound, which is my relationship with my father. It sounds a lot like yours. “He’s better now,” “he is supportive...” I promise you, you did not wind up with a Cluster B personality partner but grow up with a father that is ok. Just because he’s changed abuse tactics over the years, doesn’t make him safe. Trust your instinct and explore every facet of that relationship- I do not believe …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 08:50 PM
19

YES. They do it on purpose to guilt trip you into seeing them again, but more importantly, they do it to mark their territory and make sure if another man shows up he’ll know you “belong” to the Rolex-leaver. Red flag! You’re property to them! Red flag! They have jealousy issues! Red flag! You’re their maid!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 07:08 AM
66

Future faking. Generally that’s where they talk about how sometime in the future they want to take a trip with you, see your favorite movie, whatever. They’ll even ask you on dates for the future, with no intent of having them.
/r/askFDS27/05/21 06:50 AM
13

The other posters are right but they also want app B so they can j*rk off to your photos forever. Source: I’ve worked with all men for 16 years.
/r/askFDS27/05/21 06:48 AM
17

💪💪
/r/askFDS25/05/21 07:54 PM
5

I’m so sorry to hear this is happening. If they aren’t already, get the kids in therapy. The courts don’t just want to hear that YOU don’t “like” the ex’ alienation tactics. The courts want to hear that the ex’ alienation tactics are hurting the KIDS. Therefore, they want to hear you seeking treatment for the kids, and those mental health professionals saying the kids’ declining behaviors are related to the ex’ behavior. Good for you for working with social workers. Reach out to your local domes…
/r/askFDS25/05/21 01:06 PM
54

So he dated her for 8 years without proposing? Red flag He broke up with her a month before she died, but was staying “just friends” and hung out with her the day before she died? Red flag for rollercoaster relationship, gaslighting (you can’t stay just friends with an ex in general, but certainly not after so little space of 1 month after 8 years) So he was holding back tears 13 years later telling you? Red flag So he did not ask for your CONSENT to be his girlfriend but just put you in an awkw…
/r/askFDS24/05/21 03:45 PM
21

I have shared your struggle to find a good therapist. A therapist in many ways has more power over your life than anyone else. It is highly recommended within the therapy industry itself to have a therapist of the same sex because bonds do develop over time and it removes any possible sexual tension developing or interfering with vulnerability. It’s also recommended particularly for women to have women therapists, because all children’s deepest bonds (or desire for it) are maternal (and trauma h…
/r/askFDS23/05/21 03:37 PM
216

And he’s in a long term romantic relationship with someone who is age appropriate and even has natural grey hair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 10:54 PM
6

Listen, men who casually date, even claiming they did it with clear communication... here’s the thing. You can’t casually date (read: pretty randomly fuck) women while also respecting them and have a healthy bonding attachment style... So his whole story is fake, Sis.
/r/askFDS21/05/21 03:41 AM
20

That’s a fair question, but basically that’s how you get used to having low expectations or making excuses for them. Don’t do it! Don’t go low! I have a 17 year old son who is a junior in high school. He’s only allowed to work weekends because of school, so his income is limited, and I don’t pay for much for him except his phone. He’s still able to plan and pay for thoughtful dates with his girlfriend (this week it was the Zoo), buy her thoughtful gifts (recently a book she expressed interest in…
/r/askFDS20/05/21 03:20 AM
23

You’re asking how to not let it get to you. It SHOULD get to you. Anger is a motivator, a flag waving, telling you something should CHANGE. Walk away from people who mistreat your or are jealous of your skills.
/r/askFDS19/05/21 07:14 PM
2

The healing is in the pain. My therapist said that to me over and over again. I hear your pain and your desire to heal. If you can get through the pain of remaining no contact, you will find healing. If you can get through the pain of existing without him, you will find healing. If you can get through the pain of your fear of not being picked by him, you will find healing. Heal, Sister, heal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 04:27 PM
1

Even though you barely know the daughter, you could still reach out and say you want to talk with her. And depending on how that goes, then the Mom?
/r/askFDS19/05/21 03:29 PM
37

Don’t pay for eharmony. Somehow it’s even worse than all the others. They are all the same- they all are filled with men who just want a quick fuck (but they can’t even talk enough to arrange that, they think you should) or with losers like your inexplicably unattractive guy (who pretend to be nice and have zero respect for no means no).
/r/askFDS18/05/21 08:13 PM
13

What they focus on to hate and rant about the most is usually what they are. Just saying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 11:45 PM
4

DO IT!! I have a friend like you with a 5 bedroom place and a huge yard. Just saying, you can do it too! 💪
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 11:18 PM
12

Working in a field with mostly men, you hear them say it out loud all the time: “I am only in a relationship because I am too fat, ugly, or lazy to score sex regularly otherwise... plus she cooks and cleans.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 04:53 PM
54

Some guys want to gaslight and pressure a girl before sex, that’s part of their thrill. Some guys want a more “virginal” girl who isn’t a slut, just a slut for THEM. Some guys want a girl who can easily be tricked into girlfriend behavior (cooking and cleaning for them) and then after they get tired of her, they ditch her. Some guys subscribe to literal, for real hookup methodologies that teach men to say they want a relationship and “future fake” so their body count gets higher. TLDR The guys w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 01:46 PM
51

YES. Most men don’t want a relationship, just sex. And many men lie about it in order to get sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 01:39 PM
31

Document any of his behaviors so you can protect your child as much as possible. Sounds like you’re on a great road to being happy, healthy and strong!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 10:18 PM
3

Bumped into my gorgeous, wealthy, stylish friend’s ex in the park at 8 am. He had always been so stylish and not gonna lie kinda hot when they were together. Bloated, holes in his oversized cargo shorts, holes in his dirty sneakers. Looked 20 years over his age, sounded so tired and just terrible. Nasty teeth. She looks younger and hotter than ever, designing her newest investment property.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 02:41 AM
20

I’m sorry to hear about your challenging and confusing situation. Confusion is the first and #1 sign of abuse... If I’m understanding you, you’re saying there is a power imbalance (the primary setup for abuse) but you’re not sure of how to verbalize it. You know something is wrong but you’re not sure what. You know you’re kind of a servant but you’re also depressed so not sure if that makes it ok for him to mistreat you. Everything you’re saying is that you’re concerned and alarmed but not sure …
/r/askFDS14/05/21 04:53 AM
23

This is not love. Someone who says he hates you is dangerous to be around. Consider checking out AlAnon for family and friends of alcoholics. It gave me tremendous strength and hope, and as a side effect, it also greatly helped me in dealing with why I was staying married to a man saying he hated me too. *** PSA: after a while of saying they hate you, it usually escalates to hurting you then trying to kill you.
/r/askFDS13/05/21 11:34 PM
24

He had you contact his “ex” to prove to his ex that he’s not entangled with you, and to gaslight/confuse you that he’s not entangled with her. Edit: she’s an “ex” not an ex.
/r/askFDS12/05/21 11:12 PM
10

Look at your great skills in reaching out for support when you need it- and doing it in a safe, nurturing space like this (when I first learned to ask for support, I was still going to toxic sources, whoops). Breathe deeply. Be kind, comforting and patient with yourself. It takes time to recover after court. You’re healthy and strong, and we’re here with ya Sis!
/r/askFDS12/05/21 10:32 PM
4

He’s not hurt. He can’t be bothered to reply.
/r/askFDS11/05/21 02:23 PM
34

https://www.wsj.com/amp/articles/melinda-gates-was-meeting-with-divorce-lawyers-since-2019-to-end-marriage-with-bill-gates-11620579924
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 05:29 AM
54

He says he lacked affection in his last relationship?! RED FLAG I’ve heard that a million times, from men and from girlfriends being told the same. Porn sick, wants porn star behavior which he calls affection. Truly, what man EVER lacks affection in a relationship with a woman? Women do everything and love every bit of them. Nah Sis, he didn’t LaCK AfFecTiOn. He didn’t appreciate it and drove it away.
/r/askFDS08/05/21 05:53 PM
14

If he says something that sounds like a yellow/red flag, believe it. Always.
/r/askFDS08/05/21 05:50 PM
2

Very good point.
/r/askFDS07/05/21 02:49 PM
7

Literally made me LOL
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 10:12 PM
7

Ooh I like it! Too bad there are no NVMs in my life to do this with 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 10:12 PM
11

Find out what he thinks of therapy (much like people in this sub recommend finding out what he thinks of porn). Just mention therapy here or there in conversation and see if he is derisive or knowledgeable. Easy way to mention: talk about a tv character/celebrity and if they would/seem like they did benefit from therapy. Your own therapy and intuition will inform you if he’s truly on a path to maturation and self reflection. And remember, watch for PATTERNS of behavior, not grand plans or interm…
/r/askFDS06/05/21 08:22 PM
9

Anger is an energy-filled motivator for CHANGE. What could you change that could impact your situation in a positive way? (Not their attitudes, probably. Maybe mentor a younger female cousin, or find a support system that fosters female students/professionals like yourself?) What could you do to get that surge of energy out of your body in a healthy way? (Like hike a mountain and yell from the top that you’re strong!)
/r/askFDS06/05/21 07:53 PM
21

What if you edit your sentence by one word, to the following: “I don’t want to be with men who haven’t been through THERAPY.” Even in idyllic childhoods, every human experiences shame, abandonment, trauma etc and has an inner child with whom they need to learn to connect with as an adult. True maturation comes from being freed of triggered and reactive behaviors (that’s what children do), instead becoming maturely responsive to our situations.
/r/askFDS06/05/21 07:47 PM
9

Me too. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 07:42 PM
29

I’m sorry that happened to you, particularly in a medical setting. Lame. Also- you’re right, you said bloviating- there already is a word for scrote yapping!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 05:38 PM
4

This guy doesn’t know Jesus OR a bar of soap 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 05:05 PM
31

Yes- we find our power in calling it out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 05:03 PM
27

But all these poor women don’t know it’s the end of the relationship and think they need to CoMmUniCAte... so they stay in a non relationship world of being used and confused for as long as he can continue to get away with it..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 04:38 PM
7

You’re right, gave me clarity: Clearly they feel superior in importance and entitlement, so why not in morals too?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 04:30 PM
4

Yep. But then why sprinkle religion and PiETy on top of their rude, inconsiderate behavior?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 04:26 PM
12

Thanks! Seeing his outward religious behavior while yelling at me and disrespecting the entire neighborhood for 8 days was soooo revealing. Fake being extra religious with douche behavior? That tracks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 04:15 PM
14

In 10 minutes I: reported unpermitted construction to the city (the guy on the phone was dismissive so I went on their website where they’re legally required to respond) reported them to HOA for parking violation, blocking fire lane, unpermitted construction and leaving construction materials out called the cops again, cute officer came out and I flirted with him just enough so he’ll check back up on them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 04:04 PM
11

LoveThyNeighbor 🤡😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/21 03:42 PM
9

It’s not easy- good for you! You’re honoring your instinct (the voice inside you that loves and protects you). He isn’t just “taking the lead” — he’s making demands and withholding communication as leverage. Good job catching that this guy is danger!!
/r/askFDS04/05/21 10:46 PM
57

Notice that he didn’t offer a solution or negotiation, just a deadline. No suggestion for a phone or video call, or question about how your safety/trust has grown. Just an ultimatum.
/r/askFDS04/05/21 02:14 PM
16

This is a porn thing: they don’t want a talkative, rambunctious drunk. They want a dead, unresponsive victim. He’s not a nice guy for saying no to drunk sex (which he makes sure you’re sober enough to remember so that you give him credit for being a nice guy)... Ive heard (and lived) this exact same situation a hundred times. All the guys are doing it right now. P.O.R.N.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 09:05 PM
34

Valid. His pattern of behavior shows he does not believe the law applies to him. I. He also doesn’t believe rules like telling the truth apply to him. That’s a lot. In my experience, that generally means lots of additional anti social behavior. Maybe rules he set up for you as a couple (monogamy) don’t apply to him. Maybe risks (like STDs) don’t apply to him, so when he cheats then he passes STDS to you. Maybe laws like fraud don’t apply to him, so when you comingle your money, you get audited o…
/r/askFDS01/05/21 01:05 PM
29

Notice how she keeps referring to him as a HELPER. That’s what Mom’s call their kids. Get a grown PARTNER, not someone who sporadically assists in adulting tasks you see as only your own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 02:36 PM
84

Did you see that big Reddit post about a Dad who was so incompetent at childcare that he let his son FALL OFF A BALCONY, but Dad is being praised for jumping after him, using his own body to shield the fall? I mean, I’m glad the kid is ok, but where’s the viral posts about “Mom of 20 years never once supervised her kids so incompetently that they needed life-saving measures” ?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 07:27 PM
7

Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 03:58 AM
3

The trick is to have them clean their own pee up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 02:05 AM
7

BUT this only goes one way. If he’s disrespectful about Mum, there you go. But my n-Dad and my n-ex were such covert narcissists, in the beginning they were everything they should be, awesome to/about their Mums. Always remember any good behavior needs to be vetted over time and patterns of behavior. Some narcissists spend years hiding behind their masks and confusing you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 05:05 AM
17

If your man isn’t interested enough in your pleasure to keep trying, and to prioritize it and think it’s really important, is he worth staying with? Are you really pushing him away and getting frustrated because you haven’t come, or is it because you’re BORED? Because if you haven’t come but are being stimulated and worked up, you wouldn’t be pushing him away... If a man cares enough about your pleasure, he would be asking what you like, checking in with you, watching for what gets more of a squ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 02:25 PM
119

Lack of life skills does not equal being anxious. Lack of life skills does not equal shy/reserved. Only partner your life with someone who has healthy life skills, no matter what underlying excuses -I mean “conditions.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 04:20 AM
4

I’m so sorry. Get your daughter in therapy ASAP. Not only will she be able to sort her shame and fear from this trauma, but then you can have the therapist help with the advocacy process for your daughter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 06:07 AM
2

Awesome, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 01:13 AM
15

IKR! Make sure to document pain every single time you see the doctor, so if you ever go for a reduction you have a chance! And I currently have 3 cysts and am supposed to just “live with the pain” unless it gets too bad. Wish I had been making complaints for years...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 09:44 PM
2

My ex did the same. Talk to your attorney to strategize. If they aren’t already, get mental health professionals involved- it’s all about the kids developing healthy boundaries where Dad isn’t encroaching.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 05:18 PM
23

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation, and proud of you for trying to leave. What you’re describing is not just an LVM, but severe, life-threatening abuse. You are in danger. Good for you for reaching out to us for help. You can escape, and you can heal. You have found your vocabulary to identify what’s happening to you. I thought Domestic Violence wasn’t my situation because, like you, I wasn’t being openly hit in anger. However, my life was in severe danger. I thought I didn’t fit in at do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 02:21 PM
7

YES. THIS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 04:54 AM
18

Ever heard of the book The Body Keeps the Score? It’s about how the body holds and remembers your trauma. It’s REAL.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 10:40 PM
43

I read the post someone wrote about struggling with wanting to assert her own personal space in public. It made me think of this quote: no wonder we struggle with asserting our boundaries! We’ve been conditioned by society since we were girls.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 07:51 PM
2

I’m so sorry. That’s awful to see, it hurts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 11:27 PM
2

He was an abusive sociopath. Took me 18 years to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 11:21 PM
3

Not a real dowry just “symbolic.” Yeah, symbolic of me being an object!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 11:06 PM
4

Dude I grew up in the US and I had a flipping dowry coin exchange at my wedding and everything!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 11:04 PM
4

Not East Asian- I grew up pretty “normal” looking to the outside world, middle class white family with 6 kids, private schools (East coast, 6 kids not super unusual although not the norm). But there’s this underlying current that your parents need to pay for all the other kids and while totally unspoken, all my friends who are out say the same thing, there was pressure not to live alone or with friends, but to get married so your parents had more room in the house, more money etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 10:59 PM
18

younger generally means easier to manipulate or control women/girls are expected to marry ASAP both because they’re made for breeding and because they’re a financial burden on their parents’ giant families, but men aren’t held to those standards it’s harder to realize your boyfriend/husband is a tots jackass or loser (or both!) when you’re not peers if a girl/woman has lived a super isolated life, she’s more easily manipulated into trusting an older guy with “life experience” she has longer year…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 10:48 PM
12

There are several reasons how I knew about the covert abuse and cheating in these “happy marriages”- lots of people confided in me, I volunteered in certain “ministries” where I encountered more of those conversations, and a few other personal activities that made me encounter truths more than most. And when I tried to leave, tons more told me about theirs and how they “healed” and “forgave...”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 09:10 PM
113

Lived my whole life in this community. They all open doors for the wife in front of everyone, but literally out of the hundreds of Trad marriages I know more personally, NOT ONE doesn’t beat his wife, cheat on his wife, or have a porn addiction so severe that it even impacts his job. Most have more than one of these addictions, all while forcing his slave wife to smile while popping out 8+ children. RUN! Edit: “his job” — I should’ve written, “his job, if he has one!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 03:19 PM
4

I agree, it is hard to read. But I read it to my teenagers because I’d rather they read it than experience it! It can happen to any one of us, but the more we are aware and the more we normalize talking about it, the more protected we are as a whole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 02:10 AM
20

You’re welcome- we all grow from seeing examples of this, it helps us identify coercion faster and trust that we can stand up together against it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 02:48 PM
130

Note how these predators targeted vulnerable women, kept increasing their “ask,” and incrementally made it harder for the women to leave. Playbook sound familiar?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 12:13 PM
2

WEAR EARBUDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 02:58 PM
51

“My glutes are for climbing mountains not pleasing men.” I need that TShirt, Sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 02:01 PM
3

Thanks for the kind words, and I’ll check out the podcast! And I’ll probably write a separate post about what physical abuse is- he never hit me, but I slowly came to understand the severity of the physical abuse I experienced.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 02:51 PM
7

No matter how much it seems to “make sense” at the time. If you never had a problem before him, HE is the problem!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 02:49 PM
12

Adventure without intimacy & respect is usually just being used and abused. The solution isn’t in which sexual partner you choose or what their proclivities are, but in honoring your innermost self- maybe you would benefit from exploring what is pulling you to focus on finding these experiences, even though they leave you feeling grossed out. Our sexuality is the core of who we are and what we believe we are worth. We repeat our trauma cycles until we heal them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 02:41 PM
25

This sounds true and crummy. However, I caution you on thinking the opposite extreme is the solution. You said next guy you date should be: Christian: Christian men have been in the news non stop for 20 years for raping boys. Every Christian man I know does not follow Christianity. They just pretend they’re decent and prey on naive and/or abused, submissive people. It’s God and God’s authority that give them the right to dominate you. Celibate: Oh, you mean sexually withholding? Where you’re not…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 03:36 AM
12

I brought 4 teenagers to see it (3 male, 1 female), and highly recommend it. If a picture is worth a thousand words, a movie that personalizes this issue is worth a lot more! Plus, that was way more comfortable than another awkward chat with Mom about consent! (Covid note- saw at drive in!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 05:32 AM
259

Did you catch the biggest twist? “I am happily married to a wonderful woman WHO LOVES ME.” Wouldn’t someone of normal psychological profile say instead, WHOM I LOVE? He is happy that she loves him... while he gaslight-cheats on her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 02:17 PM
5

Super glad to see this post- I posted the original comment that you referenced- it’s something my trauma therapist said to me often.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 04:13 PM
2

And my cat is sick- HA!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 02:12 PM
132

I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. You are not alone. Confusion is the first indicator of abuse. You are currently very confused... It sounds like he “love bombed” you for a month and is now withdrawing that. Narcissists do this to get you to keep waiting for the good times to come back. It literally trains your brain for the love dumps so you endure the abuse in between. Rather than focusing on what this means HE is thinking or doing (including another woman), I suggest you focus on what this …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 06:14 AM
25

I like to say, in a really positive, agreeable voice, “I know, right!” Even better when they call me sexy and I answer like that. They run away lol. And fact is, I DO already know, and I’m telling them they’re not ADDING anything to my world by their subjective (yet objectifying) opinion of me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 12:12 PM
12

Do you know of any solid resources for women recovering from religious abuse and misogyny? I’m thinking of starting a podcast because I can’t find one?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 03:10 AM
18

Why did he respond this way when you asked if he looked familiar?? Sounds like he just got busted and is trying to distract/run away from answering that question. Serious question: stalk much??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 12:01 PM
21

Or, sounding super religious or upright, so outraged at how “other guys” mistreat women, some of the worst men are soooo covert. Don’t forget “he who doth protest too much...”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 05:32 PM
1

My standard answer: Dynamite comes in small packages! I like it because it’s just another observation and they don’t know what to say back. But it also established that I’m confident and not powerless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 05:27 AM
1

I’m really sorry that happened. I would challenge you to consider, did you throw the treats away and feel bad maybe also because you didn’t speak up? The confusion and powerlessness we feel in a surprise attack can sometimes cause us to feel ashamed and stupid for our lack of response. But be kind to yourself - this was an ambush. There’s no shame in not changing his mind by proving your value to him. That’s not your job! But maybe if you can connect to the part of YOU being mean to YOU for your…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 11:06 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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