Testing your Boundaries vs Violating your Consent

I_know_right_AS_IF · 2022-03-23T23:59:35+00:00

This post made me think back to the last night I spent with my ex. I hadn't been feeling well due to a round of antibiotics, and we were sitting on the couch watching TV. We were just kissing and he started pinching my nipples, which isn't my favorite thing anyway. I told him no pinching and he pinched AGAIN and said "just a little pinch!" Told him no.

My body and mind gave me very clear signals through heightened anxiety and the feeling of needing to be alone. The next day I told him I needed some alone time and he freaked out and brought up ending the relationship. So I agreed lol!

He had absolutely violated my consent, and I can see it all so clearly now that I'm outside of it.

He had tested my boundaries before this, I see that now, too.

Don't miss him!! 👋

sweet_birthday_babyy · 2022-03-24T01:59:15+00:00

Very true and good advice. The last guy I dated did every thing right! But the last time we were together, we were making out and he kept trying to feel me up. I moved his hand and then told him no. He backed off and was like, ok just tell me when you’re ready. Things were good til I was about to leave, then he just playfully grabbed my shirt and flipped it up to see what was underneath. Right after we had talked about it. I felt so disrespected. He is blocked and I have t seen or spoken to him since, and I feel really good about dipping out at the very first sign of disrespect

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-03-23T17:18:51+00:00

Agreed, this behavior is a huge red flag. I'd argue these are actually the same thing because by stating a boundary you're stating what you consent to.

Little kids test boundaries, HV adults don't. Reframing it as "testing your boundaries" is libfem bs that infantilizes and gives men a convenient excuse when he inevitably decides your boundaries are inconvenient. It's still a violation of previously stated consent.

NowTruly · 2022-03-24T04:26:54+00:00

you’re a frog in hotter water than you think. Get out before it’s too late.

This is profound, sis. Love me some FDS nuggets like this.

ThePatriarchyIsTrash · 2022-03-23T19:37:46+00:00

Grown ass adults who "boundary test" never gave a shit about your consent, no matter what they may have said. They're just trying to wear you down until you stop defending yourself. That way when they do something truly violating they'll claim "you consented." But you didn't. Coercion isn't consent. Boundary pushing is just a subtle way of violating your consent. Anyone who does this not only has no respect for you but they are not a safe partner

fdsaltaccount2022 · 2022-03-23T17:01:36+00:00

I have seen similar discussion in the manosphere too. They tell men to touch their dates a lot so they get "used to" this kind of touch, or how to gauge how "tameable" she is by her reaction and all

Thunderbird_Freya · 2022-03-23T16:57:32+00:00

All the ppl I’ve met tested my boundaries. I’m tired of humans especially men.

minarabbit · 2022-03-23T20:06:59+00:00

I don’t think a HVM would test boundaries. Opening discussions to see if we are on the same page, yes. Doing something provocative to see if he can get away with it, no.

itsirrelevant · 2022-03-23T21:00:57+00:00

Yikes, wouldn't go that far with the tickling analogy given so many believe it's an acceptable thing to do after one says they don't like it.

Still shitty. Still wrong. Still something that needs to be left in the past along with so many norms.

Just don't think the majority of people are tickling anyone to see if they can rape them.

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