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View 1 posts and 461 comments by romantickitty on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

NAH, SISromantickitty/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 10:58 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
60

I think it's a very sad mindset. Like you can't imagine being any happier than this. Because, if you could, why would you stop yourself from living that life?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 03:12 AM
24

This was not something I worried about before FDS (I still mainly wonder if I will ever meet a HVM who I'm compatible with) but it's definitely a concern now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 03:10 AM
57

"He said that it's his phone and he knows his rights." What in the actual fuck? This is her BOYFRIEND!?! No one who cares about you would talk like that. Throw him in the trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 12:18 AM
9

tbf, I meet most guys through OLD so maybe they're just more obviously LVM. But I have yet to come across a master manipulator. I think there are always signs if you're willing to look for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 11:53 PM
23

She can only fix her behavior when she's ready to change. Have you introduced FDS to her? I'm sympathetic to the fact that she seems to be emotionally needy and more susceptible to becoming invested in a man after physical intimacy. But that's why you hold off and vet until you're sure of him. Sensitive people need to take steps to protect themselves, not dive in among the wolves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 11:45 PM
43

"Cuddles, food, attention..." I'm not a dog. Try harder. Also, I will never see value in "good morning texts." I had a guy plague me with them for weeks (I had an awful phone where I couldn't block numbers. It was a while ago.) and since then, it's a red flag for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 11:38 PM
3

The credit card debt jumped out at me, too. But I also agree it takes minutes to order something online. So they're both toxic. If they're not the kind of people who thrive off drama and resentment and passive-aggression then they need to break up or figure out how to make this a healthy marriage. It sounds like they find a lot of reasons to spend time apart. Also, what is "emotion screaming"? And how does someone scream unemotionally?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 09:17 PM
5

It's so nice to find a community of women who get this. Dating men, you start to feel like you have all these niche interests. They act like they've never heard of the thing you like or they're doing you this huge favor in engaging with it. When, in fact, it's usually a pretty popular show, movie, pastime/hobby. It's just more popular with women than with men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 08:45 PM
25

Are you promising that one day you'll take his virginity? That's what those are for, right? 😉😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 05:02 AM
31

Oof. Was this just for me?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 01:34 AM
6

It feels like satire. Also, "I just don't want to grow old gracefully – like, at all!" 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 10:01 PM
16

What happened to presenting your BEST self???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 09:45 PM
11

Why is it always about fucking doors? As though we should give up all our feminist demands because if we don't back down and play nice (horror of horrors) men won't open doors for us anymore. Let's talk about the doors to spaces primarily occupied by men. Let's talk about the doors to executive offices. Let's talk about the doors to opportunity that are barred to women. Give me a break with these other fucking doors. I can open my own doors. Or not. It doesn't matter. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 09:35 PM
7

I feel bad for her and the generations of women who were brainwashed and traumatized and told themselves these lies to cope with it all. (Of course, women at every point in the history of the world have been able to see what was wrong with society or wake up to the evils around them, but I do have some sympathy for the ones who can't. Not enough to excuse how their behavior hurts other women but enough to be sad for them.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 07:17 PM
10

Thanks. The rest of the "art" makes much more sense for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 06:58 PM
52

They want perfect dolls but not if any of the grooming or dressing up gives you too much self-esteem or makes you less of a pickme who will put up with their bullshit. A man who spends his time criticizing aspects of a woman's appearance is a man who benefits from her feeling bad about herself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 06:32 PM
21

There's feminism taught in schools? Aside from specific college classes, it feels like the general message is exceptionalism. That is, 'there was once this magical unicorn of a woman. She was so strong and smart and determined, more than any ordinary woman, that she overcame the limits of her gender. Perhaps, if you work very, very hard, knowing that everybody is against you and none of the boys will have to work as hard, you can also be the one woman who achieves success in her field. Now go ou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 06:23 PM
16

Does he have an Instagram or something? Now I'm curious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 06:05 PM
9

So basically, he waited her out and she wanted to forgive him, so she did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 05:56 PM
27

I want to be like... this was a joke. No one took it seriously. But, look at the president.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 12:38 AM
57

I feel called out. For some reason, I'm very quickly over any of this in person but I will put up with it in online conversations. I feel the need to keep it going instead of thinking... what will I actually be getting at the end of this if I'm successful? I prefer dates to texting. I am better at vetting and WAY less of a pickme in person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 10:20 PM
23

I don't want to get too political, but as with all other kinds of politics that don't serve them, some people don't derive any benefit from being anti-feminist. But they still choose it to vicariously feel like they are on the winning team. Like they are sharing in a privilege that will trickle down to them if only they keep berating other women and coddling men and reinforcing the status quo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 07:25 PM
68

Is your body the product? Or is the labor what is being paid for? In sex work, it's both. This is willful misunderstanding. Other jobs may compromise your health but your body isn't what is being sold.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 07:19 PM
256

"He told me I was a woman so I should have motherly instincts." I feel bad for this child but she is not this poor woman's responsibility. I hate that she finally freed herself and everyone is trying to guilt her to go back. This child would probably be better off being adopted by parents who actually want her (unlike her biological parents).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 02:26 AM
11

I haven't seen this movie in forever but I remember it having some great lines.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 02:20 AM
38

I got a little lost there at the end. But to me it sounds like this friend isn't actively pursuing him but would 100% happily scoop him up if they divorced regardless of what is supposedly "water under the bridge." It doesn't sound like he wants to cheat but he is compartmentalizing his feelings from his wife and he's also using this other woman, knowing somewhere in his mind that she probably still has feelings for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 12:10 AM
74

I'm having fun imagining their confusion at all the elderly women. (In rural areas, Japan has a mostly older population.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 11:17 PM
1

This is perfect summation. I get a lot of 1 and 2 outside of family. It's not always the case, but I think my chances of 2 go up if I'm wearing makeup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 11:03 PM
36

Imagine if men just treated women well so they didn't want to leave. Nah, that's crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 10:54 PM
11

YUP. I never felt guilty. I don't think I have the energy for it anymore but I will never understand women feeling bad about not being "faithful" to a guy (usually a stranger from OLD) they went on a couple dates with. And yes, 100% this man is a stranger. Even if you met through school, work, etc. you probably don't know that much about him. Continue meeting in safe, public places until you feel comfortable. Christ.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 10:50 PM
10

Congratulations! You should absolutely be proud of your accomplishment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 10:15 PM
10

Embryolisse moisturizer unless my skin is super dry. If it is, I'll switch to Avene cicalfate. Cerave eye cream as needed Missha sunscreen because it's supposedly SPF 50 and it's much cheaper than American brands but I'm pale and it still has a strong white cast that emphasizes (and possibly causes) dry patches. Still, I'm living that mask life so I'll just live with it. I used to use Lancome and La Roche Posay. Garnier micellar water and Fresh soy cleanser (+ makeup remover if needed) I've trie…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 10:14 PM
21

Did we forget to send someone for your zombie orientation training? Sorry about that. ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 10:02 PM
63

It's just so sad for anyone to have the mindset that their lives are over so young and they have no potential to change or level up. And even worse... to just make it about looks. People change careers, meet the loves of their lives, discover new things about themselves in their 30's, 40's, 50's, etc. Never give up on yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 09:59 PM
2

Obviously this is awful and completely unacceptable behavior on the part of the guy who punched the wall. But I also think it's a hilarious move for this business to not have to repair the damage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 09:52 PM
4

Yeah, I had a Google Voice number for work but I let it go. And I got one briefly for phone banking. In my experience, jumping to the phone and getting you off a dating app is such a LVM move. Most guys have been okay with me saying that I don't want to give them my number until we've actually scheduled a date. The background check is good advice though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 09:46 PM
91

I get that both men and women are annoyed at flakiness but I think a mature person recognizes that sometimes life happens. It doesn't mean you aren't interested or you've decided to personally insult them because you genuinely need to reschedule. This is why I think dating "rules" can be stupid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:33 PM
14

For me, the part that sticks out is the brother taking her aside to have this conversation. I don't blame the AITA OP for getting a weird vibe. I'm not saying she's right about the whole situation but it makes it a bigger issue than it should be. Something feels off about this not just being a casual parenting choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 07:04 AM
12

It's a very cool girl kind of song but actually not that terrible. She tolerates and enjoys the attention instead of calling him out but, in the end, she sends him back home. I don't know why the singer is apparently friends with this LVM but I appreciate that she completely ignores the threesome suggestion and the rest of the rap verse. Even this cool girl song doesn't advocate going after a man who's taken. Fight the feeling/Leave it alone/'Cause if it ain't love/It just ain't enough to leave …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 06:25 AM
14

I'm sympathetic to the mom. She's not doing right by her daughter but she's dealing with a lot of emotional manipulation from her LV husband and stepson. Hopefully the thankfully large number of comments telling her that this is some bullshit will set her straight. She doesn't think anything of this is right and she doesn't want to use the college money but she's struggling to see a way out of this that won't make her the villain in her husband's eyes and won't get her blamed if the stepson does…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 06:06 AM
9

Before the pandemic, I was not up for pre-date phone calls. It felt weird and scammy. I don't like giving guys my phone number before the first date if I can manage it. Now, I do think that it's a time saver if you're not sure because hearing someone's voice and experiencing them having to make conversation in real time is a great way of avoiding sitting through a bad first date. But, I don't know... I'm still not enthusiastic about talking on the phone in general. I'd rather someone make the ti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 05:19 AM
8

Why though??? At this point, I can pretty much always answer yes (for dating, not sex). So, no, you're not special. And if they were genuinely trying to determine if I was racist, that would be a terrible way to do it. Now it's just weird for both of us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 05:13 AM
10

Benefit of the doubt, I don't think it's about sex. He sounds like a solitary, introverted person. I'm curious how they got married. Did he propose? Did she push for it? I'm done with chasing unenthusiastic men. I want a man who is thrilled that I chose him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:58 AM
13

I think it's a weird rule because it supposes that only men can be predatory and that family members won't be predatory. Only leave your child with people you can trust and take an active role in keeping your child safe instead of making rules and assuming everything will be alright. That said, I think there are other issues in this family if the child's aunt and/or her bf are taking this so personally. I suspect Amy has an issue with Jake and this blanket rule is covering it up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:46 AM
84

Honestly, record it all and then get away from him to somewhere safe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:21 AM
7

This can't be real, can it? It has a fanfic-y vibe to me. "I'm a flat chested, thin haired, pizza faced dweeb that no guy would ever look twice at. [...] I told him I understand [...] He has sexual desires that need to be met [...] He told me to stop talking about myself like that. He loves me more than anything, and that I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen in his life..." ...and then Harry Styles promised we would be together forever and he whisked me away to a private island. Surely, n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 04:16 AM
4

I found Heather's second book too annoying/depressing to finish but her Ask Polly advice (and her first book) is usually great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 03:57 AM
75

He didn't tell her in 5 months. And we don't even know for sure that it was only the one time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 12:24 AM
86

This is depressing. Some women genuinely have sexual health issues but she was fine with this toy in 10 minutes. It sounds like a husband issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 07:47 PM
10

If you participate in your own degradation, it's actually empowering. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 07:02 PM
69

Billionaire philanthropy is... complicated. But regardless, she was always entitled to that money. It's not like she deserved less because his fortune is greater than the average person's. That's not how that works.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 06:58 PM
25

There used to be women's boarding houses. But unless there was a focus on domestic violence, I think that would be an easy way to get sued for discrimination these days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 05:45 PM
9

You can find some of these spaces naturally just based on where most men will not go. Like, I loved going to pure barre when there was a female instructor. One time there was a guy in the class and it was jarring. Otherwise, it felt like such a peaceful, nonjudgmental space. I will say that it's tougher with more traditional gyms and places centered around beauty and fitness. You still get women shooting each other nasty looks or worse. But they were never feminists anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 05:42 PM
2

I kind of wish I knew more about the cultures those stories came from (though it's hard to pin down an exact date and Cinderella specifically has evolved a lot over time) to know how they felt about nobility. Because a lot of the Western versions of princes that we have are pretty rapey LVM whose only redeeming quality is that they are princes and rich and materially improve the situations our heroines are born into or fall into based on various misfortunes. Rarely do you even get someone like t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 05:10 PM
24

I feel like they want to turn it into the start of an argument for why you should keep dating. But regardless of his debate skills, that won't change whether you're attracted to him. I highly doubt anyone who asked this would hear a critique and see an opportunity for self-improvement or correcting an off-putting behavior. In my most extreme pickme days, I probably would have welcomed a list of ways to change myself to be what a specific guy wanted. And at times it probably would have been bette…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 07:49 AM
22

Start small. Don't start with big favors. Like, if you decide you want to return something to the store, maybe opt to speak with customer service. Build a mindset that the things you want are not unreasonable and that people who make you feel like your requests are unreasonable are not the kind of people you want in your life. Also, think about where you can pay for a small service instead of doing it yourself. In that way you make room for people to do things for you. Yes, you can do it yoursel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 06:39 AM
6

A very talented singer, performer, and actress with a VERY long career. She began performing as a teenager and worked up until her passing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 03:11 AM
4

It definitely has issues though. Like, she has a bunch of sisters (unlike most Disney heroines who have no biological female relatives) but all her animal friends are male? What? Why?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 02:52 AM
12

I will disagree there. The original HCA story imagines the mermaid as a soulless creature who is rewarded in death. Was she unwise to pursue the prince at all? Yes. But the story thinks she redeems herself by not choosing vengeance. Meanwhile, the Disney version of TLM is very messy. But that's what I like about it. She's not a perfect heroine. She's a teenage girl who chases after a cute boy. It acknowledges female desire more than a lot of other fairytales... even more than many stories for ad…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 02:27 AM
14

I'm not going to knock the songs or the animation but there was some real bite in the original stories. Sure, there's a sense of danger to the Disney movies (especially when the villains are women) but there's a different moral when you see Cinderella's stepmother encouraging her daughters to mutilate their bodies to compete with an arbitrary beauty standard. In Snow White, the symbols of the corset and the comb are more meaningful when taken together with the apple. Also, most of these stories …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 01:55 AM
7

There are some good feminist twists on Bluebeard. I bought the Maria Tatar book but I haven't had a chance to dig into it yet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 01:50 AM
9

There are some that I like... The Six Swans, The Goose Girl, The Twelve Dancing Princesses, Manyfurs, etc. None of them are perfect feminist stories but they reflect issues that women might have faced. They're not as neatly instructional as say, Aesop's Fables, but again, I wonder how much of that was compromised when men retold the stories.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 01:31 AM
25

I wonder about that. The common understanding of fairytales are that they were passed down via oral tradition among women (minus some original stories like the Hans Christian Andersen stuff and Beauty and the Beast) but yes, the majority of our main recorded tales and translations are from men (Charles Perrault, Brothers Grimm, Andrew Lang, etc.) How did those men change and reinterpret them? I wish I was at home right now so I could pull my Perrault off the shelf and remember what was in that l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 01:08 AM
71

He only spent a couple hours with her. How was he supposed to remember her hair color, eye color, height, or anything she talked about that might help identify her? /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 12:42 AM
16

And you can hear the interviewer using his pseudo-intellectual, calm and wise psychoanalyst voice. When everything he says makes him sound like a damn fool. I love these interviews where a woman will just laugh in a man's face when he's trying to make her feel small.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 12:33 AM
2

Yes, I definitely misinterpreted "Find out if he drinks, and if he does, get him drunk." My dumb lady brain read the very clear words a man used and took them at face value instead of translating them into the most favorable light. Silly me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 12:25 AM
82

Yup. What did I just read? They knew they weren't a match. They confirmed it more than once. And then there were both so exhausted by OLD that they settled for each other? If they are really compatible in some way, she left that out except for vague comments like we "had the best time" and "he truly is my perfect partner." How, though? Is he really or are you just convincing yourself of that so you can be in a relationship and stop dating?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 11:02 PM
7

2 is just full of terrible nonsense and as for 3... don't get someone intentionally drunk, especially if there's a chance it will put you in danger. WTF?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 08:59 PM
17

Because that's the way society was built to function. People who fall outside the "ideal" standards are shamed and denigrated so they will accept less. The more you deviate from the straight white male thin conventionally attractive norm, the worse it is. And so people who benefit from that privilege are shocked when someone who exhibits other characteristics still manage to be confident and successful and to demand equality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 08:55 PM
15

I think there's something to be said for snatching up a HVM while you're both young and haven't accumulated too much dating trauma. But high school/college sweethearts who go on to long and happy marriages are rare. It's not a template most people can follow. I think it's less about women being young and pretty and more about the dating prospects being bleaker the older you get. So many of the guys around my age seem like they're still single for a reason. If I want biological children and I don…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 08:36 PM
33

She's working for a private ambulance company basically in an entry-level job that will give her experience until she can hopefully get hired by a hospital or the FDNY. She even went back to school to complete additional training and get a small pay bump. And for a while she worked as a restaurant hostess. But the response in this capitalist society is PULL EXTRA SHIFTS. Work yourself into the grave. Even if she'd stuck with a musical theater career, all of those performers are struggling and ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 07:14 PM
27

If only dating sites/apps had standards like this...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 07:00 PM
38

I perked up until I read that part. But, why though? It makes me feel like even if I find a seemingly good guy, one day he's going to ask for an open marriage. And then I will have to leave him and start all over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:54 AM
10

lol, totally. I was rambling a bit but I agree with you as well. When I first started dating, I took so many chances on guys I was only sort of attracted to... and it never went anywhere. Many of them were average-looking and also incredibly boring. I find attraction to be somewhat nebulous when I'm actually dating. Like, I can find someone objectively attractive or below average attractiveness. But if I like someone, he seems more attractive to me, and if I'm ready to stop dating him, somehow t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:47 AM
36

Secondly, your degree doesn’t turn me on either. If I’m not physically attracted to you it means nothing to me. Do these men actually think that women are physically attracted to their jobs/degrees? This is very confusing. It feels like they're saying "it's not my job to take care of you" (e.g. pay for dates, spend money to show any kind of appreciation or care, etc.) but also, "I am attractive because of my ability to take care of you." WHICH IS IT? Personally, I am attracted to smart men. That…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:29 AM
30

"She wants to be engaged so badly she's willing to leave and move back across the country" kills me. Somehow I doubt that this ultimatum is just a test for him. Even after two years, she probably hasn't built that much of a life wherever they live compared to the one back home, where I assume she'd be with her family and friends. It sounds like he's the only thing keeping her from moving back home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:14 AM
8

Wow. Don't I feel shamed for thinking sex work is "selling your body" and for not praising the "clients"? WTF is this bullshit?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:01 AM
49

Yeah, basically if you need to keep these parts of your life separate because this is a real possibility (and not just paranoia) then there are toxic people in your life. Not testing them is just avoiding the problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 02:52 AM
29

I'm a fan of both Roxane Gay and Samantha Irby. Sam mentions that this happens a lot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 05:50 PM
16

Not to be the covid police, but it's extra terrible for him to be bringing this person into their home to possibly pass the virus to everyone else living there without their knowledge. It's an added layer of irresponsibility on top of EVERYTHING else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 05:46 PM
34

Reddit advice is usually appalling. I get not wanting to go scorched earth for every situation but so many commenters seem to have a filter where they read every advice-seeking post as generously as possible for the man and put as much blame as possible on the woman. This is true regardless of the gender of the person asking the question unless the man is truly monstrous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 05:38 PM
22

I don't think I've become irrationally suspicious. When it comes to OLD, I know I'm mostly talking to LVM. I've always known it and known how to pick up on comments that seem off. It's just that since joining FDS, it's harder to delude myself that anything good is going to come out of giving these guys the benefit of the doubt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 05:32 PM
10

I've never had the inclination to stick around and fix a man. But if I did, these would probably be the two points that drew me in. When you haven't leveled up, it can be easy to transfer the changes you need to make for yourself onto someone else. It seems like an easier project and, if you can do it for him, maybe you can actually fix your own life too. Volunteering and doing things for others can be positive but not if you're using them as a way of putting off focusing on your own life. No on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 05:27 PM
10

I don't doubt that "sleepwalking" is a real thing but there are too many suspicious things in this story for her to not get confirmation from a doctor at the very least.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 05:10 PM
19

NOPE. Misogyny changes branding and adds different biases but there are plenty of terrible men in every generation. At least now some of them think we can be qualified for professional jobs. I think that older HVM have just had the time to prove themselves through their behavior. It's harder to tell with young people if they're just performing romance or creating grand gestures for the social media clout and to compete with their friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 08:06 AM
2

ty!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 06:16 AM
25

Why is he making requests like this? Did I ask for your opinion? Men really making "requests" like they're calling in a takeout order.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 05:50 AM
11

What is this song?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 05:47 AM
3

Because of Mamma Mia... "Does Your Mother Know" and "Take a Chance on Me." Deep cuts? I'm partial to "If It Wasn't For the Nights" and "Lovers (Live a Little Longer)."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 08:26 PM
4

I got a greatest hits album in high school and instantly adored them. When I got Spotify, I started listening to their whole catalog. Unlike most artists, their whole catalog is full of bops. Super underrated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 07:53 PM
1

A few exceptions but yeah, pretty much. And while I totally recognize the rampant misogyny in the gay community, no one is suggesting that any random gay man you try to befriend will be perfect. No group of people is a monolith. People are individuals. There are pickmes and there are HVW. You choose who you want to befriend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 07:50 PM
4

This happens... All. The. Time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 07:43 PM
2

I feel like it was a show for adults that got so unexpectedly popular that it morphed into a show for teens. But all this inappropriate humor still lingered. It was a show with dark and edgy humor that would also be sentimental and inspirational. The Netflix show Insatiable has a similar vibe to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 07:41 PM
9

ABBA is the shit. I LOVE them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 07:31 PM
2

😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 07:30 PM
2

Not really? Except for classical or standards, I rarely connect with men about music. But I do buy into the stereotypes about guys who like metal and I've never had chemistry with someone whose taste is just basic classic rock and nothing else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 07:28 PM
2

Not me, lol. First, I have to figure out if he has children... Then, if he doesn't clarify that it's his niece or nephew, I start wondering whose baby he kidnapped. And usually the rest of the profile is not worth the sleuthing so I just swipe left.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 07:21 PM
8

I don't mind mostly vacation photos. I rarely take selfies or pose for photos when I'm just out with friends and living my life. To me it makes sense to mainly pose for photos when you're on vacation in an interesting location. I used to like photos where a man was reading or pursuing a hobby or at this job until I thought about it and started wondering who was taking these random photos of him at his job or swinging a golf club.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 07:17 PM
16

Yup. He legitimately looks like her grandfather.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 07:10 PM
29

I only got through the beginning. He was only divorced for 3 years. He moved from Canada to the DR for some reason. And adopted 8 dogs? That's a lot of pets for anyone living on their own. Something seems very off about this guy. I got bored with his self-delusion around the "transactional relationships" part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 07:08 PM
3

Is there still a link to the handbook proper? I've been trying to find that google doc/pdf for weeks. The FDS handbook page only has a list of reddit posts when I look at it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 07:00 PM
15

I'm going to disagree with the rest of the comments and say that chemistry is important. I don't think you should expect instant infatuation but I think a lot of times, what we consider "chemistry" is really your judgment of all the factors at play. Sometimes your brain doesn't break down exactly why you don't really enjoy talking to a guy but that lack of "chemistry" or "spark" is a tip off and later on you'll realize that he was patronizing or not really listening to you or only agreeing with …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:44 PM
69

They say we hate transwomen and transmen and gay men and women, but there's nothing about that in this post. Really they just seem mad that a woman has any standards. Broad strokes difference between FDS and PUAs... we're not trying to manipulate men into anything. If he needs to be tricked into acting right, he isn't a HVM and you walk away. Broad strokes difference between FDS and incels... we could have sex but we want genuine relationships that add value to our lives. And none of us are goin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:34 PM
71

The reason FDS resonates with me is that, in regards to dating, a lot of the advice in the handbook is common sense stuff that I already practiced to vet and to keep myself safe and my boundaries in place. I may not agree with all the language or ideology of the handbook but that's more because I find a lot of dating advice to be written in a very cheesy way, not because this is a hate group.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 05:11 AM
13

I read the whole thing but he lost me at "free masons."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 01:07 PM
17

lol, it started to sound like the plan of a con artist. Like, they'd detail all of this on Dateline one day. "She never revealed her past or any information about her family. She had a separate apartment and would wear disguises to visit her secret safety deposit box. When questioned, all she would say it 'sharing is for friends.' She had no friends." jk. But yeah, I think there's a difference between keeping enough of your finances separate to be safe in case the worst happens and not being so …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 12:39 PM
6

Usually your last name is your father's last name. So it's still some man's name. But I take your point. For me, ethnicity is a stronger issue. I couldn't take a professional name that erased that part of myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 12:33 PM
6

I didn't think much of it in the early days of youtube but seeing how badly a lot of those relationships ended... yeah, the potential fallout outweighs the temporary benefits. Especially as many of these relationships are between young people and will be temporary. I think there's a slight difference with marriages but, even then, I've noticed that people with the healthiest relationships seem to show their spouses on camera the least or only bring them in for vlogs or holiday videos that are se…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 12:29 PM
6

Ladies, it's really not that hard to learn these skills yourself. YES, apply this to everything in life. I actually don't advocate for women doing the most. I think that falls into a "having it all" superwoman trap and I'm glad you pointed out that you can also hire professionals if you can afford it or opt for support from family/friends. Again, this applies to everything in life. If it's important to you, try and learn how to do it for yourself and if it's not important but necessary, see wher…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 12:09 PM
16

And even when MALE animal behavioral scientists, primatologists, etc. project their biases onto their research, it usually gets walked back later when someone realizes they were letting their patriarchal worldviews influence their interpretation of animal behavior and gender roles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 11:59 AM
14

"this is a form of ownership of the female" NOPE. Burn it to the ground.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 11:55 AM
-2

To me, it didn't sound like the new woman cooks and cleans for him. It just sounds like she cooks in general and might occasionally do his laundry with hers. My assumption was that if she did more to actually take care of him, he would have said that. He just describes her as someone capable who doesn't unload caretaking duties on him. Also, no confirmation one way or the other that they've slept together. It's only been a few weeks. To me, it's a little weird that he's over at her house but oth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 11:49 AM
36

"[...] women who are not only good looking, but many of them have no kids! It just seems weird." For some reason this sequence of words is just hilarious to me. To be fair to him, it sounds like he has leveled up physically (though not in the way he thinks or categorizes women) and something inside him is unsure he deserves this HVW. He probably doesn't as he hasn't done enough work on himself and has only changed the outside and not in the inside. But I don't find this post that hateful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 08:30 AM
131

I'm sure some people will think she shouldn't have gone through the effort of cooking anything but I live for this kind of passive aggression.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 08:20 AM
330

I have been waiting so long for Promising Young Woman to be released. I hope it leads to more women stepping up like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 11:41 PM
3

Imagine being broken enough to say these things with a straight face. Yeah, girl, just expect him to cheat on you and hurt you. That's love. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 11:03 PM
8

I'm definitely going to go with drinks at his house or walking with drinks as these amazing date offers. The rest is just a lame attempt at humor. And they say women aren't funny...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 05:35 AM
71

I find "just pounds me into soreness... I came really hard" to be highly suspicious coming from a woman. But more importantly, what the hell with "we have had a dead bedroom SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING." Then WHY did you get married to each other???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 05:33 AM
18

Yes, I think bias is more complicated than just saying that exclusively having female OB/GYNs would solve everything. In general, I think there needs to be more empathy in the medical field which selects for very smart people who also have some harsher qualities that help them get through medical school and deal with that stress and also the stress of practicing (depending on their specialization). Determination, ruthlessness, competitiveness, callousness, etc. Speaking from experience (not just…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 05:25 AM
53

Step 1: They have to go to an actual licensed therapist who gets paid for treatment
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 05:17 AM
15

I'm glad you called out this highly sus BS. 100% pain, 0% pleasure? Something's wrong there. I do think there's a healthy way of exploring power dynamics but some people just want a "socially acceptable" excuse to inflict pain. But it's cOnSenSUal. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 08:14 PM
10

He begins the story with her "bragging" and "rubbing it in his face." If he had any evidence of this, he would have stated it. Instead, it's just his perception of the situation. Her success makes him feel inferior without her commenting on his unemployment or putting him down in any way. Then he rejects the idea that their marriage is any kind of partnership. There are only personal wins. I hope she leaves him. He is definitely an asshole and she'd be better off without him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 08:23 AM
12

I think she probably just enjoys the foreplay and however close she gets before not orgasming. Also, if he's this hostile to just... honesty, then he's probably not showing a lot of care and physical affection outside of sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 08:11 AM
13

This is lunacy. "He feels like he can't do anything right" but he "won't listen to me when I tell him what I like and dislike." It's not like her body is this great mystery. He refuses to listen to her needs or change his behavior. He just wants to be allowed to do things the way he wants to do them and for her to magically orgasm. His ego is pathetically fragile. He probably also refuses to read instruction manuals or take GPS directions. The entitlement and audacity of men is sometimes just to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 07:50 AM
12

I overheard a conversation the other day where a woman was asking her partner whether or not he wanted to get married. I went away and came back and she was still pushing him on setting a timeline/date. She was firm in some ways... She said he needed to be the one to decide. She wasn't going to force him. But I just wanted to tell her to come here and that she deserved better than trying to nail this man down and beg him for commitment. I got the sense they already have one child but I may have …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 07:24 AM
6

I wouldn't put it in my top 3 (it was pretty to look at but it took a while to get going) but it is an exceptionally strong film and I wish it had received even more recognition.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 07:16 AM
8

I think these movies generally recognize that these fathers have screwed up but they want us to be sympathetic to him because media generally glorifies the nuclear family/two-parent home. The child maintaining a loving relationship with both biological parents is the next best thing. I do think post-divorce/break up, both parents should spend time with the child (barring any major toxicity from one parent).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 07:15 AM
20

"Beauty and brains" just makes me think of horrible beauty pageants that offer CoLLeGE sChoLaRshiPS and patronizing People magazine articles. Serious people don't use that phrase.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 07:20 PM
23

Denzel can still get it but we need to stop pretending the white guys are just as attractive in their old age. Give me Pride and Prejudice era Colin Firth over current Colin Firth any day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 07:14 PM
7

"Beauty and brains" How did you manage to not swoon? /s So condescending. Anyway, this is demented. There's a way to chase and this ain't it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 06:49 AM
35

Excellent response. I just don't put out the vibe that it's on the table. It's not an option until you're ready and, if he pushes, you're dealing with a LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 01:50 AM
7

I will also say that some of us have mild to more serious mental health stuff. I happened to start therapy around the time I stopped dating so frequently. Or maybe being in therapy made me stop seeking validation from men, idk. Anyway, I will also stand in The Container Store obsessing over which brush I should buy to clean my kitchen. So, in hindsight, none of those guys were important to me just because they managed to get some real estate in my brain for a while.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 01:47 AM
8

You've been dating him for 4 months. Presumably while you've been vetting, you've also listened to him tell you what he likes. Get something thoughtful that shows you've heard him and you appreciate him for who he is. Not a PS5 or a flashy watch but something in your budget that will be a specific gift for him because you know his taste in music, favorite color, whatever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 10:39 PM
4

What is he? A fucking phrenologist? Crazy that he needs other people's opinions and a "scientifically" derived number because only quantitative analysis counts. Ew, no. Bye.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 10:30 PM
21

Non-alcoholic curdled milk cocktail??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 10:20 PM
12

Her two Netflix specials are fairly solid. Some slow parts but overall pretty funny. Also, I still remember how in the finale of her season of Taskmaster, she complained about the unfairness of having to put on a tie as part of a speed task when all the other contestants were men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 10:16 PM
2

Oh, just general things. Like, I don't think they really cashed out the premise fully. And I get why they would focus on Eleanor and Michael and also their big actors, Kristen Bell and Ted Danson, but I felt like the other cockroaches (and notably they were the BIPOC characters) were shortchanged by the end. Especially Tahani. Also, season 4 had a lot of filler and I thought the ending was trite. I know they say that's what they intended but it felt like they were spinning their wheels. I was cr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 09:04 PM
1

No shame in YA! I just think it's a different conversation because there are different writers, editors, readers, publishing standards, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 08:58 PM
7

I like things about GLOW but the relationship between Alison Brie's and Marc Maron's characters is so bad. Christ.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 07:56 AM
2

Since you watch HBO, have you seen I May Destroy You? I've heard good things. I don't watch enough TV consistently to justify the subscription. At some point I'll get it for a month, watch everything, and then bounce.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 07:55 AM
5

No offense, but I don't really read YA and fantasy. I mean books in the actual Romance genre like the stuff printed by Avon and Harlequin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 07:50 AM
20

Old-school historicals can be very rape-y. For HiStoRicAL AcCuRacY and also because a lot of them were written at a time when partner violence/spousal rape/etc. was not even considered a crime. This improved slowly but the new writers were still influenced by the old writers and society was still working to a better understanding of healthy romantic relationships. I would agree that now it's very easy to find non-rape-y romance novels and even books that explicitly discuss feminist issues and po…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 05:30 AM
70

"I'm a female myself" LIE DETECTED
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 01:59 AM
4

Hannah Gadsby. Marina Franklin. Dulce Sloan. Also... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xy2bh1L5_pI&ab_channel=TeamCoco
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 01:47 AM
39

But also... I don't think the original photo looks like real jewelry either? It just looks better because there are a lot of lights and there was maybe some photo editing. It still looks like costume jewelry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 10:03 PM
47

Seeing or hearing about the behavior of ACTUAL HVM men really does emphasize the shabby standard of behavior we've come to expect. It's one thing to know that what you're being presented with is not enough. It's another to understand how much men are capable of doing better (and not just because they want something in return). It's like men have collectively decided to put in as little effort as possible to keep our standards low. And then HVM step in and break the rules by reframing our view of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 07:46 PM
37

I haven't committed to watching a TV show in a while... just youtube videos and movies lately. I think The Good Place is okay. I have my issues with the show itself and I think the last season dropped the ball but it's more about the individual characters leveling up than chasing relationships too much. I think 30 Rock would be okay but I'm not sure. It's been a while. I think Pose is pretty good. The characters who are pickmes leave their NVM and level up. I really like Harlots but both of the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 07:28 PM
5

Better meme... Panel 1: Man does a terrible job with a chore so his gf won't ask him to do it again Panel 2: She deliberately pretends to be obtuse and "changes his oil"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 05:56 PM
10

They... never actually justify the statement? This just seems like another attempt at collecting social media approval.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 05:49 PM
10

Yes, all of this. You described it very well. It's insidious. I admit to not hating the Jeff/Annie thing when it came up in a storyline because I would completely forget how old the character was supposed to be. Being younger than Alison Brie, Annie usually registered as an adult in my brain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 04:19 AM
1

Please do and DM me. I'd love to read it. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 01:17 AM
47

"But he told them it was okay and that he can afford those gifts no problem. [...] He said that I must've been trying to make him look bad in front of his family" Woof. This man and his ridiculous ego. He is creating these problems for himself. I bet he's the one who is bitter and resentful that his wife is an educated professional who makes more money than he does.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 12:37 AM
45

This is one of the many reasons I prefer talking in person to texting. It's much easier to vet when I'm focused on what he's contributing and not reading back a chat that seems to be going well because I'm putting in all the work. But I get what you mean about being eager to please. I was like that when I first started dating... so determined to be entertaining and charismatic and worth the effort... that never materialized on his side.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 12:31 AM
28

You mean Jeff and Annie, right? When Alison Brie started in the role, she was in her late 20's but that's a whole other issue of hiring grown women to play children and confusing the age gap issue and our collective expectations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 12:26 AM
8

This is a great point. You're going to be introduced to a whole new pool of people and all new potential relationships (romantic and friendship). Be excited!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 12:22 AM
10

No, I get it. :) I've just never been approached in my circle of acquaintances and I stopped expecting it because it brought out the pickmeisha in me. Since college, I don't meet a lot of eligible straight men my age. If there's a better solution than OLD, I'm open to it but I'm not about to restructure my whole life to chase after men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 10:00 PM
6

This cannot be real.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 09:34 PM
15

I have never been approached irl except by NVM. Like strangers cold approaching on the subway platform.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 09:32 PM
18

lol, nope. My experience has been all over the place. Doctors, lawyers, accountants, assistant principals, students, musicians, etc. I get a strong vibe off the stingy LVM that's completely unrelated to their jobs or how much money they make.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 09:10 PM
27

Haha. So fucking dehumanizing. "Can you... be a completely different person?" The audacity. No shame in admitting all their terrible opinions and "preferences."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 09:03 PM
7

Ouch. This is so true it hurts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 07:03 PM
27

This. If you've somehow found yourself in a relationship with a boring woman with no interests who never tells you what she likes (highly doubtful), you also live in a world with movies and fucking google. They could find ways to put in effort and be thoughtful but they either don't want to or they're so clueless about how to show care and empathy for another person that they probably shouldn't be in a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 06:56 PM
29

Also, in my experience, guys who say stuff like this never bother ASKING women what they want. Did she want me to get her a gift? Should I have kissed her? Why was she mad at me? Make sounds come out of your mouth hole. If you can't be bothered to listen, then ASK her what she wants. All these men talking about their confusing gfs/wives and how they can't possibly anticipate their needs or guess what they want. I can't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 06:50 PM
3

Love that he needs to make a video game analogy Great that he mansplains the term in case you can't reason it out So glad to be "guaranteed reproduction and companionship" as though those are things we should be aspiring to (Having to grow a human in your body for 9 months and have a man next to you. He doesn't have to be kind or treat you with respect or love. But he'll be there... companionship.) Note the "being young" part Well, I certainly feel so blessed right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 06:30 PM
2

Have you guys heard of Slave Play? It was on Broadway. The playwright is fresh out of college and fancies himself a provocateur. He's incredibly annoying on twitter and his plays are "edgy" but they only seem to reveal his own trauma and skewed thinking. It's probably going to get a Tony because there's nothing else to nominate and the white people voting will feel woke for supporting it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 05:48 PM
6

That's so sweet. Thank you for sharing your pandemic-era dates. All these responses are making me realize how much I've been brainwashed into thinking this level of effort is unreasonable or only found in rom-coms. If he wanted to, he would. Sigh...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 05:31 PM
4

Oh! What a thoughtful way to keep the date going after dinner. Thank you for sharing :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 05:26 PM
25

That sounds wonderful. It's good to actually gain some perspective on what it means for a man to show effort. I cannot imagine anyone I've dated taking such an open-ended comment and turning it into such an enjoyable outing... nevermind all the planning. I've settled for so many "go with the flow" dates, thinking it was fine since on the next date I'd get to choose something I wanted to do. Booking in advance? Unheard of. Thank you for replying. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 06:37 AM
11

The first date you mentioned sounds like the kind of thing I would suggest. Maybe not so much in one day... I already get stuck on 4-5 hour dates as it is. But the rest show a level of wooing I'm not used to at all. A dinner out once in a while is fine but I prefer activities and being places that are stimulating. idk, maybe it's my weird body image issues but I've never been into a man just feeding me. I want to go somewhere! (Besides for a walk in the park...) Thank you for sharing this. It's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 06:31 AM
8

🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 04:45 AM
35

YUP. One woman did me wrong (in his mind). So now I get to put less effort into all future relationships. Don't date if your baggage is preventing you from seeing your current girlfriend as a different person from your ex. Or casting blame on all women for your perception of the way you've been treated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 04:44 AM
24

'lol, maybe THE EX bought the necklace with a gift card. Did you think of that? Did you?' I can't with some of these commenters. People twisting themselves into knots to reason themselves into shaming women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 04:41 AM
31

That sounds like an amazing day. Thank you for sharing that. It warmed my heart to hear about a HVM who actually listens in a meaningful way and cares enough to put the information into practice. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 04:32 AM
37

forget women who didn’t have a man to support them. "Who cares about those old, horse-faced cows?" -men, probably
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 04:17 AM
67

I'm curious since I've never gone out with what I would consider a HVM (possibly one but we were so incompatible it was hard to tell)... what are some of the best dates you've gone on where the man "curated the experience"? I've gone on enjoyable dates where I picked the activity/setting but rarely the reverse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 03:41 AM
26

Is there such a thing as clown logic? It took me a while to even parse this. So this is not about any kind of physical affection in a non-romantic situation (which I'm still not really about but you do you). She's arguing that you should be able to engage in "romantic touch" and "loving touch" while simultaneously screaming "I don't want a relationship" but the person you're having sex with is not allowed to find that confusing because it's "an innate human need." Have I got this foolishness rig…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 03:36 AM
27

Yeah. It feels very staged. But also, no one should find this relatable because no one should be putting up with this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 03:26 AM
6

Totally. My point was not to judge anyone who likes more expensive stones but to say that getting something from Pandora or Zales or even Tiffany feels meaningless to me. He should get something special that you will like. You can put in little/no effort at any price point. It's like Aidan's engagement ring on SATC. I don't like CZ either. But I have a lot of cute sterling silver or plated jewelry around $25-$50.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 03:09 AM
41

Sadly, my experience with flirty/sexual LVM is that if you give them an inch, they'll try to take a mile. I enjoy flirting and verbal teasing but I can't find a guy who enjoys banter without thinking it's an invitation to be sexually explicit and gross or even an invitation to sex. As with everything else, there's no seduction or playfulness or effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 02:15 AM
24

This is a great point. I can't relate to organization gurus that want you to live in a minimalist paradise or have a million clear containers that cost more than the stuff you actually put in them. But actual filth and chaos stresses me out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 11:21 PM
11

I'm a theater person so for me it was usually going out to a musical or a play. Sometimes I'd go with a friend or happen to meet someone there but most of the time, I'd go by myself. Sometimes I'd be casual and other times I'd do my makeup and dress up. I don't know why this is a revolutionary concept. If you want someone to talk to have a "one night stand for friendship" and find someone to chat with. I haven't really done solo dining since college just because I prefer to make food at home or …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 11:16 PM
114

Over 40... took her on a walk in the park for a first date Acts like "the sex talk" is a normal conversation to have after one date when sex isn't even on the table Does he think he deserves a cookie for trying to be sly instead of sending a dick pic? It had the same energy. Of course she ghosted him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 10:12 PM
7

This idiot is really determined to make himself the wronged party here. I would also highlight the "none of that matters though" part. The only thing that ever matters to him is evidence that he can use to argue that he was treated poorly. He's definitely leaving things out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 10:05 PM
18

Exactly. At 12, it's questionable whether she even acknowledged any feelings of same sex attraction and highly doubtful that she was able to explore them with him pouncing on her so young.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 07:19 PM
12

I understand what people mean in theory. Challenges will come up at some point and you'll have to face them together and work through things and compromise. But I've always bailed early because things should not be so difficult when you first start dating someone. I'm not here for struggle love or someone who creates problems for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 06:17 PM
11

I'd take the $15 necklace as long as it wasn't made of cheap metals and fit my personal style. Pandora stuff is HIDEOUS. For me, it's a question of thoughtfulness, not just in getting a gift but the kind of gift chosen. Does he know your objections to blood diamonds and the monopolies/price inflation of the diamond industry? Does he know your favorite colors and have a sense of whether you'd prefer something vintage or modern and minimalistic? My collection is a mix of cute costume jewelry and m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 05:59 PM
61

I was casually talking to a guy (OLD) and he said something like... 'I wish we'd started talking earlier so I could have brought someone home for Thanksgiving.' Sir, we started talking half an hour ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 05:41 PM
14

For me, it's about not giving more of yourself than you can afford to give. If I'm on top of my shit and I can take a little time out of my day to do something thoughtful or improve someone's day, that makes me happy. It's when you go out of your way to do the most when the resentment comes. You think you deserve accolades in proportion to how much time, energy, money, hope, care, etc. you've invested. And 9 times out of 10 you're going to be disappointed because you will not get effusive praise…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 07:37 AM
23

This. She thinks her caretaking makes her virtuous but she feels resentful when she doesn't get the response she thinks she deserves. Genuine altruism doesn't expect a reward or reciprocation. (Note: I'm not saying you should be a saint and not expect appreciation for the caring things you do. But, in a way, it's like "nice guy" behavior to behave a certain way hoping your "love" will be reciprocated.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 02:52 AM
18

I think it depends what kind of a chain restaurant it is. A restaurant isn't automatically terrible because it has expanded to multiple locations or has franchised. But if you're in the fast food/fast casual tier and you're not teenagers, he's not trying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 10:17 PM
24

I was thinking PR or personal trainer but I didn't want to be mean. ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 05:26 AM
18

I can't stop laughing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 04:23 AM
121

She has to go to work, be free for partying/date nights, go to the gym, maintain the upkeep on her hair/skin/nails/etc., and oh, yeah, reply to texts within 24 hours. When does she sleep!?! My assumption is that "career-oriented" is the one he cares the least about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 02:04 AM
8

I don't love "traditional" or "liberal" for the way they evoke political parties in the US. I've been saying "second wave intersectional feminist" recently but that's very academic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 01:09 AM
96

He's giving her little tests but not giving her the right feedback. WhY isN't He ComMuNIcaTing? If he was really as logical and scientific as he fancies himself, he should have let her go 50/50 on date 3. Then she'd know that was what he wanted. Instead, he passive-aggressively waited even longer to pay the check on date 4 so he could chew her out when on their last date, he confirmed to her that he wanted to pay the check. Of course she's confused.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 01:03 AM
34

What kind of nonsense...? If you "mutually agree to meet, [you] should split the check"? As opposed to what, if he kidnaps her and forces her to share a meal with him? If someone tried to Venmo me after a date, I would block them immediately. And I'm not that old. Why is this woman giving people advice???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 12:54 AM
12

"I said, 'Well this is intriguing...'" No. Cancelled. Delete. Good bye.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 12:47 AM
39

I think people who do this choose their targets. They know you don't date around a lot or that you had bad relationships in the past. Maybe they sense insecurity. So they know that you're particularly susceptible to positive attention and ego boosting. But, in my experience, the smart ones can also read your signals. They know when to pull back and every time you stay and continue to respond, they pull you in deeper. Not walking away gives him permission (in his mind) to keep doing it. I enjoy i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 12:27 AM
64

lol... and he continued to sexually harass his co-stars and women on set
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 08:42 PM
21

He uses some nice, faux-empathetic language but don't be fooled. In his first message and, even now, if he's trying to pull you in, he's looking for compromise. But you will be the only one doing the compromising and settling for less. Stay strong. You know what you deserve and so does he. "More than what [he] can give." So love yourself enough to go out and get the life you deserve. I have faith in you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 07:32 PM
48

Not one time does he say anything like 'I'm sick at the thought that I might have hurt her' or 'I feel terrible that she might be thinking the last few months have been a lie when I love her so deeply.' It's all about him. And even then, there's no taking responsibility. No 'I was stupid and selfish and wrong. I didn't value what I had and now I'm in danger of losing it.' Sigh...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 07:22 PM
21

This story is full of holes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 07:16 PM
53

Actually, I think he's right. He can't give you what you need because he needs to work through his outlets for his anger and his feelings of powerlessness and his toxic masculinity. He spends his free time punching and killing living creatures. Choose yourself. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 07:06 PM
24

I understand having a casual (as in, not a special date night) conversation about getting married and seriously talking through your beliefs and plans for the future like adults. But, even if you're expecting it because you've already talked about it, I still think someone should put in the effort to make a proposal feel meaningful and romantic. If you have the option to make someone feel cherished or devalued, why would you choose devalued unless you have something to gain from lowering their e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 06:44 PM
6

I don't want to reveal too much personal information but the pandemic and recent changes have made me more disconnected from the people in my life. I agree that it's a bad habit and ultimately interacting with LVM (on dating apps or elsewhere) is more draining than fulfilling. But humans are social and I crave connection so much that I'll do it until the negatives weigh me down so much that I need to cut it off. It's tough. I don't want to burden my friends during this endless quarantine/pandemi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 06:28 PM
59

My type: Taller than me but probably not over 5'10 because I don't like wearing heels all the time. I prefer guys with darker hair. Average to slightly muscular build. Kind eyes. Highly intelligent. I find myself most attracted to guys who are extremely competent at their area of expertise. Easy to talk to. Pleasant to be around. Treats me respectfully but also makes me feel attractive and desirable. I am a monster. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 06:13 PM
11

Pre-pandemic I'd say I was fine 90% of the time. I was busy with work. I went to lots of things on my own. I didn't feel the need to date for a while and I was perfectly fulfilled with my life. Occasionally the loneliness would creep in but that was rare. That's really it for me. I know that interactions with LVM will never be satisfying. But the loneliness and boredom makes me crave something and there's a little optimistic spark that hopes it'll be worth the energy. The bad outweighs the good …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 05:44 PM
4

lol, initiates a conversation and then starts talking to himself...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 04:07 PM
18

He. Does. Not. Care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 04:03 PM
4

Oh, I 100% don't think that's the end of the vetting process. It's just so rare on OLD sites to see someone demonstrate that they've read a book in the last 10 years. My standards are still high. My expectations are just very low. I'm sorry you had to deal with that condescending jerk. I shudder to think what kind of ideas he picked up from sexist scifi.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 05:13 AM
14

I'll admit I perk up if there are even books on his profile that aren't required reading in high school. My expectations are so low at this point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:22 PM
8

Nah, sis. He's a bad guy. https://www.reddit.com/r/enoughpetersonspam/comments/7y6d9s/jordan_peterson_admits_having_3_cases_of_sexual/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:17 PM
7

I couldn't deal with Beth repeatedly getting blackmailed by the dumbest, most annoying characters. Are you prepared to be a ruthless criminal or not? And then all that nonsense with Rio? It's like she was determined to keep collecting LVM after one already blew up her life. I hung in there for Ruby/Retta but I eventually had to preserve my sanity and stop watching. It made me furious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:09 PM
142

"too many noise complaints" =/= "one mistake" "I tried to talk to him numerous times [...] and he really doesn't show any inclination towards changing his behavior" =/= a "one time thing" She understands the situation just fine, I think. It's shitty that they are trying to trick her into thinking that she doesn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 06:18 PM
12

I'm glad that, for once, the overwhelming majority of comments are telling him off. Though, of course, there are still some idiots softballing it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 05:39 PM
12

Woof. I hope she stays away. Also, even as he tries to diminish that his friends are monsters, he knew something was wrong in the way they were acting. He's known it the whole time and he knows it now. Take out all those mitigating clauses and it's blatantly obvious. He just didn't expect her to finally reach her breaking point and actually leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 05:11 PM
27

To me, one movie is not a red flag. But I've seen OLD profiles that list all this stuff together. Now, THAT is a red flag. Fight Club, American Psycho, There Will Be Blood, Scarface, Pulp Fiction Quentin Tarantino, Christopher Nolan Chuck Palhniuk, Bukowski, Infinite Jest Also... hot take, any guy who thinks The Notebook makes him seem sensitive and romantic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 05:02 PM
5

OK, but Good Girls is terrible. I had to quit at the beginning of season 3. Why is the protagonist so dumb?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 04:47 PM
126

I think this is complicated. On the one hand, I think there needs to be better mentoring for young girls (and even young women). Sure, sometimes these questions are asked by shitty interviewers but a lot of times these are girls at panels/talkbacks or tweeting or leaving Instagram comments. And what they want (and are lacking) is genuine guidance. On the other hand, it's definitely not the responsibility of usually plus-size and usually non-white celebrities to have to field a wave of these comm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 07:51 AM
16

3 guesses who did the conditioning. Sure, there's society and pickmes that might be feeding her that message but, if he could do this to her, it would be nothing to tell her daily "no one else is going to want you now." My first thought when she said that she doesn't know why she's still there after 30 years is that she absolutely knows and he might be threatening violence or actually physically abusive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 07:42 AM
26

My dream dog used to be a black Lab. My current dog is not a fighter but he makes up for it with cuddles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 03:50 AM
13

I love Death Becomes Her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 12:40 AM
18

I don't think I've had good guy friends who weren't gay. I've had a lot of male acquaintances who I've had pleasant interactions with. But there was no depth to our relationships. We didn't talk about anything compelling or meet each other's emotional needs. And I just hung around other male "friends" in my young pickme days hoping one of them would ask me out. I wouldn't consider any of that real friendship. It did give me a lot of practice in coaxing boring guys into having a conversation whic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 08:51 PM
254

Women are taught to turn the hate inward. Men turn their hate outwards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 08:43 PM
8

This is similar to where I am. I could already spy low-effort, narcissistic, and sexually inappropriate LVM but I didn't recognize the clingy, complimentary, love-bombing men as problematic unless they were fully crazy. Now I do and I can see how they tell on themselves. If your eyes are open, you notice that they barely put any effort into disguising what they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 09:04 AM
7

This. I appreciate a lot about body positivity, fat acceptance, and those sorts of radical feminist ideologies. But it's also subject to the dumb pop feminism of... let me take selfies and photos in revealing outfits... empowerment! Also, I find something condescending about "all women are beautiful." First of all, beauty should not be someone's primary source of value to society. You do not owe anyone attractiveness to be a worthwhile human being. It's like assuring little kids that they're all…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 08:39 AM
41

It feels like the opposite. She needed to "prove" her love and devotion for 14 years (!?!) before earning a proper wedding ring. How much does this new ring cost? Was he saving a quarter a day or was it more like $1-$2?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 08:18 AM
19

There's IBS and other medical conditions. Lots of people have... issues. But they know that and plan accordingly. Anyway, doesn't sound like that was the case here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 06:16 AM
33

Unless you're stuck on the highway for ages and you can't get to a rest stop I feel like it's just being an adult to be able to manage your bowels. How long do you have to feel sick before you realize you're in danger of having to shit in an alley on the first date? I can't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 06:14 AM
15

I make friends very easily but I just have fewer people around me after college and most of my college friends went on to grad school. I made one close friend after college but it's been a lot of "one night stands for friendship" where you just talk to someone at an event and never see them again. I was hoping to find meetup groups or book clubs to join and then... pandemic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 03:25 AM
59

How low were the standards at his high school? The grammar in this post makes my head hurt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 01:51 AM
8

Good Lord. XD smh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 01:37 AM
21

not knowing what the names of some common fruits / vegetables are Lol, what? Please elaborate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 01:01 AM
72

Find other lady friends you can trust before cutting out the last of your female friends that you may have outgrown. I appreciate this part. Everyone does not have a network of HVW. But if you are seeking out a romantic relationship, you should be putting equal effort into building/maintaining that network of support.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 12:58 AM
129

I'm suspicious of women who won't call themselves feminists and men who eagerly call themselves feminists. Let me see you do the work and earn the title before you claim it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 12:31 AM
75

...when he is capable of having a conversation (well-written profile or solid first messages) and starts giving you low-effort or one sentence responses. ...when doesn't ask you any questions about yourself and only seems interested when the conversation is flirty or sexual ...when he is clingy or gives off signs of being attached or future faking even though you've never met in person yet Also, compliments are nice but pay attention to when they're happening. Is he trying to keep you hooked or …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 12:25 AM
6

Assuming you're 25 (mid 20's), I'd say 5 years max. More than that is asking for trouble.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 12:08 AM
12

This feels more thoughtless/dumb than malicious (especially the astrology ridiculousness) but Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, Refinery 29, etc. live in this middle ground where I can't always tell if they're intended for young girls or grown women. If you're putting out articles like this, it matters who it's targeted towards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 12:07 AM
88

Yeah, almost all of my interests are stereotypically feminine. I like musical theater and opera. I like flowers and museums. I almost exclusively read female authors and a good chunk of it is feminist literature. I enjoy cooking and crafting. My taste in movies, TV, etc. is either catered to women or at least not openly misogynistic. I've resorted to hoping to run into a guy who happens to like some of the same things because I have no interest in changing myself and I'm tired of men who act lik…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 12:15 AM
7

Yes, it bothers me even as a joke and I think this kind of misogyny is rampant in the gay community and I think women trying to "reclaim" it ultimately fails. Definitely a red flag if a straight man ever says it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 11:56 PM
3

Me: Always looking for the red flags of a LVM Can't relate 🤷
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 11:52 PM
10

I wish I had the experience of working on a long-term relationship but when I think of all the guys in the running... yeah, I'm good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 11:47 PM
15

Men forever undervaluing the labor of women
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 10:51 AM
3

I don't know if this is better or worse but when I read the title, I assumed he was setting a $10 budget for each date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 10:48 AM
5

I have modest goals right now. I just want to finally plant a small herb garden in the spring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 10:34 AM
9

It's not always smug and terrible but I've definitely noticed this. Tbf, I do this as well (only sometimes!) but it feels like a very male mindset. They think they're helping to solve your problems but they don't provide any useful input or do any work to actually help solve your problems. It's "why don't you do this" instead of "hey, I did this for you to help make things easier." For me, it's the uninvited opinion. I didn't ask a question. I didn't ask for your take. Don't you think if the sol…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 10:23 AM
23

I think a lot of people see a problem with it which is why she felt like she had to respond. This foolishness is old news to me. Hopefully she'll see the light soon enough but maybe they'll get married. Hollywood couples are weird and should not be emulated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 08:30 PM
2

The loneliness and lack of society got to me a couple months into the pandemic so I tried OLD again after not bothering for a long time. It was fun for a bit but I quickly realized it was mainly LVM and fuckbois coming out of the wood work because they're bored. The finish line is still not in sight (in my opinion) so I understand wanting to make some sort of connection since we don't know how long this might be our normal. In a perfect world, you could do virtual dates and slowly get to know a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 07:06 AM
6

To some extent it's skillful makeup application and learning a specific style of makeup. But yeah, it probably looks worse in real life. Especially all the harsh contouring. Great on camera and with that dim pink lighting and the filters though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 06:12 AM
47

I don't know where you live. But you can walk... through a botanical garden. An attractive venue that you have to pay for that's still 100% outside but safer to be in with a stranger rather than a secluded park. Or maybe you can see a drive-in movie if there's one playing nearby. You can send food delivery to each other's homes and have a virtual date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 02:46 AM
49

There are some things in the manual that I don't agree with and certain comments on posts that I find objectionable. Ultimately you have to decide for yourself if any philosophy, ideology, self-help book, etc. has enough good to outweigh the bad and if you can take something of value away from it. I'm used to navigating a world where most media doesn't cater explicitly to my point of view.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 12:08 AM
16

I find the advice subreddits so draining. You'd hope people would only get good advice but nope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 08:28 AM
28

Sadly, we can't even say for sure that he wants the child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 08:26 AM
14

I mean, I'm fully a lunatic but I have the layout of my regular grocery stores memorized. I only need help if I'm looking for something special and I can't figure out what section it would be in or they've moved things around since my last visit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 07:07 AM
26

Most straight men have flat, mediocre butts. #facts
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 06:45 AM
24

Honestly, worth it to get that "discount Russell Brand" dig in. I cackled.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 06:43 AM
52

I find it creepy for the same reason. Also, no man is worth the ingrown hairs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 06:31 AM
3

I feel like even most women with internalized misogyny "judge" instead of "rank."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 06:24 AM
15

I was going to say... it feels like an extension of the yellow pages but now the information is shockingly easy to find with one google.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 10:24 PM
117

Really just underlining that he sees women as things, possessions, objects to be admired, etc. and not... other human beings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 10:18 PM
69

My most charitable interpretation is that maybe he wants the family to witness it. But yeah, if you waited 4 years, just wait until you're back from your work trip. Why would you want a memory forever tied to social distancing because of a pandemic?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 09:48 PM
3

👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 08:26 PM
3

I love that you kept it as an old man instead of changing it to an old woman. But this also makes me think that a better story to debate would be The Wife of Bath's tale from The Canterbury Tales.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 08:23 PM
3

I guess "Pyramus and Thisbe" and "Hero and Leander" don't have women dealing with enough sexist/misogynistic men for the liking of this professor. Unless they need to debate sexual politics and rape culture, I'm having trouble understanding why this is relevant to a philosophy class.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 08:17 PM
51

It was not a great prequel. They kind of tried to make her like SJP's Carrie but they also made her a generic girl power ingenue who was boy crazy. There were also things in the show that directly contradicted things in SATC. Like, basic character bio stuff. I enjoyed it for the fluff that it was but as a prequel, it was very sloppy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 01:23 PM
53

I watched it but I don't remember a lot of it. I think this was her boss at Interview magazine. And she probably threw it away for a boy named Sebastian.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 01:13 PM
14

As far as I know, that's not a Shakespeare play. It's a phrase in Romeo and Juliet. I assume the book is some kind of compilation of stories that influenced/were influenced by Shakespeare. And possibly it's a very poor translation because it reads like the Epic of Gilgamesh or something. There's no feeling to it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 01:11 PM
100

A true statement even with no context.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 12:58 PM
42

What kind of fucked up fairytale is this? Definitely sounds like it was written by a man. I hate this terrible LV young man. He clearly didn't love her that much (if at all). He was just hooking up with her when the convenient bridge was there. He made no effort to see her when the bridge was gone (the story does not even bother to give an explanation for his lack of effort) and then slut-shamed her for her sacrifice. It's his fault she crossed the river in the first place and then additionally …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 12:57 PM
109

Is this from The Carrie Diaries?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 12:49 PM
7

Think about what's important to you and how you would want to protect yourself should the worst happen. House, children, assets, earnings, joint accounts, etc. And yeah, talk to a professional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 08:06 AM
9

It's just 5 minute crafts silliness. nickydoobs on Instagram regularly roasts them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 07:45 AM
8

During the pandemic??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 12:20 AM
7

I think the part about leases was that they planned to get their own place together but instead she moved in with him first until his lease was up. Also, assuming they met when they were still 25, I get not rushing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 10:00 PM
15

Try shopping at places that cater to drag queens. That's not meant to be a dig. The clothes and shoes will naturally be in larger sizes but still fashionable. Though from what I've seen, designer high heels do come in larger sizes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 10:17 PM
16

Who is this person?? I'm not clicking the video to give them the view.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 10:07 PM
175

Now I feel bad for these puppies
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 09:33 PM
15

Even if this is pandemic-related, it's shocking that she can't think of ANYTHING else to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 09:25 PM
9

Pretty sure she doesn't have a PhD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 09:16 PM
26

I love Jeopardy. I didn't know anything about Alex Trebek's life personal life because... why would I? Turns out his second wife is 24 years younger than he was and they married when she was 26. It kind of ruins the sweetness of him saying he wishes they'd met sooner so they could have had more time together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 10:26 PM
3

Buy what works for you regardless of the price point but if you're going to spend more, I would invest in the skincare and base makeup (foundation, primer, concealer, etc.) You can get away with cheaper makeup when it comes to the colorful products (e.g. lipstick, blush, eyeshadow, etc.) Colourpop makes some good palettes and my favorite mascaras have always been from L'Oreal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 08:39 PM
7

You're in your mid-20's and you never watched Fear Factor?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 08:19 AM
37

Figured out where it was going by the second sentence. Thankfully, I've never met anyone who actually admits to listening to his podcast. Peterson and Shapiro are too out there. That's like admitting you listen to Rush Limbaugh or Alex Jones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 08:18 AM
45

I got fricking corona virus from my last date even tho I told him that I would prefer not to meet right now he pushed me and I gave in. Now I have to stay quarantied and I feel TERRIBLE. This was years ago and 100% not as serious (I'm so sorry you had to deal with that asshole) but I went out on a first and second date with a guy with a good chunk of time in between. Why? Because I needed a recovery period. Because he got me sick after each date even though he assured me that it was just allergi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 07:45 AM
4

I kind of get it from the "hit it and quit it" guys. They just have to hold out until you have sex with them. But it confuses me from the guys looking for a relationship. Either you think I'm too stupid to realize you don't have a personality and I'm fine with just having a yes man. Or you think I'll be so into you that I won't mind when your terrible real personality reappears. Either way, I don't hang around long enough for that. I get too bored.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 06:37 AM
6

I mean fake lashes have been around for ages (I know at least since the Marilyn Monroe era). But they've been becoming more mainstream and good looking ones have become more accessible. I think they're cute sometimes because they really do elevate your makeup but I wear glasses so they're particularly a PITA for me. Though it's a weird thing to request, since I've heard most guys complain that they look too obviously fake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 06:30 AM
74

Laura Mercier setting powder: $39 Urban Decay Naked Palette: $54 Urban Decay Concealer: $29 Lancome Foundation: $47 Clinique Blush: $26 Fenty Eyeliner: $22 I haven't even gotten to a full face of makeup yet. How much does this shirt cost?? Now, I buy stuff on sale and I don't always use high-end or even mid-range products. But the point stands unless this full face of makeup comes from the drugstore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 11:12 PM
13

"I still never felt included by feminism." THE AUDACITY
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 10:47 PM
56

Just to make it explicit, I don't care if he apologized, there's no way this should be considered normal behavior while having sex. There's something wrong with him that he would do this at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 10:38 PM
38

I get turned off if I feel like a guy doesn't have opinions of his own and is always just agreeing with me or "agreeing to disagree." Like, if we're incompatible, let's figure that out and stop wasting each other's time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 09:00 PM
3

I am very well-versed in feminist ideology. But it has helped to vent about bad dating experiences and recognize LVM patterns that I would have just brushed off before as individual experiences. I think it's also helped to shift my mindset from "I am not enough/I only attract LVM" to "I am allowing LVM to mess with me and putting out energy that is repelling HVM." Also, it just really helps to reinforce how much male validation is worthless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 08:40 PM
9

That's a pretty good price as far as mid-range wedding dresses go and they have room in the budget. But he seems to resent her making a purchase for herself and keeps diverting focus to a honeymoon (i.e. something that will explicitly benefit both of them). It's not like he even wants to save the money for the future. Then when her mom will pay for it, the argument shifts. The point is he needs to be in control and he wants her to compromise. Why would you marry someone who wants to start off th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 08:10 PM
33

Oof. Notable that he doesn't reveal everything upfront. The ring was the last piece of her first husband that he "allowed" in their house and her reluctance to celebrate Valentine's Day with him was a part of that. He was jealous for longer than this one fight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 08:02 PM
29

Well, this was horrifying. 1: We had a fight. I started drinking. I claim to have blacked out and methodically destroyed the place/things that are most special to my girlfriend of 7 years. 2: Jealous of a plant and/or destroyed something you love for fun 3: Controlling. I didn't agree with her choices so I made a different one while she was sleeping and had no power to consent or stop me. Also, he thinks she's fat and her interests are stupid. 4: Not getting enough attention and jealous of a fic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 07:50 PM
19

Woof. The mental gymnastics it takes to make all of this her fault. Since people are already commenting on the idiocy of the card and the lack of birth control, I'm going to highlight "I can't even ask a simple question." You know he's asking her to do things for him or else he's being rude and offensive. But nothing is his fault in his mind so she's just giving him snark for no reason. Jesus Christ.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 07:18 PM
18

As Long As He Needs Me from the musical Oliver https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkXQqYa0wrw&ab_channel=JesseBraganza But honestly, I'd have to think about it. There are a lot of pathetic songs from earlier decades, especially the 50's-60's. But a lot of songs from the 90's and after add women trying to leverage their sexuality in addition to the neediness so... I also think it's worse if you write a generalized song vs. a song about one guy or one situation in your life. Like, fine express the pi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 07:10 PM
8

It made me feel like I was losing my mind in a good way... including the autotune. Even if it's not real, the fact that it seems plausible says a lot about the current state of the dating world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 06:56 PM
77

I want to believe most people would swipe left after "look it up."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 06:51 PM
-1

I have an android. And I only write grocery lists and like... actual notes to myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 06:50 AM
22

'I want you to understand that even though I say I'm open to anything, I'm also looking for something long-term once I find my perfect dream girl.' Even if he isn't just trying to manipulate her into sex before quickly moving on, he doesn't get that you can't be committed to looking for a relationship if you're simultaneously waiting for casual sex to fall into your lap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 06:45 AM
16

I don't follow "comedy" as much anymore because the bad was far outweighing the good and formerly decent comedians became assholes (see: Ricky Gervais). But here's a random list of things I've enjoyed recently: Katherine Ryan's Netflix specials, Marina Franklin: Single Black Female on Amazon Prime, the Who Weekly podcast, the CharactersWelcome youtube channel (especially videos from Sarah Smallwood Parsons and Eric Feurer), the movie the Breaker Upperers (Netflix). I also watched Moonstruck for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 06:32 AM
29

What if feminism, women empowering each other, and complaining about LVM are my kinks? Don't kink shame me. ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 06:13 AM
1

Now I need brain bleach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 08:59 PM
42

You want to make a movie about a strong married couple or two older people finding love later in life? Have at it. I don't think it's wrong to say, hey, you're not worthless and you can still be physically attractive after 50 (even if you haven't had plastic surgery). It's the pairing of older men and younger women that I find problematic, especially when we're supposed to take it for granted that he should be attractive to her. Clint Eastwood is my vote for the worst offender in this group.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 08:37 PM
9

Yeah, I use them to convey tone or because I don't want to write "lol" or "haha." I'm glad people enjoy them but it feels like a lot to interpret... dancing girl, panda, old man, taco, confetti, shrugging woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 08:05 PM
19

Thank you. Don't "kink shame" is yet another reason I find it annoying to talk to young people on the internet. Have boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 07:55 PM
26

Yeah, I don't think the maternal urge is as strong as people claim. I wouldn't have a child without a partner. I'm glad it works for some women who really want children but I don't think this is the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 04:50 AM
12

I keep him at a distance and do not show vulnerability. [...] If I want emotional support, I go to my friends and wonderful therapist. Not to be cold and calculating, but I just don’t see how “opening up” to him emotionally will benefit me—or our relationship— in any way. I don't know what your relationship is like. I only know the words you're using to describe it. Is there some middle ground between this and unloading your emotional baggage on each other? Again, maybe you're just practicing th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 04:44 AM
14

It reminds me of OPI Samoan Sand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 04:33 AM
20

I think it's fair to question if there are mental health reasons for someone keeping his world small/limited and seemingly lacking ambition. However, that's a possible explanation and not an excuse. And it doesn't mean you're obligated to stay with that person or take care of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 04:31 AM
14

Ooh! Thank you for the recommendation. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 12:55 AM
25

Counterpoint... you can get nice flowers at the grocery store. I prefer a random bouquet that feels like a bunch of wildflowers or just a few stems of one variety to the lush, American-style arrangements. But LVM are not even trying. Instead of getting some cute gerbera daisies they'll show up with a gas station rose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 12:54 AM
37

I know they claim to use good ingredients but I think Lush stuff is kind of trash. They're trying to be better on SLS and parabens but their stuff is still too heavily fragranced and they put all this glitter and nonsense in it. I don't think it does great things for your skin, especially if you're sensitive to irritants.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 12:39 AM
4

This. I think it is hard to make long-term HV friends in general. But I have majority... like 80% or higher positive interactions with women. Even when I was younger, I didn't really hang out with the kinds of girls who were likely to be catty or jealous or too obsessed with guys. Maybe a couple but we only chatted casually and we never argued with each other. I can count on one hand the number of really bad interactions I've had with women I'm not related to and I didn't keep those people in my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 10:27 PM
22

I mean, some of us become/stay strident feminists but I get it. It's hard to have that influence except with your younger female relatives. I wish the education system prioritized teaching valuable information like this but we don't actually care about girls until bad things happen to them. And even then... (Similarly, teach a version of home ec. so people don't grow up in to LV adults without basic life skills. You should be able to cook for yourself, do laundry, make a budget, pay taxes, etc.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 10:08 PM
22

How much do you want to bet that he also goes into the comments on completely innocuous posts and videos to complain about how there's an obesity epidemic or there's something so vulgar about "fat chicks" offending his eyes by existing. There's a difference between standards/preferences and hate. They think we're too stupid to see the hate and anger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 10:00 PM
28

If any of this was working for him, he would already have a girlfriend. He wouldn't be ranting on reddit about his standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 09:57 PM
51

I think it's important to have that period when you're young of figuring yourself out and learning to own your desirability/sexuality and navigating how you move through the world. Unfortunately, too many teenage girls swing wildly in one direction and place all their self-worth on whether boys pay attention to them and, even worse, learn to get validation from age-inappropriate grown men. More feminist sex education. We need to teach girls about more than their periods and occasionally some lea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 09:51 PM
74

Lol. Honestly, I'd rather get some Cerave or Neutrogena. I treat myself to Caudalie but the fragrance can be irritating to my skin sometimes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 09:42 PM
35

I don't think Valentine's Day is a real holiday so one year I scheduled a first date by mistake. He showed up with a box of chocolate (it was white and not themed but clearly from the drugstore). It was not a great date anyway but I'm not sure how I'd feel about it had the date gone better. Like, if it's a first date, you don't need to bring something out of obligation. And if you're in a relationship, if you're going to get a gift, do better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 09:40 PM
123

They're used to fake, surgically enhanced ones and cartoons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 09:30 PM
11

Aside from 5, 6, 7, and 10, this is bare minimum. Personally, I don't like a token of affection if it's a first date. And I think it's important to have your phone with you but to have enough self control to not check it constantly. You have a problem if you can't stop playing with your phone if it's within reach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 10:58 PM
11

With this logic, sitting around on the floor is as interesting as the people you're sitting around on the floor with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 10:50 PM
65

I don't think it's shameful. This happens to a lot of women. Including the part about knowing that the guy isn't that great. But she still feels attached to him because he did what he needed to in order to foster that attachment and even now he's staying in contact and not letting her get over him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 01:59 AM
121

This is not true in every case but I do think sometimes children have more common sense because they think simplistically about the facts/big picture while adults are more warped by society and spend more time justifying and rationalizing and twisting themselves in knots trying to explain things to fit what they want to believe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 01:46 AM
14

Doesn't everyone do this before a date? If it was an unfamiliar neighborhood, I wanted to know how to get there and it would be too much trouble. I wanted to make sure it was within my budget and that I'd actually enjoy eating there however the date went. And I wanted to get a sense of how to dress and what the environment would be like. Guys always tell you they want to have dinner so you can talk instead of maybe doing an activity you'd enjoy more and then you get there and you can't hear each…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 01:40 AM
5

If you're a "lucky" pickme, they will try to make you into both. Sounds exhausting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 10:03 PM
12

Everyone should read How to Suppress Women's Writing by Joanna Russ. It's specifically about writing but you can expand most of the points to be about any field. Denying women membership in the canon, denying women an understanding of their history/accomplishments, putting forth theories of exceptionalism when a woman does manage to succeed, etc. The writing is a little scattered but it makes some great points.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 09:54 PM
3

tbf, some people are looking for good advice. They just get flooded with so much bad advice. So many women are told they're wrong for having standards or boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 09:30 PM
9

Pickmeisha anthem https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njPhN1e7X_o&ab_channel=DwightHarris
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 09:12 PM
18

Ubiquity of phones, rise of selfie culture, rise of commercial porn, commodification of images. To some extent, I get it if there's some aspect of LDR (long-term or short-term). But if you see this dude all the time and you have the kind of relationship where he's seeing you naked, that should be enough. He shouldn't also need photos or, god forbid, video footage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 09:02 PM
32

I think this gets complicated because eschewing "girly" things easily gets into "not like other girls" territory. Women are socially conditioned to think we'll be rewarded for performing femininity and some of us learn to like aspects of it. I don't think you should force yourself to dress or act in a way that makes you unhappy because people will perceive you as more serious (read: masculine/androgynous) in the same way that women should not be forced to fit one restrictive mold of hyper-femini…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 01:37 PM
79

Lol at how even the pro-nudes guy says "people" and not "men." I'm sure the numbers would be worse if you adjusted to measure how much "integrity" men have when they're angry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 11:56 AM
5

The dream. For all that men are supposed to be "problem solvers," they never solve my problems like this. I just get unsolicited advice and someone trying to talk me out of my feelings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 11:21 AM
3

I think it matters if he has SM to begin with. I don't believe everyone has a secret finsta. Thankfully, I'm old enough that I know some people who aren't obsessed with SM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 11:14 AM
15

It's a middle ground. If you're offended or otherwise put him off, he can pretend he was flirting or it was just a joke. If you go for it, he'll keep pushing and it'll get more sexually explicit. It's a little test to see how receptive you are to his BS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 11:07 AM
76

You're (insert basic adjective here). It's the bare minimum of effort and usually disguising what he's not saying. Cute - "I like that you're naive/sexually inexperienced/young/trusting/manipulatable." Smart - "You're smarter than me. I find this surprising and upsetting. It challenges my worldview. I might be a misogynist." Pretty - "I said the thing. (Didn't even bother to break out the thesaurus for beautiful or gorgeous.) Sex now, please." It's not like one weak compliment is a red flag. But…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 11:05 AM
240

I want to blame Plato and the other ancient Greeks who thought women were morons and not capable of intellectual love and true companionship, fidelity, etc. Maybe don't restrict an entire gender's access to educational opportunities and then brag about how brilliant you are in comparison. If you have to cheat to win...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 10:28 AM
3

I am the kind of person who talks to strangers so I would say no, it depends on the situation/environment. I think the level of intimacy is important. Like, you're running outside by yourself and he approaches is different from being in the gym which is different from a large group cycling class which is different from a small yoga class that meets regularly where everyone knows each other's names. He sees you in a band shirt and strikes up a conversation on the subway is different from an outdo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 10:03 AM
13

The mean mugging doesn't make them look cool. It makes them look like murderers. Next!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 06:38 AM
13

5'3. In general, no, I don't feel infantilized. It only felt like a thing when I was both young and short. I don't think the actual age difference has been that relevant for me recently either. Now, part of it is that I'm dating much less but I do think it's also because men are gross and want girls 18-21 so even in my mid-20's the number of creepers declined sharply. Good riddance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 05:47 AM
79

Agreed and I do but I also think we need to stop giving women the terrible advice that if you go out and live your best life and do what you want to do, a HVM, or even just an eligible single man will happen to be there as well. This is another reason OLD sucks. A man will see a photo of a woman in her cute date night outfit and then still invite her on a track suit date. I don't have time for it anymore. I don't have time for nonsense dates or dates where you meet up with a rough plan and then …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 12:41 AM
28

Oh my God, this though. So many of them lie on OLD sites but I've gotten very good at estimating someone's height from pictures. You can figure things out from body proportions and the things in the background. But I've still gone on dates where it's been a puzzle to figure out exactly how much taller he is or if he's even taller than me at all. I've gotten so much feedback from other women over the years. "Knock at least 2 inches off whatever he writes on his profile." "Bring a tape measure." A…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 07:52 PM
2

Thank you for the clarification!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 01:22 AM
7

I can't with the number of men (and some pickmeishas) giving terrible advice to encourage women to stay in bad situations or downplaying their issues. And the men encouraging other men to behave badly or telling them they did nothing wrong? Miss me with that. This kind of advice is worse than no advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 08:17 PM
7

What are the FDS policies on posting from other subreddits? I'm not trying to call people out but sometimes I feel like my FDS sisters need to band together to help a woman out or I just want to talk over the absolute audacity of a LVM. But I don't want to take a screenshot and post it here without someone's permission.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 06:32 PM
16

Are you on Tinder? I want to use something besides okc but the photo-forward sites seem to encourage low effort profiles and short descriptions. Also, co-signing this... Of the ones that talk, most of them disqualify themselves within 10 messages. If I'm lucky it's because they're boring and have nothing going for them, if I'm unlucky it's because they jump right to something sexual.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 08:13 AM
6

Maybe think of it this way... some people have eating disorders. That doesn't mean that the food itself is toxic. It is their relationship to food that is toxic. Masturbation is not a degenerate behavior anymore than watching TV or online shopping. But if you indulge in something as a crutch when you are depressed as a way of avoiding your issues or suppressing/ignoring your feelings, that's when the activity becomes a problem. You still need to buy things. You still need to eat. You can learn t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 05:58 AM
13

He bought the potato salad. He could have bought soup just as easily. That is how little he cared about her when she was sick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 05:36 AM
13

If he can't "cook" he should still be able to make salads or throw things into the oven. The bare minimum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 05:32 AM
17

For real. I get not making the tastiest meals on your first few attempts but how do you fail to make something edible?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 05:28 AM
3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnnvfHz7qzA&ab_channel=EllaEyreVEVO
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 04:54 AM
9

Even before FDS, this gave me the strength to push back against pickmeisha advice. I'm not attracted to him, he's not giving me anything, why would I put in all this effort to make it work?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 04:52 AM
35

You should write horror movies. I swear my vagina shrank into itself in fear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 01:37 AM
18

That sounds like... so much effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 12:08 AM
7

Say it louder for the people in the back!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 12:07 AM
17

It's like they're work colleagues. What is this weird corporate PR speak?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 11:58 PM
5

Walk on by. I know it can be difficult to ignore it because you feel like you're letting them get away with it. But it's not your job to correct that behavior and confronting them could put you in danger. I rarely have things shouted at me. It tends to be a whisper or a leer. So I've just learned to move to the side and avoid walking close enough for a guy to get the opportunity to lean in to say whatever is rattling through his brain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 08:31 AM
11

WHAT? I assumed this was a placeholder for the proposal so they could pick out a real ring together. Why do I keep giving these men the benefit of the doubt? Where is the bar? I can't even see it anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 08:23 AM
1

For me, there are milestones that change how I feel about an age gap. If you're relatively sheltered, out of college there's going to be an imbalance dating someone who has been out in the world establishing themselves professionally. If you want to date casually in your early 20's, you shouldn't be looking at someone around the age where they want a partner immediately. If you're in your late 20's, you shouldn't date someone in their late 30's or older who might feel more pressure to settle dow…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 08:10 AM
2

I appreciate that I am old enough that the majority of the men I would consider dating would not consider "gaming" a viable career path. r/relationshipadvice can be bleak, y'all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 07:58 AM
76

"You Don't Have to Be Pretty. You don't owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don't owe it to your mother, you don't owe it to your children, you don't owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked 'female.' "So with a little googling, I learned that the entire paragraph quoted above actually belongs to Erin McKean, an author, editor, and blogger. A…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 07:51 AM
8

This though. The women his own age are plenty mature.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 07:34 AM
19

Agree. It seems like every other influencer video.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 07:29 AM
9

I CANNOT date a Republican. Vetting the liberal and otherwise left of center guys takes more effort. He might be able to talk a good game but he still very much has the capacity for the sexism and misogyny and all the other shitty behaviors. The undermining, the gaslighting, the invalidating, the mansplaining, etc. From the small sample size of men I've dated, I'd say probably none of the Democrats were rapists but the bar is on the floor. You think he's not going to play mind games because he k…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 12:14 AM
50

So she made her into a bookend with a perfect body and simply continued the history of Western art where women are naked and ornamental? Brilliant. This artist is an idiot but so are the people who chose her work over all the feminist artists they could have potentially highlighted instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 11:50 PM
3

Thanks. I knew the basics (not the recent libel stuff but the early accusations). I just googled Warner Bros to figure out what the OP was referring to. For anyone else who was confused, Depp was removed from his role as "dark wizard Gellert Grindelwald" in the Fantastic Beasts franchise. https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/behind-warner-bros-decision-to-sever-ties-with-johnny-depp
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 10:08 PM
14

Take care of yourself. You don't have to disclose anything until you find a HVM that you can trust.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 09:00 PM
9

Can the OP please link to an article that explains the situation?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 08:56 PM
11

Hahahahahahahahahaha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 08:52 PM
153

"I never could have imagined he'd view me like this behind his back." Ahhhhh. This kind of stuff makes it so difficult to trust men. At least divorce is on the table as an option.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 06:02 AM
25

Not for me. These outdoor dining situations feature people sitting way too close without masks. Personally, I miss activity dates but if you're still chatting with people, it at least gives you some perspective on who will put in the effort to have a conversation and try to get to know you. No one has the time for LVM BS right now so the bad small talk or overtly sexual stuff gets a quick toss but at the same time, I know these guys aren't too busy to talk so it's easier to figure out who is not…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 05:56 AM
37

Just in the dating phase, I know it's not working when I suddenly start finding him unattractive and feeling no sexual interest. It's my body's way of telling me I'm done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 03:01 AM
228

HER face though. So unamused. I love it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 02:32 AM
33

I forget the exact Hannah Gadsby quote but it's something like... men draw women as flesh vases for their dick flowers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 11:22 PM
24

Yeah, I struggle with horror even if there's a level of social commentary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 10:03 PM
57

Don't be materialistic. Don't value things, value experiences. OK, let's go have a nice experience. I'm not spending money on that. 😒 At the most basic level, why would you want to be stuck with someone who limits how much joy you experience in life? It's not about restaurants. It's about him trying to shame her for something she enjoys and repeatedly devaluing her until she questions her own self-worth and expectations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 09:53 PM
15

This one is actually trying to trap her. He says something about being afraid she'll leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 09:41 PM
53

Some of these women are genuinely looking for help. They've been gaslit so much they need a lot of feedback that they aren't crazy and sometimes they need help finding resources they can afford to sort through the situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 09:39 PM
6

Yeah, I read this one and felt like I was losing my mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 09:37 PM
18

Yeah, I haven't met that many men who are master manipulators. From the jump, there's usually a sign something is off with a LVM. It's just a matter of how many red flags you need to collect before you call the game.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 06:33 PM
8

I think things are a bit more complicated than that. Men were not just picking the most beautiful, emotionally stable women. Marriages were often strategic alliances. So you might marry a woman who was less attractive if she had a large dowry or it helped affirm a relationship between two families. If you were a farmer or worked in a trade, you might choose a wife who was strong or a good cook. I think how women are raised plays a larger role than any quasi-evolutionary trait selection. There ar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 05:59 PM
6

Thank you! Added to the reading list.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 05:36 PM
3

They want you to look like you're wearing makeup without wearing makeup. They resent the "deception" that you don't naturally look perfect when you wash your face off. That's why "no makeup" looks exist. There is no end to men saying they prefer girls with little to no makeup and then being disappointed when you have normal eyelashes, dark circles, acne, sunspots, scars, etc. like a real human being.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 06:52 AM
7

I pay less attention to beauty stuff these days but I think "older" women might be the new group invited in since uh... they have a ton of money to spend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 06:44 AM
60

Women are raised to be nice and kind and obedient and polite. In the best case scenario, this creates people who are not just doormats but genuinely kind and empathetic. Women are taught that they have to be incredible just to achieve equality. Even the stories with female protagonists or about women succeeding tend to be about one woman succeeding in the face of huge odds and a patriarchal system designed to oppress her. No wonder women put in so much effort and sometimes have something to show…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 05:49 AM
5

I was playing around with a LVM for my own reasons but also getting caught up in his love-bombing and manipulative oversharing (this was years ago, don't worry). Even with all the other red flags the thing that really made me stop responding was him texting something to the effect of "you seem sad." (I was not.) Like, this man is trying to diagnose dictate my emotional state. If I'd messed with him any longer, he might have tricked me into thinking I was sad and that I needed him to be happy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 05:31 AM
2

There was a post asking for music recommendations not too long ago. I feel like putting forward one of my suggestions again. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jqwm5K-5vtg&ab_channel=FifthHarmony-Topic And the original... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIszesDaK9U&ab_channel=DestinysChildVEVO
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 05:11 AM
33

To take a small piece of this... I think women move through the world conscious of being watched more than we're able to just look around. In certain situations, you can feel invisible and just observe but that's dehumanizing in a different way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 05:03 AM
23

I don't remember every little detail while sussing out if someone is a HVM because... I have a life and hobbies. But if there's an inconsistency or some annoying BS? You bet that's getting filed and saved. Maybe it's some protective mechanism we have built into our brains so we can detect dishonesty and danger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 04:47 AM
3

I am curious how these men speak to their male friends. Because I'm fully willing to believe no one has bothered to tell them that they're boring af and have no personalities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 01:15 AM
2

To these men I ask, can YOU keep up a conversation?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 01:11 AM
1

"No follow-up or return questions at all as a response to my questions. Only reactive." Do they intentionally put in this low effort or do they genuinely think this is an acceptable way to have a conversation?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 01:06 AM
5

I mean, personally 8 years difference is my limit and I'm more comfortable with 5 or less. The advantage of a slight age gap is that you might meet a HVM at a time when he's ready to settle down whereas a guy your exact age is still working on himself. I think we agree that with a huge age gap and particularly with actual children, it can't be an equal relationship. The man sees her as a prize and is mainly focused on her physical appearance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 08:13 PM
5

Oh my God, this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 04:20 PM
52

So accurate. I've never liked the coffee date/lunch date. Agreeing to a date already opens you up to having your time wasted. Settling for a coffee date just seems to give the man the advantage of putting in almost no effort and paying maybe $5. If I'm going to go through all the date prep, I might as well do something I'll enjoy rather than trying to keep it so casual. If he's a dud, I can at least enjoy the experience instead of running back home after a few minutes with nothing to show for it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 04:17 PM
26

I think an age gap gets (7+ years) gets less significant the older you both are when you start dating. But I fundamentally don't understand how society has normalized men being attracted to children. Heck, under 25, some women are still way too young for these guys to be chasing after them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 04:09 PM
3

I think talking about hobbies/media is fine. The point I made was that a lot of guys at least claim that their interests are all the most popular things. If every guy has the same list of interests, how can you differentiate?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 01:29 PM
18

Oh, that's another thing entirely. Here is my daddy who will teach me how to be a real man. Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, Donald Trump, Ricky Gervais, etc. I don't think the same cult of personality happens with women where we adopt someone else's opinions and attitudes as our own. Even the teenage girls who follow beauty gurus and Tiktok stars might want to look or dress like them but they don't absorb all of their opinions. Women aren't trying to be exactly like Beyonce.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 01:26 PM
20

I don't know about all your specific examples. But when it comes to OLD, I find this frustrating. I like popular things (mostly music). But if I'm looking connect with someone specific, I'm not going to talk about how much I love The Office. (I personally haven't seen it, but you get my point.) Same thing goes for Harry Potter or Star Wars or anything that's a huge cultural phenomenon. It's not bad that you like those things but since they're the dominant culture, it doesn't really tell me anyth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 10:44 PM
42

Honestly, this woman sounds incredible. I'm impressed with how she was able to move forward and maintain a career that allows her to pay more than the required child support and continue to be mature about parenting decisions in the aftermath of this unplanned pregnancy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 01:48 PM
331

She told him it hurt and asked him to slow down. Instead, "he put his body weight on me and kind of held me down and finished." Girl, this is rape. Just because you're dating and you weren't fighting him off, it doesn't mean he didn't stomp all over your consent and forcefully penetrate you. Why is this even mildly confusing?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 01:41 PM
9

I don't know. I think it's easy to meet great people but it's difficult to keep them in your life. It's hard to keep in touch with the woman you met at a workout class or a party if you don't have a reason for being in each other's lives. But at the same time, those kinds of interactions don't encourage intimacy or developing a deep friendship. Pre-corona I was considering joining a book club.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 03:14 AM
71

I am liberal and I am a feminist. I was confused when I saw posts on FDS criticizing "liberal feminism" but now I get that you mean "choice feminism." And yeah, I have a problem with it, too. If we need labels, I feel like a second wave feminist who embraces a lot of intersectionality. Too often, sex positive/third-wave feminism feels a lot more like choice/pop/consumerist feminism that has been co-opted and served back to us until it has no meaning and is sometimes actively harmful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 10:19 PM
34

Some tips for how to suss out if a guy is conservative on okcupid. One sign is not enough to confirm a Republican in hiding but seeing more than one should make you wary. He puts down "politically moderate" or does not answer that question. He checks off that he doesn't care if his partner votes, doesn't like to talk about politics, and doesn't enjoy intellectual conversations. He will put in some weird answers like that he thinks creationism and evolution should both be taught in schools. He ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 02:06 PM
16

"Enlightened" feels so difficult because it feels like there are so few HVM out there. I think "Intermediary" is closest to where I am now. Unwilling to compromise or settle but unable to see myself attracting a HVM without radically changing myself. The most peace I feel is when I am completely focused on what I need to do to sort out my life. But for me this isn't about trusting the universe. It's completely giving up on dating entirely. Giving up hope on that dream of a true partner and just …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 10:43 PM
29

Well he goes on a rant about the importance of honesty and how if I show him kindness he’s going to return it tenfold, but if I’m a bitch he’s going to break all my bones (direct quote, mind you). What in the actual fuck?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 07:16 PM
31

I actually do check in when there's a time and place but a date has been set in advance (a week or more). The number of times I've done my check in and a guy has changed his mind about meeting... You save so much time assuming a guy is going to be unreliable. These LVM are just keeping their options open.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 06:53 PM
37

I think it makes men feel threatened to see who we ogle, because it doesn't fit the narrative they've told themselves. It doesn't fit their male power fantasy. A lot of the most popular men women ogle are "effeminate". And if you've derived your entire ego around masculinity and now see women falling over themselves for a guy who the antithesis of that.....that's cognitive dissonance right there. This. Exactly this. Personally, I am not that attracted to men with a prettier or more androgynous l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 06:48 PM
113

"Why is that important?" When you are having a normal conversation and suddenly he says something suspicious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 05:28 PM
124

I would replace "pretty" with "valuable" or "important" because this implies that if you are not pretty, a man gets to treat you horribly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 05:22 PM
73

I don't recall ever being anti-woman but I definitely felt more competitive with other women when I was a teenager and getting male attention seemed incredibly valuable. Thankfully, I think that's something a lot of women just grow out of, especially when they get older and see that being attractive to men or having a partner is no guarantee you'll be treated well. As a teenage girl, you just assume that a guy wanting to date you means he'll value you and treat you with respect. That's why it's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 12:07 AM
6

Communication is advice for people who can't articulate what they want and just suffer in silence or who need better forms of conflict resolution. But there are forms of disrespect beyond discussion. Sometimes communicating is a way of proving to yourself that this other person does not care to listen or change. It's your permission to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 09:21 PM
29

Same. I was so confused at first. I assumed that if he was going to make a ring, he was familiar with metalwork so even though it wasn't what she wanted, he tried to make her something more personal. But nope. I was being too charitable to him. The bar is on the floor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 12:50 PM
28

I feel like this proves we don't really need to be there to maintain our half of the conversation with some guys. They aren't listening to us anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 12:46 PM
22

I've always been wary of fully buying into the soft sciences. But especially after reading Angela Saini's book Inferior, I've been side-eyeing the amount of bias when a greater level of human interpretation of data is required. It just seems suspicious is all that these male scientists and researchers keep coming back with conclusions that reinforce male superiority and women's lack of agency and that male dominance and misogynistic/sexist behaviors are "natural." Why not investigate why, in mos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 03:54 AM
39

Even when she was younger and called the "most beautiful woman in the world", she felt ugly. I think she's given interviews/quotes about her terrible experiences with harassment and predatory behavior while modeling. So she was fresh from an industry that had beat down her self-esteem to the point that she had normalized the treatment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 03:27 AM
4

As I said in another comment, I think it's easier to find good songs than a singer with a completely unproblematic catalog. But I love this kind of music so I could do this all day. I tried to mix it up with different genres. Queen/Goddess songs: Queen Bee by Rachel Diamante, Worship by Lizzo, Just Fine by Mary J. Blige FDS/Valuing Yourself: Overloved by Raven-Symone, Dear No One by Tori Kelly, Rise by Selena Gomez, Not Your Barbie Girl by Ava Max, Queen by Jessie J, Confident by Demi Lovato, So…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 02:51 AM
10

I got "walk in the park" invitations years ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 02:28 AM
3

They say it because it's too upsetting to their worldview to entertain the idea that a woman would rather be alone than with a LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 12:37 AM
27

Actually, people hate on an easy HEA but I think it's a positive that once the external obstacles are out the way, Disney doesn't really depict much struggle love. The romantic relationships themselves are often easy and unproblematic. It's actually worse that struggle love is equated with "realism" when people in actually healthy relationships aren't fighting all the time and are capable of just supporting each other and being their best selves together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 11:24 PM
33

Is someone telling men to do this or are they all just coming to the same conclusion? Around where I live, most of the parks are not "drag you into the bushes" kind of parks but I'd still be wary about meeting at certain times of day. If you just want a relatively quiet but attractive setting that's not too expensive there are so many other options. Go to a museum or a botanical garden. If you're that cheap, go during pay-what-you-wish/free hours since a lot of places do offer that. Plan a littl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 11:10 PM
4

I think artists are capable of writing/performing some songs with amazingly feminist or at least personally empowering messages but it's rare for anyone to have a perfect track record. I can't think of an artist off the top of my head that doesn't have at least one bad pickmeisha song or a song putting down other women (usually more than one bad song if it's pop music) in their catalog. Maybe Sara Bareilles? Anyway, I'll come back to this post after brainstorming individual songs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 10:51 PM
13

It's been a while so tbf, I don't remember if this guy self-identified as a feminist. But he did name check bell hooks to me on our first date. I was not in a great place personally so I found myself charmed by his ability to have a thoughtful intellectual conversation even though he displayed alarming energy in our written communications before and after that date. At the time, I thought he just didn't have the best grasp on his mental health. But he was certainly able to try to make me jealous…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 10:28 PM
16

They are playing games. They are smart enough to be better but as soon as they can, they test the waters to see what they can get away with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 10:17 PM
8

I know FDS is not that positive about OLD but I still have okc because I truly don't have a better way of meeting eligible straight men. Tinder seems like a nightmare and I never really bought that Hinge and Bumble would be better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 10:14 PM
35

Exactly. I bemoan the obvious terrible guys. But even worse is the fear of investing in someone who isn't worth it and is playing a secret game you aren't aware of. A LVM who does an actually convincing approximation of a HVM until the next best thing comes along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 05:05 AM
12

4 roses in a sea of baby's breath. Did he give the rest of the flowers to a backup girl?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 02:55 AM
52

Be a girls' girl and not a guys' girl. I think it helps that I've always had stereotypically feminine interests and I've never tried to pretend otherwise to make a guy like me. Firm boundaries about physical intimacy. Little patience for misogynistic tendencies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 01:11 AM
28

A lot of the FDS philosophy is not really different to how I've always dated (which is why guys rarely get past date 3 with me). But still, I realize now that I was undermining the energy I put out by trying to be understanding and making excuses and trying to forgive bad behavior. "Maybe I'm not really giving him a fair chance. Maybe I'll feel differently on our next date." Thankfully, I went out with a bunch of idiots who couldn't maintain their masks for very long. I've never been suckered in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 09:32 PM
25

My mom worked and my dad stayed home and took care of me and things around the house. I never had to unlearn BS gender roles about division of labor or childcare. And I also don't fall for this kind of stuff. Though I do think it's nice when any parent tries to make their child feel loved and valued.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 09:14 PM
4

Expect a hefty dose of classism along with the racism and other forms of bigotry, especially if he sounds "posh". Seriously, even in the old days, there was nothing to admire about the gentry. Gentlemen? That doesn't exist outside of Jane Austen novels. Those gentlemen are the colonizing imperialist fucks who are responsible for problems that are still being unpacked to this day. Also, even at the time, they were well documented as misogynists and rapists and racists. A posh accent and a sharp o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 07:56 PM
5

I did not. I'm new to this subreddit. Sorry XD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 05:53 PM
6

Said Bluebeard. This is not a new game.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 04:32 PM
27

*cough* Joss "I don't like the word feminist" Whedon
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 04:29 PM
6

Nope. He genuinely thought that was a good idea. :) I didn't exchange more than a handful of messages with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 03:58 PM
11

I feel like I should clarify that I did not tell him yet that I don't drink alcohol and I don't like coffee. So he just fully volunteered drink water on his own. XD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 03:48 PM
2

Ah. I see that it's a tweet. Shame. I was hoping it was the setup to a whole Hannah Gadsby-style joke.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 03:02 PM
3

Respectful/trustworthy He listens when you talk. He doesn't say anything to undermine you or make you feel bad about yourself on purpose. He respects boundaries and consent (and doesn't just say that he does because they've learned they're supposed to say it. And they're aware enough to understand that not respecting consent is monstrous even if they still end up doing it. No man ever wants to think of himself as one of the bad ones). Not violent or physically/verbally abusive or openly misogyni…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 02:42 PM
5

Read the first two paragraphs like... who is this unicorn of a man? Ugh, men are so bad at basic decency and respect when it comes to dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 02:30 PM
0

YES to everything except... if I didn't using dating websites/apps, I would never go on a date. Also, quarantine makes it hard to avoid a lot of messaging since you really shouldn't be meeting up. I feel like it's just now okay to go on a date and we're still going to be socially distanced and wearing masks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 02:23 PM
5

You must reject men you’re extremely attracted to if they’re low value. Stop making excuses for them, if they’re trash they’re trash. There will be better attractive men in the future. Oof. I feel called out but this is so true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 02:11 PM
1

Wait... what's wrong with writers?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 02:03 PM
2

*waves* Me. I'm bad at texting. I genuinely hate it and find it frustrating to tap at my phone instead of typing. But I will use some version of instant messaging or we can talk on the phone or go on actual dates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 01:59 PM
4

He didn’t change his mind about you because you took a LaCroix out of his fridge without asking. DYING XD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 01:52 PM
3

If you are a woman of colour- know that the majority of men are using you to explore their own fetish with black/asian women. Gah! Luckily, I've avoided the mansplaining (they mansplain about other things just not my ethnicity/culture) but there have been too many times when a guy has set off my Spidey senses. It's not even just the white guys either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 01:50 PM
2

He once got really aggressively upset with me because I said he was gaslighting and he wasn't okay with me saying that because "that's the language we use about domestic abusers". Wow. That's either a crushing lack of self-awareness or he was just trying to distract you from seeing him for exactly what he was. Either way... gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 01:29 PM
7

Oh, and one more lesson: men will fuck women they think are repulsive, so don’t even take any “feeling sexy” confidence away from someone desiring you. This was the most recent lesson I learned. This is so difficult to learn. It's so tempting to get validation from feeling desirable even if you don't get trapped by the rest of the BS. It's so hard for me to understand not liking or even being attracted to someone you have sex with. Men...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 10:53 AM
3

One point on communication. I think it depends on the personality type of the guy. Men are generally not socialized as well so they can be terrible at picking up on hints and nonverbal cues. But yeah, there are some devious dudes out there just playing dumb when they know exactly what they're doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 10:33 AM
12

If you're not attracted to him, you're not going to become more attracted to him by going on more dates. You don't owe anyone your time or attention. Even if he paid for something. Healthy relationships are not transactional. Trust your instincts. Don't listen to the advice of people who tell you to settle or compromise your core beliefs or standards for a man. If a guy is throwing out red flags, there's a much higher chance of continuing to find signals that he's not a great dude than hidden de…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 10:22 AM
50

he told me he's afraid he's not good at it. Exactly. Why do people act like "I'm not good at it" is an immutable fact and not a skill that can be learned and practiced?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 09:54 AM
12

Is this from a stand up special? Book? Please tell me so I can go consume it immediately. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 09:27 AM
14

He literally said "drink water" while proposing the date? LMAO YES. XD I'm not even an expensive date. There are plenty of great free or cheap or pay-what-you-wish things to do (pre-corona) where I live. I just require some level of creativity beyond walking around aimlessly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 09:05 AM
21

GIRL. The facts in this post. I once told a guy I was going to a concert and he said we could meet up after. For a first date at 11pm? smh At least on the dreaded coffee dates and walking dates (🤮) they came up with something. The bar is on the floor 🙃 So true. I don't drink coffee or alcohol and... I appreciate creativity. So I tended to choose a lot of the outings when I was dating regularly. I didn't go out with him but one guy invited me to go on a walk in the park and drink water. DUDE. Are…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 08:50 AM
25

Women need to trust their instincts. In my early 20s, the same behavior happened with two different guys. We went on a first date. It went relatively well. And then when they were texting me after, they'd drop little nuggets of information about seeing other women or even sleeping with them. We're not in a committed relationship. It's fine if you're seeing other people. But why would you tell me? I think the goal was to make me jealous but I saw through the game too easily. Of course, I was stil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 08:45 AM
28

It's amazing how many male behaviors you can rationalize until you pause and think "would I ever do this to a guy?" And almost always, the answer is no. It's not just that I think men have fragile egos. But why would you want to tell your partner about all the other people you find attractive (unprompted) unless you were trying to undermine their confidence? At best, it's unthinkingly callous and rude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 08:38 AM
16

I've never been asked this out of the blue. But in the context of conversations about favorite foods or what I did that day, it might come up. And I answer and turn the question back around. The thing that baffles me is how many grown ass men will reply that they can't really cook beyond a salad and a steak. I'm not a master chef but it's a basic adulting skill. How hard is it to make a marinade and pop something in the oven?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 08:32 AM
8

I watch a fair amount of stand up and I think there are plenty of funny female standups. It's just that most of them can't get traction and either become writers or actors or now podcast hosts or they labor in obscurity or give up entirely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 08:20 AM
134

Luckily, I haven't gone out with too many guys with emotional baggage (or I haven't dated them long enough to have to deal with it) but yeah... this is a problem. A lot of men aren't taught how to process their emotions and so it becomes a job for their partners. Media even reinforces and condones this. How many stories are about an emotionally closed off man who needs a woman to teach him feels or a man who puts all his tender emotions into his wife/family and completely falls apart if they're …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 08:01 AM
30

"A lot of the time, they don’t even like me. They like the way I look and they like fantasy they constructed in their heads." I felt this so hard. I wasted a lot of time trying to read minds and accurately play up to that fantasy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 10:23 PM
14

I know I can be alone. I've always been fine living an independent life. But I don't find it fulfilling. The older I get, the more I find it deeply lonely. I want companionship. I don't think being married will magically fix my life. But I want all the aspects of a good romantic relationship. The partnership, the validation, the support. I know it happens. I'm just highly doubtful that it will happen for me. There's a lot of competition for the few decent men who haven't been tainted by the over…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 10:09 PM
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