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shell_shocked_today Archive

View 21 posts and 132 comments by shell_shocked_today on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
52

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 06:08 PM
44

Rantshell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 11:47 PM
34

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 05:38 AM
29

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 07:09 PM
29

Dating After Divorceshell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 06:31 PM
24

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 07:30 AM
21

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 03:37 PM
16

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 04:46 PM
16

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 08:48 PM
14

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 10:46 PM
12

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 07:26 PM
12

Spousal Support / Alimonyshell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 06:50 PM
11

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 03:50 AM
9

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 10:55 PM
9

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 01:21 AM
8

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 06:58 PM
6

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 03:25 AM
5

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 05:20 PM
3

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 10:46 PM
1

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 04:38 AM
1

shell_shocked_today/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 01:21 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

That's the agreement I have with my ex - with me staying in the house. The youngest graduated this year, and i'm getting ready to get the house on the market.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 05:23 PM
3

Didn't even attempt to estimate it. She moved into a 2br apartment while I stayed in the house. I told her to take what she wanted (excepting things that had been gifts to me).
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 04:26 PM
2

I'll admit to not knowing the legal niceties - but if the divorce proceeding is already in progress in a different jurisdiction, shouldn't it be possible to have it tossed in CA?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 04:27 PM
3

I sent mine a generic 'happy birthday' text. treating her as i would any other acquaintance.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 06:39 PM
2

Dude - I'm sorry for you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 03:34 PM
2

What I considered doing was renting a storage unit, moving her stuff into it, paying the first 3 months, and then delivering the unit information to her. But, she got the rest of her stuff out before I got to that point.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 01:33 PM
5

I understand being hurt, realizing things are over. All the feelings are normal. They're tough, but normal. And the feeling of wanting to punish other women because of what you went through is normal too. I'd suggest you try talking to a counsellor to help you process what you're going through. And I'd consider holding off on dating other women till you're in a better place.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 04:51 PM
1

Why would you want to delay trial?
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 07:10 PM
6

No, *YOU* should be getting child support.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/26 11:49 PM
1

If you are wanting to let her keep the house, she needs to buy out your share of the equity - that will hopefully let you get a place that the kids can have their own rooms.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 04:26 AM
-1

How long is too soon? Most people would probably say as long as it takes to know that she does not want to have any shot at rekindling things.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 04:21 AM
10

You may find that in court you don't have the option of waiving child support - in my jurisdiction you can't - it's for the kids, not you. My ex is paying $100 / month too.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 11:01 PM
5

That's why I worked hard to stay friendly with my ex until the separation agreement was signed. We got everything settles without needing to go to court on it. I was lucky. I had heard enough horror stories from guys I worked with that I worked HARD to be keep it out of court.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 03:38 AM
4

In my jurisdiction its based on age and length of marriage. I'm paying until I retire.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 05:58 PM
4

That would have made me stubborn and keep it on 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 11:16 AM
2

Nope. She gave up that priv when she left. I didn't hate her or anything, but she's not the person I'd like to hang out with. Frankly I'd rather be alone. I don't want to hear how her life is going, have her bounce ideas off me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 12:40 AM
5

If he's a good dad, you will NOT be his top priority. Not may not, will not. There's no hard and fast rule, and as other people have said, he'd know better than us. But, as a single dad, I wouldn't even consider it unless a) I thought the relationship was serious / long term and b) we had been dating at least 6 months.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 06:27 PM
3

While I have no disagreement that the vast majority of men here have been hurt, and hurt bad by women, I don't think its unreasonable to believe that there are also women who have been hurt by men. While this sub isn't the right place to discuss that, I don't think that acknowledging it is invalidating the messages on this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 09:54 PM
9

My opinion is that this area is a safe space for men. We're raw, often in pain. I personally don't see you being here as an issue - as long as you don't post things that invalidate our messages.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 04:35 PM
1

I'd make sure to get pricing from 2 or 3 other agents to make sure you have documentation that you are charging her appropriately. Things are cordial now, but they can change in the future (especially if / when either of you start dating again). Be prepared to justify the rates you charge, and have a plan in place to 'quit' as the agent if things start getting bad.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 02:19 PM
1

Once you're in different homes, I'd use the date that the relationship broke down irreconcilably (Dec 5). If you were talking to a potential date today, I would give a lot more explanation.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 04:19 PM
1

We hired an independent appraiser. And she wasn't thrilled with the number.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 12:43 PM
5

I asked my girls if they wanted to get their mom a Mother's Day present. They did not.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 10:00 PM
5

For me it had something to do with her having a crush on a random person she saw at her job (customer) and telling me for months that she didn't love me and never had loved me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 02:44 AM
4

I took it off on the day she moved out (separated).
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 03:54 PM
1

Heh. No worries. Therapy was my suggestion, and I honestly believe that she agreed to it so she would be able to tell friends / family "we tried - it just didn't work" so she wouldn't look like the bad guy. I was willing to try to do what it took, she was not, and stated up front to the therapist that she wanted to leave, and wouldn't make any effort to fix any problems. She never ended up with the guy - and to the best of my knowledge never even talked to him. He was a customer at her workplace…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 05:00 PM
11

So, I'm not sure how authentic this is as your user information is "Dump Him Dot Com". But I'll humour you. Why did therapy not work? Because she wasn't invested in trying to fix / save the relationship. I'm not saying I was perfect - there are things I could have done differently. But, the therapist 'fired' us after two sessions as my wife wasn't willing to participate authentically. My wife had become fixated on a different guy, and left me and the kids after 20 years.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 05:34 AM
9

For me the clue was when she spent 30-45 minutes each evening going over how she didn't love me, never loved me, and praised everything about her 'soul mate' who she had never actually talked to. Granted she is bipolar, and was in a manic state but still - just a bit of a clue :-)
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 03:45 PM
4

I let her join us for holidays / celebrations, but its clear she's a guest in the house. We have had a fairly amicable separation, and until the house is sold and her equity is paid, I'm working to keep things calm between us - she's being reasonable on timelines, and I don't want her to get pissed and force things.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 02:29 PM
8

A concern I'd have if you took this to court is that the judge would increase spousal support so she could get an appropriate place to live. I think the best option, based on the bias the courts have towards moms, would be what i saw below and offer to take the kid for nights, and document it to build a case that you are doing 100%.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 07:36 PM
3

Yeah, it offends me when I hear my ex say it. I saw almost 0 effort from her to try to work on issues from the marriage, but she 'mourned' it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 05:32 PM
1

I care to the extent that I don't want bad things happening to her. But, I'm not going out of my way to help her avoid the consequences of bad decisions. Her behaviour, even though it was due to mental illness, broke romantic feelings for her, and now I would be viewing her as someone I know, that I've had a shared history with.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 07:17 PM
3

Canadian here. Its obviously a valid concern on whether she would be planning to move the kids. But, if anything, I think a passport would make it easier for you. For a kids passport, you need to specify the custody arrangement in the application. And you're 100% right that they may or may not ask for travel consent letters. In all the times I've traveled alone with my daughters, both before and after separation, no one has ever asked to see mine. And frankly they would be trivial for her to for…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 07:49 PM
1

In this case, reality was better than her photo. And while not a 10, she is in the range I can deal with.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 06:19 PM
1

Last year I did. We had been separated 3 months at that point, and the kids basically wanted nothing to do with her. I got something for her from them. This year I didn't. The relationship with their mom is much better now, so I reminded them that Mother's Day was coming, and left it to them to decide what they'd like to do.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 11:31 PM
2

https://www.canada.ca/en/revenue-agency/services/tax/individuals/topics/about-your-tax-return/support-payments/what-support-payments.html
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 09:58 PM
2

On the 'Net Income', line 47, it asks for support payments paid. It gets 100% taken off of income income. Child support can NOT be deducted, but spousal can. I'm not an accountant, but the form doesn't ask for the location of the spouse, just if you have a written agreement or court order for the payment, so I would assume it wouldn't matter if the support is being paid outside of Canada.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 09:58 PM
2

Same
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 11:45 PM
19

Considering the fact that both my daughters (18f, 15f) wanted to stay with me, and have said categorically that their lives would be messed up if they were with their mom, I'd say I'm appreciated.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 09:48 PM
3

That sounds idiotic. I've personally never heard of someone trying that. But, my take on it is that while your ex can (in theory at least) control what your daughter spends her money on while she's at her house, she has no control over how she spend her money while she's with you. IMHO it would be like any other parenting issue -- her house - her rules, your house - your rules. I'd just 'nope' that one.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:50 PM
3

This is our first year. Kids are going to her place for Christmas Eve. I have them Christmas morning, and the ex is joining us for dinner that evening .
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 07:33 PM
6

I did my best to be normal around the kids. My wife had headphones in with loud music playing at all times so she couldn't hear or engage meaningfully
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 05:33 AM
1

Or, even if not that she is the involved parent, demonstrating that she can, and is willing, to do these things.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 03:02 PM
7

It was nice.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 09:39 PM
2

I actually responded that she was not fully to blame, that I had some responsibility too. And she rejected that - and said she felt she was fully to blame.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 09:37 PM
3

Do we have the same kids? :-) Good on you for listening to her!
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 09:36 PM
2

She wants to have an in person talk this coming weekend
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 08:13 PM
4

That makes sense. And there's no concern that I would get back with her. Both my daughter's have explained to me that I'm not allowed to. The was nothing in her apology I didn't already know. But it was just strange to actually hear her say it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 08:09 PM
1

Yeah, but I'm still amazed she actually did it
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 07:34 PM
5

I'll be honest. The cash flow hurt. But, when I looked at everything, I realized I actually wasn't further behind. With the money she was wasting gone, I actually came close to breaking even. I did pick up a second job to work on paying down debt, but in all honesty, my net income from my primary job, minus spousal, is pretty close to what our net was with her home and 'contributing' We no longer have to go out for meals at least once a week as a family. We no longer have to buy her a treat ever…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 05:07 PM
10

Right now you're losing 100%. If you only lose 50%, isn't that an improvement?
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 12:32 AM
5

I don't see a problem with them being here if they're respectful (and OP was). She acknowledged the pain we've gone through and didn't try to minimize the trauma. She was merely asking for the experience that some of us may have had.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 03:38 PM
4

I'm about 8 months into my separation, with two kids (16f, 18f) who are living with me full time. At this time I have no desire to date, and the thought of a long term relationship is just not there. Its not that I think women are evil, don't trust them, etc., but rather that I feel burnt out, and have no desire to invest the energy that would be needed. (Plus I'm way to busy spending time with them, maintaining the house and working lots of extra hours to be able to keep my head above water fin…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 03:35 PM
7

How you navigate it? You're there for your kids. They're losing a grandparent. What closure do they want / need? Do they want to be there for their mom? What closure do you want / need? If you don't have much of a relationship with them, there's not much you need to do other than send a card and say sorry for your loss. Whatever else you do, you do it to support your kids, not your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 07:03 PM
5

I just got back from Puerto Vallarta with the kids. Highly recommend it. I feel so much more relaxed
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 01:20 AM
5

Totally agree.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 12:37 AM
4

a year? Rookie.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 12:24 AM
19

I don't have a new girlfriend, and yes she's better than the ex
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 10:26 PM
1

Before we separated, we talked regularly, and she was all concerned on how her daughter was going to be doing, and being able to talk to the grandkids on the phone. She hasn't called once to talk to them or me since the separation. And when i had a question for her that I emailed, she relayed her answer back through her daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 04:15 AM
1

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 10:04 PM
5

I hear ya. I'm only about 6 months into the separation, but its getting better for me (slowly). My kids (15, 18) have love-bombed me constantly, assuring me i'm a good dad. And, I've come to the conclusion that I don't care what people think about it. The people I care about know what happened and why. She can spread her rumours and gossip around. I'm not going to. Finances are tough. I picked up a side gig which helps a lot. Dating - only just starting to think about it. I hope things get bette…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 03:11 PM
2

6 months into separation. First two goals done - financial stability, vacation with kids completed. Now that the immediate goals done, time to start working on the fitness goals. Gym membership started, and time to run my ass off and lift stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 03:20 PM
1

In my jurisdiction, at 14 the courts will listen, but not necessarily follow the kids wishes. In.my case kids weren't part of her plan to live her best life, so she assumed they'd be staying with me, and I got it in writing.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 12:57 AM
2

Yeah, my wife was shocked, shocked I tell you to find out that she needed to pay support after leaving the kids and me. I used that to negotiate items I wanted - lowered support to a nominal amount (courts will not accept any agreement that does not have child support) on condition that the kids and I stay in the house until the youngest finishes grade 12 (2 years).
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 03:34 PM
3

So far I have had no desire to look. I've been focusing on my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 01:46 AM
4

So, you are in a similar situation to where I was 6 months ago. My wife was barely doing anything, and had been disconnected from me and the kids for years. I tried going to therapy with her and the therapist fired us as she wasn't being honest / putting effort in. She left in Feb. And for me and the kids (15f, 17f) it was the best thing that could have happened. We've pulled together as a unit, grown closer, and have a much better home life. I don't want to discourage you from trying - I just w…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 09:25 PM
2

My oldest daughter left a sketch for me - a portrait of me - with the caption "Would we still be family if we were in another universe? I sure hope so!
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 05:30 PM
3

I have no advice to give, but wish you luck with this!
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 06:56 PM
2

I know it's over. But, this was important for my daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 01:22 AM
1

I know how lucky I am with my daughters!
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 04:38 AM
8

And delete Facebook
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/24 01:15 AM
1

I'm legally separated from my wife. In my jurisdiction (Canada) it's necessary to be separated for one year prior to filing for divorce. I'm thinking I may wait a bit, because my kids are close to aging out of support and we'll be selling the house in 2ish years, and the divorce will be easier if we have no joint assets and no custody issues to discuss.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 03:55 PM
1

The good thing is - she was so focused on the money, and making sure she got what she was entitled to that she missed the larger picture and traded away non-monetary things easily. I have 100% custody of the kids, its written into the agreement that she'll give approval for travel, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 04:06 PM
2

Thanks. The next big one is the end of this month - refilling taxes as separated.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 05:18 AM
2

Thanks. Overall it has been a strong positive for her to be gone. Doesn't change the fact that after 20 years of marriage I'm used to her being here.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 05:17 AM
2

In my jurisdiction (Canada) she's entitled to half the pension from the years of marriage
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 05:15 AM
6

I've had the opposite experience. Friends have been checking in to see how I'm doing. Relatives are doing what they can to help (I needed a vehicle - an uncle sold me a used one for well below market value).
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 05:39 PM
4

I also still find women attractive. Love being around them. Have absolutely NO desire for any kind of romantic relationship
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:08 AM
1

NAL, and not an american - so this could be of limited use. Even if his story is accurate - you've got abuse of authority, potentially grooming, and statutory rape happening there. You are right to be concerned IMO. Have you tried calling your local police and make sure that he is registered in your area. It looks like that's a big deal... And, you may try contacting the courts to find out who his parole officer is and contact them. There may be conditions on his release about being in contact w…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 06:36 PM
3

In her mind, paying support was a 'big' issue - so I offered a lower spousal support (by around the amount child support would be) and said if she accepted that, I wouldn't ask for child support. There's probably only two years of child support - spousal support goes forever... :-)
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 06:27 PM
5

You could try reversing the roles -- come up with a pet name for him. Try doing something romantic for him. Treat him how you would like to be treated - and see if things start to change.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 09:32 PM
22

I hadn't been sleeping with her BEFORE the divorce. Why start again now?
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 06:26 PM
1

100% she initiated it. And yep, she has learned a lesson.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 06:45 PM
8

For me, on the day she moved out, I told her that if we ever wanted to reconcile, I would insist on at least 6 months of couples counselling before I would allow her back into the house. (And, its in the agreement that she can only move back in by mutual consent). She snorted and said she wouldn't want to reconcile.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 02:27 AM
7

My goal is to keep things civil - without giving false hope that things will go back to before times. She broke the marriage and now has the consequences of it. Telling her the focus needs to be on the kids is a great way to approach this. Thanks. (And, its also the truth for me.)
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 02:03 AM
9

I never thought of it in that way... Yeah, she is a big control freak, and it is probably driving her crazy that she's not in control, that we're doing just fine without her, and that she can't control the narrative anymore. Its also probably driving her crazy that when she's come by to pick up things, that the house is in a far better state than when she was living here - cleaner, more organized, and working on decluttering. She was probably hoping that it would be a disaster, that I would be r…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 02:01 AM
7

And, both the kids have asked me NOT to ever take her back.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 01:52 AM
4

I just laughed and said I wasn't planning on starting dating any time soon. But, from her point of view, she's told me in the past that a bunch of her friends have a thing for me. I think she was trying to make sure I didn't have a fling with one of them.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 01:45 AM
6

When I said she made it clear, I was casual, matter of fact. She went oh, ok, and changed the subject.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 01:42 AM
8

2 weeks into separation. Custody of 2 teenage girls. Some mental health challenges (adbandonment feelings, etc.) Dating - not even thinking about it yet. Freedom - fabulous. House is more peaceful House is cleaner House is more organized Better sleep Cons: Housework falls on me Umm.. that's about it....
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 12:09 AM
1

Congratulations! Good luck! How old are the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 12:00 AM
7

My older daughter (17) sat me down after telling her that we were separating, and explained that I was not allowed to date anyone that looked the same age as her. She then clarified no one under 35.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 11:59 PM
1

My big thing right now is to finish separating all our finances before she gets in a pile of debt.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 04:34 PM
1

Doing good. The separation agreement is as fair as it can be while staying within our provincial guidelines. I have the kids. Money is going to be a bit tight but we'll make it
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 02:36 PM
4

My wife left a week ago. She was always complaining about how much she did around the house. How hard she worked, etc. In the week she's been gone, the house is cleaner and more organized, and frankly it doesn't feel like my workload for the chores has gone up significantly. There's still a lot to do before the house is actually 'clean' - but that's because she let it get to be a disaster.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 05:28 AM
2

Mandatory one year separation before a divorce would be granted
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 02:34 AM
3

Yep. We're not fighting. She may be focusing on money right now, but hopefully she'll soon start trying to rebuild relationships with the kids. Right now I'm working on politely disengaging when she is asking for assistance in the new apartment. Today she wanted me to come install shelves...
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:43 PM
4

Canada, British Columbia
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 09:41 PM
10

And she's the one making the drama. I'm keeping calm, not sweating the stuff she wants to take. Some of it is petty - she took all our spare toilet paper. She took most of the drinking glasses. She took the tea pot (the kids love tea). I'm letting her be the bad guy all on her own.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 08:36 PM
7

In my jurisdiction - once she signs the separation agreement - it automatically follows through to the divorce, and it is *very* difficult for it to be modified later. It would have to be shown that I was hiding money, not giving her time to review it, not allowing her to take it to a lawyer if she wanted, etc. Basically she would have to show coercion or fraud.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 08:33 PM
5

When she wants to live 'her best life' - taking care of two teens wasn't part of the picture for her. Plus, neither WANT to live with her - dispite the fact that I'm the one who makes / enforces rules.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 08:31 PM
21

to actually get her out of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 06:26 PM
6

serious? if a female had said the same thing, that there verbal, mental, and physical abuse, would you have given similar advice? while I am 100% in favour of trying to make relationships work, once you get into abuse, its time to GTFO. No one should be living in fear in their home.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/24 06:23 PM
3

mine is supposed to be moving out Friday.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 06:28 PM
4

both daughters are looking forward to her leaving and have tried to make sure I won't just let her come back if (when) she realizes what a stupid mistake she made...
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 05:56 PM
2

Intellectually I know that while I contributed to the situation that made her decide to leave, it's her decision to not try to fix things. However, that doesn't stop me from feeling like I didn't try hard enough and that I am a failure as a man Where did I go wrong? Probably in not having the hard talks with her earlier in how her physical appearance has made me lose physical attraction. How does it affect my belief in God's plan? not at all. Free will and all that. If everything happens for a r…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 01:48 PM
3

Nope - she has some (diagnosed) mental health issues, and right now is going through a phase where she is thinking only of herself. And, when I talked to a lawyer, I was advised to do what I could to get a fair (to me) arrangement without a lawyer, and if that didn't happen to go to a mediator. I know what she would be entitled to if we go to court, and that would be a financial disaster to me and the kids. So I'm playing nice so we can get a signed agreement...
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 12:19 AM
4

Without reading the rest of the replies - she betrayed your trust and your marriage. If you take her back, you'd have to be willing to accept that, and to go to counselling to work on rebuilding trust. Otherwise you'll spend the rest of the marriage consumed by doubt, jealousy, and anger. I would say, if you WANT to work on things, you do it separated. Go for counselling and find out what's really going on. For me, an affair would be one of the lines that if my wife crossed it, I couldn't recove…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 05:32 AM
1

Probably the best thing about it is that, if she decided to challenge custody when the divorce is finalized, I'd have documented proof that I can take care of the kids, getting rid of at least part of the bias against men in the courts
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 01:27 PM
2

Exactly. She wants to 'live her best life' - with encouragement from her single and divorced friends of course. Today she was sad that I didn't immediately support her thoughts of getting an apartment in a luxury building. And, I guess we'll find out - I'm not going to resist - other than ensuring that there is an acceptable agreement in place (here the separation agreement is registered with the court, and my understanding is that it will by default be used as the divorce agreement) Of course I…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 05:34 AM
1

Two daughters but older (15, 17). I'm still in shock we're at this point. I don't think she'll try some dv crap as in all her talks it's always been her leaving, and she wants a break from me and the kids. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't see her being petty - she's still taking about wanting to date during seperation
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 04:50 AM
6

Getting pay moved tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 01:40 AM
3

Here the signed agreement gets registered with the court
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 01:39 AM
4

I'm doubling down on my runs right now...
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 02:34 AM
5

i'd also submit a note from doctor / mental health professional advising you to cut back on hours so you can show there is a medical reason for it, not just a 'wanting to take a break'.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 04:28 PM
1

or maybe his preferred partners are gay ?
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 03:41 AM
2

in my jurisdiction we need to be seperated for a year before divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 03:30 AM
2

She thinks I would take her back. While I may try hard to keep her from leaving - I don't plan on taking her back if she does.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 03:29 AM
1

In all likelihood me. She wants to be able to live her 'best life' which would of course mean no responsibilities like kids or pets. (And, one thing that would get me to fight hard would be if she actually tried for custody)
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 03:13 PM
1

Thanks for the good advice. Yes, I recognize that the sub is in a large part an echo chamber, and certain themes come up very frequently because people have been hurt / betrayed in the past and been abused by the legal system as well. While I want the marriage to succeed, I'm also tired. This isn't the first time this has happened. We managed to get through it the last time - but it took 6 months of her telling me at night that she didn't love me and gushing about some guy. (I know she was not c…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 02:59 PM
2

heh. in my case, my wife has managed to alienate my daughters (15 / 17). I haven't talked to them yet that things are going downhill rapidly, but in the last month both of them have independantly told me that if we were to ever separate, they would want to stay with me. My younger daughter actually told me she couldn't understand why we were still together.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:53 PM
6

No. I think my kids are amazing, and I am thrilled to have them. Even if it does complicate things.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 12:19 PM
2

no binge spending (yet) the good thing - if it can be called that - is that when he has her increased desire for promiscuity her energy levels drop to the point where she is in bed pretty much all day. not proud of it but checked her IMs last night to see where she's at. she was raving to a friend about 'new guy' but she hasn't had the nerve to say hi yet. and he hasn't shown up to her work in a few weeks. but, when her friend asked if we were on the same page, she laughed no, that I wanted to w…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 02:30 PM
7

I agree with a lot of the comments here about being careful. I'm also gonna throw one in about your emotions. Its been seven months. Your doing well now. I gather it took a while. Do you really want to throw yourself back into the maelstrom you were feeling the last time you saw her?
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 11:05 PM
2

I'll admit to being lost on why you would care if she hadn't disclosed a loan. If its not disclosed, you wouldn't have to worry about the loan having to be repaid from common funds, would you? It would be 100% her problem. Or am I missing something?
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 06:49 PM
10

The good news is that you saw she wasn't cheating on you. The bad news that you found something out about her that you wish you hadn't. If the number of partners she's had is going to be a problem for you, then you are going to need to deal with it. Maybe counselling, maybe ending the relationship. And, yeah, she may lose some respect for you if you tell her you went through her phone. But, you did go through her stuff... If you want it to be anything more than a casual affair, I think you need …
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 06:47 PM
1

Yep. Unfortunately for her, New Guy is all in her mind (a random person she has seen at her jobsite twice - doesn't even know his name)
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 04:33 PM
1

Not much to focus on. She'll get half the house, half my pension, debts will be paid out of the same if the house. The contents of the house? Most of it is stuff I wouldn't want. Nothing I would fight about if it will make this end faster. The only serious discussions will be about spousal support. And a lot of that is by formula. I just need to try to keep it to the low end.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 05:55 AM
4

Heck, I'm going to need a second job to make rent. Ad the custodial parent.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 07:43 PM
8

No thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 07:41 PM
1

One piece of advice I was given is make sure all changes to parenting days is in writing / email. Nothing verbal, no voicemails. That ensures there is a paper trail and no confusion, and also, if you happen to have a vindictive ex, no later accusations to a lawyer that you kept the kids when it wasn't your day / didn't get them when it was your day.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 08:40 PM
2

Good luck to you too. It sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 08:27 PM
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