Amazed

darkerwithin · 2024-12-01T23:38:03+00:00

Whatever her intentions they will not benefit you. Do no meet with her this weekend per her request.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-12-01T13:11:45+00:00

Stay the course and be happy you got what the rest of us didn't. Something with a scent of accountability.

Internal_Echidna5646 · 2024-12-01T07:47:25+00:00

Ultimately its just to make her feel better. She might have briefly had a moment of clarity & felt bad about things but it probably didn't last too long. In the end they are just words.

It's the therapy version of baptism. Once she apologizes then in her mind she is done with it & absolved of any guilt. If you aren't ok with it after, well that's on you. This is probably her thought process. Or she's just going through the motions of the steps. Obviously I could be wrong but history & all these stories suggests otherwise.

Boomhower113 · 2024-12-01T04:02:59+00:00

It takes two to tango. It’s never one person’s fault. It seems you have the rare one that is accepting of her role in this.

Before I read the second half of your post, my thought was, “She’s in therapy,” and it turns out I was right.

Enjoy the W, but nothing really changes from here. Stay on guard.

kcinkcinlim · 2024-12-01T01:38:28+00:00

Imma be a little optimistic about this. Time and distance can force someone to reexamine their life and the decisions. It's possible that she simply arrived at a place where she recognised the hurt she wrought (we've all hurt someone).

As for what you do about it? Take it at face value until she proves otherwise. Say "Thank you for being open and honest". There's no need to engage further than that.

warwww · 2024-11-30T22:33:02+00:00

Response: “Thank you.”

darealyst · 2024-11-30T22:06:00+00:00

I just got an email where my wife apologized for the breakdown in our marriage, and admitted fault.

She needs money.

2-sheds-jackson · 2024-11-30T20:39:42+00:00

Sometimes, distance and time by oneself can lead to reflection on the dynamics of the relationship from a detached POV. Must have been nice to get that email.

Vollen595 · 2024-11-30T19:49:53+00:00

Don’t be. My ex did this (same, 12 step program, apologized to me and our daughter, letters to me, our kid, my parents, etc) and it led to years of me believing it was an honest disclosure. When DDay2 finally blew up our marriage, she tried the same thing, admitted she was the problem,her actions were toxic, she cheated, etc. all the right things to say. Again. I am and was completely checked out at this point but what the heck, let’s hear what she has to say. She made some comment about ‘I wish I had never met X’ adding to the current context of her infidelity admission.

The problem? I had never even heard the name ‘X’. She accidentally truth-bombed me with the wrong guy she cheated on me with, not ‘W’ who I was aware of. Suddenly she’s backed into a corner, kept trying repeatedly to convince me I knew about X. Um, no. I am real damn sure he never was brought up. And it was 3 years prior to who I thought she was admitting to.

Her final response? ‘Well that happened a long time ago so im not going to feel guilty about it.’ Seriously. It’s also how I discovered the multiple other guys she slept with. Of course she denied and lied about the others also. See, she had built her own personal survivable narrative to sell to me. Once I blew that up, wow did the real ‘her’ show up to visit. So much for honesty, full disclosure and that 4th step or whatever it was supposed to be. She was trying to be the honest one, while subtly accusing me of cheating. I stopped her from any further self humiliation, I told her beyond her name, I believe little else coming out of her mouth. What I discovered later was this was the picture she wanted to paint of herself for the rest of the world to see. She needed to be validated as an honest, decent parent and was definitely holding on to hope I would simply cave and ask her to move back to the house (just me and our daughter). I figured that out when 3 months after she left, she tells our daughter ‘you do understand mom and dad are not getting back together, right?’ My daughter clearly understands this, and has since the day she moved out. My daughter is the one who told me mom was cheating. My daughter wants less than nothing to do with her mom. Part of it was the psychological abuse she put her through, the other is mom’s ability to be a pathological liar. She even lies when there’s no reason. Our kid sees this, every time she’s around. What her mom can’t understand is that her continued actions are what have alienated her. She’s not a toddler, she’s almost 16 and has her own morals. Integrity and values which are all beyond what mom displays. It’s honestly sad, kid is in counseling and both counselors agree with my daughter wanting minimal contact with her mom.

My assumption is your ex is building a similar self-serving narrative. It sounds very familiar. Since my ex’s most recent apology (lie) I haven’t even made eye contact with her. Recently I helped her with a minor problem of hers, mainly because it makes my life easier in the long run. Soon after she was calling, texting and saying things like ‘it’s so easy to talk to you. I wish things hadn’t gone so badly. I don’t understand why you’re being so nice’.

I’m being nice because you’re leaving! I didn’t say that but I have had zero contact since.

ExaminationKlutzy194 · 2024-11-30T19:26:49+00:00

Sounds like she is following step 5 or 6 of her recovery

Title	Amazed
Author	shell_shocked_today
Upvotes	29
Comments	22
Date	November 30, 2024 7:09 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1h3jtxk/amazed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/amazed.1537315 https://theredarchive.com/post/1537315

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