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Boomhower113 Archive

View 14 posts and 460 comments by Boomhower113 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

Good advice in here. One thing I will add is that if you take him to dinner, if you’re able to, buy the dinner. He’s about to spend a whole lot of money that he doesn’t even have. A free dinner goes a long way.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 06:46 PM
1

Funny thing is that I had a skin infection under my ring about 2 weeks before everything went to shit. I’m probably the exception.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 11:25 AM
2

Saw her at church this morning and said it to her, like I did all the moms. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to text her or send a card or anything.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 07:20 PM
3

Same. I’ve had my kids and they will be out of the house in a couple of years. No reason to get the government involved in any future relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 05:51 PM
4

Call her out on it. Lawyers bill for every 0.1 hours, or 6 minutes. That was not 15 minutes worth of work on her part. Maybe 0.2 at best.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 12:57 PM
2

If she’s in it for the military benefits, she’ll drag it on as long as possible. And when you are deployed, you’ll be required to send her 1/3rd (IIRC) of your pay every month even if she shacks up with someone else. I saw it happen back in my day. Make an appointment with the JAG’s office to see if they can even get you started. They may not deal in civil matters, but he might be able to give a bit of advice or tell you about a good lawyer out in town, if nothing else. Either way, I’d consult a…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 07:27 PM
1

Lose the hope. Stay strong and assume she’s trying to take you for everything at every possible turn. Don’t be nice. Give on things she cares about and you don’t, but dig the fuck in once you care a little bit about it. Good luck, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:38 AM
17

I vehemently disagree. New pussy is the best pussy there is.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:32 AM
2

As far as the tattoo, that’s done. No point in bringing it up to him.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 01:36 PM
3

Fuckin’ PREACH, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 01:32 PM
4

That mediator must have really sucked.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 02:51 PM
2

Everyone has their thing. If it makes you happy and nobody is getting hurt. Keep getting ‘em face down-ass up.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 02:33 PM
6

It’s funny, I kind of thought the same as you did. But, even with a new mortgage, child support and having my boys every other week, I have more money for ME every month than I ever did when I was married.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 09:16 PM
4

Well done, sir! This is probably beyond the two week mark, but one thing to add to your point #3 (which I found to be 1000% correct) that I did: Go to everything that you are invited to, even if you don’t want to go. Shitty work happy hours, Christmas parties, drinks with the boys, kids functions, conferences, whatever. This is two-fold. First, it’s real easy to sit in your new home and wallow in misery all night after work when you’re going through this. You need to get out of there and see hum…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 01:43 PM
3

Reschedule it for a time that works for you. Easy peasy.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 12:57 PM
4

This is boilerplate language for any request for relief. Basically, in the event that your agreement forgot to list something that is necessary for the Court to grant such relief, it gives the judge a little latitude to include that one item in the agreement to finish it up so you don’t have to go back, rewrite it and submit the corrected document in another hearing. Don’t sweat it. You’re good to go.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 03:44 PM
2

Kick her the fuck out of your house.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 02:39 AM
4

Damn dude. I’m sorry. I will say, the few guys I knew that had gotten divorced when we were in our 20’s were the happiest sons of bitches I’ve ever known. Go for that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 03:25 AM
3

I knew I wouldn’t date until it was final. Just didn’t seem fair to whoever I was with to still be married, even if it was just on paper. My first date was probably about 4 months after it was final. Just a couple of dates, hooked up (it was awkward as hell), never saw her again. Probably the best way to do it, actually.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 06:04 PM
5

Now, that’s a rant, son! Let it out. Sounds like you’ve got her by the proverbial balls.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 11:12 PM
2

I agree. Plus, he was the one that had the affair that caused the divorce in the first place, but still managed to get the kids. (He’s obviously gone through a lot of counseling to get to a point where he could tell me all of this.)
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 02:31 PM
4

I’m going to echo this. Blindsiding her with the papers puts her on her heels and gives OP the advantage. Sounds like OP has pretty conclusive proof. My guess is he found text messages on another device of hers. There’s apps where you can download those texts to a pdf in nice, neat order so they can be documented. No judge wants to flip through 100 pages of screenshots. OP, get everything together and set up a meeting with a lawyer. P.S. For the “no fault” crowd, that is true, but I’d file for i…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 01:47 PM
3

I’d look at your decree. Usually, for holiday weekends your possession time extends into the extra day. Otherwise, just ask her directly. If the kids want to stay with you an extra day, you might include that nugget in there.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 12:46 PM
1

Dude, I was married for 20 years. I promise you’ll remember how to talk to women. And, as for the OP, go find some strange. It’s therapeutic.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 12:11 PM
1

I was forced into the every other weekend thing. I’m in Texas. It’s the standard. But, my kids asked the ex if they could do 50/50 with me. She really couldn’t say no, so, that’s the new arrangement. Don’t give up, fellas!
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 11:52 AM
2

Without a doubt it’s under attack. I’m pretty sure books have been written about the topic.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 01:56 PM
10

I’ve started to look at like this: The only reason for men to get married is to have legitimate children and to raise them in a nuclear family. I get that, and I think it is a good reason to get married. However, I’ve had my kids and they’re both about to be out of the house. I have no possible reason to get the government involved in any relationship I’m in from now on.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 07:14 PM
27

My ex wife was the most beautiful woman I’ll ever be with. But, she also taught me that looks are overrated. Sure, I’d like someone that’s attractive to me, but I realize that her kind of beauty isn’t necessary. If anything, I’d like a woman that’s beautiful but doesn’t know that she is.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 03:44 PM
3

I’ve found this since my divorce, too. I can get up and stay up (sometimes with chemical assistance, but not always) but getting to the finish line is tough to get to. Usually, she’s worn out before I can cum. Thing is, I got my vasectomy about 15 years ago. I was much quicker on the trigger when I was married.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:41 PM
3

Step 1: Move out.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 09:45 PM
1

I have no idea. Just what my lawyer told me at the time. David Lindemood is the judge in Midland. He’s a fair man from what I could tell. But, just follows the state guidelines as far as custody, if it’s left to him.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 07:27 PM
6

In agrarian societies, before the tractor was invented, there was a reason for this. Nowadays, I’m with you. It’s a lack of foresight, I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 01:37 PM
8

Put every bonus into your 401k. About as close as you can get as a W2 guy. Even that doesn’t help much.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 05:12 AM
9

What’s funny is that wanting more isn’t even remotely why my marriage broke up, but I feel like I have more, anyway. Haven’t done a ton of dating, but I can breathe again. My relationship with my kids is, strangely, better, even though I’m on the every other weekend program. My ex hated my side of the family and my kids have come to find out that my side of the family is a hell of a lot of fun, so we go do cool shit with them. I’m closing on a house at the end of the month where I won’t dread wa…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 01:26 AM
3

Attaboy.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 03:47 AM
5

I miss some aspects of the life, but I do not miss her. Overall, I’m so much happier.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 03:46 AM
13

No shame, brother. Get on the Hims website and you can have better living through Chemistry.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 04:18 PM
3

Grow a beard. Bitches love beards.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 04:19 AM
1

This is good. No reasoning. Just “disagree”. Let her figure it out.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 04:17 AM
3

See, you put an upper case letter, plus two more. Waaay too much effort.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 04:16 AM
1

You aren’t wrong. But, throwing a 👍🏻 in there after she’s been on a 4 paragraph rant adds some positivity to the text string that she isn’t ready for. Changes the dynamic a bit and I love that shit.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 04:14 AM
6

Yeah, it’s a tough crowd here. But they have a point. I wish I could come up with something funny for you but I don’t know enough about ChatGPT to give you any ideas. Can you tell it, as her, that you have specific mental illnesses and/or STD’s. Just so that will randomly refer to those during the replies to her? Like, it would say, “Given that you have bi-polar disorder, nymphomania and the Clap, you should refrain from…”
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 12:53 PM
3

Document everything. Get with a lawyer and you two make a plan. If the poison thing is true, man, you can fuck up her world. Those kids don’t need to be in that house with her. But, you need to get to the courthouse first and control the narrative. Once the filing is done, and the process server is trying to track her down, get a meeting with your boss and tell him what’s going on. Let him know that you expect some false allegations to come your way, but that you’ll do your best not to let it al…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 12:12 PM
6

Get that bag, son!
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 04:14 AM
2

Hope the afternoon session works out for you. Best of luck! Keep us updated on how it goes.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 05:10 PM
9

For marriage? I’d say yes. Red flag. She’s just snake bit for some reason or another. For dating? Nope. Have at it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 03:59 PM
3

In Texas, rarely is alimony awarded at all. Usually, it’s only if you have a special needs child and the max child support isn’t enough to cover their expenses. Otherwise, you probably won’t pay anything in spousal support. My ex wanted $4500/month for the next 5 years during mediation. We told her to get fucked and, since it was a losing battle, she never brought it up again. My ex didn’t work at all for the previous 16-17 years, either. I doubt you’ll have to pay anything other than CS. God Bl…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 08:16 PM
1

Also, you don’t have to agree to the provision when her lawyer proposes it. But, it’ll sure be fun to see what they send to you. When they send the list of words, you can have a giggle, tell them to get fucked and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 05:53 AM
1

Is she really going to go to a judge with that bullshit? Hardly worth the legal fees. I promise, this is not enforceable.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 05:45 AM
3

Since there’s no way for her to enforce it, and nobody is truly harmed if you violate it, anyway; this seems like an easy one to agree to with a counter if there’s something you want from her in return. I’ll agree to that if you’ll agree to…whatever. That’s the key I’m with these things. They want these little bullshit requirements that mean nothing, but you can use that to get something substantive. Otherwise, have your son pass along the message to her to fuck off. (I’m joking about using the …
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 01:10 AM
4

It’s a great feeling, isn’t it? Congrats, man. I also bought a lottery ticket on my way home from the courthouse just hoping to fuck up her world. Unfortunately, it didn’t hit.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 05:40 PM
9

Because they have more options than we do. 10 dudes are waiting to knock the bottom out of her. Dudes don’t have chicks waiting on us.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 04:26 AM
13

For one thing, the divorce diet is real. It’s been a year and a half and my appetite still isn’t what it used to be. Second, she might be on the Shots. My ex very rapidly dropped at least 20 lbs recently and she didn’t have 20 to lose. She looks terrible. Knobby knees, sunken face. It’s a shame, because she’s beautiful. A total cunt, but a beautiful one.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 01:29 PM
2

A little louder for the folks in the back on the petitioner/respondent point. You have to win the race to the courthouse. You want to be on offense and set the tone. If you want it to be friendly, you can start it out that way. If you want to air out all of her dirty laundry, you can. My ex filed and was out for blood. I was on my heels the entire time fighting against the bullshit she originally filed. Definitely gave her an advantage.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 03:16 PM
1

Yes, that is stupid. You’ll find that everything ends up on a spreadsheet and the goal is to make the cells as close to 50/50 as possible. The gamesmanship comes in with what the values are on there. If disability is a separate property type of thing, do what you can to not even have it in the spreadsheet. Or, if it is, make sure it’s not in the equation as income. That way she doesn’t get her pound of flesh out of that part of your gut.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 09:08 PM
2

So, the retirement part of your check stub could be fair game. However, if I was the judge and she wanted half of the retirement you get because you ate an IED in the Sandbox (or, whatever happened) I’d sure look at her a little differently. Just me, though.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 03:45 PM
1

Do you have any friends that have been through a divorce that can help point in you in the right direction, locally? Where in Texas are you?
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 01:10 PM
2

This math is pretty solid. My retainer was $20k and I ended up at about $55k total. That was with my lawyer looking out for me and trying not to run up the bills. He’s a good dude. My ex father in law easily spent double that for my ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 12:56 PM
3

Good points all around, here. I kind of went through this. My ex wanted half of my VA benefits in mediation. But, I’m only 20%. Me, my lawyer and the mediator all told her to get fucked. Disability payments are treated like separate property. Now, retirement pay can be split, but not disability payments. At least that was my understanding.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 12:52 PM
3

Probably, if you both agree to it. But it’s not a good idea. I’d eat whatever losses you might have now and move on. Coming to an agreement on how the house would be co-managed would be damn near impossible and would only eat up legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 08:44 PM
1

A lot of that has to do with what judge you get. Mine was a strict “state guidelines” guy. I tried in mediation, but it was a losing battle. I would never get 50/50 at a hearing. Kind of like her wanting $4500/mo in spousal support for the next 5 years on top of max child support. Meanwhile, the judge one county over gives out 50/50 possession like candy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 07:05 PM
3

Bingo.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 12:53 PM
16

Dude, you have a 4 and 2 year old. There is no worse time in your life than right now. Room decorations and perfect cleanliness are not relevant. As long as they are both alive, you’re doing fine. Keep it up, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 05:32 AM
1

Much easier in that case.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 01:44 PM
1

I liked that dog, he was a good boy. But, I don’t get attached to dogs enough to give up anything else in negotiations.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 03:19 AM
7

We need some frame of reference on how much CS vs. your average income to get an idea of what your situation is. But, dude, you’ll get it back. I was in a similar boat. I’ve got to take care of a few things and will be filing for bankruptcy soon. It’s okay, though. Bankruptcy will be the springboard to building my empire again. Just talk to smart people that know how this works. You’ve never done this before; find people that do it everyday.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 04:51 AM
2

“Watch as Mother Jones struggles with Joseph Stalin’s cannon in “The Sexy Revolution!”
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 07:02 PM
-2

So I’ve been told. I guess you have to slog through all the transgender empowerment posts to find it, though.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 02:07 PM
3

Dude, spelling and grammar help.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 05:27 AM
10

I spent a lot of years fighting emotion with logic. It doesn’t work. Fool’s errand trying to get her to see the light without the haze of rage, embarrassment or [insert any ridiculous emotion here]. But, I very rarely raised my voice during fights. That just pissed her off even more.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 08:31 PM
2

Goddamn. 4.5 years and no kids? You poor man.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 05:04 AM
4

Just an anecdotal point: During the post-divorce clean up, the last thing on the list was for her to sign over her shares of my LLC. Her bitch sister (litigation attorney) took over to save her some money and wanted a bunch of indemnities written into the assignment. Those indemnities were already in the decree, so, fuck you. Sign it. It then goes back to her actual divorce attorney, who knows what’s going on. But, we can’t get him to reply for 3 fucking months. My guys sent him the lawsuit sayi…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 05:02 AM
1

Did you have kids together?
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 04:06 AM
0

It’s not only common, but it’s in the tax code that the custodial parent gets to claim the kids. You’re 50/50, but I’d guess that since you are paying CS, she would be considered the custodial parent. It’s complete bullshit that this is the case. At one point, Trump floated the idea of changing it when he was campaigning and I hope he is able to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 04:23 PM
2

There was a time that even during an agreed divorce, the man would let the woman file as a courtesy. No idea why.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 01:02 AM
7

I wanted to make it a part of the decree that she had to change it. My lawyer said that’s a losing battle and not to even bring it up.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 01:49 PM
5

It sounds like there a slim chance of saving this, but it also sounds like you’ve checked out. Once you hit that point, it’s pretty tough to ever be happy with her again. However, I’ve been wrong before.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 01:00 AM
8

Try to be a little open minded about how things are divided. You can’t split a proverbial baby, so that baby has to go to one side in one piece. So, other things can make up for it. It’s all a spreadsheet in the end. If something has sentimental value for her, that’s an easy give that moves things along and gets you some value elsewhere. It almost certainly won’t end up like you think it will. But, make sure you can live with the final result. Think about what things you can sell easily down the…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 04:26 PM
4

At least the AG’s office makes it so easy to get set up in their system. We really need a sarcasm font.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 01:50 PM
4

Nailed it. I can act friendly. But we are as hell aren’t friends.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 02:40 PM
38

The fun part is when it’s finally over and she thinks it’s like a prize fight where we can just hug it out and be friendly co-parents the second it’s done. Bitch, you just spent a full year trying to destroy me and take my kids away!! We ain’t friends!
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 06:37 AM
5

Im in Texas, too. I talked to my attorney about this when I was going through it and he told me it’s really rare to have to cover the other side’s attorney’s fees unless that’s a part of the settlement or you’ve been hiding a shitload of money or something. Even with this, everyone still has to divulge their attorney’s bills during discovery. I have a feeling that there was enough fuckery going on over the years with attorneys doing outrageous shit with the bills when they knew the other side wo…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 07:30 PM
2

Really? I suppose that cuts both ways, though. If she married first, I suppose it could be lowered or even eliminated? Thank the Lord it don’t have to pay alimony. God bless Texas.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 02:27 AM
2

I forgot about that! Good one! But, don’t do it unless you’re positive you can get away with it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 12:59 PM
-9

I doubt he’d think highly of them. For the record, I do not endorse this.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 12:57 PM
8

Give the lottery ticket to your mother.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 05:01 AM
4

You’re on the right side of everything. I’m just having a little fun.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 04:34 AM
2

In a Texas, too. She won’t have to sign anything when the process server serves her. He’ll either be wearing a GoPro, or can fill out an affidavit that she has been properly served. Part of his job is to track her down and those guys can get pretty clever. Plus, there are some consequences to her ditching the process server for too long. Judges don’t like bullshit games like that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 08:34 PM
6

Yep. Worked for me.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 08:21 PM
31

I don’t care if she regrets it or not. I just know that I don’t regret her filing. Sure, life is different, but at least I don’t deal with her everyday. Would it be redeeming if she came to me and fell on her sword and told me how much she regretted it and begged to get me back? Sure. The ego would get a pretty boost. But, I’m sure as hell not waiting around for that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 02:50 AM
1

The process server’s job is to get creative. Gee, she didn’t answer the door? Imagine that. Start feeding him information about her habits, where she goes, what time she goes, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 03:32 AM
3

The 9 layers of pillows, yes, get rid of those. The comforters help keep you warm. Now, kill them if you need to, just sayin’…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 03:28 AM
3

Attaboy.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 03:26 AM
6

I hadn’t bought clothes in years. So, I’ve started buying myself one new shirt per month to improve my wardrobe. Plus, I have my first flight in the rusty pilot syllabus next week. Looking forward to getting back into flying. I just made my last payment to the lawyers so I’ll have some money freed up from now on to do cool shit with my boys.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 01:27 AM
1

I don’t know your situation, but I think you need to sell the house and move anywhere else. Too many memories in that place.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 03:48 AM
15

Grab that bag, son! Do it for the rest of us!
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 03:45 AM
2

You’ll both put together spreadsheets of everything you own. Bank account balances, value of cars, houses, boats, investment equity, you name it. Those two get combined and you’ll first fight over which value is correct for each item that doesn’t have an absolute number associated with it. Then, the next fight is how to make the total of all those assets as close to 50/50 as possible on the spreadsheet. If you can’t agree, a judge will split it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 01:48 AM
1

Fair. But, just reading this article doesn’t seem like it’s a fastball down the middle. Seems pretty biased, like it’s missing whatever benefits there might be.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 06:11 AM
34

It’s so obvious that this article is leaving out a lot of details to paint one side as the bad guy. As I understand it, his plan would make it where the one who receives child support can no longer claim the children as a deduction from their taxes. That would benefit most of the men on this sub and is a gaping hole in the current tax code.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 05:55 AM
6

I know that I wouldn’t say a goddamn word if my kids didn’t get me anything, and I don’t place much importance on birthdays. My kids pretty much know that. My ex would lose her fucking mind of she didn’t get anything. If your situation is even remotely like mine, your son is just trying to survive. Don’t overthink this.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 02:56 AM
1

What’s this they/them stuff? Do you have a son or a daughter? It matters to the story, here.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 03:34 AM
4

No, she is very much not “fun.”
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 02:10 PM
7

Attorney’s fees are already in the suit, my man.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 02:09 PM
4

Oooo. Thats a good call. I like that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 02:08 PM
3

Dude, thanks for the recommendation.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 11:50 PM
2

Best of luck, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 06:07 AM
5

No way he said that to her. She’s full of shit. Even if he did, keep being a badass dad while you have him, don’t surrender a second with him and it’ll work out. He’ll see the light. You’re good, dude.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 06:05 AM
6

Don’t take your foot off the gas, keep your guard up, etc. It’s not done until the judge signs it. Mine walked the deal we had the day before the hearing to hand our agreement to the judge just so she could get another month of temporary support payments out of me. Had to basically sue her to compel her to sign the deal and it took another month and a half of lawyers and bullshit. If I’m wrong, and I hope I am, congratulations. It feels good when it’s done.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 05:21 PM
4

Yes, equity on the house will be split in half, except whatever equity she had in it prior to you getting married. So, you will get less that half of the sales price, but you also didn’t put the down payment, previous mortgage payments, etc into it. Start getting all of your old mortgage statements, checks showing that you paid it, and bank statements together. Divorce is a paperwork battle.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 05:04 AM
9

My ex tried to leave town with my kids because nobody here likes her. Sounds like a similar situation. They dealt with your ex because she was with you. Without you around, she brings nothing to the table. Why would they call her?
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 02:28 AM
4

Bravo, good sir. It feels like a huge weight taken off once its final. Enjoy a quiet evening with your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 08:51 PM
1

I know, right? Is “she” so hard to type?
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 04:13 AM
7

God Bless Texas. Not that the ex didn’t try to get around half of what I bring home in “spousal support” for the next 5 years, on top of the state maximum in child support, in a non-alimony state. But, we were able to swat her away like a fly on that one.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 08:47 PM
2

You were used to your life. Even if it wasn’t necessarily a happy life, it was what you knew. Turning that life upside down without knowing specifically how it’s going to work out is scary as hell! I’d say you’re pretty normal, but to verify, go find yourself a life coach to talk to every couple of weeks just to get a check up. Close friends are good for you right now, too. Good luck, buddy. EDIT: Just to ease your mind a bit; it sounds like your ex is a pretty reasonable person to go along with…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 01:13 PM
3

Wait until it’s filed with the district clerk. That’s when it’s official.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 02:58 AM
3

Bought it on my way home from the courthouse. I never play the lottery. But how goddamn fitting would it have been to have hit a fucking loot that she can’t touch 20 minutes after it was filed with the clerk? I didn’t win.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 02:57 AM
3

I praying for mine to move on. She might leave me the hell alone once she does.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 09:09 PM
-1

Dude, you SHOULD be over her. She rejected you. I know it sucks, but you have no choice but to get past her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 05:42 AM
1

A good mediator can help soften her up some. Mine finally got my ex to realize that divorce will be painful and that she isn’t going to get 100% of everything. In Texas, your only chance to have your kids more than the standard every-other-weekend is to become the primary custody parent by letting the judge know that she’s fucking crazy. And, you’ll have to prove that. It can happen but you have an uphill battle as a man. Texas hasn’t caught up to the rest of the world, unfortunately. The mediat…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 05:19 PM
7

This is why I’m actually glad that my ex made the divorce process so much harder and nasty than it had to be. I’ll never have the burden of missing her. Sure, I’ll occasionally miss the life we had, but not her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 03:59 PM
2

Repeat after me: “I am in compliance with what the Court has ordered me to pay you.” That’s it. If she can’t afford the heat, you take her back to court for custody. You don’t owe her any favors. Besides, she’s not going to let the heat get cut off in her own house. My divorce was final about 2 months ago and after a year of her beating the shit out of me, she thought it was like a prize fight where we could hug it out afterwards and go on as friends. Fuck. That. She wanted me to pay for 100% of…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:19 AM
4

Jesus. It never changes. These crazy bitches with their ridiculous offers. Mine was no different. If you’re 50/50, just exchange who picks them up at school every Monday. No reason to do it an exchange in person and create possible conflict. Plus, if you already have a residence and hers is TBD, the judge would side with you on that one. Remember, judges want simple, reliable and reasonable. Not half-cocked schedules and random bullshit like this.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 02:39 AM
1

Apparently, 50/50 is her default. My lawyer just mentioned it in passing to me when I was trying to get 50/50. My judge, not so much.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 04:50 PM
1

Judge in Ector County (Odessa) does it. Female judge, strangely. I’m sure there are others.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 03:13 PM
1

I tried but it was a losing battle. My judge follows the state guidelines, unfortunately. The judge in the next county over does 50/50 each time.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 02:20 PM
1

You can’t afford not to get a lawyer. The State max in Texas is $2300/mo for 2 kids. At $100k, you’d be around $1600/mo. But, with her making more than you, your lawyer can work you a better deal. As for the reduced parenting time, it comes with the territory. Sorry bro. Unfortunately, Texas hasn’t caught up with the rest of the world and we dads get the every other weekend thing instead of default 50/50. But, some judges go against the state guidelines and do give 50/50. Again, get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 02:43 AM
3

It’s a brand name. https://www.ponchooutdoors.com
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:49 AM
3

I’m in Texas, but went through this. Answer: Very hard for her to get. Mine wanted to move 300 miles away with the kids in the middle of the school year. Judge said, “Fuck you.” Final decree says that if I leave the county, she can, too. Otherwise, she has to stay if she wants the kids near her. I ain’t going nowhere.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:37 AM
4

If you have a halfway decent lawyer, you are going to mop the floor with her in this divorce. Best to you, my man.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:19 AM
3

Look at Poncho shirts if you’re near the coast. Those are my new addiction and I’m as far away from the coast as one gets. You’re right about a good hobby meaning more. I was that way about shooting for a while and would like get back to it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:15 AM
3

I was a 3-Gun guy for a while and loved it. I’d like to start IDPA comps just because pistol was easily my weakest of the 3, and I’d only have to buy one kind of ammo.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:11 AM
5

I’m pretty sure I would die doing any one of the 3 hobbies you listed. But, I’ve made myself a rule that I buy myself one shirt per month on average. I bought myself almost no new clothes when I was married and I need to look better.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:01 AM
3

Goddamn! When are you headed to Nepal to tackle Everest! Well done!
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 03:55 AM
5

Shooting is a great hobby. If you get into competitive shooting like IDPA events or 3-gun, you’ll meet some of the friendliest people you’ll ever find. I was into long range shooting for a good bit and would like to get back into it now that I have some freedom and spare cash. I was very much into reloading my own ammo to make the perfect round for my rifle. Very satisfying for the math/science nerd side of me. So many variables involved. Plus, hitting what you’re aiming at from any distance is …
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 03:52 AM
6

Sounds a little bit like smokers that quit once the thing they were retreating from gets eliminated.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 03:42 AM
6

I’m not going to say that’s good, but it’s understandable.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 10:47 PM
6

It takes two to tango. It’s never one person’s fault. It seems you have the rare one that is accepting of her role in this. Before I read the second half of your post, my thought was, “She’s in therapy,” and it turns out I was right. Enjoy the W, but nothing really changes from here. Stay on guard.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 04:02 AM
11

I was willing to be. But, she made the divorce process so horrible that it’ll never happen.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 01:12 AM
1

I have 2 boys so this may not apply, but my decree just says that “suitable housing” means that they each have their own bed. No mention of separate rooms.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 03:11 PM
3

Did the same last year. It gets better, but this is going to suck for you. Make the best time of it that you can.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 02:23 AM
5

My former sister-in-law is the same thing, but not in family law. Guided my ex through it and did a shitty job. Your problem is going to be that she’ll get emotional about it all and will come at you with everything she’s got.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 05:24 PM
4

You did good. You’re never going to be bros, but no reason to be a dick to the guy. He’s just trying to get laid.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 04:54 PM
1

You say you’re good at work. Build on that. Every single lame work type of social event you are invited to, go to it. It’ll be a mix of what you’re good at and what you aren’t. You can talk shop with a cocktail in your hand. Eventually, you’ll be able to separate the two. Just a thought.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/24 04:54 AM
2

Maybe to a different gym, then.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 02:07 PM
5

Gym membership.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 09:52 PM
2

Nailed it. Bravo, sir.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 01:55 PM
2

Based on what we know, if her lawyer lets it go to trial, he should be disbarred. (Yes, I know the client is running the show.)
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 04:07 AM
6

Sounds like it’s being served up to you on a platter. Most aren’t that lucky. (Lucky might be a poor choice of words.) If it’s HER daughter, as you say, and YOUR house, you should cruise through this, relatively speaking of course. But, it sucks to get cheated on and to get divorced, anyway. So, I’m sorry for that.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 04:05 AM
1

I had a comment removed and a strike against me in this thread for gender hate speech. I don’t even remember what I said?
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 03:49 AM
1

It doesn’t sound dumb at all. At this stage of life it’s super easy to not want to go out and do things. That’s why I had to make it a rule and force myself to go to events. But, it’s really paid off for me. Some of the events suck, like I thought they would, but others will surprise you and can be a damn good time. Try to meet someone new at each event and you never know what’ll happen.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 03:21 AM
6

I was on the verge of going broke and she wasn’t willing to ride it out with me, so she filed. Sure, it’s embarrassing to go broke when your main job is as the provider, but I’m honest with people about it. I never missed a paycheck and actually never not provided, but I had some oil and gas drilling programs that didn’t pay out over the years and the bank was calling the note. It happens. Bankruptcy is coming up fairly soon for me, I think. Truth is, it was a convenient excuse. I was going to f…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 09:06 PM
2

Just one thing that has helped me is to accept every single invitation I get if I’m physically able to go. Even if I don’t want to go, I go. Work things, Church, social, whatever. You’d be shocked at how well that works and you probably have more free time these days.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 03:45 PM
1

We’re doing a beef tenderloin, if that helps.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 03:37 PM
3

You are right to be wary. Your divorce sounds much like mine. We had a deal for mine and two days before the settle-up hearing where I hand our agreement to the judge we tried to make a correction to the document that actually favored her. They came back the night before the hearing, called the correction a counter offer, and walked out in the deal. It was at the end of the month and she wanted another month of payments out of me. Nothing is done until the judge signs it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 01:48 PM
7

First Thanksgiving post-divorce. Have to play a few thing by ear to work around Texas High School Football Playoffs, but the plan is I’m taking my boys (15 & 17) to the Texas vs Kentucky game on the 23rd. While in Austin, do the pilgrimage to Franklin’s BBQ on Sunday, then immediately drive to my sister’s ranch in Sutton County and shoot everything on 4 feet for the next 5 days. Possibly blow some pigs up with Tannerite IEDs. Not exactly sure, but I’m fucking pumped! My thing is that my boys and…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 05:07 AM
2

There we go. My HELOC was about the same and at $200k the interest alone is around $1500/mo without paying it down any.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 02:02 AM
3

Problem is that a HELOC is usually a variable rate loan that will be a higher rate. If OP got his mortgage at 2-3%, whoever is making the HELOc payments would be getting screwed. Very much agree on keeping the Roth’s. That was one of the few battles I won in mine. Any money paid from the IRA to her would come from the conventional side.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 10:05 PM
2

Yeah, with you in the house and the mortgage being the majority of the total, my solution does not work.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 09:57 PM
3

During the divorce process your credit will take a hit. Closed accounts, late payments, etc. it happens. I went through a similar thing with a HELOC payment that the wife was obligated to make, but refused for 2 months. A late mortgage payment isn’t fatal to your credit score. I’m not saying it helps but shouldn’t be fatal. What you could do, if the math works, is make the mortgage payment yourself and make that a credit towards all the other bills. Example: If the total monthly bills are $3000 …
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 08:12 PM
3

She wants her weekends free. That’s telling. There’s nothing 50/50 about that “offer.” Fuck all that. Expect more ridiculous offers like this as the negotiations continue. I know you hate it, man. That’s because it sucks. A conflicted divorce is sheer hell. So, gear up for that. I wish I could sugar coat it for you, but it’s about to consume your life. Find a life coach to go see every couple of weeks. You can bitch to him instead of your lawyer, who you’re paying by the hour, or your friends, w…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 04:52 PM
1

I’m willing to bet that your tolerance for conflict will go up as this goes on. I wasn’t that different than you, but once you get into a legal battle, telling her to eat shit gets a lot easier. It actually gets kind of fun. Liberating, even.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 03:26 AM
1

Just to update for anyone searching, I kind of figured it out. What happens is that whatever is withheld from your wages is turned around to your ex by the AG within a couple of days. So, it’s not really a monthly check that goes to her. She’ll just be be on the same pay schedule that you are on. I was overthinking this.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 07:29 PM
7

If you are conflict averse, like you say, either get used to conflict or you need to totally block her and let your lawyer do all the talking for you. I promise he isn’t conflict averse. He thrives on it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 04:39 PM
4

“I never told you that story.” “I only lived four towns over, Ted.”
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 08:29 PM
1

Might want to clean the pipes a little while before you go out. Help keep your mind off the possibility of sexy time after dinner.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 05:51 PM
1

Fair. I suppose I did better than extra bad. I signed the deal, at least. So, I suppose I can’t bitch too much.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 05:45 PM
1

I’d hardly call you evil. Evil is if you’re actively trying to hurt your kids. Doesn’t sound like that’s the case. But, you’ve got some issues that definitely need to be worked on. Those kids need you, man.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 03:22 AM
2

slow_clap.gif
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 03:18 AM
-1

You’ve just checked out of everything. Having no feelings for your kids isn’t normal, dude. Go back to therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 03:14 AM
4

Oh my Lord. These people really exist? So, did you not vote her way and she flipped out or did she just flip out in general? Not that either case is sane.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 02:40 AM
4

Opposite. I insisted on mine. I told her I was in for 2 kids and 2 kids only. Once #2 was a healthy kid, I set up the appointment.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 08:22 PM
1

There’s a lot of truth to the happy dad thing. I’ve already seen it in me. It really is better to be a 100% dad 50% of the time than the other way around.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 08:03 PM
1

Thank the Lord I didn’t take mine to a final trial.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 03:34 AM
3

Dude, that sucks. I’d suggest that you just remain stoic in the face of it. Your main reply is, “You know that’s not true,” in real life, online, via text, email, you name it. It may not come up, but start archiving her bullshit in all media. Get an app to back up all of her crazy texts. But, from what I understand, shit like this doesn’t do much more than set a tone with the judge where he won’t like her. Which is good, but not quite the week in jail that you probably want.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 11:39 PM
1

I had to supply paystubs around mid-time, before mediation, of my divorce process and again in preparation for a trial that didn’t end up happening. One possibility is that you could get to mediation as soon as possible, be really generous (except alimony) during it and get it all final before the new job starts. You’d be shocked at how a 55/45 split will make her feel like a winner in all this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/24 01:49 PM
4

I did it for 12 years. Dont know if it was the right decision or not. My kids got to have a normal childhood, at least.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 10:51 PM
1

This guy gets it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 04:59 AM
2

Does anyone do “well” in a divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:55 PM
5

Don’t do it. Wait until your lawyer has talked to you. Keeping your cards close to the vest until the paperwork is actually filed is the way to go. “Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead.” If it’s a big group of friends, word WILL get to her before the night is over and you will have lost the tactical advantage. Just shut your mouth for a few days.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:49 PM
7

If you are a member of a country club, have her served at the next Club ladies luncheon. I’m only partially kidding. Spousal support will be tough for you in Texas, OP. Worth a try, but I doubt you’d get it. It takes pretty specific criteria to get it here and it doesn’t sound like you meet them. Ordinarily, the lack of alimony in Texas is good for us guys, but, unfortunately, cuts the other way for you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:43 PM
1

I don’t know how this got downvoted. OP, go find a life coach and book an appointment. First, he can guide you through the divorce process. Second, get his advice on how to tell your son. Your lawyer can guide you on tactics.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:32 PM
5

Not the best way to react, but it’s done. Can’t unring the bell, now. You did throw your kids under the bus, though. Don’t do that again, ever. Just go stoic from now on. Either no answer or one to two words if a response is required. That’ll piss her off even more than your rage texts. Sounds like you need a day in court to establish some ground rules. Start fighting back through your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 08:23 PM
9

You’ve been living alone for quite some time. You just had someone nearby. You’ll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 11:44 PM
4

Actually no. She did it to herself. Her lawyer was a pretty reasonable guy, from what I can tell. Problem was the ex’s sister. The sister is a litigator and always thinks she’s the smartest person in every room. She may be a lawyer, but she isn’t a family law lawyer and kept trying to coach the real lawyers on everything and advised her sister that she could get 100% of everything she wanted. The sister calling and emailing daily to chirp at and coach this poor guy runs up the bills 15 to 30 min…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 11:42 PM
3

It got plenty expensive. But, she spent over twice as much as I did. Rather, her dad did.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 11:34 PM
9

Damn, that’s right. I used to leave the office at 6:00 daily. Now, I’m a bolt of lightning at 5:00.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 11:32 PM
12

I made a rule for myself early in the divorce process that I’ve been sticking to. If I’m invited to something that I am physically capable of getting to, I go to it. I go even if I don’t want to go, don’t feel like it or think I won’t enjoy it. What that does is get you out of the damn house and you’ll find it gets you more invitations. Remember, you are now the guy that your married friends can count on to do something at the last minute. Embrace that. Anyway, that’s done me a lot of good.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 08:24 PM
5

Mine did the same thing at mediation. I made a 50/50 split offer that actually favored her a week before mediation and got no reply. We start mediation and she came back with a “counter” much like your wife’s. The entitlement they feel seems contagious or something. Go to court. Judges see right through shit like she’s pulling.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 03:48 AM
2

You don’t trade your kids for money.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 01:04 PM
4

Same story here, man. I spent 12 years of misery before she finally filed. I know you’re hurting and you’ve got a tough road ahead for about a year. The divorce process is fucking terrible. But, the other side of it is pretty great in comparison.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 03:32 AM
13

You jerk off occasionally? You sound like the worst husband ever. Did you take a piss without her permission, too?
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 02:33 AM
4

I don’t know. I’ve never been unhappy while I was balls deep in some pussy. Especially new pussy. But, to each their own.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 03:54 PM
2

You fucked up. People fuck up. You bought into the sunk cost fallacy and stuck around too long because of it. I can relate. I can say I pretty much did the same. I never cheated but that was probably due to lack of opportunity more than anything. The only hate you get from me is to question why people keep mentioning their pets when describing their current situation? Dude, your pets are NOT worth fighting over later. You can get more. If anything, pets are a bargaining chip you can use as a sac…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 11:56 PM
10

Bingo. OP will never make enough money for this woman. She has a compulsion that will be difficult to fix. He makes more, she spends more.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 11:42 PM
3

You’d need some sort of proof even if you just went to her CoC. Without that, her division officer, or whatever it is in your service, will know exactly what you’re doing and will stick up for his soldier/sailor/Marine. Places in town that are restricted to base personnel are tough to enforce without an MP sitting in the parking lot at all times. If she’s doing this kind of shit, I’d be willing to bet that she’ll fuck something else up before too long that’ll be worthy of some sort of NJP. I had…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 12:22 PM
2

I appreciate that. The stuff you’re talking about is exactly why I’m scared of all this. I offered to pay the Ex directly for a couple of months to let me have some runway to get set up with the AG, but everything went haywire towards the end of the divorce process and it didn’t happen that way. Imagine that. There are some horror stories I’ve heard about this shit. One of them included the AG telling a guy, “that’s our money, now,” due to an overpayment. In what fucking world is that the state’…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 11:55 AM
3

Your lawyer is right. I had to block my ex on my phone. while we were going through the divorce process. Similar deal. I’d get rage texts after she’d gotten into her wine in the evenings and it was affecting my sleep. So, I just blocked her. When she has to send you an email or use a parenting app, things are more business like. Texts are too easy to just drop a shitty comment to someone. After a month or two, I opened it back up and she was friendlier over text after that. **Also, get a program…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 04:18 PM
3

Sounds like he didn’t divorce you for your looks, then. I’ll never find someone as good looking as my ex wife, but I still want nothing to do with her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 04:09 PM
4

Happy for you, man. When you say to read Gatekeepers, do you mean the book by Shawn T. Smith?
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 03:56 PM
2

Ah. I like it. I just go with “Former Roommate.”
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 03:37 PM
1

You keep saying “they” for a person that presumably has breasts? This is a human female we are talking about, right?
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 12:58 PM
3

Dude, fix your grammar and I might know what you’re talking about.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 05:16 AM
3

Ain’t that the goddamn truth?
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 07:21 PM
5

Well, that backfired.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 07:15 PM
5

No alimony in California? Nice work. You are a rare bird.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 04:09 AM
23

You may miss the life you had, but you won’t miss the woman. Once you go through the hell that is the divorce process, she’ll show her true colors and you REALLY won’t miss her after that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 04:08 AM
2

If you put it in a spreadsheet and run 50/50 calculations, maybe, but I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for that $10k. You have a LOT of negotiations that are going to happen between now and when this is final. As for the alimony, depending on what state you’re in, alimony could be a very real thing. But, with the marriage only being 4 years, it probably won’t be for that long.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 05:36 PM
2

I still think that having legitimate children raised in a two-parent household is the right way to go. Call me old fashioned, if you want. I stuck around for an extra 12 years to give my kids that. However, daddy got fixed a long time ago. No more kids, no more rings.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 03:58 AM
4

You didn’t mention your age, but unless you are planning to have kids with this woman, there is no reason for a man to get married.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 03:35 PM
4

I was about to reply with, “Conversely, I stayed married for so long because all my friends were married.”
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 07:43 PM
1

Unless you mean “her” as your lawyer?
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 03:45 AM
0

Oh no. Don’t ask her. You are done asking her about anything ever again. You talk to your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 03:44 AM
1

Any way to get the signing bonus deferred? Your lawyer could tell you the best way to maneuver this, but my guess is that he’s going to tell you to be open and honest about it. I caught my wife in a perjury trap and it has really fucked her in the end. Judges do not like it when you’re hiding important shit.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:08 PM
7

Dude, you’re getting the wiggles out. You’re cool.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 11:02 PM
4

Attaboy. When they leave or file for the divorce, they are saying, “I can be better off without him.” So, let them go be “better off.” See how that works out.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 12:42 PM
1

Well, I learned something today.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 12:40 PM
5

They are all small, but petty, wins. But they’re wins, aren’t they? Good for you!
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 04:38 AM
3

Tough one. On one hand, the wife being bi creates what every man dreams of, until they get it. The thought of your wife picking up chicks and bringing them home so you can all fuck in a pile is every teenager’s dream. But, is that really a marriage? It’s funny that the poly thing rarely works out, even if it’s every guy’s “dream.” I’ve never lived that life, but I definitely don’t think I’d stick around, especially if the wife was full-blown gay. I would think that your evolution to determining …
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 04:31 AM
10

My ex did some crazy shit, but this takes the cake. Outside of the family rivalry, how’s the marriage? If this is the only time something like this has happened, I’ll be shocked.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 03:51 AM
4

Self limiting thoughts. This post is loaded with them. Don’t worry, everyone does it. You just have to realize it. “Dating Essentials for Men” by Robert Glover. It’s not a pick up book, I promise. Either read it or listen to it. You are a case study for the kind of guy that needs to read this. I was, too.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 03:13 PM
4

Fuck. This is good stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 04:57 AM
6

I am in love with the silence.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 04:46 AM
2

Not even close in my case.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 10:38 PM
7

Dude, we’re all somebody’s leftovers. But, that’s okay. The lady on the other side of the table has had breakups, too, even if it wasn’t a marriage. You’re just in your own head. Nobody gives a shit.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 01:08 PM
1

If the teacher is hot, hit on her right there in front of the ex. Holy shit, that would be awesome if you got a date out of this meeting!
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 12:24 PM
1

I’ll bet there’s a novel in that answer. Mine is the same with me at the moment except that mine WOULD try to put it out if I was on fire…with a baseball bat.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 12:21 PM
5

My ex really does have great tits. Too bad they’re attached to a fucking dragon.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 12:04 PM
6

She partly wants you to delete your prior communications together. At some point she’ll say, “At least delete the text thread between us,” or something like that. Don’t do it. You may need those down the road if this gets ugly (and it sounds like it will.) I agree with the other guys, just ignore her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 11:57 AM
13

8 years is a blip. You’re young enough to start again and make everything better for everyone around you. Quit pining over her and go get fucking hard. Mentally, physically, in business, with other women, in everything you do.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 04:09 AM
1

It’s a delicate dance you have to maneuver. I tried for 50/50 but it wasn’t going to happen. But, what I’ve found is that I’m really a better dad with the time I do have with them. Now, I have 2 boys that are teenagers and once the divorce is over they can pretty much pick what they want to do when time comes. But, the limited we do have is fucking awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 04:05 AM
1

Not from what I’ve seen. In mediation, the child side of the equation is a packaged deal.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 01:11 AM
2

That’s the problem. 50/50 isn’t standard in Texas, unfortunately. No standard calculator for that. You’ll probably have to work it out between yourselves. But, be careful, if it goes to a judge, you most likely won’t get the 50/50 you’re after.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 01:10 AM
12

Big tits have an uncanny knack for blocking the view of red flags. Thats how I got married in the first place.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 01:02 PM
1

You might be surprised. My story is shockingly like yours. My father in law has all kinds of money. My STBX has been dragging shit along for almost the same amount of time as yours. I haven’t spent half of what her side has on lawyers. It sounds like you can’t afford not to have a lawyer. If 50/50 is the standard in your state, who gives a fuck if she agrees to it? Otherwise, you’re right, you will probably lose that depending on the judge. But, even in Texas (not 50/50) the judge in the county …
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 04:16 AM
4

You, me and Elon Musk all pay the same amount in Texas once you hit a certain income level.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 05:07 PM
1

Don’t know your entire situation so I won’t opine on trying to make it work. However, if you’re going forward, I wouldn’t make any statements or promises whatsoever about the future to her. You don’t know what the future holds so don’t even try to talk about it. I told the ex that I’d do this and that and pay for this and that when we first started this process and ended up fucking myself when she and her lawyer went full rage-mode a little later. I fucked up. Don’t do what I did. Even if you do…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:59 PM
2

Wait? You pay child support AND half of the daycare expenses? The whole point of child support is to keep them out of daycare, isn’t it? Either you got fucked in your divorce decree or you aren’t reading it correctly. Hardly any decree will say you are required to pay anything back to her that you didn’t agree to in writing beforehand. And, this vet bill bullshit for a cat you’ve never even met is too much. All of that extraneous crap is what you pay child support for. She’s taking you for a fre…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:49 PM
10

I wish I could get something like this, someday. But, the ex would NEVER admit to doing anything wrong or having any regrets. Just not how she operates. We went to marriage counseling years ago, when the guy said one thing critical of her in the second session, she told me on our way to the car that, “We are never going back to this quack ever again!” It was fine when everyone was shitting in me, but, oh no, we aren’t allowed to point out her faults at any time.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:16 PM
2

I’ll tell you when I should have known: When I didn’t want to go home anymore. When it felt like my floors had all been re-covered with eggshells and when I had to sit in the driveway and psyche myself up to go inside because I had no idea what awaited me on the other side of that door. It was time way back then.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:07 PM
2

With only you moving, I’m pretty sure you’re stuck with Texas. But, that’s not so bad. Since the marriage was only 2 years. Find the statement for your 401k right before the wedding. That’s what you brought into the marriage. You’ll only split the difference between the current balance and that statement balance. Believe me, you’ve got it easy compared to most guys on here. After 20 years, that math gets a whole lot different.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 02:04 PM
2

One possible problem I see with a forced sale that she doesn’t want is that if she’s in the house during the sale process, she can easily influence a lack of sale. Quits mowing the yard, leaves dishes in the sink and unflushed toilets for each viewing, etc. Hell, she could just not leave for a viewing and talk shit about the place to potential buyers. Then, what if she says “no” to every offer? I would guess you have to have acceptance from both of you to consummate a sale, right?
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 01:59 PM
3

I’m not divorced yet, but hopefully soon if she’ll sign the fucking decree. Thinking about the dating world a bit and my plan, for now, is to go super easy and make it just that. Dates. Not a relationship. My goal is that she’ll never meet my kids and I have zero desire to meet hers.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 01:35 PM
3

I like this idea!
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 07:10 PM
2

https://archive.org/details/THEPREDATORYFEMALENOMISSINGPAGESLawrenceShannonAFieldGuideToDatingandTheMarriageDivorceIndustry This is a pretty quick read and addresses a lot of your questions. He goes a little harder than I’d prefer and paints with a pretty broad brush, but also brings up some excellent points.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 07:05 PM
11

I’ve kind of thought about what I would do if some guy called me wanting to compare notes or was looking for tips on the Ex. I’d like to think I’d say, “She’s not the same person I married. You’ll have to figure this one out on your own. Sorry.” And just leave it at that. But, I’m petty and would probably tell him that she loves it when you shove your dick in her asshole dry with no warning during sex. “I’m tellin’ ya, man. I never would’ve thought it, either…” That’ll create an awkward moment l…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 06:04 PM
7

If sleeping in the same bed while divorcing isn’t weird enough for you, just jerk off in bed as if she isn’t there. Pornhub at full volume. That’ll freak her the fuck out. Plus, it might give you the bonus of forcing her into the guest room and you get the big boy bed. Two birds…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 05:45 PM
3

Takes a lot more training to be able to monetize it at all, really. But, that isn’t the point. There’s a certain amount of freedom and convenience that’s gained from it. Plus, depending on how far you are going, you can often beat the airlines from door to door and go to an airport much closer to your actual destination. But, it’s a little like a country club membership, you’ll never be able to monetarily justify it and you have to use it a lot in order to make it even remotely worth the initial…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 04:43 PM
1

Taking Statistics in college killed a lot of the fun for me, too.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 04:34 PM
3

You want to spend some money? Go get a pilot’s license. Even if you don’t go anywhere outside of your local area, it’s one of the most expensive hobbies there is and it’s a fucking blast! Source: Private pilot.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 03:02 AM
1

Agree with everything but the gambling part. That shit WILL come up in a divorce hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 03:00 AM
7

Let that poor fucker deal with her.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 02:58 AM
4

Some (perhaps, most) people just aren’t meant to be together. Unfortunately, we usually find this out after the wedding. I’m shocked that my STBX and I lasted as long as we did as our personality types just don’t jive. Of course, I was miserable for about the last decade we were together.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 09:21 PM
1

If you agreed to not have attorneys, I wouldn’t try to sneak one in. I wouldn’t think you’d HAVE to sign anything. But, you can ask the mediator the second question.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 02:46 AM
16

She’s fucking her lawyer. That’s the only thing that makes sense to me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 12:17 PM
1

I’ll agree that you MIGHT have been 50% of the problem. But, remember, it takes two to tango. It’s not all you, bud.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 04:43 AM
9

Maybe talk to the boss about scheduling your travel for the weeks when you don’t have the kids? Most people will make reasonable accommodations for you. Maybe get in with the Mom group to help you out and get the kids to and from activities? If they live close, most people don’t care about throwing a couple more in the back and driving an extra block or two. 10 years old is tough. As they get older, there’s less relying on you and they’ll start doing more things with friends instead of organized…
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 03:28 PM
3

You do this. She wins.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 11:09 PM
4

I won’t opine on God’s opinion of divorce. Sometimes I think these are the rules and rituals of man, not of His. But, I do know that He generally wants us to be happy. Sometimes, divorce is how we get back to happy. Good on you, man. I’m happy for you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 07:01 PM
9

You can’t turn your emotions totally off. But, you do need to hide them. I would say that this meeting won’t do you any good and your time would be better spent in a lawyer’s office. Stand her up. But, if you insist on holding the meet, don’t give her the satisfaction of you blubbering and crying in public and begging her to come back. You two are done. Get that in your head and be stoic about it. Make sure you don’t give her any ammo to use against you later by being nice and telling her you’ll…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 02:47 PM
2

You are relieved of all liability for my drunken shenanigans, good sir!
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 11:53 AM
1

This is good.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 11:48 AM
1

Strangely, you’re right.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 11:45 AM
7

I’ve never used this, but had a buddy in my younger days that used to say that giving a girl anal was a necessity for future arguments like this. His quote: “She could go off in a room full of people you know about how small your dick is or that you couldn’t last more than a minute or whatever. But, as soon as you drop, ‘Maybe so, but I fucked you in the ass,’ it’s the ultimate Trump card.” Anyway, this reminded me of that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 03:49 AM
3

She’s told you everything you need to know.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 03:45 AM
2

Outstanding!!!
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 03:41 AM
–

Sounds like it. Read your decree. I’ll bet it says something about you being allowed to tend to her religious education during your time or something like that. That stuff is boilerplate language in Texas decrees. I doubt Georgia will be much different and will be very hard for her to fight. I’ve seen the bisexual-after-divorce thing happen (cousin’s ex-wife) and it means she’s losing her shit. Any judge that hears that will give her the side-eye pretty quickly. Enjoy services with your daughter…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 06:53 PM
8

I’m not out there, yet. But, I damn sure will be less tolerant of their bullshit. The first hint of any my ex’s traits will be met swiftly.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 09:38 PM
2

Did you have an agreement when you divorced or did the judge have to lay down the law? I ask because an agreement is much tougher to get changed. She could always take your daughter to a different church of her choosing on her Sundays, couldn’t she? Pretty easy argument to make. Now, if one of you is a Scientologist or a part of any other cult, there’s an argument to be made. Otherwise, if the church is like you say, and if the church is fairly well known in your town, I don’t see you having a p…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 08:01 PM
16

You’re never going to be bros, but be friendly to the guy. If anything, make him like you a bit. It’ll probably fuck her up a little. “Bob, how are you? Heard a lot about you. It’s really nice to meet you. Can I get you anything?” If you have anything in common; work, hobbies, whatever, bring it up briefly, have a quick laugh and move on. It isn’t his fault. He’s just trying to get laid. She wants you to make a scene. Don’t even come close to it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 05:17 AM
1

Mine started crying hard during mediation because reality set in. I wish I could’ve seen it but the mediator had to tell me, “There’s a lot of tears in that room.” I would’ve used those tears as lube if I could get in there.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 05:12 AM
1

You are exactly right about the deal on the courthouse steps. Thats why I’m saying $2k over what you’d normally get for October and be done with it. If she rejects, I am ready to go to court. The issue with a trial is that the judge will almost certainly order the sale of the house. I was willing to give her the house, but having the cash from a sale would be nice, too. So, she knows I’m not joking.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 05:46 PM
2

You don’t deal with her. Block her number on your phone. Any communication is via email. Reply with one word answers about a week after she sends it. Or, don’t reply at all. It’ll drive her absolutely nuts and force her to do or say something that a judge won’t like. Meanwhile, you’re at the doctor’s office, gym and on the Counselor’s couch making yourself better.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 04:03 PM
1

Not right now and she’s unlikely to get any. God Bless Texas. She’ll end up taking our deal. She just wants me to pay for September and October before she signs it. So, let’s just get that out of the way and finish this up.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:54 PM
1

17 and 14. Boys. We’ve already got an agreement with respect to kids entered from mediation. So, that’s set in stone. We were right on the goal line for property division when she walked the deal.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:32 PM
1

I have the offer conditioned on her not getting paid until 14 days after the decree is entered. What I’m offering is about $2k over what she’d get if I paid the October bills normally, but it gets it all done. If she turns it down, we go to trial. And, neither of us wants a trial.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 02:51 PM
3

Something like that. But, I’ll go back to the office in a suit right after the judge signs it to get her off of it. Fuck her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:00 AM
2

We have one in October. I’m about to make a Go-Away offer to just pay her off for another month so it won’t go to trial. But, the threat is that if she doesn’t take it, I WILL take it to trial and I have shit like this to bury her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 02:59 AM
1

Yep. Her email said, “I expect to keep my health insurance through your employer,” in her email. It’s so obvious and predictable. In Texas, I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to keep an ex on your insurance plan. But, I’m sure she’s asked her lawyer if she could work a deal like yours tried to do.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 11:23 PM
2

Your point iv) has been the key for me. If I am asked to go to an event, get together, party, dinner, lunch, whatever, I go to it. I go even if I don’t want to go. That’s kept me in social circles, I’ve made new friends and that has kept me active. Meanwhile, my STBXW has hunkered down and won’t talk to anyone about anything. She has no friends and is crumbling.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 11:19 PM
2

In the early days, dad never is able to soothe the little ones. Don’t feel bad. Even if you were there everyday, it would be about the same. Your daughter has been inside mom for 9 months and the smell, feel, everything is familiar. Plus, she has tits. You ain’t got the feeders. Keep holding her as much as you can and it’ll come.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 11:01 PM
1

That seems like good advice. I need to think of something cool to go do or buy.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 10:55 PM
2

I have some buddies that are checking in on me all the time, they’ve loaned me some money, go get a beer when I need it. They’re awesome. They’ve taught me how to be a good friend to someone and I will pay it forward someday, though I hope I don’t have to. Nobody else should have to go through this.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 10:29 PM
24

My regular advice to guys that are missing their STBX that cheated on them is to imagine him bending her over the couch that you bought, and she’s smiling the whole time. There’s a better than average chance that actually happened. Should get their mind off of her. I have no idea if mine was fucking someone else or not. I don’t think so, but I really don’t care. Let him deal with her crazy ass.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 03:33 AM
7

Anal on your birthday doesn’t count. Hell, even I got that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 03:30 AM
1

And, today I learned what pendente lite means.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 01:50 PM
1

This seems like good advice.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 01:45 PM
0

My final hearing/hand the agreement to the judge is in two days. I’ve been tempted to play this one: https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxCP1AZfeRp11FXycSc2SZdSoILc-RE9Y-?si=ow0Y0u__WGyuX3JN
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 05:35 PM
3

I’d been miserable in my marriage for an over a decade when my wife filed. For whatever reason, I was still devastated. No fucking clue why. So, you are not odd for mourning. You’re going to miss the life you had, not the person. You’ll get over this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 01:40 PM
6

It took me about a day and a half to realize that she did me a favor by filing. But, I was a fucking wreck for that day and a half. You’ll get through this. 2 years? She needs to pay somebody back for the wedding expenses.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 12:58 PM
2

At $100k, I’m not so sure with your net worth. But, $300k? Probably so. If you have truly put a good faith value on both of them, and you know she is undervaluing them, there won’t be any surprises for you in court. My wife tried to pull this shit with the value of our house. Her number was $20k under the tax rolls number, which is ridiculously low. I had a realtor do a comp report to get to my number. Even when I brought receipts, she said, “Your number is high,” with nothing to back it up. We …
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 12:54 PM
-1

Beat her to the courthouse. You need to file. It gives you the initial narrative and puts her on her heels.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 03:23 AM
0

Oh my God, did you come up with this yourself? That is SO funny!!! It’s like a Jeopardy subject so it’s relatable to everyone! Keep talking more so I can hear it! EDIT: Fuck you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 03:47 AM
2

Which papers do you mean? The final ones? If so, I’ll tell you, my decree is getting filed later this week and I’m fucking stoked! It sucked waaaay worse in the beginning. You’ll see.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 03:41 AM
10

I would recommend sound proofing the absolute fuck out of that shared wall. Like, call in NASA or something.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 03:39 AM
2

This is an easy one. This is the worst bait ever. Do not bite at it. Stay healthy and you won’t need a reimbursement, right? Besides, during the divorce process, you will both stay in each other’s plans. After it’s over, who’s to say either if you will have the same job/plan?
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 03:38 AM
5

Where’s the “Upvote 10 Times” button?
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 03:34 AM
1

Precisely.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 03:31 AM
2

Clean all the money out of your joint accounts into an account you control. Divert your paycheck into that same account. That’ll change her tune.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 11:00 PM
3

I am computer illiterate, but know how to edit the fuck out of a pdf. Yeah, that’s shady as hell.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 08:30 PM
9

I checked all those boxes. The thing I love most about my new living arrangement is that there aren’t eggshells all over the floor that I have to walk on.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 08:23 PM
1

Yep. Hell, I’ve even caught myself defending her on occasion. Like you say, it’s a conditioned response. Hoping it’ll go away. It’s fucking crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 08:15 PM
7

I had a similar deal. My wife’s sister is a lawyer, but not family law. Made her think she’d get everything she wanted for 9 months. House, retirement fund, spousal support, everything. We got to mediation and the mediator basically told her that it doesn’t work like that. Divorce is going to be painful. Wife freaked out and started bawling asking how she’s going to survive. Should’ve thought about that before you filed. Meanwhile, my lawyer and I brought snacks and were having a good old time i…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 06:05 PM
5

Doesn’t sound petty at all. Sounds like a winning strategy. If you are getting a free lawyer, use that to bury her. She started this with her lies about you and using the kids as a weapon. Turnabout is fair play.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 04:31 PM
3

That happens a lot. More often, they are in love with the wedding than the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 04:28 PM
26

Imagine this new guy has her bent over the couch you bought and she’s smiling the whole time he’s railing her from behind. Odds are, that actually happened. That ought to cure any “I should go back” thoughts for you. If she’s started living with another dude, y’all are done. Enjoy your trip.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 12:52 AM
13

Check her work before it goes out. Luckily, I work in a field where I deal with a lot of contracts and legal documents, so get how to draft and edit them. And I’ve done a lot of both in this process. But, even if you don’t, remember that she’s got 10 other clients and you are watching your case much closer than she is. You will pick up on things she forgot to include. Believe me. Finally, your lawyer isn’t your therapist. She’ll gladly listen to you whine for an hour for $400 and get nothing don…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 10:09 PM
5

Jesus, that would’ve been nice. I’m happy for you. OP, if she’s good with keeping it this way, keep in mind that I’m close to $40k into my divorce and not quite done (now, we have kids, house assets and she’s a greedy cunt, so…there’s that) So, if she wants an extra $1000 or wants you to pay all of the cost for that online service, fucking pay it and get it done.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 01:34 PM
6

Look, my wife filed and I feel the same way your wife does. I’ve never felt so free. Thats the sign of a bad marriage. However, I’m not a shitty enough person to sign my name on the papers with a comment like that. Your wife apparently is. I know it’s tough to hear her say that, but fuck her and go get yourself better.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 11:24 PM
2

I used to hear that a lot from my father in law. I thought he was joking at first.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 07:10 PM
11

I have no idea and I truly do not care. Let that poor fucker deal with her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 11:22 AM
2

Of course.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 05:15 PM
13

Having to go over the fucking top for her goddamn birthday every year. Man, am I done with that shit.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 11:14 AM
2

It’s now time for the airing of grievances.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 11:12 AM
2

My mother said something to my wife 20 years ago and she never forgave her. Nobody can even remember what it was, now. Same thing with my sister 15 years ago. Women are like that. I’ll bet she still hates people for perceived slights back in high school, too. Mine did.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 06:35 PM
1

The wiping out your joint accounts into an account you control is essential. I screwed that up. Yes, you’ll have to give a lot back, but for now you’ll control the money. Good luck, man.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 05:50 PM
1

That’s one thing I’ve thought of. With her buying all their stuff and me reimbursing her behind the scenes, she gets to be the good guy. “They need new shoes? I’ll pay for them, just send them over and I’ll take them shopping.”
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 07:22 PM
1

You are much more eloquent than I am. Plus, this is really good advice.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 01:55 PM
2

Ooh. Same house. I can’t help you there. I noped the fuck out for my own sake.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 02:38 AM
8

I don’t know shit about how Canada works, but I do know that divorce lawyers generally know how a case is going to go, within 5-10%, as soon as you walk in the door. They cut through all the emotion and bullshit and can tell you what to expect. Go talk to one. He’ll probably give you a worksheet to take home where you’ll fill out every asset and liability you currently have and he can take it from there and give you a pretty good idea of what to expect. That’s probably worth the few hours he’ll …
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 02:14 AM
1

Find some real life buddies. Church, the bar, whatever. You need to talk to real people. And, I’d go ahead and block her number on your phone for a couple of weeks. It’ll be better for you. Text is a terrible way to communicate when you’re mad. Make her go to email.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 02:04 AM
11

Dude, we all broke down to a blubbering mess at some point. I’m just glad there wasn’t video going each of the times I did. I mean it was ugly there for a while. I broke down watching random YouTube videos on the regular for about 3 months. Fucking nutcase. You miss the life you had. Jesus H. Christ do I get that. But, what you’ll realize is that while you miss the life, you won’t miss the girl in the long run. You may miss the original version of her, but you now know that was an act. That wasn…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 01:42 AM
1

We all did.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 01:25 AM
7

One thing it took me a minute to realize was that I missed the life we had, not the actual woman. Don’t know if that helps, but I thought I’d throw it out there.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 03:24 PM
7

What seems moderately fair to me is if the party that files for divorce automatically forfeits any right to spousal support. If you blindside her and file to run off with your secretary, that’s worth some consideration to your ex wife. If she files to “find herself,” she’s going to find herself broke.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 03:07 PM
4

Precisely. Mine was a housewife for 17 years. About a year and a half before the filing, I got laid off and was doing contract work. She has a business degree, yet refused to look for work even though our oldest was driving and they didn’t need her at every moment anymore. She wanted $4500/month for the next five years at mediation. That was what I was paying under the temporary orders had and is a little more than half of my take-home pay every month. I told her to get fucked, she’s not getting…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 03:02 PM
1

Adding this to my notes.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 11:13 AM
2

My Spanish is shit. Unless you need more butter, I’m pretty much worthless. And this is after living most of my life in West Texas and taking 4 years of Spanish. Would that be a problem in Medellin?
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 08:36 PM
1

That’s what hookers are for.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 08:32 PM
1

Concur. Ain’t nobody got time for rock dots over the U.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 08:29 PM
2

Haven’t watched the video you linked, but Honolulu has been a shithole for at least the last 20 years. Waikiki beach is tiny and loaded with people, trash everywhere and crime ridden. When I was in the Navy we’d stop there at least 4 times on every deployment for a port call. After the first few, we did everything we could to get out of that city. Some damn nice places to rent up on the north shore of Oahu. At least, there was back then.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 08:20 PM
4

I haven’t done the OLD thing but I put together some good profile advice from a few sources that I’ll put out there: Overall, remember that the goal is simply to get her to meet for a drink. That’s it. Pretty low bar. You aren’t looking for your soulmate right off the bat. There’s plenty of time to fuck it up after you sit down for the drink. No need for your kids, hobbies (unless they are truly interesting to other people) and all that to be on a dating profile. Every data point you put out the…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 08:04 PM
2

You’ve got a point. There was a Marriage Certificate. The opposite should be true. Problem is, my divorce decree is 45 pages long. Not like I can get a wallet-sized version of that for my “proof.”
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 07:18 PM
3

I must be your age. I still want to say the Ukraine. Also, to me it’s still Kee-ev. Not Keev. Now, I’m off to find a lady from Odessa. But, probably Odessa, Texas instead of the Ukraine.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 07:15 PM
4

Anal penetrator. Just kidding. Affair partner. Edit: I suppose it could be both at the same time, really.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 03:27 AM
7

I’ve been pretty generous throughout the separation as far as money for the kids. She asks and she has it in her account 10 minutes later. The other day, she found my limit. A stupid $20 part that’s already in the house that she has denied me access to. I said, “There’s already one there.” “But we can’t find it.” “You not finding something in a house you’ve had sole access to for the last 10 months isn’t my problem.” “Fine, keep your $10!” She’s about to get “that’s what child support is for,” o…
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 03:20 AM
15

Are you me? Holy shit, I could’ve posted this word for word (except the AP part, as far as I know). Mine broke down during the mediation because she finally learned that she wasn’t going to get 100% of the assets and 3/4 of my paycheck for the next five years and she freaked the fuck out. Everybody wants to be a girl boss, until it’s time to do girl boss shit. I hope she enjoys changing her own tires.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 01:41 AM
1

Mine was very temporary, but he did come around. She filed in late October, first hearing in mid-December. Christmas came around and it was obvious that my STBX was poisoning my oldest son against me. Younger boy wouldn’t take the bait. Lots of circumstantial evidence of this, but he wouldn’t call me back or return texts on Christmas Day. Absolutely killed me. This went on for a couple of weeks until I set an ultimatum that he and I will go to dinner next week (he was 16 at the time) whether he …
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 01:29 AM
2

Attaboy.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 10:55 PM
4

Damn. I’m behind. Only down about 10 lbs. Then again, she did me a favor when she filed. Even with all the legal, financial and fatherhood bullshit, I haven’t been happier in years.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 04:15 PM
3

This isn’t quite going with OP’s theme, but I’ll give my advice anyway. Personally, I have trouble getting the motivation to workout by myself whenever I’m starting over again. That keeps me from starting at all. If you are looking for a gym to join, consider one that has the Les Mills classes (BodyPump, BodyCombat, etc.) I know what you’re thinking but hear me out. It’s not an 80’s aerobics class. You’ve probably seen these classes and it’s just a bunch of old, fat ladies; and you would be corr…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 12:10 PM
6

“And for any haters on here…” Dude, you aren’t going to get any haters in this sub for not wanting to give your ex a fucking dime. In fact, kudos.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 09:12 PM
2

Sorry, just saw this. 19 years as of a month ago. God Bless Texas. Non-alimony state. You pretty much have to have special needs kids requiring more than the state max for child support to get spousal support here. There are a few other extreme arguments that can get it, but that wasn’t us.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 06:34 PM
5

Mine did everything she could to leave town with the kids during the divorce process. I fought that and won. She mostly did it because she doesn’t have any friends here. I don’t see that changing. She’s embarrassed about the divorce and is just keeping to herself. She actually told me why she wanted to leave when I asked her. “Because everyone in town is going to think that I left you at your lowest point.” I had to actually laugh. “It could be that they think that because it’s true?” I was betw…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 03:02 PM
5

This might not be real popular on here, but I’ll give you my take: Give a little to get a lot. If you are sure the divorce will be done in a couple of months and you can afford to pay those bills, go ahead and do it even though it hurts. If that keeps her from going nuclear and forcing you into a hearing with lawyers on both sides where, odds are, a judge is probably going to tell you to keep paying them anyway since you make more than her. After that, you’ll fight over every little thing and co…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 07:37 PM
7

Not final just yet. Should be by the end of the month. She filed in October. So, November through August of temporary spousal support of $4500, plus the state max for child support of $2300. Plus, paid the note and insurance on a house I couldn’t go in. I was barely able to keep up. I’ll still have the CS, but I’m okay with that. Made the last payment on all the rest yesterday. She’s about to find out what independent really means.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 11:49 AM
4

Holy shit. That’s just a short summary and I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of a worse meltdown than that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 04:06 AM
16

Made my last payment today. $4500. Feels good, man. Addition: That $4500 was temporary spousal support for the last 10 months. So, OP and I are about equal. She wanted the same rate for another 60 months to settle the divorce. She got $0. God bless Texas.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 04:00 AM
11

Dude, divorced people are all over the place. Even good people have breakups. Don’t assume everyone thinks you’re some kind of freak. If anything, you’re in the majority. Keep being a good person. That’s what they’ll see.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 03:55 AM
1

This guy is more eloquent than I am. I just called her a cunt…with a few other words.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 03:41 AM
2

Fuck off with this “perspective” bullshit. Go suck his dick, cook him something and beg for his forgiveness. He deserves nothing less from you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 03:15 AM
6

If Reddit has to kick me off, then, so be it. I just want you to see it first. Here we go: You are a fucking cunt and don’t deserve that man. Gee, he had more trouble finding someone to fuck than you did? Color me shocked. Women are the gateway to sex. Men want sex. Husbands want sex. Perhaps your husband liked having sex with you and you didn’t want to have sex with him because he hasn’t changed since you married him? Why did you marry him, then? So, “let’s open it up” and, Bob’s your uncle, yo…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 03:01 AM
2

Mine will be right around 10 months. I can’t imagine almost 2 years.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 08:09 PM
12

Ordinarily I would agree. But, I was hoping my wife would become like my MIL. Never happened.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 08:08 PM
2

Yep. You’re exactly right. My lawyer seems to think it’s just a formality from here, but I have a feeling that she’ll fight every word on the decree. Her sister is a lawyer and has made simple shit like that very difficult through the entire process. Keeping my guard up.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 12:36 PM
15

I do find it interesting that this sub is thriving, yet r/divorce_women hasn’t had a post in 3 years. Could it be that they ate their own and we actually look out for each other? Can’t be it. Must be the male privilege. EDIT: 4 years.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 12:50 AM
1

True. But, I’m willing to give the guy a break for that.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 11:35 PM
14

Sounds like you’re ahead of the game by taking her off that pedestal. Remember this line: “Everybody wants to be a Girl Boss until it’s time to do Girl Boss shit.” Repeat that to her when she says she’s a “strong and independent woman”. Independent means she cannot depend on you for a goddamn thing. She got a flat tire? Bitch, you better call somebody and pay them out of your account. Stop making all payments on anything that would be deemed “hers” until a court tells you otherwise. Start a new …
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 11:30 PM
1

Some of us are in states where that’s the default. 50/50 hasn’t caught on everywhere, unfortunately. 10 years ago it was even more so. Taking it to the judge won’t do any good. So, you take what you can get.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 11:13 PM
2

Look, he’s turned out the be a great kid. That’s what you wanted the day he was born, right? You probably saw something on TV that fired a synapse in your brain about all this. It’s okay to feel this way. Regret is, unfortunately, part of the deal. But, you can’t go back. He likes you. That’s what matters.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 11:12 PM
2

Sorry, man. Meet some friends while you’re in that bar. Your life BEGINS today.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 03:05 AM
2

Goddamn right. Listen to this guy. ^
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 03:04 AM
4

You know what your red flags are. If she’s waving them, just bail. I’m sure you learned the first time around that you aren’t going to change her.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 03:42 PM
12

As a guy in the final throws of the divorce proceedings, I’m happy to help these promiscuous women. I’ll give them the most regretful 3 minutes of their lives.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 09:53 PM
21

I wouldn’t even tell my lawyer about this. He may drop you as a client. However, you could tell him that a little birdie told you that x, y and z are going to happen to guide him. He works for you, ultimately. You have a gift with this information. Use it wisely.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 04:31 PM
9

Putting this line in my Big D notes. Well done.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 04:54 AM
1

I was doing fine during mediation until the mediator read that off to me. That’s when I lost my shit and went on a rant. “When she proves that she was in that godforsaken plane for 1,200 hours slamming onto carrier decks and fucked up her back and hearing, THEN she can have half of it!” But, the mediator calmed me down by telling me about the separate property thing. I’m only at 20% so it would only be about $150/month to her, but it was the principle that enraged me, like you said.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 05:49 PM
1

No shit. The return key works.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:36 PM
3

At least in Texas, the VA disability is separate property for you. So, take that out of the equation. My wife tried to go after half of mine and got shot the fuck down.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:33 PM
7

On your “in trouble” point, I remember the first phone conversation with her after I met the process server (nice guy, by the way) and she said something along the lines of, “You’re not in trouble for that, you’re in trouble for this.” I couldn’t help but laugh as I replied, “Do you think I give a fuck if I’m ‘in trouble’ with you? You’re the one that dropped the papers, remember?” She was silent. She could tell her power was gone in that moment.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:18 PM
2

Absolutely. I think her mother doted on she and her sister too much. Now, neither one can do anything for themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 01:07 PM
15

Im right at the finish line of mine. I hope she moves on soon. Gets her out of my hair. She’s good looking enough to be able to dupe the next poor fucker in record time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 11:56 AM
3

I’m one of the few guys on here that will tell you that my in-laws are fantastic. I looked forward to every visit with them. I’m not kidding. My father-in-law and I were just about best friends. Super good dude and an outstanding grandfather to my boys. You know how people say before you get married, look at her mother, because that’s what she’ll become? I was like, “Deal!” Good looking lady, handles her household and loves to please her husband and family. Just a ball of positive energy. None o…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 10:08 PM
1

Since your circumstances are unique, I suppose so. But, really no clue.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 12:29 PM
1

I forgot to add one important point: One of the rules she gave me was that none of the negotiations can carry over to court if it doesn’t work. So, let’s say you had agreed to give her the house in mediation, but you got stuck somewhere else and couldn’t get an agreement drawn up. The house is now off the table when you show up at court. It’s now a free for all.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 12:25 PM
1

All very good points. Like I said, her first counter offer was ridiculous, but I’m glad I didn’t just call it off right then. She had to shoot her shot, right?
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 12:23 PM
8

Call us all folks that are on the outside looking in, but everyone is telling you to stay away from this for several reasons. Don’t take this bait. The simplest reason is to just rip the bandaid off for the kids. “Mom and Dad don’t hang out anymore. Get used to it.” The more complicated reason is that you don’t know what kind of buzz saw you’re walking into. So, best to avoid it completely. Experiment idea: Tell her that you and the kids will sit at a table in one corner of the restaurant or mov…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 03:27 AM
3

Dude, you need to start thinking about your life choices.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 01:11 AM
2

Happy to help. This sub has been good to me.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 01:09 AM
2

Like I said, nobody had a “hard stop” early in the day, but the new lawyer that tagged in had to go at 5:30. Nothing would happen the very next day. Everyone has schedules to keep.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 12:59 AM
2

Thanks, man. Yeah, I think mine was shocked when the first “No” came up from me during negotiations. She hadn’t heard that in a long time.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 12:58 AM
1

So, you knocked her up on purpose?
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 12:56 AM
3

You could’ve stopped at DEI consulting and told me everything I need to know. I’m sorry for you, man. However, your lawyer will use the law degree against her on the stand. People that are intentionally underemployed tend not to do well in front of judges when begging for alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 08:30 PM
1

Dear Lord… She’s unlocked a new level of crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 07:38 PM
1

Add that the sister/lawyer is a raging cunt and you get a recipe for disaster for her lawyers. Luckily, Cali is a 50/50 state, if I recall. So you’ve got that going for you. Unfortunately, Texas hasn’t caught up in that respect and I’m stuck with the every other weekend shit. But, the kids are old enough that they can basically choose their own path, so I’m cool with it. Both the house and limited alimony may be a tough ask, though. Might have to give a bit on one of those. But, then again, she’…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 07:37 PM
2

I don’t know how mediation is done in California, but ours was pretty painless. In fact, it was over Zoom. That way we didn’t have to look at each other and the mediator just went back and forth between two virtual “rooms.” Ordinarily, it’s done in real life with the mediator physically moving between rooms. In a high conflict divorce, I don’t see how they could expect people to sit at the same table to mediate, though.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 07:31 PM
3

Eventually, lawyers and judges cut through the emotional arguments. It takes more time and costs more money to do that, but it’ll happen. Stay the course and be able to say you did this with honor at the end of it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 12:44 PM
5

Not necessarily ice cold. Especially if you have kids together. There’s two sides to every story and there are different perspectives. In my case, she wanted the house. So, now I know that she wants convenience and immediate gratification. Fine, in exchange, she can’t touch my retirement fund. Those are the gives and takes that have to happen. Now, me not getting the cash from the house hurts, but it also lets my kids stay where they are. So, I’m willing to give on that. Stuff like that.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 11:45 PM
5

There’s a part of me that thinks it’s smart to have no relationship equity. Once the D-word comes out, that person is now your enemy until it’s final. Kids complicate this adage, but you get my point. Really, if it’s all going to be in a spreadsheet, why get emotional? Emotion doesn’t play into it. I lost a lot of fights trying to apply logic and reason to an emotional argument. This is one where logic and reason can actually win.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 11:27 PM
5

Married almost 19 years. Hopefully it will be settled this week.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 09:12 PM
3

I was never totally unemployed for long, but had to do independent/freelance work for a couple of years. She filed after one of them dried up last October. Found another freelance gig about a week after she filed, then got a fantastic full time job a couple of months after she filed. Been there ever since and plan to be there for a good long while. I like it. Now, she’s trying to get spousal support (in Texas, a non-alimony state) because of the “income gap.” Fuck that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 12:24 PM
7

This doesn’t answer your question, but I will say that my situation was exactly like yours. But, all of a sudden, that “good money” stopped when I got laid off. See how long she sticks around after that.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 01:21 PM
1

Not the usual advice given around these parts, but I like your honesty. Good to get it from all perspectives.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 01:15 PM
26

Just a reminder to the boys that big tits have an uncanny ability to block the view of red flags. That’s what got me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 01:07 PM
1

Good man. Glad you’re feeling better. On a practical note, the mortgage statements are just the beginning. Start getting your logins ready to go for every bank, creditor, bill, insurance, you name it, that you can think of. I had to figure out how to log into shit that I had before the internet was even a thing. It takes a minute. Download 2 years worth of statements, bills, invoices, etc into separate folders. That way, when she asks for them, and she will, you can produce them in about 5 minut…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 09:54 PM
3

Kept this one in my notes.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 03:40 PM
1

Beat her to the courthouse. That gives you an advantage. Find any lawyer first thing in the morning and get him to file. The fact that she posted that shit is telling. But, I can’t believe a judge is going to believe random online strangers that she can’t bring in to testify.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 11:32 PM
2

I blocked mine over text for a couple of months after getting several rage texts. I lifted it a month or so ago. I cannot tell you how much fun it was watching her struggle to figure out why every text she sent went to green, while my son would be right next to her and his texts would go right through. She never even considered it. Finally, I think someone told her why it couldn’t get through and she emailed me asking if I had blocked her. “Yes.” Was all I replied. Lord, that felt good.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 09:11 PM
1

It’ll continue to suck, but then it will get better. I promise.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 09:05 PM
10

Man, I absolutely get the walking on eggshells part. Oddly enough, my day to day stress levels have gone way down since this process started. That’s going through a divorce and getting ready to file for bankruptcy right after it. But, hell, my life hasn’t been any better in years. When you have to sit in your car in the driveway after work and psych yourself up to go into the house because you have no idea what’s on the other side of that door, it’s time to get out. I’d been doing that for years…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 08:30 PM
-1

I didn’t on Mother’s Day and I’m okay with it. I might do the birthday text at the end of the month, depending on how mediation goes next week. However, now that I think about it, I didn’t get shit from her on my birthday…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 03:56 PM
1

Damn! I’d start asking myself how much I really needed that finger.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 01:07 PM
13

Dude, time to let it go.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 03:11 AM
2

Ugh. As far as I know, mine didn’t cheat on me. But, I’m certainly not in the mood to put another one on. I feel for you, buddy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 02:30 AM
12

Nope. My STBXW is hot as fuck. I want nothing to do with her, but she’s still easy in the eyes.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 01:07 AM
5

Good to know there’s hope. I’ve gotten used to not wearing it, luckily.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 05:57 PM
3

I’m not. But, only because I’m not willing to give the STBXW any more ammo.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 04:09 PM
2

TCU? I know a lot of powerful alums that might help.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 12:18 PM
8

I absolutely get the intent and the feeling behind it. But, it’s probably not a good idea. You’re just opening yourself up for trouble down the road. For one thing, I’ll bet that at least half of those doctors in his practice are fucking pharmaceutical reps on the side (one of the perks of being a doctor is that hot ass is paraded through your office all day and they need something from you) and they’ll throw that letter in the trash. Or, they’ll stick up for their buddy/partner and send lawyers…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 03:31 AM
6

Just found out last week that Texas has not caught up, yet. Also, that my judge follows the state regs of every other weekend-bullshit. FML.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 05:54 PM
7

You’re looking at this like a reasonable person. If she does the same then you’ll be okay. However, the phrase “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” is a cliche’ for a reason. Keep your guard up, just in case.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 02:26 PM
5

Precisely. Once you push back the first time, the knives come out.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 02:01 PM
5

I wish mine would.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 05:06 AM
3

Jesus, is this ever true…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 01:54 AM
2

This. Everything has a timeline. She needs some motivation to get her shit together and buy you out.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 01:29 AM
6

The Stockholm Syndrome finally wore off. It took me 36 hours after I got served. It takes others a bit longer. Point is, you’re there. Welcome.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 09:14 AM
5

Damn, son! 245 is a bunch for a dude under a buck seventy. Nice work!
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 12:00 PM
9

“A good wife will make your dick hard, not your life.” Write that down.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 02:54 AM
3

Same. Had to Google it. So true.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 02:53 AM
9

Anyone that’s worth a shit that’s my age almost certainly has her own kids. I’ve raised mine. Not doing it again.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 03:17 AM
2

I get wanting to hang on for your kids and for old times, and I totally understand the Stockholm Syndrome. I had it, too. But, holy shit, you need to run away fast before something bad happens to you or your kids. You’re bringing a damn time bomb back into your house.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 07:54 PM
11

A theory: If you look at history, biology, game theory and genetics; men are replaceable. If you died in a war, there are 10 guys just like you that would offer to drive your wife home from the funeral. Women are the gatekeepers. And, women know this. You and me, on the other hand, we found our 1. We were chosen as the 1 of 10. When that blows up in our face, we know it’s not easy to replace that. But, it is very easy for her. Again, a theory.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 03:59 PM
15

Judges are looking for reasonable people. If you fly off the handle about anything it won’t be good for you. Tell the truth and keep your composure, but be firm and stick up for yourself. You are probably about to get filleted open in front of everyone in the room. The judge has heard worse. I promise.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 07:43 PM
1

Nope. Nothing like that. I just went broke and she couldn’t handle it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:20 PM
1

God bless Texas. I’m at the end stage of mine and praying I don’t have to pay any alimony or “spousal support,” as it’s called here.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:09 AM
12

Where’s the “Fuck Yeah!” button?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 12:07 AM
2

Ok. Those are all reasons you think you can’t do it. Now, tell me how you can do it. You came to a forum full of men that are either in, or have gone through, hell with all of this. So don’t be surprised when you get a reaction that’s not what you want to hear when you aren’t able to get anything done. Sitting at home in a pity party sure as hell isn’t going to get it done. And, this work from home issue is going to be a real problem. Everyday that you wait around for that magical interview to c…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 11:57 PM
5

Strangely, mine is not aggressive. However, there’s a reason for that. He used to practice with the judge in my case. Like, the firm was called Lawyer Name & Judge Name LLP. So, he knows that cooperation is the best tactic with this guy. Trying to strong arm a 5’3” blonde on the stand won’t look good in the eyes of this judge. Drives me crazy, but he assures me it’s the right plan.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 11:28 PM
1

Missed that part. Well, a 20 year old kid is unfortunately about to get kicked out of the nest.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 01:10 PM
5

Dude, you need to work. Security guard, flipping burgers, digging ditches, anything. Does she work? If so, you need to find anything you can to show the judge that you’re trying to contribute. Sitting on your ass and whining about your credit score isn’t getting anything done. Go to a construction site and see if they need help. Hell, that’ll help you get in shape, if nothing else. Anything is better than nothing for you right now. Get the fuck after it. EDIT: Extra thought: You mentioned a “kid…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 03:42 AM
6

Again, I say, Attaboy. Once my process is over (hopefully this summer), I’m looking forward to some new pussy. It’s been too damn long.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 03:31 AM
8

I know exactly how. She was hot as fuck, had great tits and came from a fantastic family. Little did I know how far that apple fell from the tree and the red flags were all hidden somewhere behind those tits and my rock hard dick. Any other questions?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 03:28 AM
2

Nailed it. Plus the added stress of a money-pit house right after/during a divorce is the last thing OP needs. Bail out while he can make something of a profit and start over.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 03:23 AM
3

Attaboy. Just out of curiosity, when you say, “Couple sex sessions a month,” do you mean hookers, girlfriend, FWB?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 03:13 AM
2

I’ll bet she’s collecting child and or spousal support from you from the temporary orders, isn’t she? Why wouldn’t she want to drag it out?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 12:44 AM
2

Give the guy a break. Even adults can only be told that someone is a shitbag by their own mother before they start to believe it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 12:38 AM
1

This is good. I know shit about nothing when it comes to design. However, I know what I like when I see it. Does that make sense? I went to furniture store this weekend to kill some time and it was a bit overwhelming. Plus, the constant hassle from the salespeople was a pain in the ass. I guess you aren’t allowed to kick tires in those places. Any resources you used to “get into interior design” would be most helpful, good sir.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 08:11 PM
6

Just reminded me of this. The STBX and I end up sitting by one another when we were at a baseball tournament for our son. Things have been generally friendly between us lately despite a really rough start. Although, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop before this is all done. Anyway, she’s sitting right behind me and talking my goddamn ear off. Then, it hit me: “One of the few advantages of going through this process is that I don’t have to sit and listen to this inane rambling, anymore.” I m…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 06:19 PM
4

Dude must think a lot of you to give you his own sister’s number. That’s telling.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 06:12 PM
7

You absolutely need to get to the courthouse first. Otherwise, I see her filing for the divorce and a restraining order coming with the initial filing so you can’t see your own son. If you file first, you get to control the narrative and go on offense. I made the mistake of letting my STBXW file and have been in my heels ever since. Probably start gathering 2 years worth of bank statements to show her spending patterns and take them to your lawyer for your first meeting. If there’s never been an…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 12:22 PM
10

I’m not done with mine, yet, but I feel much like you do. Your statement about “the chase” struck a chord with me. I’ll add a minor caveat to that, though. While I’m not interested in chasing, if some pussy just falls in my lap, I’m not one to turn it down.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 04:49 PM
2

You and I are on about the same timeframe, then. I had all the unreasonable demands, too, recently. Wanted every document since the day we were married in 2005. I did the best I could to gather everything but most of it doesn’t exist. On other things, I was maliciously compliant and papered her. 200 pages of notes regarding business deals from long ago that have no bearing on anything. But, she asked for it. I hope she enjoyed paying her lawyer $600 an hour to comb through all that shit when it …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 04:33 PM
3

Man, I’m not sure where you are in this process, but yeah, it fucking suuuuuucks for a good bit. However, I’m not even done with mine and I cannot tell you how much better I am now than I was 6 months ago. Now, it still sucks, but it sucks a good bit less because I chose that. Harden up in some places, soften up in others. Talk to your friends in town. You’ll be shocked at how supportive they’ll be. You got this, bubba.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 02:49 AM
1

Attaboy. Truth is, I’m glad it’s not just me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 10:02 PM
6

Maybe it’s just me, but since you two have been screwing since the separation, go for the three way with her side chick right before you throw her shit in the street. Best of both worlds.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 05:47 PM
4

I’ll copy/paste a reply of mine from a couple of weeks ago. I’m actually doing better than this, now, but I like the metaphor: “Man, I get it. I’m on the home stretch (I hope) to finishing mine up. It’s been pretty nasty. But, a part of me will always miss the life we had. Let me give you the metaphor I’ve come up with: Let’s say you committed a crime that got you an [insert number of years married] sentence. While in prison, you got used to it. Not every day was bad. You even get to have sex oc…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 03:41 AM
4

Sounds a lot like me. I was miserable in my marriage for the last 12 years. Just rode through for the kids. She finally filed when I went broke and I’ve never felt better, oddly. Hoping to be final some time this summer. I’m seeing a counselor every couple of weeks, but he’s basically just a fellow bro that’s there for encouragement. Maybe that’s all that “doing the work” is? I don’t know. You know, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe just doing whatever makes you happy is “the work.” Do you f…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 03:03 AM
2

Fuuuuck. Keep talking, dude.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 01:45 AM
2

Man, I’m sorry for you. I have no advice to give as my kids are high school age with no kind of autism or any of that. I hope this thread is able to give you some good pointers. Perhaps sharing where on the spectrum your daughter is may help with the responses? That spectrum seems like a wide range of behaviors. I’ve heard everything from, “She’s socially awkward,” to “I can’t leave her alone for more than 30 seconds without everything in the room getting destroyed.”
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 01:13 AM
2

Out of curiosity, what is your best friend telling you? I hope you have a guy that you talk about some of this stuff with. If he’s telling you anything different than these comments, get a new best friend.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 11:06 PM
1

That’s pretty much it. I knew that it could be a hassle at times, but the pros very much outweigh the cons.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 07:05 PM
7

I made a new rule for myself: If I’m physically able to get to it, I’m attending everything I’m invited to, even if I don’t really want to go. Best thing I could’ve done.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 03:09 PM
11

Man, I get it. I’m on the home stretch (I hope) to finishing mine up. It’s been pretty nasty. But, a part of me will always miss the life we had. Let me give you the metaphor I’ve come up with: Let’s say you committed a crime that got you an [insert number of years married] sentence. While in prison, you got used to it. Not every day was bad. You even get to have sex occasionally, though it wasn’t the most fulfilling experience. While there, you made two of the best friends you’ve ever had (your…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 06:12 PM
14

Yep. Classic predator tactic.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 04:07 AM
3

Eh. Good point. The symptoms still seem like sugar in your fuel system; however it got there.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 11:47 AM
5

I’m on what I hope is the final stretch of mine and there’s a bunch of wisdom in this post. Once I quit sniping back at the STBXW, my life smoothed out. She can say what she wants. I don’t really care. I just keep it positive for future evidence or just reply with yes or no answers. Thats it. The only one I might advise against is #7 (the Apps). I have intentionally not dated or hooked up just for fear of giving her any more ammo. But, infidelity wasn’t what led to our divorce, either. No need t…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 09:05 PM
9

Sugar in your gas tank. An old and easily found way to disable someone’s vehicle. She found a way to get into the fuel door.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 04:13 PM
8

I fully recognize that it takes two to tango. I’ll eat 50% of the blame for the end of my marriage. You’ll hear no such statement from her. The final straw was that I went broke. You can’t do that. But, I knew for 12 years that this divorce would happen someday. I just thought it would be me filing right after dropping my youngest off at college. So, with that knowledge in the back of my head, I seriously doubt I put everything I had into the marriage. I was just trying to get through it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 12:44 PM
5

I realized that my wife was incapable of any empathy about 12 years ago. I figured that I’d ride it out until my youngest left for college. Fortunately, I went broke and that accelerated everything. Going through a bitter divorce as we speak. Protect your shit, bro.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 02:59 AM
1

This can’t be right.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 02:52 PM
2

See? Even you won’t watch women’s basketball. It’s universal!
/r/PussyPassDenied22/09/21 05:35 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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