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silberfuechsin Archive

View 1 posts and 95 comments by silberfuechsin on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
7

silberfuechsin/r/ExRedPill05/01/21 11:47 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Most men and women don't have the awareness to even think about this Maybe in your circles? But not in mine. That said, I'm quite certain we run in very different circles. You're a generation younger than me, you're black, and you're a man. I don't doubt for a minute that your experiences are vastly divergent from mine, but that doesn't mean they're the only possible experiences. Maybe you need to find a different social scene?
/r/ExRedPill10/01/21 08:49 PM
2

See I wasn't physically abused but I was mentally and emotionally abused like hell. In truth, that can be even harder to recover from. And it really sucks.
/r/ExRedPill10/01/21 08:46 PM
2

I'm intrigued by the role reversal sub! My "type" has long been shy, geeky guys, and my courtship method described as **BONK** MINE!
/r/ExRedPill10/01/21 01:58 PM
3

I'm so sorry that you suffered hands at the abuse of those girls. Children can be extraordinarily cruel. And, as I commented to you in another thread, those girls were very likely traumatized themselves, and acting their trauma out on you. I say this not to excuse their actions, because some bullies become that way because they're entitled and never required to face consequences for their actions, but because pretty much all Black Americans are traumatized to lesser or greater degrees. (if anyon…
/r/ExRedPill10/01/21 01:55 PM
2

Actually, I would care, but I might not have when I was in my 20s. Some women think that sexist behavior by men justifies treating all men awfully, but I'm not one of them. I don't even begin to think women can do no wrong, not least because a friend I dated in high school struggles daily with his PTSD, inflicted at the hands of the mother of his children. She would punch him in the head for breathing too loud, and stabbed him at least twice.
/r/ExRedPill10/01/21 01:40 PM
1

I can't even begin to imagine how much that traumatizes black boys and men. The essay I linked you to mentioned a couple of books that explore the topic in further depth. The thing about traumatized people, especially those who never get at the roots of their trauma, even more so when it's not personal change but societal change that needs to happen to improve their lives, is that they develop unhealthy coping strategies. Those frequently involve lashing out at people when hurt, or even hurting …
/r/ExRedPill10/01/21 01:36 PM
2

I would encourage you to seek professional help, particularly a therapist who uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Skewed thought processes are really hard to overcome without the help of an outside party. Think of it like an addiction, one you need professional help to overcome.
/r/ExRedPill10/01/21 01:25 PM
1

So, a couple thoughts to bring into this, since you said you grew up in the hood (I'm going to assume the US, so correct me if I'm wrong): Systemic racism and economic problems, as well as the intergenerational traumatic effects of slavery, mean that damn near everyone you grew up around was suffering from emotional (and often physical) trauma to a greater or lesser degree. They, and probably you, almost all learned that to be vulnerable is to be hurt, and to survive, they had to have a tough sk…
/r/ExRedPill10/01/21 01:14 PM
2

Be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes.
/r/ExRedPill10/01/21 01:00 PM
2

That's really sad, and I'm sorry your friends were like that. I hope they either grow into better people, or that you get better friends.
/r/ExRedPill10/01/21 12:56 PM
3

Oh yes, absolutely. Men and women both contribute to upholding and maintaining the standard of toxic masculinity. As I've comment elsewhere on this sub, there really needs to be the notion of "toxic femininity", not as MGTOWs describe it, but as women who look at an inherently patriarchal system and think not "how do I dismantle this and build something better?" but "How do I game this rigged system to work in my favor?", and view relationships between men and women as intrinsically antagonistic…
/r/ExRedPill10/01/21 12:55 PM
2

I'm reminded of a friend's cousin, who eventually married when he was pushing 40. He once remarked to said friend, "In the most heterosexual way possible, I prefer the company of men." But he was a strong, self-assured man who was not at all afraid of strong, self-assured woman, and went on to marry a woman who was a senior prosecutor.
/r/ExRedPill10/01/21 12:48 PM
4

This whole comment is one of the reasons why I'm always saying that toxic masculinity hurts men, too.
/r/ExRedPill10/01/21 12:37 PM
14

Thank you for sharing your experience. You're right, viewing the world through a PUA lens will prevent you from having a healthy view of human relationships, whether romantic/sexual ones or simply friendships. I commend you for your insight, and I wish you all the best.
/r/ExRedPill10/01/21 12:33 PM
3

I'm sorry that it's reached such a point. I hope you will seek professional help for the panic attacks. I wish you all the best.
/r/ExRedPill06/01/21 11:52 AM
1

I wonder if having loving parents with a stable marriage makes a big difference. That's true of both of my autistic partners, both of whom were bullied a lot in their youth, neither of whom ever felt the slightest inclination to become misogynists as a result.
/r/ExRedPill06/01/21 11:49 AM
2

Oh, I'm quite sure I've seen shit like that floating around, if not in those exact words.
/r/ExRedPill06/01/21 11:47 AM
3

Exactly! A lot of sexual submissives are very strong and in control IRL, and are drawn to sexual submission because it's so bloody relaxing to let someone else be in charge for a while.
/r/ExRedPill06/01/21 11:46 AM
3

Yeah, my Danish brother-in-law used to be married to a Polish woman. The highest praise of her that he extolled to his mother when they first met was, "[Her name] is endless softness." When I heard that, I rolled my eyes so hard they damn near fell out of my head. No woman is endless softness unless you've kicked in her teeth and broken her spine. Turns out, she was just really passive-aggressive. They're now divorced, which is nice for me because I don't have to interact with her anymore.
/r/ExRedPill06/01/21 11:44 AM
3

Not to mention, emotionally healthy sexual submissives in a BDSM context are rarely weak people themselves.
/r/ExRedPill06/01/21 11:42 AM
2

Oh yes, it definitely taught me a lot, not only about the cycle of abuse, but also got me wondering about the self-reinforcing relationships between violence, trauma, and authoritarian mindsets/systems. You see, his grandfather was a Nazi in the military, his father certainly got beaten a lot as a child, and then grew up to not only beat on his children, but also to be a serial rapists whose victims included his own sister and daughter. My poor partner had some seriously heavy shit to go through…
/r/ExRedPill06/01/21 11:38 AM
1

Aha. Thanks for the info.
/r/ExRedPill05/01/21 06:39 PM
1

Right back atcha, kiddo.
/r/ExRedPill05/01/21 04:47 PM
2

You may be right, but be kind to yourself. Putting yourself out there is frightening for anyone, and extra hard if you have any of the difficulties with social cues and perceiving emotional states that go along with ASD.
/r/ExRedPill05/01/21 11:51 AM
1

Commenting to chime in, as I hadn't seen those before.
/r/ExRedPill05/01/21 11:49 AM
1

I'm sure it would, and theirs too. Good for you! I wish you all the best.
/r/ExRedPill05/01/21 11:48 AM
1

Good on you for having come far enough to address your internalized racism at least, as nobody needs that form of self-hatred. I can't imagine how hard that would be to live with, as I grew up white in the Midwest.
/r/ExRedPill05/01/21 11:09 AM
2

You do have time. Please start by attending to your health, though. If you're of African-American descent you have a greater predisposition to diabetes and heart disease. I can recommend a book that helped me immensely if you're interested, but I don't want to turn this into a body-positivity and weight thread, as I know personally just how fraught the topic can be.
/r/ExRedPill05/01/21 11:08 AM
2

My circle of friends in college was very nerdy/geeky, and we had a running description we called "yak and sparrow" syndrome. It goes like this: the sparrow is absolutely in love with the yak, so it spends all its time picking parasitic insects off the yak's coat to make sure the yak is happy and healthy. The yak remains completely to the existence of the sparrow, and just continues munching grass. Any time we saw that happening, we'd just say "graze, graze, graze..." A character in a book by one…
/r/ExRedPill05/01/21 11:03 AM
1

One thing that's worth exploring, given that you're trying to make female friends with no hidden sexual agenda, is to try to find women a fair bit older than you to socialize with. I've suggested it here to other guys who are clearly just struggling with loneliness: volunteer to be a video chat buddy for people in elder care facilities. They're suffering from isolation even more so than usual, as reasonable friends and family can't come visit them due to the pandemic, and their fellow residents …
/r/ExRedPill05/01/21 10:56 AM
2

Also entirely fair. It sucks, but some lessons have to be learned the hard way. Hell, seems to be the only way I've ever learned lessons my entire life...
/r/ExRedPill05/01/21 10:48 AM
1

I'm so very sorry you had to grow up with that, and for what happened to your mother. I have a partner who is a survivor of childhood abuse, and supporting him through the worst of his therapy was draining for both of us, so I can't even imagine what your therapeutic process has to have been like. Good on you for trying to help your kids with dating. My folks were no help in that regard, as the only message I got was "abstain until marriage" (to which I responded "yeah, right").
/r/ExRedPill05/01/21 10:47 AM
5

Oh interesting! I'll take a look at it later. That actually dovetails nicely to a question I wanted to put to the community, about whether anyone else had watched that Australian documentary series called "Love on the Spectrum". It's about dating and relationships among people on the autistic spectrum, done very non-sensationalistically, with a great deal of compassion and respect for the participants. I was thinking that it could be really useful for some of the young men on this sub to watch, …
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 08:49 PM
1

I agree wholeheartedly. Between growing up in the Midwestern US, being a minister's kid, and the fact that my parents were pre-baby-boomers who married as virgins at 20 and 21, let's just say that exploring my sexuality outside of the context of marriage was not exactly encouraged in my household. :P
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 08:37 PM
1

I'm from the US, from just about smack in the middle (Kansas). I'm awful at anything requiring gross motor coordination, so I was that kid who always got picked last for dodgeball in phys ed class. God I fucking hated dodgeball... I did soccer for one year when I was about 10, and I was absymally bad at it. Like laughably bad, except it's really cruel to laugh at a 10yo, except when it's yourself in hindsight. I did dance as a youngster, as I'm good at fine motor coordination, but not stuff like…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 08:25 PM
1

Oh, I definitely agree. I spent two separate year-long periods of my life abstaining from sexual intercourse, once after a situation where consent was very fuzzy that left me really messed up for a while, and another when my depression was spiralling out of control and my friends actual staged an intervention for me: I was at least bright enough to figure out that getting involved with anyone at the time wasn't a good idea. Like many women who grew up pre-internet, I didn't figure out masturbati…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 08:22 PM
2

I'll keep that in mind! I'm not a footie fan at all, not a sports fan full stop. Plus I have ochlophobia, which is fear of crowds. I got dragged to an FC Nurnberg match once, and spent the entire match trying to keep a panic attack in control Not my scene. I would like to tour the stadium some time, though, as it's really architecturally nifty. Both it and the Olympic stadium look like they're made out of cloth!
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 08:18 PM
1

As for the depression, well, it's chronic. I've had it since puberty. I'll have it all my life. I have better times and worse times.
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 08:15 PM
1

Yeah, that's certainly understandable. If you're growing up and moving on as a person, you don't want to hang around people who are stuck in a party hardy mindset. Meeting people around common interests is always a good way to go. Best wishes to you.
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 08:13 PM
1

Sorry, I'm a bit unclear on what you think everyone should try at least once? Going without masturbation? Very possibly so. Right now I'm at a stage in my life where I really should be doing it a great deal more for my own mental health, even my therapist says so, so.... *waves* from the other end of the spectrum?
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 08:10 PM
2

Oh cool, I met an Indian guy here locally in Munich whose first language is Kannada. His accent totally threw me for a loop, because when I think "Indian accent", my expectation in "Hindi accent". I don't think I've ever met a native Marathi speaker, at least that I know of. You're absolutely correct; I don't know any of those languages. I definitely know OF them, but the furthest afield I've ever gone in my language learning was a year of Russian in college. Sorry if I'm geeking out on you a bi…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 08:00 PM
1

I don't know what I magically said better this time around, but you seem to finally be listening. That gives me hope for you, too. I apologize again if I hurt your feelings; I was just exasperated by your digging in your heels so much. ​ Seek help meaning professional help? The reason why i cling to the blackpill because it makes sense to me. I know it made me more miserable than ever but still it's bothering me. Also, i have tried to leave blackpill thinking before but it didn't work. Yes, in c…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 07:57 PM
2

Oh cool, what are the other three? English is my first, had a few others in HS and college, I'm fluent in Danish which gets me to passable in Norwegian and Swedish, and I'm finally getting my German to the point where I'm no longer embarrassed by it when admitting that I've been here for over ten years! Nostalgic? I wouldn't go that far. Not happy times for me. Undiagnosed depression is a bitch who sucks any and all potential joy out of life.
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 07:44 PM
1

The only reason I don’t fully buy it is that the development of cancers have so many factors influencing their development. This is true, and additionally, correlation does not imply causation. But much like those studies correlating other things to lowered rates of cancer, it's an excellent excuse to have a glass of red wine, a bit of dark chocolate, and a wank once in a while. ;) ​ Me personally if rather not pay for porn personally. Understandable, but somebody gets paid, one way or another. …
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 05:23 PM
2

Yeah, I think I may have led with that. Or maybe that was in another thread. Fuechsin in German is the same as vixen in English, as in "female fox". Anyway, high school and college were a long, long, long, long, loooooooooooooong time ago. ;)
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 05:12 PM
1

Um, dude, define "fairly young". I'm 44. My username? Is a German feminine riff on the idea of the "silver fox" (e.g. sexy older guy with gray or white hair).
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 04:50 PM
1

I'm sorry that you're conventionally physically unattractive, and I'm sorry that people have told you that all your life. It's a truly shitty thing to say to someone, and it has clearly left you with serious emotional scars. I'm sorry that you feel attacked; that was not my intent. I absolutely understand the incel mindset, as I have not only known men who had that mindset since long before the term was coined, I've even dated a few. Almost of whom grew out of it, developed healthier relationshi…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 04:49 PM
2

I'm probably gonna be a statistical outlier here, because I was a music and theater nerd in a small town in high school, and I went to a science and engineering nerd school for college. All my friends in college were nerdy and geeky, and I was one of the few who came to college with actual sexual experience. I never went to sorority or frat parties in college, or parties at all in high school. I was sexually active from a fairly early age, but almost always with someone I was dating, save for a …
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 04:19 PM
1

Tell you what: post a picture of yourself online, and I'll tell you which I think is uglier, your looks or your personality. Dollars to donuts, it's gonna be the second, and the second is the one you can work on with professional help. I guarantee you, I've dated guys who are objectively less attractive than you, and I did so because of their personalities. I would dearly love to take you on a stroll through my friends list on Facebook so I can show you all the guys you probably think are ugly w…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 04:13 PM
1

Oh, my sweet summer child. Personality can bypass ANYTHING. You admit yours sucks, but you're unwilling to work on it, so really, there's no help for you. Continuing doing what you've always done, and you'll continue to get what you've always got. Come back if you're actually ready to change.
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 04:07 PM
1

You know what works for "ugly" guys? Same thing that works for "ugly" girls: being beautiful on the inside, or at least not even uglier on the inside than you are on the outside. Not being shallow. Being kind, to yourself and others. Having respect for yourself and others. Having hobbies and interests that have nothing to do with obsessing over getting laid and falling down the rabbit hole of misogynistic ideology. Viewing women as individual people with their own thoughts, feelings, and agency,…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 03:40 PM
1

Then clearly I must bow to your superior experience and expertise, as I haven't been online since before you were born or anything like that. /s If you comported yourself in a FOAF's social media space the way you've been behaving here, no sensible woman would want to touch you with a ten foot pole, not because you think you're ugly, but because you have your head so far up your ass, and that's not a good look on anyone, no matter how their roll of the dice with the genetic lottery played out. I…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 03:34 PM
2

It sucks, doesn't it? Like, you work it up in your head to be this great big thing, and then when you have it, it doesn't meet up with your expectations? Have you ever watched the movie Don Jon? It beautifully sums up the journey of a young man from being a fuckboy to actually forming a genuine connection with a woman, and the mindblowing sex that can result from it.
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 03:15 PM
2

So, so, so much this. OP has so many issues that only a professional is capable of handling. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy would be a good start for the depressive stinkin' thinkin' and all-or-nothing thinking. OP, things will only get better if you work on yourself first. With professional help. Please do so. I wish you all the best.
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 03:12 PM
1

"Meet online" is not the same as "meeting via dating app". People meet via friends of friends on social media, or on groups of shared interests. And by 2030 50% of couples still will have met in meatspace.
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 03:04 PM
1

And has that advice made you happy? Has it made you less lonely? Or, since you see it in those terms, has it gotten you laid? If not, maybe it's not working...
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 03:03 PM
1

I learned that in the meantime on another post on this thread. I looked it over, and, yikes...
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 02:25 PM
2

Thought the first: correlation does not automatically mean causation, which I'm amazed no-one has brought up yet. Thought the second: a lot of women who are promiscuous in their youth do so because they are seeking approval from men that they didn't get from their fathers. (Certainly true in my case. My husband actually VALUES the fact that I'm more sexually experienced than him, but I will readily grant he's unusual in that case. We've known each other for over twenty years, have been married f…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 02:25 PM
1

That's just toxic and gross.
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 02:11 PM
1

Bro, if that's all you care about, then that's all you will find. So, so, so much this. If you're shallow and superficial, you'll repel anyone who isn't the same way. Maybe it's just because I'm well into middle age, but at this point I can't even contemplate having sex with someone I didn't at least have a strong basis of friendship with.
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 02:06 PM
2

So, I'm new to this sub, and only today learned what FDS was (the first thing that sprang to mind for me was that spray to make your crotch not smell like crotch, but I'm also not long on Reddit as a whole so I hadn't seen it before). Having just perused the link titles in the handbook, my first thought was wow, this is super materialistic and shallow, and makes a whole lot of sweeping generalizations about men. And, in that respect, makes it quite a bit like TRP, which makes sweeping generaliza…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 01:57 PM
1

As long as a man views women as conquests to be won, rather than individual people with their own thoughts, feelings, and agency, he will assume that any hole to stick his dick in is as good as any other. But ultimately, it will be sad, lonely, and depressing, because he's missing out on the actual human universal: we are social animals, and we all desire genuine contact with another person. Unfortunately toxic masculinity has screwed men over two ways here: first, by instilling such contempt fo…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 01:46 PM
1

I truly can't speak to any non-Western mating behaviors, but as to why you would want to discover the real person behind the illusion? I would say, because it allows you to also drop your own mask, and takes the pressure off. You don't have to be a perfect man, because she's not a perfect woman. By idealizing women, you miss out on the chance to appreciate the beauty of their complexities and foibles. Since you're married and haven't said anything about being in any sort of ethically non-monogam…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 01:40 PM
1

Good for you! I wish you all the best.
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 01:25 PM
1

I see what you're saying in principle, but the way you're going about it is mean-spirited and manipulative. That said, as you're a former redpiller, you've probably developed a deep mistrust of women, and that's going to take time to unlearn, especially if you're unwilling to be vulnerable and genuine with women, thus giving them the chance to hurt you, and then learning to trust them when they don't. I can't speak to what it would look like from the other side, but back when I was using OKCupid…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 01:22 PM
2

So here's the thing: you can find someone OBJECTIVELY attractive, but not be SUBJECTIVELY attracted to them. Have a nice body and facial features? Then she probably wasn't lying, she probably did think you were sexy and hot. And if she's a healthy young woman, then she was probably horny at some baseline level, and thought "I like this guy, he's sexy, he's hot, I'll have sex with him." It can even be really good sex! But there can Just. Be. Something. Missing. Call it "the spark". Call it "getti…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 01:08 PM
1

I would quibble with that. Sometimes you can be in a really good relationship with a really cool person who's just not right for you, or realize that you're just not ready to be in a relationship because you're repeating unhealthy behaviors that hurt your previous partners, and you don't want to do that to someone else but you don't know how not to. On the former point: I had an epiphany at I wanna say 23 or so, that guys who stomp all over my heart shouldn't have access to my body. Seems like a…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 12:55 PM
2

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Schema Therapy can both be really, really helpful for getting at the core issues. CBT examines the relationship between thoughts, feelings, and actions, and can help you question the redpilly voices in your head who are telling you that some other man is better or more worthy for you. Schema therapy is an excellent extension of CBT because it helps you identify your maladaptive coping strategies and learn to replace them with better ones. If your therapist works …
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 12:38 PM
2

You know, you could try getting back in contact with her, and saying, "Hey, I was in a really bad headspace when we parted ways, and I regret lying to you and ghosting you. I totally understand if you don't forgive me and don't want to talk to me, but I was wondering if I could take you up on that offer to be friends?"
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 12:28 PM
1

I'm sorry that it hurts and that things didn't work out for you. I suggest you try taking her words at face value, as second-guessing it is just going to cause you more self-inflicted hurt. If you don't think you can be friends with her because it hurts too much, tell her that so you're not ghosting her, and then put distance between you. Then give yourself time to heal. Focus on other areas of life: work, study, friendships, hobbies, whatever you need. Don't make the mistake of getting into a r…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 12:22 PM
1

psst... what's FDS?
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 12:13 PM
1

New to this sub, so could you please tell me what FDS is? My googling doesn't seem to be turning up anything relevant. Good for you for your honesty. But now that you know better, do better. Take a good hard look at yourself and try to figure out why treating women sadistically felt good to you. Poke it hard, and be every bit as viciously honest to and about yourself as you were viciously dishonest and awful to those women. And then start doing better. Write apologies to those women, genuine apo…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 12:12 PM
1

I commend you for asking for help. Having female friends is important, as it will help you see women as individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and agency, as well as differing strengths, weaknesses and personalities. Since you're not too far out of high school, try to reconnect with some of the ones you pushed away. Explain what you were going through at the time, and the insecurities it caused, and if you think you genuinely hurt them by pushing them away, apologize. Also, work on culti…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 11:16 AM
3

First of all, you're not alone. I commend you for seeking out this forum and asking for help, as that can be really hard. One trick I've heard of, and YMMV, for dealing with compulsive/addictive behaviors, is to wear a rubber band around your wrist, and any time you catch yourself trying to go on / re-download Tinder, snap it hard enough to hurt. Mind you, that was for things like chewing your nails or sucking on your hair, so I have no idea if it would work for you. Can't hurt to try! Well, it …
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 11:02 AM
1

Well yes, and yet no. ANY behaviour can become an addiction or compulsion when it's used as a crutch to fill a void inside yourself: playing video games, masturbating, looking at Tinder, hookups devoid of actual human connection, you name it. And any addiction will be hard to quit (though smoking is harder due to actual biochemical addiction, no doubt) until you address what it is you're using the addictive behavior to replace.
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 10:40 AM
1

I suspect it's more like "difficult" than "near impossible", but not my area of expertise. Have you ever tried approaching a traumatized redpiller whose experience aligns with (what I am assuming to be) yours to say, "hey man, I think you may have had an ex with BPD or NPD, but you're coping with that trauma in an unhealthy way by generalizing her behavior to all women"? I would be very curious as to what the outcome would be.
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 10:34 AM
2

I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope you were able to get the help you needed.
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 10:31 AM
2

You're very welcome, and I'm so glad to hear it helped! It looks like the intro post has lots of good info on deprogramming yourself from an incel/TRP mindset, so I won't even try to address that, not my wheelhouse. Self-help books can have some use for overall self-improvement, but stick with ones written by people who are actually professionals in their field (therapists, psychiatrists, social workers, etc.) who are trying to reach a wider audience. (Working with an actual therapist is, of cou…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 10:29 AM
1

As do I.
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 10:02 AM
4

I am not a man, so I can only speak to this tangentially, but there have been studies that show a correlation between frequency of ejaculation and reduced risk of prostate cancer. Here's a link from a reputable source (apologies if it doesn't automatically become clickable; I'm new to Reddit and still figuring out stuff): Harvard Med Men's Health I would encourage you to ask yourself: has this become unhealthy for me? Am I excessively dependent upon it? Has it affected how I view women, and myse…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 10:02 AM
2

Speaking as someone who's been happily polyamorous for almost twenty years now, I agree wholeheartedly that the OneTrueLove(TM) and SoulMate(TM) models are ridiculous. No single person will ever fulfill all the different needs for human contact you have in a person. There are needs you get met with romantic/sexual partners, there are needs you get met with friends, there are needs you get met by seeing your therapist. But it's perfectly okay not to be monogamous. I encourage you to look into pol…
/r/ExRedPill04/01/21 09:53 AM
1

To paraphrase one of my favorite authors, you don't have enough facts for a theory. This is a hypothesis, an intriguing one, but extremely difficult to falsify, and damn near impossible to prove. I will point out one glaring oversight in the statistical generalizations you make below that no one else seems to have brought up yet: in addition to conflating BPD/NPD, you also front your numbers as if every single person with either or both of those disorders is an untreated, unmedicated, out-of-con…
/r/ExRedPill03/01/21 09:03 PM
1

As a fellow player on Team Mental, let me just remind you of the swan analogy: many people who look like they're smoothly gliding on the surface are paddling frantically underneath. But I understand where you're coming from about feeling insecure in the face of people who seem to have their shit totally together. Be kind to yourself.
/r/ExRedPill03/01/21 08:57 PM
2

Yeah, it's kind of the prototypical example of "unreliable narrator". I mean, going in with the presupposition that a guy is a raging misogynist, I would take anything he says about a woman's behaviors and supposed motivations for said behaviors with a grain of salt the size of those ones they put out in fields for livestock.
/r/ExRedPill03/01/21 08:52 PM
2

Autism and ADHD are underdiagnosed in women, but I sincerely doubt that holds for all mental illnesses.
/r/ExRedPill03/01/21 08:50 PM
1

Very much in agreement with what you're saying here. I have a HS friend whose ex certainly had SOMETHING deeply wrong with her (not going to armchair diagnose based on just his reports of her behavior, but she was definitely physically and emotionally abusive, and he definitely has PTSD). But he didn't go down the redpill rabbithole. Could it be because he deeply loves their two daughters and is a wonderful father to them? Could it be because he still had solid networks of friends from HS and co…
/r/ExRedPill03/01/21 08:47 PM
2

Your generalization is appealing; do you have any data to back it up? Not implying that you don't, just curious.
/r/ExRedPill03/01/21 08:44 PM
2

More to the point, there are men who have PTSD from being in a relationship with a woman with BPD/NPD who DON'T come out of it raging misogynists who think all women are like that: a friend of mine from high school comes to mind, poor suffering fellow; although I won't armchair diagnose his ex, she was certainly physically and emotionally abusive towards him. It begs the question of why some, but not all? He wasn't as isolated as many of the redpillers, I suspect, having maintained a strong netw…
/r/ExRedPill03/01/21 08:42 PM
1

*sigh* I look at so many posts on AITA, and think, "Great googlymoogly, these people need therapy." Unaddressed trauma and unhealthy coping mechanisms cause so much personal and societal ill. I seriously think there's got to be some fundamental work out there on the intricate and self-sustaining relationships between violence, trauma, and authoritarian systems/mindsets, and if it doesn't exist yet, somebody bloody well ought to write it.
/r/ExRedPill03/01/21 08:39 PM
1

Exactly! I keep thinking that there's some serious research/writing to be done on the idea of "toxic femininity", not as it gets bandied about by the redpillers and MRAs, but in the women who look at deeply sexist societal systems and think not, "how do I smash that to the ground and build something better?" but "how do I game this system for all it's worth?".
/r/ExRedPill03/01/21 08:34 PM
1

Sympathies! My grandmother was a bitter alcoholic old bitch who let her anger consume and define her. Admittedly, that anger was at the love of her life suddenly dying of a cerebral aneurysm at age 48, but trauma that you don't handle properly becomes trauma you hand down in turn. In her case, by alienating two out of three of her granddaughters by fat-shaming them. My feeling when she died was, "well, that's a relief".
/r/ExRedPill03/01/21 08:32 PM
2

I definitely want to add more as a reply to the overall thread, but I really like your water/chocolate milk analogy. The thing I see with a lot of men who come from a place of misogyny is that they simultaneously think they want a dependent woman who functions as their walking, talking cook/maid/fucktoy (and possibly /incubator/childrearer), but they've also so thoroughly bought into the fallacious notion that human relationships are transactional in nature that they're terrified of women exploi…
/r/ExRedPill03/01/21 08:29 PM
3

Congratulations on taking the first steps out of redpill-age. As they say in all those twelve step programs, recognizing that you have a problem is the first step to solving it. I see that you've hit upon the problem that eventually catches up with most PUAs: sex without meaningful human connection is ultimately kind of sad and lonely (trust me, I even did it myself back in the day, and I'm a woman, though I'm probably old enough to be your mother). Which is not to say that you have to be madly …
/r/ExRedPill03/01/21 08:13 PM
1

It sounds like, as with most people, you want to experience bonds with other people. If you solely seek out those bonds by dating, you run the very real risk of the kind of hurt you've experienced when it doesn't work out as a longer term relationship. I would encourage you to focus on cultivating friendships instead, and put dating on the back burner until you've established a support network of friends where you are. I've been an expat twice now, and that always with my husband in tow (first t…
/r/ExRedPill03/01/21 07:51 PM
1

A bit late to replying, but I'm old enough to be your mother, so I figured at least I can offer you a somewhat different perspective. I know you feel like you have been alone a long time, but you are still super young, and your life is far from over. My husband didn't have his first serious girlfriend (me) until he was 31, and it's only because of his friends-with-benefits relationship with a dear friend of ours (who stood with him at our wedding) that I didn't get him as a 31yo with no sexual e…
/r/ExRedPill03/01/21 06:23 PM
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