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sruslywhytho Archive

View 6 posts and 126 comments by sruslywhytho on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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193

Dude made pornographic deep fakes of her mother to fap to and she's unsure what to do about it?! I really hope this is fake. Also, peep that BEFORE she married him there were issues. The only reason they got married is because she was uNdErStAnDiNg. HVW are not understanding of men who show up with low-value behaviors. They maintain their value by removing themselves from the situation. Staying in the struggles of a mans inability to be decent only lowers your own worth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:15 PM
225

And this is why you don't ask men out. He's not interested in her but if she's willing to be his free entertainment he'll go along until he meets someone he actually likes. If he was gonna have to come up off $20 for his own ticket he'd suddenly be sick and unable to go. He's not interested in paying his own way. He's interested in free entertainment. She'd be better off going with one of her girlfriends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 05:49 AM
496

"...it's the fact that she insists on me wearing it as if I'm going to give her a disease or something."... Condoms do not prevent all diseases. You can still end up with a host of STI's even if you use condoms every single time. Men literally NEVER get tested for HPV (no regular test exists). HPV is one of the biggest causes of cervical cancer in women. He could test clean, not be cheating, give her HPV and that would be a worry and thorn in her health for years to come. Sometimes HPV will clea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 05:31 PM
72

Men who support whatever decision you make and just want you to be happy in conversations about you moving are hoping you'll break up with them so they don't have to break up with you... from experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 05:00 PM
2

I've personally never heard of a matchmaker paying a man to pretend to be rich. I have heard of matchmakers introducing women to men who they've not vetted and then the man turns out to be in a poor financial situation or a criminal etc. I think people pay because they don't want to do the work of getting over their fear of meeting someone on their own IRL. It feels easier to pay and let someone do the work for you for a lot of people. And I think you'll find scammers in any industry but also a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 04:56 PM
35

Really good point. I got to a place with my last ex where I just started checking in with my body more and realizing that I only felt good about the relationship when I was physically with him. I got tired of feeling anxious and when I dumped him the anxiety magically disappeared.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 11:12 PM
54

Yup and every time you give him benefit of the doubt your actions are showing him that there's no consequence, and if there's no consequence then why would he even try to do better?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 11:07 PM
19

Women should never pay for high-end matchmaking services in America (possibly other cultures are different). Just like clubs let women in for free to attract men, matchmakers usually have a database that single women can join for FREE to get in front of their paying male clients. Now obviously there are no guarantees that you'll meet anyone going that route, but I actually think that's ok. Most men who pay thousands of dollars for 1-1 matchmaking usually want a very specific woman down to race, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 04:46 PM
279

"Oh, she thinks she can embarrass me in front of all these people and make me look like a weak fool who lets his woman laugh at him... I'll show her and everyone else who's boss cause I'm no simp."... probably what's going through his mind. He already has contempt and feels a need to be defensive towards her on their wedding day... she may as well file for divorce.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 03:48 PM
164

It sounds like you feel uncomfortable with him. That's enough reason to pull the plug.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 04:00 PM
35

The simplest one that has worked for me is limiting the amount of time I spend with them early on. I require a quick phone chat before agreeing to meet in person (boundary #1) and I limit the call to 20 minutes or less (boundary #2). I'll let them know upfront that it's just a quick call to connect and hear their voice. HVM will focus on how much they enjoyed chatting. LVM immediately get pissed. They want to consume and take as much as they can from you as quickly as possible and you respecting…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 06:49 AM
35

You aren’t lying. Literally had a early 40’s dude get winded after 10 minutes of walking down the street.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 06:44 PM
293

She’s literally on maternity leave. Just like a LVM to wait and do something like this to a woman when she’s most vulnerable and less likely to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 09:23 PM
38

Block and remove = mood for life
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 08:15 PM
25

I did not know this about ABBA and that’s super disappointing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 08:14 PM
31

Reframe this experience as a learning opportunity. You’re simply human and you slipped up. How do you wish you would have handled it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:57 PM
5

This was totally harassment. Sometimes ppl will ignore the truth because it makes them uncomfortable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 02:41 AM
50

So it seriously just depends on how you choose to carry yourself and how you talk about it. If your dad was trash and you tell a guy that too early on he’ll take it as a sign that you don’t trust men and therefore are not likely to trust him. If you talk about your dad in the beginning of getting to know someone do so in a neutral way until you feel confident that he isn’t a predator. A HV man will try to make up for you having a LV dad and will go out of his way to make you feel secure. A LV ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 02:39 AM
4

Yes that was it!! And agree that movie was awful. And yes it did, and she also spiraled into addiction after that. Like the whole movie was basically a case for staying single!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 02:07 AM
22

Try the blood in the water test first. That’ll let you know if he’s someone you can be honest with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 03:33 PM
93

You just cut them off. Period. No conversations or explanations needed. I know that sounds cold hearted but it’s really not. When I was in college I had a guy friend and we were pretty close and completely platonic. I’d gone out in nearby town one night and saw him out with a group of ppl I didn’t know so I waved and said hello. He looked at me and then literally pretended to have no clue who I was. Blocked and deleted his number. After that he came to a few events he knew I’d be at with mutual …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 03:22 PM
56

Noticing how the media glorifies this… I was watching a movie where the male lead was pursuing a married woman and trying to seduce her into an affair. He coerces her on a private plane (closed space where she cannot leave) and she’s telling him no repeatedly and is pushing him away. So he stops and then says “ok, now you can tell everyone you fought back” then proceeds to do what he wants as she finally gives in so to speak. I remember watching it with a girlfriend in theaters and thinking the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 02:49 PM
42

Glad you got free sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 05:27 AM
188

And please add that there are no exceptions for the amount of time that you've known each other, your relationship status, or what sexual acts a woman has agreed to in the past. Too many men think that because "she's my wife/girlfriend/side piece" or "we've been together for 1/5/10/15/20 years" or "she's agreed to sex/no condom/an*l/oral in the past" that makes coercion something other than the r*pe that it is. And sadly, too many women have been conditioned to believe that those things make it …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 04:38 AM
122

A self date night for me is going to get a nice massage then picking up dinner + bottle of wine + flowers. Taking time to arrange the flowers in a pretty vase is cathartic. And really savoring a meal with no rush is amazing as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 04:06 PM
16

In my experience, the more comfortable I’ve gotten with setting unshakable healthy boundaries the less it hurts. It has taken a lot of time, trial, and error but I’m extremely comfortable with myself in this stage of my life. Things are far from perfect, but I fully accept myself warts and all and I fully honor my needs to the point of knowing that bending them for temporary approval from someone else isn’t worth the long term disappointment or disruption I’d create for myself. When someone is o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 03:45 PM
43

“We’re still strangers…” - there should be more focus on this and less focus on the idealized version of him you’re creating in your head after a single date. The only thing to do this early on is enjoy your dates and vet him. You’ve made him the prize which means you aren’t vetting at all. Trying to keep your cool and hoping to win his approval is a recipe for failure. In the case that he’s not who he seems it leaves you vulnerable to miss all the red flags. And If he is an amazing HVM he’ll be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 03:13 PM
351

It's a respect thing. They don't respect women who stick with them as they fight their demons. The minute a man realizes you'll tolerate crap behavior he assumes you don't respect yourself and loses a little respect for you as well. If he views himself as a "loser" he will view you as a loser by association for sticking with him. And once he gets better he'd prefer to be with a woman whose mere presence doesn't make him think about his sour past. He'll think "I bagged a woman of X status while I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 05:33 PM
71

I heard someone say that after you’ve given someone “benefit of the doubt” more than once you’re simply just enabling them to treat you poorly, and that hit hard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 05:15 AM
72

Agreed, you don’t want a man who does everything you ask him to. You want a man who shows up as his authentic self doing exactly what he wants to do so you can decided whether or not who he already (without having a checklist or being coached) aligns with what you want in a partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 05:05 AM
38

Let him expose himself. All it takes is a few well timed questions for even the slickest of LVM’s mask to fall off. When he makes those red flag statements ask questions that require him to go deeper into his thought process with genuine curiosity. Ppl who want to notice will start to on their own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 08:43 PM
28

I’ve been in the same position before. Would alternate weeks with an ex and we’d meal prep together. Somehow on my week to pay our grocery bill would consistently be $50 - $100 more and I realized he always waited to get booze, more expensive items, and pantry staples when it was my week. I would plan for date night dinners in and buy groceries for that and cook of course. Then we’d go out to dinner and he’d expect 50/50. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 03:24 PM
393

“Olivia and this baby have helped save me from myself in this early journey out of recovery." That’s not going to end well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 04:08 PM
2

Very sorry for the loss of your aunt. Also yes, it’s much better to know in advance that a man doesn’t have the emotional capacity to be with you in hard times. Ended a relationship myself in Jan and this year I’ve lost a number of family members including my grandma. When she passed I realized how relieved I was that I’d already ended things with my lvx. Being with him and dealing with losing my grandma would of been double the stress because I’m not confident that he would of provided the supp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 04:04 PM
21

I want to punch him in the face on your behalf. I’m so sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 06:53 PM
31

They don’t respond well to being told no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 06:43 PM
68

“Then the little comments started.” That was my exact experience as well. Men who’ve made less we’re ok with it in the beginning. But the moment I desired something outside of their budget (even if it was something small like wanting organic chicken at the grocery store vs regular) it flipped a switch in them. Slowly they’d act more and more resentful. That would escalate to passive aggressive punishment and emotional manipulation. They’d find ways to sabotage or ruin the nice experiences I plan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 06:38 PM
42

You bought up an example of you winning the lottery and even in that you're idealizing being the one to uplevel this man's standards of living. That's not the goal nor the reality. It sucks that money matters, but it does. Most hetero women are living at the level of standards their male partner holds. So seriously ask yourself... Would you be happy living life at the standard this man can afford forever? Would you be happy wearing a ring that he can afford on his salary? Going on vacations that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 05:24 PM
7

Remember that everyone is having their own life experiences and nothing is personal. Pickme’s have low self esteem and need the validation of belonging or being chosen. I’ve had this happen a number of times and honestly I just let those friends go. If it’s someone I’m really close with I’ll have a conversation about the friendship changing or their partner isolating them (if that’s the case) but I respect that their response/reaction is what they desire and if that’s not having me in their life…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 03:10 PM
29

I made a comment on another sub a while back that coercion is sexual assault and rape. Some nvm had the audacity to reply bragging about how it’s not because he does it to his wife all the time and he’s not in jail and how I should be ashamed at the disservice I was doing to real violent assault victims by calling it that… ummmm dude, you should be ashamed for literally just admitting that you’re a rapist and your wife is a perpetual sexual assault victim because she partnered with you. Like he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 01:57 PM
34

Men know what they want within 2-6 months. If they’ve not made that a clear intention by month 6 and they aren’t proactively moving towards proposal within a year I wouldn’t waste more time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 02:28 PM
262

“I will never be able to love like that again.” Good!!! I think most of women hit that point as a catalyst of bettering themselves and abs getting more selective with the men they share themselves with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 07:30 PM
17

I watched this show with an FDS lens and it was great to test my awareness and distaste for foolishness without actually having to go out on a real date. There were a few fboys that I absolutely would of entertained in the past. But from jump I was just grossed out and turned off by them. The fact that I found myself more interested in a number of the nice guys showed me how much I’ve grown. And totally agree that some of them were still douchey, but again I wouldn’t of recognized those signs be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 07:18 PM
23

Men who try to get away with using ethnic slurs. It's so common and a dealbreaker for them to even try it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 01:22 PM
65

I'm glad you said the quiet parts outloud lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 09:41 PM
30

I had a relationship coach who would always tell me that many amazing women are single because they are simply too nice. She wasn't suggesting playing games, but rather to just stop being so nice and agreeable and to start keeping it real. Her analogy was to imagine Lebron James (a legend at his sport) was going to play Michael Jordan (another legend). He'd take pride in how hard he was going to have to work to hold his own in the game and would be training extra hard to be prepared. But if Jord…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 12:41 PM
8

That part. He doesn’t need a second a chance, he needs to gain more respect for women’s ability to make their own choices. What else would he not want her making informed decisions about?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 07:14 PM
146

What changed? I regained 80% of my peace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 07:09 PM
6

I once refused to meet a guy at a Cheddar’s he found that was literally half way in between our respective homes (he sent me a map screenshot) and in the middle of a dangerous neighborhood. Have never been more proud to be called “too high maintenance” in my life lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 02:27 PM
45

Please please please search these men before you get into relationships with them. This dude had offenses since 89. There was bound to be a criminal record that could be easily located for him. “bUt MaYbE hE’s ChAnGeD!?”… Consistent offenses are not change. You’re are not a rehabilitation center. When you see a man has a violent past don’t date him and hope for the best, at best you’ll be disappointed and at worst he’ll physical harm you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 02:21 PM
47

I felt the same way growing up. But I’ll never forget the time I’d gone out with a group of friends and had purposefully worn baggy jeans and a T-shirt to avoid unwanted attention from the guys. A few of them still made comments about my butt. I remember thinking, I’m literally dimming myself to look homely and still they sexualize me. Something snapped and I realized nothing I did would change that. Literally blocked and deleted those guys and never spoke to them again but finally started to ow…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 02:14 PM
24

I think it can start with expressing boundaries. “I’m not ok with that.” “That makes me uncomfortable” “I’m not interested in participating” “I disagree” “No thank you” “I’m going to go now” and dating those things in the moment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 05:23 AM
42

Did it once. Will never do it again. We were in totally different departments and managed to keep it a secret because our office had a strict no dating policy. We were really together, like spending weekends with each other’s families and his nieces called me Auntie together. But he used it as a crutch to get away with low value behavior like limited dates in public (because what if someone saw) or not helping me when I had a flat tire (because ppl might get suspicious that we were absent from w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 01:03 PM
75

My cousin who was also in her 50’s died from this exact scenario last year. She was sick for nearly a month. Doctors kept telling her she was imagining things. When the pain in her legs turned to swelling and heat (clear signs of a blood clot) they told her it was probably just eczema and would only see her through a video chat. She died a few days later before the ambulance could even get her to the hospital.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 01:15 PM
90

For some of them it’s a belief that they can break the pattern. I have a friend who’s dad cheated on her mom and started a new family that she was excluded from. The man she’s now dating (in her 40’s) lied to her about being divorced and having kids until 6 months in. Hasn’t seen his kids in at least 8 years. Instead of running she’s fantasizing about reconnecting them and then having her own kids with him to prove that blended families can work. There can be a whole lot of messed up psychology …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 05:19 AM
97

It was posted by another member a few months back. Basically share a small insecurity that’s not real and see if he starts using it against you. Some won’t even wait 30 minutes before they start making fun of what you said makes you uncomfortable. That tells you upfront if you could consider trusting him with something more serious. Here’s the full post: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/o4cn1k/blood_in_the_water_a_custom_made_tactic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 08:55 PM
80

This is why the blood in the water test is such a good vetting strategy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 08:40 PM
21

That’s exactly how LVM think. They give you warnings with bad behavior and jokes at your expense. If you don’t leave, they assume you want and deserve the abuse they dish out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 09:17 PM
38

If they cared half as much about men abusing women as they do about women waking up to it and deciding to no longer entertain the abuse this sub wouldn’t even exist. FDS is not anti-men. It’s anti-men who are abusive, manipulating, and dangerous… everyone should stand up against those men. The fact that society constantly excuses their behavior with bumbling idiot personas and guilts women into staying with them is the only reason we’re here. We’re not vigilantes. Anyone who spent more than 2 mi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 12:04 AM
37

And this is when you block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 03:52 PM
193

And this is why we don't applaud ppl getting engaged/married after a billion years. 9 times outta 10 he only proposes because he feels bad and hasn't found anyone better to leave her for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 08:08 PM
135

That breaks my heart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 08:06 PM
44

But if you dont share the exact number hows he supposed to weaponize it and emotionally abuse you with it?! /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 02:48 PM
91

And don't let artsy guys talk you into it either. Dated a guy who wanted to paint me and got sooooooo offended that I would only pose live vs letting him take semi-nude photos for reference. His excuse "I'm going to marry you someday, wHy DoNt YoU tRuSt Me?????"... dude never proposed and instead dumped me in a cruel way months later. Forever grateful that I didn't give him ammo to hold over my head for the rest of my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 02:25 PM
57

The author makes some good points, but the only thing to understand about men who compartmentalize is to not waste time with them. There's a poor woman in those comments asking how to fix things with her husband who's compartmentalized her out of his whole social life. Like you don't fix it, you leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 02:54 AM
139

This is very true. And when they categorize you as someone they don't want long term they'll tell you without telling you ("I don't see myself in a relationship" or "I'm not sure what I want" or "Let's go with the flow" or "it's hard for me to give you what you need right now"). And if you're foolish enough to think he'll change his mind and stick around he'll just drain you dry of every resource (sex, money, empathy, free entertainment, professional connections) he possibly can before dumping y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 10:00 PM
39

The problem with saying it is that he's already shown you that seeing after your safety is not something he cares to do. So sure he might do it long enough to get in your pants or lock you into exclusivity, but as soon as he feels like he can get away with stopping he'll stop. And now that you're more connected to him he can claim it's shallow to breakup over something so small. Said from experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 02:20 PM
45

"Now let's look at how women benefit from being in control of their own state"... like wow, tell me you don't see women as people without telling me you don't see women as people. And sadly, men will complain alllllll dayyyyyy about not being able to find a good woman without even realizing that using tactics like this only attracts women who don't love or respect themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 02:10 PM
43

It's so gross. Like we think we're being understanding. They just see an opportunity to take advantage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 06:03 PM
91

I'm sorry about your mom and also that you even had to deal with that. But lots of guys like this are out there. I had to cancel a first date earlier this year because my grandma was in the hospital and I needed to go take care of her and my family. Dude called to check in on me which I originally thought was nice, but then said I was setting myself up for failure by thinking I could help her get well and should be more focused on living my own life. Ended the call and blocked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 04:04 PM
125

"He knows that the are certain things you will in fact tolerate" ... this is EXACTLY the LVM's mindset. Loosening your boundaries or forgiving their bad behaviors does nothing but make them have even less respect for you and tempts them to treat you even worse to see what they can get away with. I'll never forget this dude I gave a second chance to after he was slightly disrespectful. When we saw each other again he said something hella disrespectful which I immediately called out. His response?…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 02:49 PM
8

Really though! One of my friends dated a super broke guy but he would still make it to her on his own by riding the bus for an hour and then skateboarding the rest of the way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 02:27 PM
106

His grammar was enough for this date to of never happened...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 11:42 PM
10

I'm glad that you are safe and that you blocked him. Also please ditch your friend or at minimum create a new boundary with her where you no longer talk about relationships or dating with each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 08:07 PM
5

No, they don't share their last name upfront but you often don't need it. In all of the situations I shared except 1 there were pics/vids to go along with what I found so no mistaking that I had the right guy. In the one where there wasn't a pic/vid there was enough information to feel 95% confident it was him. Then he showed low value behaviors. Instead of giving him benefit of the doubt like I would of in the past it was really easy to just cut him off because his story didn't add up anyways. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 01:23 PM
2

Sent
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 06:23 AM
3

Sent
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 06:22 AM
1

Sent
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 09:57 PM
2

Sent
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 09:57 PM
95

Literally got a comment from someone saying this isn't necessary and it's best to just meet them in real life and trust your feelings... Like sis you could also just Google his name and not waste a cute outfit on a man who has 20 mugshots. No feelings necessary 🤷🏾‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 07:09 PM
13

Actually almost everyone over the age of 21 will show up in a people search site that's run by data mining companies like Peekyou or spokeo which another woman mentioned. The info you find there can be pretty substantial.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 06:46 PM
35

Nope. What would be the point? Like literally what would you hope to accomplish by telling him? The same way no man will ever know about the side savings account I have setup in my mom's name. You will always be an individual who's responsible for protecting yourself first and foremost... your partner doesn't need to know absolutely everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 06:08 PM
3

Sent
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 06:00 PM
8

Sent
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 05:59 PM
11

You can talk about the topic in a general and non-judgemental way and use that to open up a conversation about your personal lives. Like I'll tie it back to "I read an article/book" "I listened to a podcast" "I watched a movie" "One of my friends was telling me about"... then I'll share something about myself first and then ask him to share too and see what he says. Ex: You think he lied about his age. You say "I was reading this article that said lots of people start relationships with small li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 05:32 PM
113

I know of zero happy relationships that begin with an inconsistent man. That's a whole complete sermon right there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 04:35 PM
13

Sent
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 04:27 PM
35

Agreed! And on the friend note... it should be more than one friend and happen consistently. I dated a guy who introduced me to his best friend very early on and wasn't shy with pda in front of him. He rested on that as his "seeeeeee you've met my friends". Dude said something months later that made me realize the friend had no clue we were still in a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 03:54 PM
14

Will send you a message
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 03:27 PM
14

I really feel for her. Also men can be complete dicks to breast cancer survivors. I was friends for a while with an older guy who dated age appropriate women and he would occasionally ask my advice for a woman's perspective. He'd been seeing this gorgeous woman who he said had an amazing personality and he really liked her. She was a breast cancer survivor who'd had a double masectomy and also was an heir to a small fortune from a family business. Suddenly one day he wasn't so keen on her anymor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 03:50 AM
5

I feel you. I grew up with 3 adults in my household and 1 (my grandma) was a narc who's energy ruled over the household. I spent a lot of my youth angry and bitter at her and how I'd been raised. But seeing her through a different lens made it possible for me to be around my family and keep my own peace. As a kid I saw her as an abusive bully who tore down my self esteem. As an adult I saw her as a woman who was in a lot of pain. She was parroting poor behaviors from her own messed up childhood …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 03:26 AM
37

A lot of them do it on purpose to see how much work they can get you to do. And when you don't fall for shit tests the ones who were actually interested will suddenly double/triple/quadruple text or call you because they realize you won't play into their games. But it's already too late at that point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 08:37 PM
14

I nearly lost a friend because she'd been in an abusive relationship with a NVM and covering for him for years. The signs were there when they first started dating. Then they moved in together and she basically never mentioned his name again outside of posting an occasional fake happy couple photo on FB. They moved into a place that she furnished and paid 70% of the rent for because he was broke of course. She couldn't have friends over because he assumed that people would steal his stuff. When …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 04:24 AM
52

Really really good advice. I'd also add that if you think you've been drugged, but don't want to involve a hospital or cops, you can order urine drug tests on Amazon that cover a panel of 14 common date rape drugs. A pack of 5 is about $20 and in many instances they'll arrive within a day. This can be helpful if you feel like you were drugged, but are unsure, don't have great health insurance, want mental reassurance etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 05:44 AM
19

When you said he was looking for someone "fun and adventurous" that was the first red flag he was going to be a fboy. Second was him saying "sex is better in a relationship" before even asking you on a date. Good job on blocking and deleting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 05:21 AM
84

Once you see it you can't unsee it. I recently realized I rarely watch romcoms for the same reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 01:16 AM
30

Realizing how many men are insecure sucks, but it's an awesome filter that will save you a lot of time in the long run. I'm a professor and lots of guys get turned off, start negging, immediately sexualize it, or start making comments like "you're probably too smart for a guy like me". I take it at face value and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 02:01 PM
93

It would be funny if it wasn't so disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 01:36 PM
183

My last ex would have been in that category. He was a masculine provider type and while we were physically together I was completely taken care of. He always drove to me, paid for every date, brought flowers or a small gift every single time he saw me, my orgasm always came first, would pickup on things that he noticed I needed around the house and take care of them proactively, had aligned life goals with marriage + kids. But he was also chronically late, cancelled on me at the last minute regu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 01:57 AM
181

Truth. And there's no need trying to cOmMuNiCaTe with men who exhibit these behaviors. They already know that it's not ok and are doing it on purpose to upset you, shit test you, get you to act crazy which boosts their ego, or "put you in your place".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 01:21 PM
9

Really it's not though. A man who cheats is a man who disrespects himself. If he's literally incapable of respecting himself how do you expect him to respect you?! You're just collateral damage. Taking it personally and internalizing him being a trash human is a waste of your precious energy and time. The only thing there is to leave him. Where this woman goes wrong is in thinking she should stay and build him up. That's dumb as hell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 03:52 PM
4

Learn, learn, learn. Things changed for me when I first learned more about myself and then learned more about why men do what they do. I had to get real about why I was willing to accept so little and what I was gaining from sticking around in relationships where I wasn't being loved the way I deserved. That was related to some unresolved dysfunction from childhood. Did some therapy and healing on that. Then I started learning more about why men do what they do. Someone already suggested the boo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 10:27 PM
19

Agreed, but so many women in situations like this fall for the sunk cost fallacy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 02:47 AM
50

We were together a few years and considering marriage. He tried to talk me into buying a life insurance policy 5x my salary and making him beneficiary. At the time I was mid-20's, no kids, no debt, no mortgage. I had a $50k policy through my employer and my mom was the beneficiary. I told him I felt that was adequate given the situation, but he disagreed and pressed me for months. I finally asked him to at least let it go until we were actually engaged and he went from super Christian nice guy t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 02:56 AM
16

My mom just had her married friend/co-worker of 20 years (who's always been extremely helpful to her and a complete gentleman) lure her to a secluded parking lot and ask to see her boobs. He's in his 60's. My mom is friends with his wife. Always be vetting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 06:21 PM
1

And half the time it's not even their own pet. Instant unmatch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 06:16 PM
9

As you become more sure of yourself it does get better. For me, the turning point was no longer feeling responsible for other people's feelings. When you project an energy and attitude that your safety and feelings come first it makes a difference. Consider carrying mace or a defense spike on your walks and put them somewhere that others can see them. That will deter certain types. Also when you walk your dog are you walking in a way that's small or strong and confident? Walking in a way that sa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 03:30 PM
57

You don't. Everything does not require a response. If a man starts telling you what you can pay for before you've even gotten to know him it's a man who doesn't care about impressing you and also who doesn't have the resources to date. Especially when he's picked the location. For dudes like this, once you send a text telling them it's not a good fit, immediately block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 02:58 PM
79

Firstly, very sorry for your experience. You didn't deserve that and being drunk or blacked out didn't give anyone a right to take advantage of you. Second, please realize that your ex's reaction came from a place of misogyny. He has a core belief system that breeds disrespect for women. He felt like you were "his" to own, control, etc. When faced with the realization that you're an individual person living your own human experience his mask fell off. Instead of standing by your side and asking …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 11:45 PM
10

Honestly, before I knew better I would follow up. Not immediately, but after a few hours or the next day I'd maybe call or text and be like "Everything ok? Did you forget we were supposed to chat?". Dating got a lot easier when I stopped doing that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 09:13 PM
13

Agreed. To me an insulin pump wouldn't of been a deal at all. But he made such a big deal about needing a wife to be supportive and understanding with his heath that it really made me wonder what else he was waiting to drop on a wife once he felt like she was trapped and couldn't leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 08:58 PM
69

Exactly. Babies, pets, cohabitation, homeownership, and any other form of shared responsibility will never be a solution to getting out of forever girlfriend land.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 04:51 PM
7

He was lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 03:28 PM
42

And the too much was just phone calls, that's the worst part lol. He told me about an ex who broke up with him because he'd say things like "let's talk at 8 tonight" but then he wouldn't call her on-time because he was always hoping she'd step up and call him so he could feel pursued. Just no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 03:28 PM
28

An insulin pump for his type 1 diabetes. He was convinced it would ruin sex which he thought should be fun while dating but doesn't matter after marriage. Has completely ignored his doctor for like 5 years because he needs to find a wife first. Edit: fixed a small typo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 03:03 PM
24

I used to be the same way, but then hit a point where I realized everything I wasted (time, money, emotional labor, my youth) spending time dating men that weren't a good fit and I snapped out of it. This guy was 6'5, hella fine, and jumping to be in a relationship but his answer made him a nope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 02:14 PM
163

Perhaps I'm too direct, but at this age I get straight to it... "Ever been to therapy?" "What are your thoughts about masculine vs feminine?" "What would you say you're passionate about?" "What are you looking for? / Why do you want to be in a relationship?" I always ask with pure curiosity and no facial expressions/responses no matter what they say. I don't give my opinions until they share first and just listen and let them talk. One guy told me that therapy was a last ditch effort to avoid di…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 06:06 AM
12

One of my girlfriends (who is a pickme) assumed exclusivity with a guy because he asked for unprotected sex on the second date. She obliged. Turns out he was still dating others and wanted to keep his options open. So she suggests FWB but tells him they must use condoms until he's ready to be exclusive and get tested. She was convinced the sex was soooooo good and their connection was soooooo deep that he'd come to her the next week with his test results. It's been 4 months and she's still waiti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 06:29 PM
54

I suggest doing a full panel together in-person. If you do the at-home kits, do them together so that you can get their tracking code. Men are so incredibly comfortable asking us for sex, anal, no condom, etc. Every woman should feel equally as comfortable asking for hard proof of the status of their sexual health. There's literally no excuse. Any gender can get tested for free at Planned Parenthood. If they refuse, drop them because that's a person who cares more about their pleasure than they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 04:00 PM
8

Ah that makes perfect sense! Yeah I guess it's less about the studio and more about being an adult without a space that's welcoming for the both of us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 08:44 PM
27

Every guy I've dated/talked to who lived in a studio was not a provider. Many men start pursuing homeownership in their late 20's / early 30's because they want to show that they can support a family. I'm 36. If a man my age is living cramped up in 300/400 sq feet he's either struggling financially or not thinking about making space (literally or figuratively) for a partner/family. I dated a guy very briefly who said being in a studio was helping him save up. This man was always at somebody else…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 08:36 PM
137

After many years of dating, I now avoid... - men who full-on touch paintings at fine art musems (we got asked to leave). - men who drive a Bentley but sleep on an air mattress. - men who unknowingly run ponzi schemes for other people. -men who eat the diet of a toddler (fries, white bread, nuggets, no vegetables, etc). -men who proudly don't read books. -men who live in studio apartments. -men who don't have furniture (where tf am I supposed to sit). -men who don't have kitchen basics (I'm not b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 03:23 PM
13

Find groups of women that are already intentionally working to uplevel themselves. Like think meetup hiking groups, bookclubs, hobbyist groups, etc. Also consider investing in yourself. Many of the HVW in my network have come from personal development conferences/seminars I've attended and offshoot friendships from those events.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 05:49 AM
21

I had a date with a guy who took notes a few years ago. Turned out that he did it because he had substance abuse issues that ruined his memory. It's a red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 02:42 PM
14

Thanks! I'm actually traveling in from out of state which makes having a friend there a bit harder. Feeling confident that it'll be a good time though even if I don't know anyone :-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 11:30 PM
5

Reading this made me realize a guy I saw last week used this strategy. He seemed like a gentleman, but something made me uncomfortable and I couldn't put my finger on what until I read this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 04:25 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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