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View 1 posts and 477 comments by terribletimingtoday on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
63

terribletimingtoday/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 01:03 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

You can try and see if it spurs him to shit or get off the pot. I've noticed that Rona has created an air of "let's just penpal it out" among guys who've not intention to meet in person or who are attached and just stroking ego. If you're into him you could try, the whole "well, it's nice chatting but I'm here for dating, good luck" and see what he does. If he's not interested in more than talking it won't be any big loss anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 11:10 PM
-1

They seem to primarily exist on social media for social credit. I know one who was like this and her husband...and it just makes me think either she was lying about her stance or he is just ruled by his feminine energy and 100% submissive to her in every possible way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 09:12 PM
3

I think we all have at some point, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 09:09 PM
8

100% because when he has advance warning of you dropping in, he can prepare himself. He can tidy up and practice a front. He can plan any other local women "away" from him for your stay. Tougher to do in a local situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 07:50 PM
10

Consider him a penpal until you actually meet. You don't know anything about him until you meet several times. I feel like LDR is easier to fake it than someone nearby.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 07:45 PM
18

I had a nasty situation(friend, interest, friend, interest) I finally cut off with no contact. Which was super hard, we were best friends. But, I read and heard the whole "he won't change, he'll only change partners" or some variation of it on a number of online therapist/counselor/dating coach sites with their explanation of it. The next one isn't winning. He's no better man for her. He didn't change for her. He just found a willing and tolerant participant in his bullshit. One that may be code…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 07:02 PM
77

He can't get any taller but he can get fit, a therapist and an education if these are creating insecurities in his mind. Things within his control. Victimhood complex isn't attractive at all. Fwiw, I've only dated two men over 6' in my life and prefer someone in the 5-8 to 6 range. I don't get this 6-2 trope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 06:01 PM
66

THIS, A MILLION TIMES, THIS. Lurkers, if your bio is full of low-key negging and complaints, I don't care what you look like. You are getting swiped away or X'ed for the next. I've found, via experience, that it also means they've got little positive in their lives to talk about. Not enough to take up five sentences in a bio anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 06:00 PM
30

Nailed it. The guys don't change, they just change partners. His typical choice of woman never panned out for him. He settled with the one who'd be accepting of his maladaptive behaviors because she's filling that need for now. It's not his "first choice" in any one area and that's where the paint will peel first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 05:56 PM
62

"I didn't want to change the shitty parts about myself so I found a woman who was tolerant of them instead. She's not my physical choice, but she's also not getting a huge amount of male attention and likely won't ever leave me no matter how poorly I treat her or what emotional burden I place on her. She's a good free therapist for me and 'understands' me..."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 05:54 PM
14

It has been turned into a new version of Facebook. Plus it's less likely a relation or spouse might see their indiscretions on there than other social media.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 03:20 AM
15

On the other hand, "what I once was, she will become" and "people don't change their behavior, they just change partners" (until they find one who tolerates it) I've stopped looking at it as a loss or that I'm some sort of finishing school for men to prep them for marriage. They just found a more willing subject than me. A person more tolerant of their poor behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 02:29 AM
47

I guess he's never heard of LinkedIn...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 02:25 AM
49

Attention whoring is what I call this type of social media post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 02:47 PM
5

Yep, we are closer in age. I think my issue is seeing how many very young people hop in here as some kind of subject matter expert and don't grasp nuance. It's one or the other and that's all. An absolute and most of what we do in life just isn't that way. Same with my grandparents. I found out, in the twilight of their lives, some of the same things you did. It was nowhere near perfect. But, he loved her to the end and took his vows seriously. They were a product of their time but I also think …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 02:46 PM
10

I agree with your sentiment, but the overwhelming view on Reddit seems to be one of black and white, yes or no with zero nuance between on every issue. It's very childlike. My grandparents made it almost 70 years til death parted them. It wasn't perfect everyday and they worked at it everyday. My parents both divorced and married several times each. I have a handful of old friends who've been married almost 20 years now and a handful who've been divorced multiple times in that span. There's so m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 01:00 PM
23

You don't necessarily have to look like a model. What I would recommend is finding clothing that flatters your figure even if it isn't in style at the moment. Wear clothing that fits appropriately. Take advantage of minor tailoring on things you find and like but aren't quite right on your body.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 12:47 PM
25

Most of Reddit seems to be comments from 18 year olds and younger who've never actually lived a life yet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 12:40 PM
2

That's true. The way it is written and he described some of the stuff makes me think he's awed by the new amenities and not considering the ramifications of what he's agreeing to do. That he's come from a less that good background. It also makes me wonder why the other person left and potential for danger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 07:28 PM
25

They do anyway. Even with no reply they'll refine the approach until they see results. That's how these really disordered men end up slowly working their way to marriage and LTR with women. They have a mix of their own behavior modifications alongside refining their choice in victim who will be more compliant due to her own unresolved issues. (This is why codependency and lack of boundaries is doubly toxic and needs resolution! )
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 07:21 PM
11

Right! And the ever present "no drama" type declaration. Those guys tend to create drama and always seem to have crazy ex girlfriends...only crazy ex girlfriends. I'm at the point now that any negative attribute declaration online is a red flag to avoid. Tell me about yourself and things you like to do. Don't tell me you're a "good dude" or a "nice guy." Show me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 07:10 PM
26

Oh yeah. That's it too. They'll turn on a tiny bit of vulnerability, real or faked, and try to seal that deal. They're looking for someone who doesn't trust their gut. This is the importance of "trust but verify" strategy. Any time I've felt the twinge of doubt and ignored it I should not have. I let the curtain distract me.from the man behind it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 06:01 PM
57

Fuck...that explains so much online. So many of these guys say "yeah, I'm moving to elsewhere soon..." which, after your comment, sounds like laying tracks out of there from the start. Brain goes 🤯 because why the hell would you be dating if you're just moving soon...unless you're just looking for FWB and a short term one at that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 05:13 PM
21

Dodged a bullet? Was this a man she was going to marry and that's not her in the photo?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 05:09 PM
85

Right. Hard pass on this one. At least he was honest, however, which is more than a lot of them will do. "I'm looking for a regular shag and I'll probably let it creep into relationship territory activities like dates and movie nights but it won't mean anything to me and I can end it on a whim, even if I progress it to further lock you down emotionally."- Him, probably.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 05:03 PM
32

Absolutely. It seems to be a method of overcompensating for their known flaws and problems.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 04:44 PM
1

It's great to see a community of people who share an issue causing them problems and are actively trying to do something about it. It's a damn shame the powers that be want to shut that down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 04:16 PM
137

Every man I've ever met who proclaims what a nice guy or good guy he is has yet to turn out to be either of those things. Truly good men don't have to toot their own horns.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 04:09 PM
21

Had one guy say "yeah, I deleted Tinder months ago" and ten minutes after that statement he got a match notification on Tinder that woke his phone up at the table. Sometimes the trash takes itself out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 09:19 AM
7

I rejoined one app here recently and saw the some of the same guys I've been seeing for a decade here too. Not a ton, but enough that it was noticeable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 09:17 AM
4

It's like some of them use it as their pre-fallback girl parking lot. They can breadcrumb to try to juggle women while they work on their first picks. Keeping just enough contact to keep her available if the higher ranked choices don't pan out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 07:08 PM
9

I hear ya! I report the particularly bad ones. I figure it brings the posts to the mods' attention so they don't have to sift through every topic and all the comments. Then they can make the choice to delete for rule violation of let it stay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 06:51 PM
10

I have that issue too. I don't even like disclosing my earnings or assets to men anymore. Even months down the line, they've changed on me and I became a walking bank machine to them. Even before I had a good career, I never acted like this to a man. I never saw them as a walking wallet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 06:45 PM
13

I just assume all the accounts with carefully curated content and stellar photos are monetized these days. Influencers who are making a buck from their everyday lives...or their lives and some MLM product their followers flock to buy because they're selling it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 06:38 PM
18

Haven't read the dang sidebar. Happens to a lot of rapidly growing subs. The mods get overwhelmed with posts and can't devote as much time to it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 06:36 PM
5

Seems like all the "it" cities do. I wonder if it's because so many superficial people have flocked there because it's seen as cool and trendy and they're just kinda shallow. Nashville has become the same way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 06:03 PM
8

This should be on a shirt. Seriously. Even if they deny it, deep down it's so true. Even the guys I have known that "can't take any more rejection" from approaching women will treat the women who do decide to approach them first as temporary or disposable. That they're just not that interested as they've been when it has been a woman they approached themselves. It's easy access to the bobs and vagine and very few men will write that off for a time passing or temporary situationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 05:58 PM
6

That's a tough habit to break because we want to feel understood, but it's crucial. They don't care and most don't have the capacity to understand how you feel. Else they wouldn't have done what they did and, instead, acted like an adult about things. It's wasted effort and time. And, for some of them, just sets up the "crazy ex" trope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 05:52 PM
4

I think they're more likely now to go to Snapchat because it seems easier to hide indiscretion on there than straight up texting. At my age, if a man suggests this, he gone. Snapchat seems more like an app for children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 05:45 PM
3

I agree. It's silly. I just don't think pink looks good on me unless I have a tan. I own one pinkish/peachish swimsuit and in summer I have an OPI gel color I like that nearly matches it I'll get done up if I'm going to the beach. That's the only pink thing I own. And, frankly, I think we should all wear the colors we feel confident in and that complements and highlights our favorite things about ourselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 05:34 PM
3

That's it. He's probably lost the replacement pussy and he's trying the first line of former FWB to see if he gets a bite with low effort expended. Maybe even promise more this time but it'll likely be a lie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 05:14 PM
5

That's what law enforcement here tells us. They'll end up "housed" in cheap motels turning tricks until the overdose, get HIV, get too old to look the part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 05:11 PM
3

That's how I feel about Gemini men. Two faced has been the nicest thing I can say. I don't buy into the overall deal with your sign setting your personality, but Gemini men really push my stance on that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 05:56 PM
10

That is it. Looking for followers for harem building.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 05:52 PM
13

I don't think these guys are as particular as they let on. At first, they seem to be looking for the perfect match and never find it...or their perfect match won't accept them and their ways. This goes on until they just settle for whomever when they finally get the urge to nest and make babies or be shunned by their circle of friends. I've also read numerous stories that men won't marry until they're ready to marry. Even if they've met the greatest match they'll ever have, if it isn't at the ri…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 05:51 PM
39

One of the simplest statements I've heard on this is: "They will text/call/email/Skype/Zoom/Duo/meet you if they WANT to do it." A text takes two seconds to send. Unless he's in a place where he cannot carry a phone with him, he's actively making the choice to NOT text you day after day. And, if he is in a place like that, it takes two seconds to send a text before or after he's no longer in that spot. If someone is interested in you they will make the time for you!! Yes, it hurts when they just…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 05:20 PM
60

And if you find yourself going to therapy for a man who needs it but won't, toss him. It's not worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 09:25 PM
10

What's a swerf?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 08:10 PM
55

The term I use for this sort of thing is "attention whoring." Oversharing for likes and shares and interaction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 04:41 PM
279

The city where I used to live...even the police would tell you that young homeless women end up turned out pretty quickly. Technically not homeless anymore, just held captive by criminal enterprise and sold for sex. Those are your runaways, girls who get addicted to drugs. They're snatched up, raped, and sold for sex. The only female homeless you actually see there are older, addicted, mentally ill women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 01:28 PM
46

This is incredibly accurate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 01:21 PM
6

...looks like a thumb! I'm done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 10:21 AM
34

And then one day they've got no income because they're not new and fresh anymore. Then they're left with a bunch of porn that never leaves the internet and no real skills. They delayed the fight for that cashier job with fifty others but didn't avoid it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 10:10 AM
31

My mom is an enormous PickMe/builder of losers/willful "other woman" with married men that always scurry back to the wife. She's over 60 now and still carries on in this way. Her early relationship advice to me really set me down a bad path in my early 20s and I've worked nearly 20 more trying to replace it with better thinking, boundaries, and power.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 08:20 PM
19

Change the name!! Do ZZZ whatever so that if they try to creep in with a call in the future you don't accidentally answer it! "Zzz asshole" or whatever, and it'll be at the end of your contacts so you won't see it anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 06:27 PM
15

We shouldn't be going to therapy for those who need it and refuse!! Fuck all that. He's an adult. He's clearly not ready for a relationship and doesn't need to be in one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 02:36 PM
5

"Oh no, it's getting close to real need for commitment...I better derail that and reset the shot clock!!" - Him, probably.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 02:32 PM
36

Chalk that up as a loss and life lesson and get the hell away from this one! What in the hell...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:55 PM
43

That's a lot of coincidence for a...14 year old account... Yeah, things are all coming together now. Makes me wonder if they'll disappear the account to protect all who knew about her and may have used her services...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 03:16 AM
39

"please soothe my damaged ego and fill the emotional void so I don't have to face my feelings!!!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 04:02 PM
27

"dated" likely included messages on apps that went nowhere and first dates that didn't make it to a second.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 12:26 PM
19

"I bought you a gift and you should just be happy because a lot of men won't even do that!!" was a common trope from one ex who'd often buy me things he liked or he'd really just intended for himself later. I told him that if he was only going to buy me something to take away to use himself, he might as well skip the "gifting" step and keep the damn thing. This was a guy who finally revealed that, because he didn't hit me, he was treating me better than most men ever would. Needless to say that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 11:58 AM
2

What a prick. Well, at least you know now and he waved the red flag early. Some of these "nice guys" will hide their true personality for months and only reveal it once they feel you're fully attached. Makes it harder to just leave when the abuse starts. Onward and upward, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 11:07 AM
5

Oh, that's good. You're a great friend! I was hoping it wasn't one of the more repressive countries where she's got a lot to deal with to even board a plane without a male relation to chaperone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 03:11 AM
9

That's sad and scary. Would it be too expensive to get her a ticket out of there and back home? She may not need it today but it sounds like she will sooner than later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 03:04 AM
7

Clowns like that will start by putting you on the offense to get you off balance and upset. Then they'll shift their own mood and approach to try to garner sympathy from you or even get you to apologize for their prior angry response. Some of them, like this one, do this to swoop in with a "well...I guess we can try again" type move. It's all head games and manipulation though. It's a narcissist or borderline classic playbook move. I spend five years with a guy with BPD. I didn't know it was a c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 03:03 AM
15

If she's having these feelings she doesn't need to buy anything with him. It sounds like she's nearly ready for an escape plan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 02:12 AM
13

Baggage Reclaim saved my sanity after a particularly shitty incident with a now former friend. The list of posts covers some serious ground and her books are great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 02:07 AM
58

Or twitch streams video games all day. It's always these kinds of guys. I've never gotten it from anyone in the trades.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 02:06 AM
1

Emotionally unavailable. Lots of stuff online about emotional unavailability. If you've ever dated someone who runs hot and cold and hot and cold and can't seem to commit with their mixed signals, they might be emotionally unavailable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 06:28 PM
2

I had one do try the same with me who was EU either from his Ex or possibly before her given the stories I've heard about him...either way it seemed to be a near permanent state with him and he refused the thought of counseling. He's been divorced for nearly three years. If he is an EUM, avoid avoid avoid! You're right...it's not about future, it's about now and he's a turd right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 04:55 PM
10

Some guys are in it only for the chase. Others are emotionally unavailable and play this hot and cold disappearing game as they try to fuck themselves to fixed instead of actually seeking help for their emotional issues. Even the ones that seem like great friends may only be around you for this reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 04:30 PM
4

I understand that feeling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 03:21 PM
13

Exactly. These types will tell you what they think you want to hear to keep you in their orbit. That will let them occupy space in your heart and mind, blocking out space for someone else who doesn't play these stupid games.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 03:04 PM
5

Stay strong! Don't feed into the fishing attempt!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 03:03 PM
27

I'm at the point where a person either has the ability to have empathy on their own or they just don't. I cannot fill their empathy bank from my own supply. I cannot teach it to them either. I know this from experience. It's either in them or it isn't at this point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 02:43 PM
55

I have too and that's where my mind goes as well. Sad part it is almost never lasts either. He ends up just another single dad on a dating site with weekend visits because they didn't have anything much in common but sex. And, chances are, the new mom is such a PickMe mess it was more an anchor baby than accident or biology in action. She's trying to finally lock one down because she can't seem to keep a man due to being such a PickMe. This is super common here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 02:02 PM
43

He got angry at you for your boundary, never apologized, then shifted to negging himself for sympathy from you. He tried manipulating you just then. You did right cutting him loose. That is a toxic pattern of behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 01:51 PM
164

She was likely one of his PickMe harem and just happened to get pregnant. Guys like this don't usually find their "one" but instead settle when they knock a girl up or they get to the age where all their friends are getting married and moving on or they themselves have less luck maintaining the orbit of puss and decide to lock down one before they can't do it at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 01:46 PM
3

What a terrible person!! Most men aren't going to turn down the vagina if it is made readily available to them. Some of them start to feel entitled to it. But they'll do whatever they need to do to keep the puss on deck, so to speak. Even if they're actively looking for "relationship material." They're probably keeping your status on the DL so they can drop you like an anchor and no one will be the wiser or look at him like an asshole for "dumping" you and instantly diving in with the new one. T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 01:32 PM
26

Is that really how that went down? Another website's account here led the charge? That's insanity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 11:52 AM
37

This is what I do when it turns into an everyday thing for lack of decision making. Indecisive, waffling men will do this in every aspect of their lives. Not just planning outings. It gets very old, very fast.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 11:58 AM
13

Yes, that's what I get too. I've noticed these talking points amplified by LV people and incels sitewide. Big hatred for "the rich" by failures to launch is all I think when I read about it. I don't talk much about my personal situation as it relates to that because I came from poverty and I'm not in it anymore. I get talked down because I'm a "bootstraps" case and most are taught that's some kind of myth and I must be lying about it. I assume they think it isn't possible because they are shiftl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 11:50 AM
55

He wouldn't have jumped to that if he didn't think it was that type of dinner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 01:04 AM
6

I used to be until I realized it was either a sign I didn't trust him or if my own insecurities projecting onto him. I don't bother now. I just move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 12:41 AM
10

This is the answer. He sounds like a harem collector.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 06:22 PM
0

Did you personally experience it or just hear about it too? At this point it sounds like all our knowledge is "just heard about it" anecdotes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 04:36 PM
3

That's interesting. Of the female vets I know, the Air Force and Navy vets had few complaints during their service while the Army and Army guard/reserve women had a terrible time with being treated like their unit mom and maid. The Air Force and Navy women stayed in a lot longer than the Army women did. I've not known any women who were in the Marines...but the males tended to call the "WM" walking mattresses...which makes me think the fewer and prouder have it a shit lot harder. I suppose it ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 04:02 PM
8

That would be a good plan. Or, if you can and you are close to other women in the group, maybe slowly extract yourself from the larger circle and spend a bit more time with the women you get along with. I might not choose the one he had feelings for, at least for a while. Even if he really likes her, you've seen how "loose" he is. You don't need that sort of drama if they do start dating. You know he probably won't be faithful to her, he's going to wander, and she may immediately think it's with…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 03:32 PM
62

If your gut tells you you need to snoop, you need to split up instead. They're not the one, whether it's their behavior or your own ability to trust them. Something isn't compatible in that relationship and it doesn't matter what. Just go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 02:40 PM
12

This helps. I did this with the one I had doing this at first. Then I just realized it's part of his personality and who he will always be and that that is not acceptable for what I want out of life. You just...forget about him a little more every day. The "next woman" won't get any different treatment though she may be more tolerant of it. That is what guys like this end up looking for. Someone they can tolerate, they find marginally attractive and who will accept or overlook their problematic …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 02:37 PM
45

Lots of women have a great experience, but I wonder if it is dependent on branch. Rightful or not, a couple of the branches tend to attract LVM due to their standards and career options. I feel like women will fare better in the Air Force or Navy and come out with better skills and career options for civilian life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 11:34 AM
72

There's something fucked up going on at Fort Hood tbh. There was a younger guy that went "missing" a while back, presumed AWOL, and they found his remains while looking for hers. Presumed foul play too. https://www.armytimes.com/news/your-army/2020/06/21/remains-of-one-of-two-missing-fort-hood-soldiers-found/ Also, the civilian charged for helping hide the body...I wonder if she was a giant PickMe for the guy who shot himself. He was just and E4, not what I assumed but something was clearly wron…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 11:11 AM
211

I can remember reading of times when expensive gear or weapons had gone missing in other branches and they would have an entire company out there looking for it and being punished until it resurfaced. Yet they didn't do this with a human being. Also, I wonder if the suspect was older and outranked her...when young, new women show up those guys can act like it's a meat market with them. The issue is they're often very young and inexperienced and don't see that these men are not really interested …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 10:57 AM
61

Yep! I feel like this is what my former friend used me for. I was the fallback girl and fixer. He wanted me for everything else except a committed relationship. Under the guise of friendship. Don't be a foster home for wayward men. They need to fix themselves, not find a charitable woman to do it for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 05:03 AM
26

Correct. This new girl won't believe it anyway. She will see it as from the jealous crazy ex. It's not worth the breath.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 05:00 AM
8

I'm morbidly curious myself. I bet it was a train wrecking into a stack of burning dumpsters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 09:40 PM
5

I do the same, often dismissing it as my own anxiety sending a flight response...but lately it has been spot on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 07:39 PM
6

He probably told others that, but I'd put five on it that it was really "he wanted to ask if you'd be FWB" back then if it was even true at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 07:37 PM
21

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQDIkJv9M7o This was posted under its own post. It pretty much nails the dynamic. Don't cheat yourself. Don't degrade yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 02:36 PM
8

I just chose to remove myself from his orbit. He'd run hot and cold, wanting the benefits without the relationship. Getting right to the point to define then friendzoned. I don't have time for that. I want a relationship and a husband. He's not interested in being that but he can get in the way of me finding that. No contact was the only way this time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 02:33 PM
6

This is why, when I had an on/off "best friend turned interest turned back" I finally dipped the fuck out on him completely when he friend zoned me after the heavy flirting and relationshippy shit. One, I'm not going to let myself be consumed by the thought of him while trying to find my real match. Two, I am not going to be the "we should just be friends...but hey, we can still go out to eat and hang out to watch movies" girl where he gets needs met and I get used as a prop for the nights he's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 02:18 PM
31

Exactly!! He is one of those who won't commit until he's getting old and lacking game and has no choice but to settle with someone who is what he can get and keep and not necessarily who he wants to be with. Until then, he will form his little harem of women he can juggle for his ego and dispense with when he thinks he's found something better. Until they reject him...then he finally settles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 02:47 AM
26

Pussy vulture...that is an amazing term for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 02:43 AM
30

The PickMe brigade dives right in though. Hoping that, with enough free pussy, she can convert into relationship status.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 02:41 AM
2

That's something some of us need to consider if we are coming up empty on social or cultural commonalities. Do we mesh with the prevailing cultural habits where we live? It's possible that moving to a place that offers a lifestyle more like our own will improve the odds of finding our own HVM match.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 02:37 AM
2

Sorry you did as well. No time for that sort of behavior. We clearly weren't that good of a friend in their eyes for them to pull that stunt. Better for it though. They won't change and they'll do the same to the other woman at some point. It's how they operate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 02:32 AM
0

Ah, I gotcha. That makes sense. Especially if you have shared hobbies or careers or something like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 05:09 PM
8

Well, wtf then!! That's just too weird for me. This is why I don't accept requests from folks I don't know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 04:56 PM
14

LVM behavior. I think they tend to shoot their shot with every woman to see what sticks. They've no shame.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 04:51 PM
14

It's wild that elected officials who were previously in tune with the struggles of lower income couples as well as single parents don't seem to give a single damn about the schooling issue. It was one thing when everything was closed. It's another now as some places are really looking to be on the back side of this. And beyond that, the quality of the virtual lessons was abysmal in the districts here. That cannot continue. I'm also thinking that, if paid care has to be used, it won't be too big …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 04:49 PM
37

Yeah, that's creepy. On a dating site I expect that to come up...but someone you don't know well on Facebook asking it is bizarre.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 04:45 PM
17

I was thinking Chlamydia cases but we could go with covid too...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 02:36 PM
132

Holy shit, yeah, never thought of her like that because she was fairly well off herself. She's got a bit of coolgirl vibe and seemed to be his fallback girl in a way. Also, here's to hoping she's not "suicidal" like he was...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 02:33 PM
15

He was a "so, where is this going?" and answered me with "I'm not really looking for a relationship and I think we should just stay friends instead" guy. We were friends in a group first...now I am NC with him. Because I can't justify to myself being friends with someone like this. I agree. It's like they will catch the feeling for a relationship and lead up to it pretty well with a woman but when it comes to actually committing they can't or won't. Then the cycle starts again with someone else.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 01:07 AM
10

Makes me wonder if all avoidants are EU or if all EU are ultimately avoidant at their core. The one I dealt with friendzoned me at DTR talk, then flipped his shit when I dated someone else. But he seems to fit the avoidant type with a dash of anxious. He also ticks nearly every box for an EU man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 11:08 PM
49

All the this! The veil-dropped asshole loser is the real him. The sweet, nice, seemingly perfect man was fake. An act to try to seduce and entrap in hopes the real him wouldn't send you packing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 08:35 PM
12

That's it. If they're really interested they'll make it known. They're not shy. They're not intimidated. They're just not that interested. We've got to get that whole PickMe mindset or pseudo-empowerment move out of our heads. We are projecting when we think this and operate from these assumptions. We can approach nearly any man with a little interest and end up with a date. That doesn't mean it's because they are all that interested. We are throwing vagina at them when we do this and no man wil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 07:25 PM
30

This is it and it's a hard lesson to learn. It took me a long time to realize this. They've got to feel like they've won the prize on their own, not given a participation trophy for merely being there. (Probably a crude way to word that, but we know that's what the core of it really is)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 03:27 PM
64

These scenarios aren't wrong and seem to be indicative of an emotionally unavailable man in general. They all seem to pick a "favorite person" for whom they'll play hot and cold, wax and wane affection. They get bored, go find a shiny new thing but when it bores them they'll try to scurry back to what actually makes them happy and feel comfortable. The problem is they won't ever commit to you because they're largely incapable of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 03:24 PM
3

You'd want to call the person's local police department directly in that case and they can patch you to a dispatcher. 911 would call your local or local to your phone location. But yes, it will. I had to do it on a family member in another state a few times before she stopped calling me about it. She's mentally ill and literally only does it for attention. Tell them it's a welfare check call because this person is has been telling you they're planning to harm themselves. They'll ask how you know…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 03:21 PM
8

Wow, yeah, I had a similar thing a while back. I was his absolute best friend in the world and he loved me so much he said...but that we should only ever be friends. Because he was dating someone else at the same time he was with me I found out..and he'd lied about it multiple times. Doesn't seem like very best friend-ish behavior. I just threw the whole manchild away at that point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 02:03 PM
20

Yes yes yes. I say it a lot here and I read it elsewhere myself...they don't change themselves, they change their partners to avoid changing themselves. They realize you won't be compatible long term because you won't accept their behaviors and bullshit. They seek someone they think will do that instead...aka desperate, codependent, low esteem, low self worth, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 12:36 PM
28

Strength doesn't come all at once, it's a gradual thing! Stay the course and it will come. Find some hobbies, maybe reconnect with friends you may have lost touch with (it's a classic narcissist move to steer your attention from your friends to only him) get into yoga or the gym. Occupy that spare time!! The less time you spend ruminating on him the sooner you'll move on. That strength will just happen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 12:32 PM
23

Yep. I remember watching that episode when it aired. My view of that scene is totally different now. Back then I was still polluted by my mom's PickMe advice and ways in relationships. Now I see it as desperate codependency.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 11:01 AM
19

If you ever want to nip that in the bud, call their bluff. Just call 911, tell them they're threatening suicide and they'll send someone. Literally every single time. Not only will it end it but it'll likely remove you as a "supply" source because you are no longer giving them the emotional reaction they need or crave. Source: five years with a Borderline who wasn't diagnosed until the last few months of the relationship...and I didn't know what BPD was until then either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 10:56 AM
23

Sometimes biting your tongue and moving on is the mature HV thing to do. Don't read the riot act. Just disregard. It wouldn't matter anyway, he doesn't care and it won't sway him. It's not worth the energy and loss of dignity to make a scene. He's a LVM and this is what they do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 10:48 AM
26

I'd see about what media outlets are female friendly and have someone who might want to make a story out of it. A few of them. Then send that story to the Moon on Twitter and other social media. Share it everywhere. Messaging admins of the very site that deleted the sub does nothing. If they cared they wouldn't do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 07:44 PM
44

Definitely a hard lesson to learn and apply. Recognizing Man #2 is key if you don't want to waste years of your life just waiting. You don't even have to live together to end up in the 50/50 holding pattern. If he's not going to commit to you and your goal is a commitment, don't stay. Don't care if the next one is the one he marries...what matters is he isn't marrying you. Let him go. Prepare yourself for a better match.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 07:40 PM
12

Insane clown posse. It's a terrible rap group that has a typically trashy, LVM following. Their logo is on his shirt and his arm. It's a man running with a hatchet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 06:44 PM
25

ICP tattoo in an ICP shirt? That's a hard no from me, bud. That's a LV person stamp. This belongs on insane cringe posse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 05:16 PM
107

Those are the ones that realize too late they screwed up with you, pretend to change, hope to rekindle and redo it all over again. He's lonely, can't sleep, probably single again because the new one sniffed him out and bounced and he wants something familiar. Fierce move to say "nope, not rekindling this..." because, for some.of us, we weren't raised to be this Curt and abrupt. We were raised to be polite to everyone and basically put their wants above our own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 03:29 PM
2

Subs have a bell curve here. Someone starts one, it's good with great content. Then it gets brigaded over time until the sub is toxic and almost unreadable. What was a good comment a year prior is downvoted to oblivion today. And one user will have dozens of screen names and circlejerk themselves on subs trying to flip them. Because they've got no lives otherwise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 02:16 PM
2

And what value does one get from some of these degree paths anymore? So many were soft skilled and cost far more than any career it could provide would ever pay. I'd wager some would have been better off financially avoiding college for work instead if they were going into one of these aimless programs. For whatever reason, a lot of them attract women and are more "Mrs." degree than one where a single woman can support herself. The whole rise of influencers and the monetization of social media c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 02:12 PM
6

We've got competing authoritarians running for office, both with histories of sexual assault up to rape and both sides are convinced they're different somehow. They've convinced the weak among us to tattle on their friends, family and neighbors over distancing to the same authorities these same people calling in say need to be disbanded or defunded. They've successfully run an entire group of people in one authoritarian control circle and they're too blind to realize it yet. That's why things ju…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 01:46 PM
7

Same thing here. The warnings came out last year and people still use it. The power the developer has over the phones it is on is incredible. The data mining is ridiculous but people are stupid and don't understand how far reaching it really is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 01:37 PM
4

It's a terrible time to have low self esteem and no role models to help fix that and send her on a better path. Overall I feel like now is better than the 80s were for women in the workplace and the choices we have available. But it's fucking terrible if you're mired in low self worth or being raised by a PickMe mom or just absent parents to begin with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 01:35 PM
7

Yes! Time to pop smoke and get the hell out of there!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 01:08 PM
1

Probably a lot. Their vetting process is likely garbage and easily beaten.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 01:08 PM
7

I've picked up Arc'teryx pullovers for $2 in thrift stores before. It's a great place for stuff like that. I don't feel as bad actually wearing and using those high dollar items and potentially tearing them up outdoors when I'm not paying sticker for them. And I agree. An outdoorsy HVM would mesh with this style. HVM aren't just wearing Brooks Brothers suits and driving a Mercedes. The only issue is whether or not there are many outdoorsy types where OP lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 01:02 PM
16

Either that or he's got a side chick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 12:56 PM
6

Yep. Grooming the next generation of used up porn stars via that app.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 12:55 PM
22

Anyone over 18 with a tik tok is a no go in my book. He's watching all the girls with giant boobs in bikinis doing these stupid choreographed dances that make their tits bounce for the camera. They're starting to load these videos to Instagram now and I see them in the explore function. Guarantee that is what is distracting him. The app is also an enormous security risk run by the CCP. They've written about it in a few tech blogs and publications. The access it has to your info and phone is exte…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 11:04 AM
24

At some point, once they've banned all the obvious, the justice patrol will still want more done. That's when subs like this get targeted for weak reasons. There's nothing really left to do. They'll sacrifice some of the flock to keep the cancel culture wolves at bay, all while dismantling free speech. Or, for another metaphor, they'll pay the mafia bribes (kill off more and more subs) to keep from getting kneecapped. If they stand up to those wanting the rules changed and subs banned, they'll s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 10:52 AM
24

💯 this. Don't get caught up in a drawn out textationship. I never let my app texts to phone texts last more than a day or two without having a date set to actually meet in person and for all the reasons you discussed. It was easier before the Rona, sure, but texting is not a relationship. If anything it's a great way to constantly ride a wave of heartache and disappointment. Don't get attached to empty words on a screen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 01:01 AM
70

Everything since March and the lockdowns has felt very Handmaid's tale to me. It's odd they choose to virtue signal by deleting subs now. The protests aren't new, they could have done it in the past and didn't. Reddit used to be a 1A champion, even when what it was was really terrible. Yet now they're weeding carefully and keeping some pretty bad stuff. It just seems...off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 12:48 AM
3

Hindsight can he a great teacher. All the things we've let slide out because we didn't think much of it at the time, once it is over, comes back and you're like...that asshole...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 12:30 AM
69

It's almost not worth it now anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 11:04 PM
7

Probably why he didn't bother giving a number. That's what he was after. You shot him down and rightfully so. Consider it a bullet dodged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 09:56 PM
36

Do it. Yes it may hurt for a while, but as long as his ass is polluting your heart and head you won't have room in either for someone better. You need that clarity to properly vet and contemplate the next one who will actually love you everyday and not just when he wants to fuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 09:45 PM
4

Nope. She put the blame on some attachment style...he's got a girlfriend and I can guarantee he's not blocking her...she's the other woman and doesn't realize it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 07:35 PM
1

Oh man. That's insane! It's like he wanted to spring it on you after you were married. It's have come out eventually! Especially when the child support payments started rolling out of his check. That's like the one I went NC with. He denied it was someone else to the very end, I went NC on a Tuesday after I had the talk with him and he friend zoned me a couple weeks prior. I saw him with the chick at a restaurant a few days later. After having a friend tell me he'd been taking her to this place …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 07:32 PM
3

Absolutely not. His veil dropped, so to speak, and I think I experienced his pattern with him. He's not a good human, he just pretends to be one at his core when it suits him. Guys like him change partners to avoid changing themselves. He will do this until he can make it stick with one. And she will accept a ring from him if I had to guess. And he knows this. He's def got some narcissist qualities but he's not a snappy dresser anymore. He used to dress better but definitely not now. It's weird.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 05:19 PM
26

Wrong answer. It should have been..."hey, I'm off work today. Would you like to get together for lunch/dinner? Do you like (some restaurant in your town) Great! I'll see you at..."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 05:10 PM
5

Once I saw this guy's true colors and heard the stories of his marriage I realized what a bullet I dodged when he flipped from marriage talk to nothing but friends mere weeks later. We are a good match on paper but he's a mess mentally. He lied repeatedly about seeing this one, looking back, but I believed him then because I thought we were such good friends. And good friends don't lie to each other...allegedly. That's why we aren't even friends now. He's not a good friend. She has been describe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 04:59 PM
5

Same. I hope she sees through his shit and leaves him. I don't feel it my place considering my former connection to him but I wish someone would point her here. She probably won't believe it though. Not yet. He's not a good man and the sad part is he could be if he really wanted to be. He's got issues and refuses counseling. He negged his wife about everything. She stopped having sex with him, he accused her of being a lesbian...when it was just that he was nasty to her and she lost attraction i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 04:34 PM
7

It's great you recognize that! That was a hard lesson for me to learn and I wasted a lot of time trying to prove that wrong. People really don't change all that much. Especially when it is deep seated negative behaviors like he had. I think it's hard for a lot of us. Especially when they play hot and cold. We default to the "but he was good once" belief not realizing it is transient and his default is the jerk. Oh, and the lying about children?! How long did he think that'd go on??!? It really m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 04:27 PM
42

Same. When I was a lot younger. I feel like I wasted too much of my youth on noncommittal men. I'll definitely have the conversation with these guys now. My end goal is marriage to a good man, as passe as that may be. If they're not game to commit inside of 6-9 months then I'm out. And I'm only extending that because that's about how long it takes for veils to drop and real behaviors to surface. I will not be a forever girlfriend again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 04:13 PM
24

I just had to NC a friend turned interest turned friend, repeat et al., who is likely the "oh shit I'm a pudgy divorced man who is almost 40, I better find someone quick." He ran hot and cold with me and we were friends for a while prior to any relationship stuff came up...but he was two timing me with some other woman who is not his physical type at all. Whereas I was more similar to his ex-wife from what I've been told. His current is described as "low esteem and slightly PickMe" by a friend w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 04:08 PM
10

You said it! The detailed description of the behaviors might help some see that these are not unique to them or special or whatever other excuse women tell themselves when they're contemplating the quality of their mate and the relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 03:57 PM
11

Yep. I have siblings who played games growing up. It was all they did. We had little in common and aren't close now. It was the outside playing vs video game playing divide of the 80s. Now, I have little interest in video gaming and I don't see myself ever dating anyone who does. I have a hard enough time watching movies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 03:54 PM
37

That's true. Any guy I've ever been told "oh you can tell he likes you he's just shy" hasn't liked me enough to ever approach me himself or, has and decided weeks or months in he'd gotten what he wanted and split. He didn't like me enough for a relationship. That's the key and the lesson and why I'm not game to do the approaching. I don't care how many guys get on dating subs and talk about women approaching. It's never netted me anything worthwhile. Either one going along with it just because o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 02:23 PM
38

It takes two seconds to text someone. They're not doing it because they don't want to. Or they're using their limited time to text someone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 01:29 PM
83

This is a hard one to learn, especially with feelings involved. It's necessary though. Mixed message, hot/cold...just consider it cold and the sooner the better. Before feelings get too deep and painful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 01:28 PM
6

Yep. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 11:47 AM
63

That's a good description. They'll talk about wanting an independent, self sufficient woman until they get one. Then they realize they don't hold all the cards and control. They'll find one more dependent on them, even if they were a good match to the prior. The need that feeling of dominance. Of control over their wife. I've been this one before. Told I was too independent and self sufficient. Left for some chick who needed his income to be a full fledged adult. Not cheating but the last date b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 12:02 AM
2

Buried in the story, I saw the few sentences devoted to that. Most of it seemed to hit on the theory behind negging their way to some deeper sense of affection among low esteem mates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 11:57 PM
18

I must be defective. All this sort of thing causes me to do is tell them to go be with the one they're infatuated with. I don't have the energy to re-win affection every time he gets a little insecure and feels like that's needed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 03:02 PM
61

Can confirm. It impacted my social life during my teen years pretty severely. I don't have those friends and lifelong bonds because I was substitute mom to a brood of young kids instead. It pisses me off to look back on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 11:36 AM
1

You don't sacrifice fully of yourself in the process. Doesn't matter his intent if you don't give until it hurts on your own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 11:28 AM
21

Maybe, but I've worked in a few offices where the existing female workers were the most catty, drama filled bitches I'd ever encountered. Even avoiding them entirely wasn't enough to avoid their wrath. Those offices also had a generally toxic workplace environment anyway though. It thing one fed the other in a vicious cycle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 08:22 PM
13

Or they marry men who want these huge families but do not have the skills or income to properly provide for the entire flock. There is no money...they've got no friends because they're nursing and rearing and homeschooling a brood...and these MLM schemes provide both while costing them more than they ever stand to make. These are the women who'd hassle me about kids but follow it with "now I love my children but I would have waited/stopped at 1,2,3/or whatever else" and that just tells me they h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 08:13 PM
10

Fit vs unfit becomes a lifestyle incompatibility at some point. Like anything else that causes two people to be incompatible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 06:07 PM
16

Trying to explain why we have a specific set of things we find attractive is like trying to explain why you don't like to eat certain foods to people who love them. It's pretty difficult to do and they never accept "because I just don't" as a response, even when it is really the best you can give. Most of us can't adequately put it in words and expecting us to do that is insane and typically trying to bait an argument or browbeating or guilt trip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 02:52 PM
21

Had a similar thing happen to me...but he was two timing with another woman despite denying it. We were friends first for a long time and I let my guard down to believe him. After all, we were good friends. If it wasn't for the kids aspect I'd almost question where you lived lol. Yes, they will absolutely string you along like this. Yes, he's probably going to get back out there now that things have reopened. It wouldn't surprise me if he already had one on deck before you two parted ways! We we…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 02:47 PM
23

Preeeeach. I feel like I wasted my best years catering to a LVM. I let him destroy my esteem and worth as well as my social circle. All for nothing. Big oof lessons were learned. I hope I can find my person now even at what some call "expired" age. But, if not, I am working on being ok alone or just dating to get my fix for occasional companionship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 01:51 PM
44

They think it's some easy thing. Staying home all day as if they're doing nothing. Every tradwife I've ever known tells a far different story about it. It's not all mommyblogging and lounging about and a lot of the aspiring tradwives don't seem to understand that. I couldn't do it. I like working too much. Some days I wish I didn't have to work, but tradwife is trading one job for another...with no pay or benefits. I'll stick to playing the lotto once in a while!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 01:45 PM
7

I think that was it. It was incredibly messed up. These girls didn't seem to understand how short their career would be and that they'd be going back to whatever town they'd escaped with a handful of money and their only work experience being shared across the internet...for future employers to see forever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 09:37 AM
7

We had a post on here a few weeks back describing how some men target the goth dressed chicks because they assume they've got daddy issues or self esteem problems. I think some do the same with the "cool girl" uniform of baggy or tomboyish clothing. Our first impression is generally appearance based, for better or worse. Some of them tend to be associated with people with issues that are appealing to predatory personality types. This is why we've got to vet vet vet these men. Especially for thos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 11:02 PM
4

I dated one that used dancing and theatre tickets to try to get laid and keep a GF. Because "most guys don't do these things for women" and it felt like making up for being an EUM. He compensated for his emotional failings with going out, doing events, trying to be awesome at sex, cooking for his lady...but he sucked at being supportive, emotionally available, intimate, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 10:47 PM
18

A secret engagement?! From everyone?! Nah, sis, you made the right choice there. That sounds like a move to placate you, not a decision he made because he loved you. If he did he'd want to shout it from the rooftops.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 06:37 PM
143

It doesn't. We end up as springboards for them, either to prep them socially/behaviorally for marriage to the next woman he dates or to grow his career and leave for someone else he feels is more at his level. We are not a training school for wayward men. There's a difference between being supportive of a man in growth mode and providing for him 100% while he "achieves his dreams."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 06:31 PM
4

He's getting all the benefit of relationship without having to commit or do the relationshippy stuff. He's got no reason to screw up that arrangement. If he wanted more he'd express it and work towards making it more...and he hasn't. In seven months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 08:16 AM
11

Like a cat scratching up the couch lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 02:04 AM
49

I'm trying to imagine what woman finds this appealing. Sad part is he probably gets enough response that he keeps his profile like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 02:03 AM
-8

"...That isn't relevant." Wow. You're one of those. Next time you eat, remember how it got there hon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 12:25 AM
-13

Well, being in a rural area that hasn't been very effected at all, it's a bit different. We've been going to the movies for over a month now, restaurants for two. Few wear masks unless they're in an at risk class or serving in a restaurant. We still aren't seeing anywhere close to projected doomsday numbers for our area, despite terrible distancing practice and no masks and being reopened for so long. None of the three nursing homes in my town have had a single case and they test monthly right n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 11:13 PM
-13

The people who went from "stay the fuck home" and "if you go out you're killing grandmas" shifted "wear your mask to end the virus" and getting militant out in public about it. It has become a cult here and a little crazy and signalist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 10:51 PM
26

Triggered me a little bit too. Having an expwBPD I know what this feels like firsthand. I was her...she was me. She probably had no idea what a Cluster B disorder is...but his behavior smells badly of it. She probably had no idea change was all but impossible. The only person she was changing was herself and all for this disordered man. I wonder what, if any, his past partners experienced. They probably all experienced some level of abuse that mirrors what he did to her. It just progressed with …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 07:13 PM
51

That smells like personality disorder. Started two weeks in, progressed until he killed her. She kept holding on hope that if she just did this or that or tried harder he'd suddenly snap out of it and change. That she could change him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 06:37 PM
15

If a man was interested he would say he's interested. He would act on it. Life is not a romcom. Yes, we are almost all conditioned to believe that men will be shy and not ask and just give him a million chances or benefit of the doubt or whatever...but the reality is if a man was interested in more he'd use his words to get more. They'll flirt and not want more. They may pull a move or two but not want more. They don't want more unless they clearly express they want more and then act upon that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 06:10 PM
6

The facemask culting is icky by itself. Inserting it into things for the sake of social credit and edgelording is ridiculous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 06:03 PM
12

Lesson one: he's done it twice...don't let there be a third time. If he cared about you, really cared, the second time wouldn't have occurred!! The fact he did it twice shows that he doesn't think he's wrong and doesn't care about your boundaries and desires. Lesson two: some people are just wired this way and will not change! Sure, he may sort himself out for a few weeks or months but I'd be willing to bet he will not maintain a permanent shift! What he will do is find someone with low self est…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 05:54 PM
0

It removes their ability to just put it all off on others too...the bitch ex wife, the crazy girlfriends, the boss that plays favorites.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 05:42 PM
79

There was a documentary on the porn industry on Netflix years ago. It followed very young women on their attempts to break into it and sort of explained how most have very short runs...but they're very heavily cast in films during that time. They're lured by the money which is often more than they can earn in a normal job where they're from or due to their education, life choices, etc. The industry demands new bodies and uses them up while they are considered new, young and hot. It was pretty ey…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 05:17 PM
29

Cut him loose. It's hard, but block and go no contact. If you give him access he will take it and use you to pad his ego whenever he needs a boost. A real friend wouldn't do this to a friend. A real friend would be honest and straightforward, especially in an area that is so sensitive and could destroy the friendship. Which, frankly, it has. He treated his "friend" like a hookup, or tried, despite knowing your stance and boundaries. You deserve respect! I've been in this spot before. If he's eve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 04:53 PM
59

And, on a not famous person level, this should be a reason to protect the rep at any cost. Watch how you portray yourself online and in public. It can follow you for a very long time and give people a different view of you than your reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 04:13 PM
5

Absolutely the truth!!! Two sides of the same coin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 04:09 PM
1

I think it just removes them from the que. I don't think it matters that "so and so doesn't like you back" because it doesn't serve much purpose. Just remove them and carry on. I've got to figure out what silent or subconscious vibe I send out that causes HVM to look over and LVM to flock. I'm wondering if I've got some LV aire I'm not aware I'm putting out there. It's happened my entire life so I don't think it's all age related either. I'm not a 10 but I'm also not fishing without bait here ei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 03:45 PM
19

Is that where it came from? It kinda exploded as some kind of fad or meme all over the place a year or so ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 03:01 PM
12

It is! Coming to terms with the fact that these folks' reality is flipped. They're not a good person at all and they just "play one on TV" is a hard thing to fully accept. We are conditioned to believe we are all good people and we sometimes do bad things while they're basically terrible people who sometimes do good things. Fact is, some people are fucking terrible humans or some variation of "skewed terrible" where they're more bad than good at heart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 02:53 PM
129

They have a poor understanding of economics and law. In my state, if you raise a delinquent shit and they end up in state custody or even foster care...the custodial parents have to pay child support to the state for their care! Which, to me, is perfect. Can't shirk that responsibility. Don't have them if you don't want to raise them, and that includes financially. Full stop.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 02:15 PM
46

Trauma bond. He did the same thing any other disordered abuser would. He turned the charm on and hid it...until he couldn't or didn't want to hold the veil anymore. He let his true self out on her but she remembers the "man he was" or that he could be if he wanted to be. That's the thing she's holding on to right now. That he could be that again, or she thinks he could. In reality, that guy didn't actually exist. It was always the fetish guy. She's got to take some time to come to this realizati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 01:58 PM
0

One of mine was BPD and I suspect the other also had a touch of Cluster B in there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 01:11 PM
6

Oh jeez. Yeah, there were a lot of those where he was hugged up on the same woman with no description. But even the "my best friend" or "my sister" ones didn't seem legit to me. Why put that there? I've noticed it too. I got liked by a lot of sketchy LVM, while I'm paging through lots of guys who, on the profile, seem like HVM. At least higher value than the trashy ones with six trailer bathroom selfies and a cigarette hanging off his lip in all of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 12:25 PM
14

That's what I've been doing. Six photos of things besides a man and thirsty Tinder type prompts? Boy bye. One guy had six photos of his child. Or a boy I assume is his child. That was it. It was weird. I also found at least one guy who is married with multiple children...because when they message it gives a last name and I checked him on Instagram...and he had a public profile....so yeah.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 11:59 AM
18

I've noticed it too. It's the place they shouldn't be yet there they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 08:12 AM
2

My "friend" used me as confirmation for compliments another woman was giving him. Looking back, I can tell that's what he was doing with hairstyle changes and stuff like that. And I'm not sure they see it as time wasted for themselves because it is meeting a need or desire they have. Also remember that if they're doing this they don't care about wasting your time or anyone else's...so long as their needs are being fulfilled with it they'll do whatever it takes to keep it up without regard for yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 07:56 AM
32

Agreed. Private with these guys I've known has typically meant sneaky as fuck. If they're so private, why even have social media at all?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 10:05 PM
19

That's really it. And he's a child. An emotionally stunted, broken child. I'm not sure he's capable of actually supporting and fully loving a woman the way she should be loved. He doesn't see a reason to be better...just that he got away with it this time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 10:03 PM
10

It will get better! Then one day you won't think of it or them at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 09:45 PM
31

One of them...we lived together for five years and he never changed his relationship status on Facebook or posted a photo of me. I don't know why I tolerated it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 09:43 PM
62

The last two guys I've dated didn't post me to social or any of their girlfriends. I don't think it was the same reason as being "sure" as if they're trying to keep jealous people from trying to wreck things. Or to just keep things private. Looking back, I think they did it so they could play the field like single guys whenever they felt like it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 09:33 PM
33

I gave one two shots at it because he pursued and flirted and made moves...until about 3-4 weeks in...then friendzoned me both times because he didn't want to ruin our friendship with a relationship. First time we stayed friends and carried on. This second time I'm NC forever. I'm not going to be his sometimes girl. He's a large reason I'm here. I clearly didn't learn the first time and I need to reevaluate what I think is important.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 09:16 PM
3

I have no idea either! I wonder if it is just a newer wave of laziness or if we are dealing with a ton of depression that they're choosing not to address. And, of the ones I've known just in general, their cars and homes are gross as fuck too. I'm not talking a bit cluttered from a busy work week, but like abject filth and grossness from not cleaning for weeks and weeks. No mop or vacuum, no dusting on any kind of schedule. Usually a bit of trash funk in the kitchen or sink funk from dirty dishe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 09:12 PM
39

They're scared of women. They want a relationship without any of the relationship parts. They're cheap. They're married. They're dating multiple women already. They're catfishing. They're bored and need ego boosts and reaffirmation. There are a million reasons these guys do this. The virus made it easier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 07:58 PM
13

Yeah, nahhhh. I saw one on one of the dating sites that actually said a girl who was down with $5 pizza dinners and gift card dates. I mean, I'm sure he will find one but I grew out of that phase in my early 20s. This guy was 42. We've all got levels and if they're not on a level we are good with we've gotta keep walking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 07:54 PM
39

Some days... The important thing is that you made the choice to do something about it. It's far easier to just stay in the trauma bond and do nothing while the core of your very being is dismantled by someone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 06:56 PM
81

"it was such a waste talking to you." Likewise! The reopenings are going to expose a lot of these folks who just want to carry on as penpals. They've got no intention of ever meeting and they're just lying to string that out as long as they can. Until you figure out they're not keen to ever meet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 06:54 PM
3

There are blood tests for antibodies but they're not super accurate. Otherwise, yep. She'd have to break out first to be tested.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 06:50 PM
8

Unless it's an event or restaurant befitting more makeup and dress, they get me the way I leave the house for everyday outings. Nice dress and shoes, minimal neutral makeup, lightly styled hair, minimal jewelry. I don't want to set the expectation up that I'll always be caked in makeup or dressed for theatre and fine dining or in designer everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 05:10 PM
72

The ones who need it the most are the ones who fight it the most. They're so messed up they don't see they need it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 05:02 PM
55

This is it. He will end up alone or "settling" because he's deeply wounded inside and compensating and the women he thinks he can now chase are just not that into him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 04:42 PM
7

Truth. He's charming and fun to be around but he's empty at the core. He will likely end up in another failed marriage before all is said and done, or in a sexless marriage because his wife doesn't feel loved anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 04:39 PM
3

I remember back, well before he got flirty, this one actually saying "I'm a pretty good dude" like, out loud, after a couple drinks. That should have been my cue to distance because the only people who have to make declarations like that generally are not the very thing they say they are. I brushed it off because we were just aquaintances at that point but it stuck in my head. Truly good people have a reputation that proceeds them and friends who will vouch for how awesome a human they are if an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 04:36 PM
2

This one had PTSD from his job and was an EUM based on people who knew his ex wife and how he treated her. He, of course, blamed her for being cold but I don't believe that now. I think it was a lot of his problems and insecurities. She didn't feel loved, cherished, looked after in the way a HVM looks after his wife. I think she'd tried to get him to go to therapy. I mentioned it to him but he wanted to argue about it with me. He's not going to change. He's just going to change partners.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 04:31 PM
10

That's how I feel about the one I was dealing with. He irritates a lot of folks. He's made an ass of himself among mutual friends. They know how he is. If they choose to believe his spin that's their choice but I'm here and unfazed. I just know I can't have him in my life in any quantity and likely for the foreseeable future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 04:27 PM
1

Yes!! They'll just find a more "accepting" partner...aka a woman with low self worth, low self esteem, a doormat, maybe one who didn't get a lot of male attention in her life...and she will be smitten by his initial lovebombing. As he gradually transitions into his true, disordered self, she may think this is just how things go. It's the comfortable stage. It's not, he's just displaying his emotionally unavailable self. The lack of support and conditional love leave her feeling uncherished. And …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 03:37 PM
14

Same here. I cut off a flip flopping friend/interest/friend/repeat etal. and even told him, face to face, that I was putting space between us before doing it...because I'm too damned nice. He's emotionally unavailable or broken and was just toying with my emotions between dating other women. I was his soft landing and fallback. I'm not sure I was ever really his friend. Just an option he was friendly to. They like to introduce spin to keep their asses from looking bad. It's triangulation. A narc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 03:25 PM
27

I feel ya on the two day outfit with the unbuttoned, stretched out collar, shorts with clearly no undies and flip flops. That's a LVM move. We aren't getting groceries or washing cars. We are going out. Act like you give a shit. Wash your ass, wash your face, wear a clean shirt. I don't feel like that is expecting too much and not doing that is LVM territory. And I do the same. I have several casual or sundresses, jersey type tank dresses that I live in for Summer. It's more feminine than my sho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 03:07 PM
17

We are! We are conditioned to put others above ourselves to an extreme fault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 02:52 PM
54

That's it. It's a hard ass lesson to learn. He knows and doesn't care. If he cared about your feelings he wouldn't have treated you in a way that leaves you feeling like this. You can break up with someone without it being a scorched Earth event. Without there being a ton of things left unsaid. Another one that keeps it in perspective is that he didn't change, you just got to know him better. This is who he is, right or wrong. He may "try harder" with the next one but all the trying in the world…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 02:02 PM
13

My grandma made her own lye soap that was used on everything from pots and pans to clothes. No problems. I think it's hipsterfoodie nonsense myself. Made to sell special scrubbers and oils and such. I don't use soap on these pans because they just don't need them. One of the Wagners is so right even melted cheese peels right off. This pan was washed with lye soap for decades by her and her mom too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 12:57 PM
21

That's all it takes, they're super easy to care for. And vegetable oil is fine. No need for some expensive stuff. They really don't need soaking so long as they're cleaned while warm. I think that's what messes people up. They leave these pans dirty, on the stove, for too long.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 12:40 PM
36

My grandma had century old cast iron and always used soap on hers. Never lost seasoning, never took on the soap scent, never rusted. Hot take: The whole no soap ever, special oils bullshit is hipster nonsense to sell junk you don't need.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 12:31 PM
21

Oh, he's making it up. Herpes would give him a scabby dick but I couldn't see him yanking it if he had that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 12:27 PM
40

Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. Unless he films porn there's zero job I can think of that requires STD testing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 12:07 PM
6

"What do you want out of all this?" "Where do you see this going?" Start with one of those.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 10:28 AM
5

He seems to want it until he gets it. Then he goes cold.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 10:26 AM
31

I think harem is right. The woman he dated before he chased after me ended up having to block him on all social media and his number too. She was engaged and he was still texting her stuff, supposedly just funny pictures and nothing suggestive but still. Inappropriate for someone who has moved on....someone he dumped. He seems to fit the emotional unavailable label well and maybe a bit of narcissistic personality too. He's very insecure despite wanting to be the big man on campus, so to speak. H…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 02:58 AM
68

I had one after me that seemed to only be about the chase. He couldn't stand to see me date someone else but friendzoned himself with me when I was single and after his chasing me. It was bizarre. I ended up going full NC because I couldn't deal with the mindfuck and emotional roller coaster. He was on the periphery as a friend but a real friend wouldn't do this. Much less anyone I'd consider dating. His masquerade as a HVM came crashing down that day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 02:32 AM
19

Big OOF energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 02:07 AM
31

You could go ahead and call the police, ask them what you need to do if he keeps contacting you. This sounds kinda mentally ill. Why after so long would he decide to fight? This isn't some teen movie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 11:02 PM
89

I would advise him that he's already lost, stopped harassing you and that one more interaction will result in law enforcement getting involved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 10:36 PM
13

Welp, that'll be my evening research reading hole for the night. Thanks for putting a name to it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 10:24 PM
67

If she balks at forever girlfriending and he says no to marriage, then what? She's on a piece of property that will require a protracted court battle to recoup her share. He's got to sell or buy her out. She's got to move and start over. This is why we don't move in and we sure as hell do not buy community property until marriage. He's got zero reason to commit to her. He is getting all the benefits without the legal binding. And, frankly, she wouldn't be asking what to do if she was happy and o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 09:45 PM
15

I think she was about 29-30 when she cut him loose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 09:04 PM
102

You are dead on. One cannot build a relationship on phone or text or social media messages. There is no true chemistry until two people meet in person. Until then it's just vapor. Seems like a lot of people fall into this though. If one needs proof, go over to the other dating subs and read how many people are crushed their relationships ("textationships") have collapsed and they never met in person. Or, when they met months later, there was nothing there. They weren't the idealization they'd bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 08:42 PM
18

They don't change because they don't seem to feel they're doing anything wrong. He will change partners instead, refining his ability to hide this behavior just a little longer each time, until he finds one who just takes the abuse and doesn't leave. It'd be great if he didn't approach any more women because he's only going to leave damage in his wake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 08:26 PM
31

What a creep! He's only achieved that level of supposed clarity because he hasn't been around you. He's idealized you and he's in love with that image and you'll never live up to that in his head. My ex was badly disordered and he did the same several months after we split up. Suddenly realized what he did, blah blah...boy bye.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 08:13 PM
37

Same. I want an equal. Not lower, not above. Someone who feels we are on equal footing. I know a guy who "married down" career wise but she grew into her career and surpassed him. Looks was marrying up, she was beautiful. She became what a lot of guys consider a "total package" and she ended up leaving him...he didn't seem to treat her very well and it seemed like a leftover from when she was more dependent on him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 06:27 PM
37

90% when women pursue the man working...you know, I'll agree with that but it typically doesn't last it go anywhere worth being. That's the difference. The man is along for the ride for as long as it lasts or he decides to participate. Where, when he pursues, that actually means he's interested in getting to know you for more than fooling around...usually.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 04:47 PM
12

It makes sense, doesn't it? Think about any dysfunctional men you've dated. The ones who had unresolved dramas, traumas, and mental issues and flat refused to seek counseling or any other type of help with it. Instead of doing that, they troll for a partner who they think will just "accept them as they are" and not question it or expect them to seek help like the last one did. This usually means finding someone with fewer boundaries, lower self esteem, a PickMe, a "not his type" person, etc. He …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 04:44 PM
21

I regret I have but one upvote to give for this. Never ever ever ever get wrapped up in the sunken cost fallacy with another person. You'll waste years of your life just because you've already wasted years of your life! If he's not your person, face that and move forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 04:22 PM
27

Nope. They think it's cute or something, I don't know. It's stupid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 04:19 PM
124

My years ago ex used to do this kind of thing so that I'd either tell him nevermind or just do whatever it was myself. Lived together five years and he still "didn't know how to put up the dishes." He sure as shit knew where they were when he needed to use them. He'd also play dumb on store trips so I'd have to leave as soon as he got home for all the things he just didn't bother to even get. He is such a piece of shit. I'd say was but I can all but guarantee he's the same way to this day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 03:26 PM
15

It's hard but it'll be ok! Look up his toxic behaviors on the internet and see why he did what he did and what his behaviors may mean. That helps me get over exes and a recent toxic friend I had to NC recently. It's not excusing it, but it does seem to help the running in circles your brain might do when thoughts of him creep in. More of an "oh, this is how he's always going to be, possibly even if he seeks professional help for it and I cannot deal with that behavior" sort of thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 02:22 PM
31

The sheer number of men who'd rather change partners than change themselves is high here. They'll admit they've got issues, problems and should see a therapist but they often do not do it. They'll just try to find someone who doesn't notice their issues or who is ok with the resultant mistreatment or abuse and won't leave them over it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 01:04 PM
95

Mine too. She will be the first to tell someone they're not a rehab center for wayward and untrained men/women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 12:23 PM
7

I spent five years in a similar state. It's so...freeing...to be rid of a man like that. Like a huge weight is removed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 11:21 AM
6

I've enjoyed some of the musicians who've gotten on there and done streams of songwriting process and things like that. They're not touring and are as bored as we are. But for gaming and stuff, nah. Watching people play video games is just weird to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 11:18 AM
26

He will get bored and seek validation from other women sooner than later. Old habits die hard if they die at all. I had a "friend turned interest turned friend turned interest turned friend" and turned it no contact after the last on/off thing. One, I don't need the flipflopping. If he can turn it on and off like a light switch then he could do it after an engagement, marriage, kid being born...anything. Two, I don't want to be his fallback girl and be his security blanket between women or when …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 11:04 AM
3

I did both, so while I've got this great life now that many would be envious to have I've got no one to share it with. The future fakers and LVM were only along for the ride, not actively wanting to build anything together. I just want to find my person but it feels like he found someone else while I was wasting my life entertaining LVM. The least productive thing I can do towards finding my person is sell my place and move to the Wyoming wilderness, but that's what I'd rather do now. If I'm goi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 10:56 AM
19

That makes sense. The whole thing about "pick your battles" seems to ring true. He's a picky eater but if he's researching these restaurants then the dining experience likely better for both of you. Are there things he's had to concede?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 10:41 AM
3

Exactly. We share it here under random screen names. We might send it in a text to a close friend who is having a rough breakup or as a "remember this jerk from a year ago..." and have a little laugh among ourselves. It's funny, most of us can relate but it's not a thing I'd want to announce to the world online and have linked back to me in search results. High value people don't put this on their social media under their name for the world to see. Same as those passive aggressive text memes abo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 10:32 AM
29

It's weird to see folks think a like from a profile is a catch. Profiles aren't a catch. I don't get why people get wrapped up in them. They're nothing until an in-person date happens. Even then, they're vapor. I've been on plenty of first dates where it just didn't work out. They're not a "catch" until both people agree they want to keep seeing each other. To me, this is the best way of getting to wrapped up in things and riding a wave of expectations and heartbreaks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 08:10 PM
7

You're exactly right! We cannot set ourselves on fire to keep another person warm. We cannot ever give enough to fix their problems. We just destroy ourselves in the process! Yeah, his past is bad. A lot of people have tough circumstances. However, we don't all wallow in it, deny it, or refuse help to recover from it. That's the difference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 06:19 PM
46

Of the partners I've had, and there aren't a ton, the best lovers ranking and the biggest dick ranking are not the same chart. It's one thing to have it. It's entirely something else to know how to use it and everything that goes with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 04:02 PM
3

I was on BPD loved ones for a while when I was trying to right the ship, so to speak. That sub was very beneficial and helped me a ton. Knowing I wasn't alone. Knowing that we'd all tried so hard but nothing we did was ever good enough. That we were losing from the start and nothing we did would have worked. None of his ever said that until the very end, they just said he didn't know how to talk to people and he was troubled. I've had moms of exes past make the same remark though! And I'm all li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 04:00 PM
16

Horseshit like this is what made me feel guilty for finally leaving my ex with BPD. These apologists spew this stuff and make victims feel bad for leaving "because he can't control his disordered behavior" or "he had a bad childhood."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 03:53 PM
-5

Stuff like this is kinda trashy to share on social media tbh. I send it in text to my female friends, we laugh and that's it. We post it here much the same, laugh, and that's about it. It reminds me of those quote memes about relationships and life being hard and whatnot. Those plaster the social media presence of PickMe and people who are their own worst enemy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 03:48 PM
3

I bet we could write down what each of ours did and said, exchange papers and wouldn't find any difference or objection. It's spooky how similar the behaviors are in that disorder. A bunch of folks knew how bad my ex was and at the end even some of his family finally said something to me. As far as my former friend, I've told our mutual friends(the female ones) what happened instead of hiding it from them. They're pissed at him in my presence but I think they still hang out with him and this new…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 03:44 PM
3

My BPD ex refused therapy and did the same flip flop behavior. He got more violent as time went on. When I finally tossed him from my house, he literally moved directly in with another woman. He'd likely been setting that up for months and she knew how shitty he was. That is what baffled me. We all had a shared hobby, I knew her, she knew him. He turned on the charm. It won't last. I think this former friend of mine will end up doing the same and if this girl has any wits about her she will bail…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 03:33 PM
3

He'd been married once already and now I think she just got sick of him devaluing her and negging her. It wasn't that she was a bitch, she probably felt neglected. Those behaviors started to come out the second round with him. It didn't get very far, a couple months of being around him more than just buddies so the red flag gutcheck started waking up. That's when the DTR convo had to happen. I think he enjoys chasing the high of newness, the honeymoon phase. I also think he's got abandonment iss…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 03:12 PM
8

Emotionally unavailable! That's what that's called. And he won't change. For you or any woman. The difference is we become their safe harbor. Their friend who they fall back on for a confidence boost so they can dip on us and go on to the next woman they date. We are the ones they return to...but will never commit to...and we see what a blessing it is when we finally have enough of their crap! My former Mr. Unavailable is now dating someone well below his type...and they've all got a type...and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 02:16 PM
31

Sign of the times in 1937. If you were to read through the paper everything would be like that. Very...dance around it politely to keep the "censorship police" from stepping in and either pulling it or cutting it back. Couldn't be too shocking to the sense and sensibility of the community.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 01:37 PM
8

That's it. Any time it seemed like he felt like I was pulling back he'd turn up the charm again. We couldn't just be friends again after the second time. Which I shouldn't have even given him in the first place. Lesson learned there. I feel like I was a ego boost for him or I was soothing a transient sense of abandonment or aloneness. I was the fallback girl, if you've read that book. This kind of guy will pollute your head and heart, possibly blocking you from meeting someone you should be dati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 01:31 PM
41

This case raised the minimum age for marriage to 16 here. She'd had either five or seven children by age 29. Also, this still happens in America in at least one cultural group. Here's a case where the feds stepped in. They've been highlighted in Tennessee for this too. https://www.savannahnow.com/news/2016-10-09/irish-traveler-child-marriages-spark-controversy-augusta
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 10:29 AM
18

I had one friendzone himself at a DTR talk and then get mad when I started dating someone else because he said "he wasn't ready for a relationship and wanted to just be friends." Acted super hurt I was even dating anyone...well, I wanted a relationship and you didn't...I'm not waiting for you, potentially forever, to be ready for that. Then, later, when I was single again, he chased and chased again and got more serious...got to DTR talk and he did it again. I cut him loose. As a friend or poten…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 09:05 AM
13

Uh, 47 at best
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 11:26 PM
7

Only in certain states. In mine it's just a gift or P2P transfer. Same as a dad buying his kid their first rifle or shotgun for hunting season. We don't have a registry per se, though the 4473 records the firearm and serial number. Now, if he's unable to buy one for himself due to being a prohibited person for any number of reasons, she's straw purchasing and committing a crime. I used to sell firearms. The amount of outright lies and false info presented as truth in how they're bought and sold …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 04:05 PM
3

That or was his family's farm or business that successful....that seems to keep a lot of young PickMe girls with scrote boys here. "He's not perfect hon, but look what he can offer you and your future kids..." from every pickmother out here...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 04:01 PM
8

Exactly. As much as we push ourselves and each other to level up, we should also pay attention to men who do the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 03:57 PM
3

Speaking of Sandra Bullock, he's divorcing...again. and I wonder if he cheated on her too. He seemed like he'd snapped out of being a manchild but it's probably a deep personality disordered character flaw for that guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 03:31 PM
6

It really is with toxic people. I'm still working on the blindness in other situations now. With friends, coworkers, all stores of stuff. My brain writes off the bad stuff too easily and defaults to the good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 03:26 PM
20

It is, but the property is treated differently in a marriage/divorce than two single people who own it together. It's a mess if the engagement breaks off and she's on that title. I know a few people who did this and didn't get married. It ended in prolonged court battles, one case where one party lost a significant amount in the sale.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 08:51 PM
45

Absolutely not. If you don't marry you'll be financially responsible for a home you don't own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 06:25 PM
8

It's been two for me and I still catch myself allowing more than I should in all aspects of my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 06:16 PM
262

Don't let him sway you into paying for that place or moving in! Stay firm in your boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 05:18 PM
25

Been there! And, as tempting as it is to lay waste to him in a public fashion, cutting all contact and blocking from your life is the classy way to go about it. Anything else just makes you look like the "crazy ex" to him. Just shut off contact and be unavailable to him for anything at all. No texting, no meeting to talk. For now, get out with friends, get into activities you enjoy and keep yourself busy and social. Idle time is time to dwell on the sadness of the situation. Set up therapy to ta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 05:16 PM
22

Guys like this don't care about women at all. They're just looking for someone to tolerate their shitty behavior and not walk away. They're looking for someone desperate and insecure to get them to the marriage line on their "life events checklist."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 03:32 PM
10

OP is right on in the post title...if they're bad to you once or bad to the prior women they've dated, they'll likely do it to you. They may get smoother with hiding it but guarantee they will end up falling right back into the familiar pattern again. It's not so much settling down but finding a more receptive and tolerant target or subject or even victim when they are finally ready to go through the marriage motions, first time or subsequent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 03:29 PM
39

Wow. His preconceived notions make him unattractive. He's already got you in a little box.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 03:21 PM
16

It's hard to describe for me, but it has lingered for years. I hate it but it doesn't seem to really ever go away. It makes me susceptible to accepting things I shouldn't so I've got to constantly observe and maintain objectiveness to avoid making poor decisions or becoming a doormat again. It's not that one mistake will drive me away from someone, but I have to be more objective towards others and their behavior towards me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 03:19 PM
88

Trauma bond. Your brain also wants to default back to the way it was at first, before the abuse, and tends to want to write off the bad stuff to avoid the physical and emotional reaction to it. It remembers the good stuff and focuses on that. I have this problem now. It lingers to this day, years after my own abuse experience. It's frustrating sometimes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 01:40 PM
43

I needed to see this today. You are right, and studies have been done to show this is the case. They may move on but the deep seated behaviors will remain and resurface. Ultimately people don't change, they get better at masking when it's a deep personality flaw. Or....they try a different strategy... What they will do is ADJUST their "type" or target to get a desired result. Say they tended to chase a specific type, a driven woman who is successful...but it fails time and again for them. These …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 01:01 PM
9

Oh yeah. A cool girl PickMe will sympathize with him for acceptance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 12:42 PM
282

Why even bother making a profile if this is how you feel, bruh?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 07:13 PM
143

I never really thought about it like this before. At least it shows you their true colors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 07:12 PM
3

The drinking as coping thing...fuck. Yep, that was a common thread between all of them I've dated. Don't wanna talk to a therapist confidentially...totally fine with drinking themselves into alcoholism. Police and fire especially. They can go to someone without telling anyone. They choose to avoid it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 03:50 PM
19

When I see these sarcastic-ish things listing wholly undesirable qualities I just assume some of it is true. None of it is appealing. He's trolling for desperate, insecure, QuiRkY women and cool girls. That's what this looks like to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 01:46 PM
17

Hinge does the same. After a while it'll only show you a tiny sliver of users who don't make your cut at all. The algorithm fails and you'll get an entire day's worth of nopes in a row and wonder what the hell happened. I also read an article about how the algorithm on some of these sites might be more working against users than helping. It locks you into a set of profiles when there may be better matches out there. You just don't see them for the stupid programming. After all, it doesn't benefi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 10:00 AM
31

Yep. Arrogant or narcissistic tendency plus, in my age range, usually PTSD from actual combat or "seen some shit" on the job that they're too proud to seek a little help for. I've dated three total in those three professions. Two of which had learned how to hide it better, but that doesn't last forever. And they all always led with their professions too, which was weird. Lesson learned, not doing it again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 01:36 AM
70

I've got rules for a reason now. No Marines, no cops, no firefighters. It's not all abuse, but the mental state and disordered behavior too. The ones I dated seemed to refuse to seek counseling when shit got too real for them at work and it was evident.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 01:03 AM
11

They'll do this when they get addicted to the swiping of dating apps. Always on the hunt for a bit more perfect so they never really maintain a relationship for very long.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 01:00 AM
16

It's skeevy. He talks like a 14 year old boy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 12:55 AM
3

She's not funny anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 12:54 AM
38

That's it. Ready to spend a couple months toying with a woman to keep the sex coming, then he will decide he's not ready for a relationship. Take a few months off. Then, he will repeat the cycle. Over and over, until he gets one pregnant...then he's just another guy with a kid on a dating app.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 12:53 AM
48

I bet he'd be a nitpicker. Nothing would ever be right. Nothing would ever be good enough. You'd be well aware, at all times, that he was prepared to replace you. Hard pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 12:49 AM
25

That would....fucken....bother me too. It's weird. And immature for an adult male to say to someone he wants to date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 12:47 AM
17

I never wanted to do what I loved as a career because that's a great way to grow to hate it. I did what would be the most lucrative with the least amount of expense in education and that I'd mostly enjoy. I save the things I love for hobbies and interests. His advice really helped me as I came into my own with a career. I'm thankful for it because I watched my PickMe mom struggle with LVM her whole life and enmeshing with them, letting them suck her dry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 09:44 PM
68

This is what my grandpa told me to do. Pretend I had to do everything on my own. That way, if I do find a great man, I'm not entirely dependent on him for my life and future. I have something for myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 09:32 PM
2

This isn't about what we think. It's about what you feel and observe. There's no black and while absolute for this topic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 09:16 PM
43

Right...I'd be sorting out the best lawyer I could afford and taking his ass to the cleaners. Gonna be wishing for a bubble when he's living in a box.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 07:24 PM
58

"I'm going to just do whatever I want and see how many of your boundaries I can break without committing to you in any meaningful way. When you finally wake up and add up what I've done, you'll be very upset with me but I won't care. It wasn't a relationship and I'll probably already have someone on the hook to repeat the cycle."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 05:28 PM
35

I agree with this. Until they address what is wounded and broken inside them they'll just skip from person to person for that initial newness high. When it wears off they get bored and go look again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 03:36 PM
3

It did. Just going to say that when one person stops acting in a friendly manner towards one or more of the group it's time to reconsider whether it is worth keeping that person as a friend in your circle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 03:12 PM
12

It's not even a whoops. They're just needing a unifying reason to remove the threat. Thing is, they'll do it to each other too...one at a time...in effort to land this guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 02:59 PM
1

It seems to come up at some point in every group of friends. It sucks but you've got to look out for yourself and your own well-being.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 02:58 PM
8

If you feel weird then that's all you need. Maybe make some sideline friendships with a few women in the group if there are men or other women giving the weird vibe. Invite them out to do things. Get to know the ones you seem to get along with better. You never know. They may have the same feeling. I just did this myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 01:32 PM
30

That's the only girlfriend these NVM should have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 12:42 PM
3

He was badly EU and full of red flags. He had abandonment issues, lovebombing, obsessive behaviors, and he seemed to try to soothe all this with women. It was wild watching his disordered behavior progress through the episodes and seasons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 12:56 AM
124

This will happen if they're threatened by your presence too. It's one way to get you out of their way. It's a classic narcissist surrounded by flying monkeys move.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 10:08 PM
3

I think of it like this. Seeing it from today, yeah it would have. Back then? What we have today wasn't imaginable to most women then. The way people treated them. Their own ideas for their future vs societal limits of the time. It's maddening to us now. I think it was just how it was back then and because of that, they accepted it because they had little means to stand up to it at all. Even Peggy, who was younger, was still treated badly by the old boys club. Despite her work and title and acco…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 10:06 PM
2

Exactly. She wouldn't have even had access to that level in a company like that otherwise in that day and time. It was messed up, and it's sad that half the guys were like..."so what" about it, but given how they behaved as married men it seemed like they just considered it a part of the job. I also find her relationship and dynamic with Don interesting. He's the last one to talk about anything like that, but he was the only one that really didn't want her doing it. He was also the only one ther…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 10:01 PM
23

For guys like this, wifey material is the idiot one tolerates his continued behaviors with other women after being married. One who has no boundaries, no self esteem and is codependent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 08:05 PM
4

That's what happened with me! I quit giving more than I was getting. Then he's like, I want to see you...and I'm all...fucking act like it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 07:37 PM
9

Been there too! And you can tell them about the issue but any change only lasts a few days, at most. They'll be like this the entire time. You'll be towing them in a wagon behind you the entire way. It made me feel like he just didn't care all that much because he wasn't a participant. He never has a place or thing in mind, he constantly defers to you for answers. It is extremely exhausting. This isn't a "so what would you like for dinner tonight" thing. It's a situation where they literally jus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 06:19 PM
42

Right?! That sounds like a way to end up FGM/circumcised by a sociopath.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 03:59 PM
27

Oh jeez...and if I'm on an app and there are sexual photos (the shirtless bed selfie, the deep v mirror pose selfie) or a reference to sex in their profile, joking or direct, I'm swiping away. Done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 03:16 PM
13

Exactly! And if they're a good friend they'll just come out and say "hey, I just started seeing someone recently..." or something like that. To which we'd likely say "awesome, happy for you, good luck, etc." I agree that if they're sneaking around doing it they see you as an option and not just a friend. If there weren't some feelings there they wouldn't be hiding it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 03:11 PM
10

It was and it was also maybe a bit of rationalization due to what it would mean for her financial future. I don't think she'd have ever reached that level without that moment, in that day and time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 03:08 PM
23

I loved watching her character evolve and find her worth and power, though the Jag thing was gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 01:58 PM
34

This scenario is posted about almost daily on the dating subs and a lot of people end up deeply hurt by it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 01:55 PM
63

Just removed myself from this situation. Remember ladies, it doesn't have to be a sexual relationship for this to happen. He may be that sweet guy friend who you might have an awesome time with and carry on like you've know each other forever. If he disappears on you to dick around and only comes back when that's over, especially if he does this largely in secret, you are being used! This is not what a friend does. He is using you as a prop or ego boost to prep him for the next fling or date. He…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 01:50 PM
64

I think part of the reason I've been able to climb is that I'm unmarried and have no children. I also think it is why I had trouble early on despite performance outpacing male peers. Employers were waiting every day for the marriage or pregnancy announcements and they didn't want to risk putting me in a spot I'd earned only to possibly have me miss work for what the guys get a back pat and cigar over...but now miss just as much time...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 01:11 PM
73

It's not a relationship it's penpals. It's the same as what I call a textationship. Where people match and get attached to a profile photo and a few words on a phone screen. They speed weeks or months falling in love with words or pictures or a video chat...but when they finally meet in person there's no chemistry at all. They end up heartbroken when, if they'd met in person sooner, it'd not likely have happened.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 01:07 PM
59

One of my friends had this happen to her. She had her first at almost 40 after decades of working at the same company in a high level position. When she took her maternity leave, just six weeks, she came back to being demoted from her role. She kept her title and pay but they gave control of her work group to someone else and weren't going to return it to her. That's well within the law as it turns out. Instead of being subordinate, she took an offer elsewhere for more and a better position. The…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 01:01 PM
38

People who think saying all that rather than keeping it silent and just acting on it are a red flag to me, for sure. It just makes you sound bitter. And yes, men and women both do this. It's uncouth. Just act and move in silence when people ghost or get weird. It's really simple. If you're going to use a dating app keep your profile as a reflection of what you hope to find...not as a sounding board for all you don't want. What I take from this guy is he moves a lot and has a negative basis for h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 12:54 PM
11

This is a great idea, especially if you're in a place where dating several people at once is more readily available or, like you mentioned, you're prone to cognitive bias and brush off or forget the red and yellow flags. I have that problem myself. I'll remember the best stuff and just zone out on the bad things they do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 09:40 PM
4

All this. I cut one off who seemed to keep me as a fairweather friend and placeholder until he met another woman with whom he'd attempt a relationship. Continuing to text him back and forth just kept pulling the scab off. I finally went full no contact. I wasn't going to be the spare for him or prop up his ego for the next woman he'd rush off to date as soon as he felt more confident. If I'm not good enough for an actual relationship then he doesn't get access to me as if we were in an actual re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 09:08 PM
3

This guy was also really into making women orgasm...multiple times by multiple means. It was an odd fixation! His first marriage failed too...decent age gap plus she seemed to tire of him not having his shit together, ever. It is all kind of making sense now. He's super messed up for a number of reasons, but I think the overall way he treats women stems from his dynamic with his mom. She was a sweet lady but he gave her problems growing up(he was a bit of a jerk) and it seemed like he had resent…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 08:22 PM
2

That's how I felt once the pain wore off from the split and I really looked back. He was a sweet guy, but I couldn't tell if he was buying my friendship and place in the relationship or if he really liked me at all. He said he loved me one time...then a few weeks later he started telling me how terrible he really was, that we were "just friends" and it was over. It was so bizarre. He was also talking to another woman the last month or two as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 08:00 PM
84

This is also one of many signs of personality disorder. Lovebomb to moving in to rushing all aspects of the relationship. Then comes the anxiety, doubt, abuse, isolation, walking on eggshells...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 07:48 PM
2

I split with one like this who will likely end up adding a child and child support to the mix. Not long before I split from him he finally said he was shit with money and would always be broke no matter how much he makes. He seeks validation with it a little bit. If a friend gets into a hobby, he will go straight overboard buying stuff. Then, the next thing comes up and he does the same. It's like he's got to buy friendship because his self esteem is so poor he doesn't think he can sustain thing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 07:45 PM
30

Never thought about mommy issues with men besides the unnatural attachment "Mama's boy" situation. The one where you feel like you're competing with her for his attention. This side makes sense too. I wonder if it also breeds some emotional unavailability in addition to validation seeking from women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 03:32 PM
43

Same. My mom was a terrible PickMe. I got nothing but poor dating advice from her and a poor role model for what to accept from men. I recognized I had deeply engrained PickMe habits from her. It set me up early to end up with LVM and get bad advice from her when there were issues. I've worked hard to replace them with positive, appropriate thoughts, ideals and expectations. Dating has improved, my self esteem is getting better. It's a hard process when it is deeply ingrained by a mother but it …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 03:06 PM
1

Sounds like he realized he wasn't going to be able to be equal to or outshine her and used it as a parachute to bail out of there. These kinds of guys don't seem to want that. They want someone they can lord over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 12:24 PM
8

This is my problem too. Wearing crap, LV attention. Dressed well, nothing. No one speaks to me. No one. No HVM...so then I start thinking I'm just LVM bait and I don't get it. Maybe HVM just don't approach women anymore? I have no idea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 08:34 PM
21

Preach. I will not set myself on fire to keep someone else warm ever again. If you refuse to get help, get out, basically. And really, even guys in therapy will be met with a more careful approach. Going for an hour a week and actually doing the work are two different things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 05:39 PM
46

That's a lot of it in the area where I live. Then, those that aren't a 10 or are "loose" as the old timers call it are often overlooked by almost all men. Invisible. That falls into perpetuation of low self worth and self esteem as well and causes these women to accept less and stick with it because it was so hard to even be noticed or have a relationship "stick." Or it has them doing things they think will help "keep a man" as per shitrag magazines like Cosmo. Add in poor role modeling from the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 02:31 PM
8

Pretty much! And I have been in the same boat with one myself. I used to believe that it was possible but now I don't think it is. We really aren't noticed by men unless they find us attractive. That includes maintaining a friendship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 11:56 AM
6

That or he will do the EUM dip because he gets bored with age appropriate women. He will just turn cold one day with a 180 of "we are better off as friends."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 10:10 AM
15

My grandfather told me that last part of your comment over and over as a young woman and young adult. Never be fully dependent on a man for income and living expenses. Always be able to support yourself because you never know what could happen. He could leave one day or turn abusive or drunkard and you'd have to leave. As your husband he could die unexpectedly or get hurt and not be able to work and you'd have what? Maybe some insurance and no career or experience to get a job to support yoursel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 10:08 AM
3

Oh yeah, I forgot about that one! "I hate drama...from others because it uses space and time that my own drama could occupy instead"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 09:33 AM
40

Eh, I still question the motives. Also, I don't know wtf I'd do with a man ten years younger than me...unless I was 70 and he was 60 maybe. I can barely deal with ones 2-3 years younger than I am.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 11:05 PM
39

There is nothing attractive about MMA cauliflower ears.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 09:28 PM
31

They all seem to have that "fallback girl" they contact when they split with another or they need some distraction and an ego boost. It's silly he keeps doing it knowing you won't respond.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 09:11 PM
58

These comments are just fishing expeditions too. They'll toss one out to see if they get a response. He must be lonely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 08:31 PM
148

This is the future I see for the guys who join the apps at 35 and put down "wants kids" but are still doing fuckboy things through their 40s and 50s. Note he doesn't mention a relationship or even involvement with the kids. Just someone to "bare" his children. The creep detector goes off and thinks he's got a preggo or babymaking fetish or he wants her to raise him some pedophile material he can groom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 04:12 PM
3

Yes yes yes. They may also be expecting a woman to help do therapist work for them or for us to be the thing they think they need to pull themselves out of a depression. That's above cleaning up their pig sty of a residence for them. When the new wears off and they're back in the hole, we are the thing looked at with disdain because we didn't fix their problem. They'll move on to a new one. I'd absolutely advocate visitation at different days and times to see how they live and act. You can still…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 04:03 PM
31

All of this. I've lived with two men in my life, long term, when I was younger. As I have aged, I see why it basically locked down the relationship at that moment and didn't progress. There was no need for him to do it. We were playing house. All the benefits of marriage without the commitment and legal bond. It froze any progress and it also made it harder to objectively look at behavior or red flags because he was always right there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 03:44 PM
21

I've already got enough attention from LVM, I don't need any extra.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 01:33 PM
116

This is why I block on social media...or just don't friend or follow them unless I'm pretty sure of where things are going. I don't want to have any spark of feeling coming back up by seeing his tiny little profile picture show up in the views...I'm not good enough for a relationship with him, but I'm good enough to hold onto virtually and watch from a distance? Sounds like a version of mate guarding in a way. Boy, bye.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 12:56 PM
12

Absolutely! Your actions and your friends should say it for you. For what it's worth I think these statements are just their toxic personality making a daily affirmation of what they wish was actually true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 12:52 PM
43

If someone has to boast about something, chances are they're the opposite. The biggest red flag one I've heard is when someone says "I'm a good person" or something similar to that. You can bet they're not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 10:36 AM
4

That's off Hinge. Not that it really matters but if he said Bumble he's lying to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 09:25 AM
60

Is that what it's called? When they string along, bust out the " just friends" at the talk and get defensive when you move on to date others because they friendzoned themselves? I didn't know it had a real name!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 12:27 AM
14

Same here. Likely never just a friend. Seems like this type keeps female friends around as a prop, or a back burner, or as an ego booster for or between other women. They'll get close but won't commit to us. We are the interstitial space filler for them. They'll fib and lie to string us along to keep us in orbit as long as possible until we wise up and cut them off. They'll also string you along to keep you single, if you let them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 11:17 PM
33

Oh yeah! So many would just say yes to get out of there and try to deal with it later. To walk away, especially if they live together, takes guts. That'd be a hard discussion later and likely require fast acquisition of new living arrangements.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 08:03 PM
40

Same thought I had. Seems like they get off on it or they're the types that go out in public and just look for or nearly beg to cause a confrontation. Just so they can act like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 07:30 PM
65

Could be why he does it. Ego boost or his sick mind needs such a display to reaffirm she loves him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 07:27 PM
89

Agreed. This seems like a low attendance event or a private one. Who the hell proposes in a mall anyway? Especially with someone you're clearly either not reading well or who is not on the same wavelength with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 07:24 PM
73

Like stale fryer grease, cigarettes and whiff of ammonia. That couple could be repeated a dozen times over at my local Walmart store.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 05:40 PM
13

I don't know too many friends who will let another friend bum off them like that for free. I'd all but bet that friend is actually a family member or girlfriend instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 04:10 PM
24

Best revenge is living well. Block him on social media. Level up, move on to better things and people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 03:32 PM
47

This all day! They don't care nearly as much as we think they do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 03:27 PM
20

I'm sure they mean well most of the time but this mindset is what puts women in bad matches and abusive or neglectful relationships. Granted for our moms and grandmas they were in a different position in society and ability to live independently outside of marriage...so maybe they accepted more flaws on account of that. I dunno. Maybe it should be a casual Friday type post... "All the toxic things we were told about men while growing up that we didn't realize were toxic at the time..."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 02:08 PM
205

The fact he sees a meal and a conversation as a bigger deal than having sex is crazy to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 12:54 PM
51

One of my friends used to work with multiple, habitual offenders, including habitual robbers and even killers who've committed multiple murders and served multiple sentences. They said the same about them. It's like it is hard coded into their personality and brain to do this despite any intervention provided. They literally cannot stop the urges or control themselves at all. All the help in the world cannot sway them. They only "stop" when they're sentenced to life and removed from society or e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 12:40 PM
76

I feel like, for some of us at a certain age, we are raised to be this way. "Well, they didn't mean it" or "Ohhh, just go with it and don't read so much into it" or "He's just a man and he doesn't know better" or any of the other cliches we heard from our Mothers and other women as we grow up. We were groomed to be too forgiving and too patient and too accepting of bad behavior. Breaking the cycle, taking them at face value, recognizing red flags as red flags, not accepting poor behavior as "boy…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 12:35 PM
71

Only in sex anyway, at least he cut to the chase right off the bat! ...and nothing of value was lost...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 12:29 PM
12

The more people who've said this, the more I feel like doing it. The bridge is burned between he and I on account of his lying. I just need to figure out a tactful way to do it. Include the texts where he denied dating her when he clearly was. Granted, if she is LV herself or has poor self esteem then it won't matter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 12:18 PM
6

That's probably where it was headed, trying to create some insecurities for her. I just don't have time to devote the energy to it. Much less not being up front about meeting and dating someone. I'd have naturally removed myself out of respect but he made the choice to act shady so now I'm permanently gone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 10:00 AM
7

The guy that hides dating turns into the guy who hides his marriage. He's the guy having the affair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 09:55 AM
16

I may, at this point his behavior was crap and I don't tolerate that. I don't know her but I could probably find her. And if he tries to rekindle I definitely will tell her to come get her boy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 12:46 AM
17

Everyone is a tiny bit narcissist. This was something my therapist told me. It's not a problem when it's that little bit. It's self esteem and sometimes, when things get tough, you need that mindset to prop yourself up and keep moving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 11:49 PM
7

Been there before. Yes. It sucked. But realize he's a succubus on your emotions and life. And you'll be tempted to keep tabs on him which rips off that scab any time you see he's dating someone else. If he doesn't respect your boundaries he doesn't respect you. Cut him off. It'll hurt for a while but one day it won't. You'll barely think about him at all. Block and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 11:47 PM
74

Similar thing here. Male friend hid his relationship from me but still wanted to pal around and hang out. Started feeling like I was like a security blanket or being used as a backup or ego boost or whatever. He said things to me that he shouldn't have and it felt like lines were crossing in his mind all while he's dating this girl. I went no contact. It was a shit move towards a friend and a gross display of character. True colors moment I guess! She's got no idea. I'll never step in there and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 11:37 PM
89

I started feeling like a friend of mine was putting me in the " friend he's mildly attracted to" role while he was dating someone...and hiding it...so I removed myself when I found out. I'm not there to be his relationship safety net, rebound, distraction or fallback girl for a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 11:33 PM
1

This is what I was going to ask! How to find them! I've considered this too because it's more personal than a monthly subscription and I get to see and speak to a live human who can see my body, shape, skintone, hair color, etc. They can help me find a style without expending a ton of my time only to come home with a bunch of things that look like what I've already got.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 10:56 PM
1

I'm definitely a fan of tailoring, my issue is the current style where I live seems to be that boho baglady chic. It's so oversized and drapes poorly on me so tailoring would end up being a full redesign. I'm looking for places where the clothing is closer to fitting appropriately so that tailoring isn't as huge an undertaking. More hems and taking in than redesign. I'll check out your recommendations, thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 10:53 PM
1

Wow! That makes me wonder what size I actually am now. I'm a 36C but it's hit and miss depending on brand. Guess I better bust out the tape and get on their sizing guide!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 10:50 PM
83

One of the best lines ever comes from this show: "When you're wearing rose colored glasses, red flags just look like flags." And that's about it, right there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 09:06 PM
1

I'll check that out, thanks! They've got an in depth measuring tool that might help me out. I'll check those sites out as well. I've heard about Prana but everyone I've seen raving about them has been the thin-fit as opposed to tree trunk legs fit so I wasn't sure how they'd do for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 08:46 PM
2

I'm going to look at those too. Maybe a way to dress them down so the outfit looks less like office wear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 07:15 PM
2

I've tried the belt trick but I'm shorter in the torso so it makes me look a little cut off. Or feel like I look a little cut off. It may be I'm choosing the wrong belt though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 05:58 PM
2

I'm shorter and probably a bit heavier based on your BMI compared to mine. I've gotten into a pretty good workout routine so I'm overall smaller but heavier than I was before. I usually wear an xs-s in most things and hover around a size 4-6. So few things fit me well I feel like I look 25 pounds heavier than I am unless I'm in jeggings and a tee. I'm trying to gravitate away from that because I feel like it may be attracting the wrong sort of attention and give off a less than feminine vibe no …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 05:57 PM
3

That's my plan. Find a "capsule" wardrobe of timeless items that are great quality and fit well. I can add a few items to that that are a little trendier here and there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 05:51 PM
5

Ohhh, I like their stuff. Looks like it'd be good for wardrobe staples.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 03:02 PM
6

Thanks! I'll check them out. I absolutely do not mind spending for wardrobe staples that are also well made and of excellent quality. Those take to alteration well and often survive the fast fashion seasonal fads as well as laundering. I ended up opting for a couple pair of Frye boots for winter/fall wear for this reason. They're classic style and built to last. I'm trying to find some spring/summer shoes that don't kill my feet and are also well made with classic styling and quality materials.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 01:32 PM
7

Yes lady! It's tough! The middle ground between shapeless and spandex seems underserved in the worst way. Thanks for the bra fitting tip, need that as well! Victoria's secret is just not what it was in years past! The last bras I got there were trash in six months and for the money that's just unacceptable to me. A proper foundation garment can make or break the clothes worn over it for sure. I'll check those out. I'm also looking for semicasual event stuff, think brunches, social events and out…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 01:24 PM
8

Hahaha, worst autocorrect ever. It was supposed to be swiping not shitting lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 01:28 AM
27

My idiot former friend admitted to just mass swiping on Tinder just to see who would respond. He just did it all the time. He's a piece of shit, hence the former friend thing, but it was a regular move for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 01:21 AM
6

Mr Unavailable is a great one. It's eye opening for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 09:49 PM
37

They'll also just tend to throw out your search preferences if your user base near your area doesn't have enough people who meet your criteria. If you've got a bunch of those people showing up there's a good chance it has to do with where you are. Try changing your location. Hinge used to be less picky about that than the others. I had to do it when I tried it because I was living an an area with few singles and app users.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 07:47 PM
87

Correct!! They'll dangle the carrot with no intent of an actual relationship. It is a future faking technique. This is why it's key to not start off with "let's just see where this goes" sort of thing. That is virtually always code for "I'm here for the benefits and no commitment" anymore. A longer dating period prior to deciding to have sex will tend to weed these guys out anyway. If they're looking to dip their wick they won't wait around for you to let them. They'll go find someone else befor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 05:43 PM
18

This all the way. I made this mistake when I was younger. I feel like I wasted my life. He wasn't a terrible man, but he wasn't the right fit for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 05:25 PM
5

It's a good place to learn and be aware of all the different types of LVM and the games they play. The strategies for avoiding early, deep emotional investment are also good to know. It's hard to maintain that sometimes but it is necessary. Remember, when you're wearing rose colored glasses red flags just look like flags. It's easy to overlook and ignore indiscretion in the infatuation phase.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 05:22 PM
17

This is it. They bounce from woman to woman, running from the fact they need help, damaging people in the process.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 05:19 PM
11

It really is hard to cut them off, but deep down we know they're just as bad as the lowest LVM. They've got better wrapping but the core is still rotten.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 05:12 PM
36

Your* That turns me off before I even get to the real meat and potatoes of his comment!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 03:58 PM
9

Sad part is it probably didn't start that way. This attitude is the real him and it came out months, maybe as much as a year, later. I couldn't deal with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 03:57 PM
29

To hell with that. If he's too stubborn or dumb or insecure to handle even a basic need like this, to hell with him. Let him look ridiculous walking in wet clothes all day. There's an old saying "ain't got sense to get out of the rain" and I feel it's appropriate here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 03:19 PM
48

This is also why we should slow it down in the dating phase. Spend enough time to observe well but not so much we fall into the sunken cost fallacy and build a fast attachment. It takes time for that facade to fall for these guys, but it will fall if they're a faker. He will snap at you one day, drink too much and show his ass, overreact to losing a game with friends, make snide or cutting remarks...the first time is a red flag. The second is a pattern...and that's hard to swallow for some women…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 03:16 PM
12

Oh yes! One I'm speaking of seems to have picked jobs and careers for the prestige and what people think of men in those careers. To hike his social credit so he's more popular. It's an ego boost. But, once that's gone, he's still insecure and generally behaves like a petulant child or arrogant dick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 03:11 PM
30

Oh, I totally understand! I only added the "covert" type in there because they're tricky! These are the future fakers, the narcissist ones, the hot and cold ones often with attachment issues. They look like they're a catch until "Autumn" arrives (the relationship matures from dating or courting to something more tangible) and the lose their leaves...if we need a metaphor at all. The guard and front drops to the actual him. He is stripped bare and the real "him" shows. HVW would call him on his s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 03:04 PM
19

Word. That's one thing that, in my past, stopped me from worrying about if he was better with the next one. He's typically not. He may learn from his mistakes and put in the initial effort to set the hook and reel one in, but after a while the true him comes back out and even the new one stands to be very annoyed with it. Just as we were...unless she's Queen PickMe on Desperate island and just accepts it. Most of that stuff is hard coded in their personality at a certain point and is near imposs…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 02:39 PM
109

And an aside, they're not all shiftless and jobless men, renting a craphole or still living at home. Some of them have just enough to look more HV than they really are. Some have just enough to put up the front. Some of these LVM have good careers and homes and things that one may attribute to a HVM. Some may have an intact family and appear to have a good relationship with them. But look closely. Does he enjoy his job or does it come out he's having problems with coworkers or disciplinary actio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 02:33 PM
20

Self sabotage...you know, that's a great point. This guy isn't well liked at his job, he admits that and it has impacted his ability to grow in his career. That makes sense. He's done things that bite him in the ass on a regular basis and cost him friends, money and opportunity. Decided to dump the trash as a friend because he's not a man of integrity or character. I also think they don't like the chance to be outshined in any facet and don't take it well. I think this is why they'll eventually …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 02:14 PM
14

I only dated one, the rest I've known socially or they have dated friends. All Gemini, all would have benefited from intensive therapy. Even the ones who seemed like HVM could only maintain that "good" side for so long before it revealed their true identity and true personality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 12:08 PM
57

Preach. They can't provide for you what they don't possess themselves. And, if anything, they'll sooner downgrade to a PickMe or an equally insecure or LV woman than put in the effort with a HVW. I sometimes think they feel they're competing with that HVW or that she's going to leave them anyway because they're so lacking. A safer option is a desperate, insecure or emotionally damaged woman that they feel superior to in every way. I got to see this in action with a former friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 11:47 AM
38

He puts it out front at least. No hiding his red flags. He planted them right on the lawn. And, I'm not one for horoscopes and signs, but every emotionally unavailable man I've ever known has been a Gemini...and it just makes me wonder sometimes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 11:39 AM
4

That's rough. How did that work out? Obviously in a breakup given it was the ex, but wow. That seems like a hotbed for ER visits and law enforcement involvement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 01:02 AM
67

This is such a core strategy and one that's easy to forget or overlook or excuse. I've recently been guilty of losing sight of it myself. Actions over words. Believe what you see and not all you hear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 12:59 AM
178

Second time cancel and haven't met in real life? Nahhhhh. Sounds like you're not "first pick" and he's making time for others from OLD. Or, he was using you as a quarantine boredom beater and doesn't have any intent of ever seeing you. If a man wants to see you he will make time for it. I'm sorry. It's lame.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 08:13 AM
20

Most print media, at least the stuff that relies on advertising, has gotten pretty anemic these days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 08:07 PM
26

Unattractive pedophilic narcissist. Really wish his list of inner circle buddies was made public. He's not the only one and I'll bet it is incredibly common among his peer group... Of course they won't comment. Most of those women's magazines are just going to spew the flavor of the month to sell their book full of ad space to the masses. Never forget those mags are there to sell advertising. Their advice is garbage stuff to get women to buy at the checkout stand. "Ten ways to please..." "20 thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 05:51 PM
16

It's the "together for the kids" divorces. They wait until the last one graduates high school and heads to college. Divorce, sell the big house, move away, find the spouse they should have married the first time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 05:45 PM
8

Sometimes I think this sub doesn't advocate enough self accountability. Like if you've been dating for a long time and you claim that ALL your experiences have been with trash/abusive/low or no-value men then you need to step back and self-reflect because the common denominator there is you. I found this in myself. I had a terrible LVW, pickme mother as a role model and advice giver. I picked up some of the same behaviors. A therapist has helped me unpack these things and correct them so that I'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 02:26 PM
18

Good point. It does have a sort of "state facility" vibe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 11:01 PM
27

Ok, so you got the "I'm in rehab/prison release program" vibe too ..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 10:30 PM
18

Absolutely. ...oh, I'm not ready for a relationship...we should just stay friends...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 09:39 PM
27

And pays their phone bill and buys them food and clothes and gets their haircut for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 09:33 PM
17

If talking to a rapist and telling him not to rape someone worked there'd be no more raping going on. Do those people realize how asinine that advice sounds?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 08:41 PM
2

Probably. I also think it absolves them from emotional maturity or even general maturity beyond that age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 08:40 PM
12

Oh wow...yeah, he doesn't see that he is competing with guys their own age (young, likely still in the naturally fit stage, of a similar place in life as she would be) and up to/beyond his age ( career, likely staying in shape, nice home and cars and other material things that can attract the young PickMe types.) He's going to have to bring the total package to the table to outshine his competition. Any girl I've ever known that's close to his perfect wife description is going to have her pick o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 07:29 PM
22

I'd bet more on her waking up one day feeling alone and ignored and unfulfilled and just leaving him. She will realize she doesn't have to take that behavior and that she can do better. He will stick around for the benefits for as long as he can and never change the behavior...and he will probably be hurt and blindsided when she does finally go because he's oblivious to his own issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 06:56 PM
3

You still didn't answer. I asked if he met you and asked you to cut your hair or color it because it didn't match the photos, would you? Yes or no. If not, then why expect him to shave? You are expecting him to shave off a beard because you don't like it. If he does and refuses, then what? Gonna stamp feet and wail until he does or live with his choice? If you can live with his choice, why even bring it up?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 05:01 PM
135

My theory is they can't compete and match up with women their own age. They get with younger women who are in a different spot in life and might be a little less savvy to the ways of men and relationships but are on an upward trajectory. These ladies tend to be ambitious and come into their own with these guys, who often stagnate, and they end up outgrowing them as they reach the age the men were when they met.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 01:46 PM
97

Story after story of girls under 16 being used by men in their 20s. There's a comment in that thread about Epstein and how the person didn't know the extent until watching the first episode of the series. These guys don't magically become interested in underage girls as rich old men or just old guys in general. It just gets easier for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 12:22 PM
10

Probably a trauma bond. He's been on her since the start, gradually breaking her down if I had to guess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 07:31 PM
8

You didn't answer the question. He prefers it. You don't. That's unfortunate. Find someone else with grooming standards to your liking and leave him to find someone better suited for himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 06:42 PM
14

If he asked you to cut your hair or color it, would you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 06:34 PM
37

The ironic thing is these videos are typically produced for unmarried men in the same age range. Yet, for whatever reason, they don't consider themselves LV or mentally unfit for long term partnership or marriage. Oh no, the fault is all on the women. And the women in their age group are just all broken, see. Not them. And the younger ones who are "worthy" are all snatched up, see. In their minds they're these great masculine specimens with all the boxes checked, as I've so often heard, with abi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 03:31 PM
4

If you move in with a man without commitment...hell, without even dating...he's got zero motivation to commit to any degree. You've given the ultimate gift and put yourself at a disadvantage. He's got the wife experience without the wedding or legal binding. He's got close access to a dinner maker, house cleaner, clothes washer and sex provider. He's able to waste months or years of your life by dangling the carrot of future. That may discourage you from leaving to find a real commitment and rel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 01:04 PM
1

I don't venture over there. It's like the whole thing with those politicians that lambasted gay people in the 90s...but ended up coming out as gay or getting caught giving handies in a bathroom. They'll talk shit about it publicly but it's typically their favorite thing or type or person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 07:48 PM
11

You've got to consider whether his motivation to change is because he actually loves you or if he's afraid of being alone. Generally speaking, this passive attitude might just be his personality and that won't be easy to change. His mental health and financial situation is his and his alone to resolve. Has either improved in the last four years?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 04:37 PM
40

I feel like the second and third statements are related...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 03:30 PM
34

I dated one that was an instigator and would also lose his mind if I didn't react to him with equal yelling and violence. He called me a sociopath for being able to stay so cool in the face of his rage. We weren't feeding the need for drama and conflict. That upset them. They were supplying a set script of output to receive their desired response and it didn't work on us like everyone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 02:44 PM
140

I'm convinced some men seek out emotionally unwell women and complain or joke later about how crazy they were. They're using them because they know how and what to do to get what they want, like a formula or script, and cast them aside when they've got them completely manic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 12:15 PM
33

Denial ain't just a river you know... That sounds like one hell of an insecurity issue or trauma bond.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 11:22 AM
38

This is great advice and I'm going to use it. If I'm not in a committed relationship with him, I'm not going to expend a ton of emotional energy to help solve his issues or be a therapist. It's not my place to do so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 10:15 PM
126

I'll tell you that, with an emotionally stunted or emotionally unavailable man, even a tangible commitment won't get to emotional intimacy. They're incapable of providing what they don't possess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 09:11 PM
16

Yeah, this sounds like a recipe for attracting desperation. It's also a little bit of a pickme man thing too. He's going wherever they'll have him. Women with any sense will sniff him out quickly, or won't put out for him on his preferred timeline so the trash takes itself out. He moves on to a pickme who will have him and he's left to accept what he can get.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 07:33 PM
3

Truth. And I didn't notice the shirt was so faded. The entire difference between looking like a slob in jeans and a tee and not is the fit and condition of the clothes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 07:17 PM
17

I'd say clothing choices for these guys are the death knell on their dating life and they don't even realize it. His clothes do not fit. They're far too large. It looks sloppy. It looks tacky. It looks like he doesn't give a shit about his appearance which makes me think he probably doesn't give a shit about a lot of things. And I don't buy into the "that's all a person can afford." Even at thrift stores you can find clothing that actually fits your body. Same with stores like Target and Walmart…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 05:58 PM
11

I had one of those! I wasn't invited around his friends but I was there for family or co-workers to see.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 05:51 PM
3

Right. And waiting for women to "like" him is ridiculous as well. He can send messages, I assume that is what the page is for anyway. Not to sit like a lump and complain that women aren't flocking to him. What is he even doing, besides complaining, to attract attention to himself or seek out women he might want to get to know better?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 05:15 PM
18

That's a red flag for...I think maybe covert narcissism...where they're just so held down and it's always just external factors preventing their success.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 05:12 PM
16

She just needs to aggressively mod the place and kick out clowns ASAP. Men like this will always try to infiltrate spaces and spread their toxic bullshit. She should also aggressively ban stalkers, harassers and creeps. She needs to be absolutely ruthless or else shitty males will overrun and colonize their group, scaring away sane people. This is a good explanation of one reason why dating apps are almost all littered with trash humans. The management has zero incentive to remove these kinds of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 01:46 PM
41

Oh, the disordered benevolence. "Guys, these women rejected me so you should know they're terrible and reject them back for me..." Chances are he's got far more than his looks holding him back. He just assumes he's not "top male" material because he's too disordered and arrogant to recognize his behavior sucks, his personality is flat or offensive, he's got no manners, his home is in disarray, his finances are in disarray, he is inconsiderate or lacks even basic empathy towards others, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 01:33 PM
27

Was he one of the "the world is keeping me down" guys who doesn't look at his own track record of poor decisions as to why he's not moving on up like the rest of his peers? I've dated one of those. Never again. I can't do the persistent victimhood, permanently defeated mentality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 01:15 PM
7

Find a trusted friend or two and ask their opinion if one is actually needed. Facebook is a great place for LVP identification because of things just like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 10:46 AM
3

In a normal circumstances I'd 100% agree. However, this interaction was sexual from the start via this NVM. I'd rather roast this guy than cower and hide like a "good" woman is expected to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 10:20 AM
11

It'd be a good time to turn the tag around on the collar. Or get the name on the front side and numbers on the back. If this is some kind of creepshow tactic now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 09:57 AM
2

That already happens to me on social media. It's why I stopped posting any photos of myself. It's gross. I'd rather toy with them a bit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 02:47 AM
8

This type of man relies on money or assets or clothes or name-dropping to win over women because they have a shit personality, poor manners and are typically uncouth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 12:18 AM
14

Lack of relationship savvy, likely. The idea he's telling the truth about all the crap he claims to have or be but it's just to get in her pants. He's not a ton different from what he was in his 20s, he's just had a decade to accumulate crap to talk about to make him seem less boring. He's just as full of crap and he knows younger women might be less apt to pick up on that. That might seem harsh or cold but I've dealt with these guys before. They're a lot of talk and not a lot of substance but w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 11:03 PM
49

That he still negs daily as if she's the reason his life sucks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 09:56 PM
50

100% agree on the 30s guys chasing far younger women. It is a red flag for their personality and maturity too. They know they likely cannot get one over on women their own age that they'd want to pursue. Their shit just won't fly. They want to manipulate, they want to control, they want someone who may be blind to his red flags and will be enamored with the attention...at least until she grows into her own and realizes her worth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 08:47 PM
35

Growing up and apart thing seems to happen when the relationship starts when the woman is younger. Similar to your age gap for the attempted setup. The woman grows up and into her own, the man just stagnates. She outgrows him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 08:21 PM
28

My response to this would be "Dick is cheap and plentiful, tell me why yours is worth my time." Just to see what he says.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 08:19 PM
2

I think some do get it back via karma through "the one." When she finally wises up or tires of his bullshit or just outgrows him and leaves. He had his one and blew it with LV behaviors and attitudes. He got too comfortable with the disrespect. She realized she was better, deserved more and took her power back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 05:04 PM
21

Exactly. And some are LV by virtue of near impossible to change personality traits. The best we can do as women is recognize the signs and red flags as such.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 05:01 PM
9

If anything he finally "saw the light" and chose to correct some of his behaviors on his own. No woman can make a man do that nor should we undertake a project like that. A person has to want the change to make the change. This shit does give the pickme this false hope to just try harder, stay longer, stick with him...because you can do it and make him see and if you don't you just weren't good enough. Nah, sis, he's in control of how he behaves ...not you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 04:46 PM
1

I'm not so sure they're scared as much as some carry the illusion that they can always do better. They're tied to an endless stream of app swipes and don't want to muddy or messy up the ability to swiftly swap out women until they've achieved their chosen level of perfection. It's shitty and scummy, but I agree that it's nice that some are so bold as to weed out with their profiles. At least he's honest and waving the red flag for all us to see.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 08:34 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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