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tragicaddiction Archive

View 6 posts and 261 comments by tragicaddiction on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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8

Stop the thought you “owe” her or that she will see the sacrifices you make or anyone else will This guilt you are feeling is being manipulated to make you accept something you shouldn’t, go get a lawyer, stop playing nice guy and get what you deserve
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 04:55 PM
3

Don’t get into the idea that what she wants is what you need to accept You don’t need to accept not having proper parenting time But do understand what the local laws are in regards to financial contributions, child support and parenting time The longer you let something happen the harder it is to undo If you don’t fight for your rights you will lose
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 07:08 PM
5

I don’t know your situation but stop screwing around and go to court, make sure you have a case and the tune changes My ex only changed her tune when court date was set and lawyer asks for a $50k retainer
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 09:24 PM
7

Best justice is moving on and living your life. The reality is that it will consume you and leave you in a poor state of mental health on trying to control someone or something in which you have no control over Just know that eventually karma will catch up, you just don’t know, either way be grateful for what you have Life is not as bad when you look at it that way
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 05:34 PM
1

He is saying if we concede decision making the court will look favourable on parenting time and I feel that’s odd
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 05:16 AM
1

I mean concede on decision making going to trial for parenting time
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 04:53 AM
0

Thanks, would giving up decision making be seen favourable by the courts for saving time and making increased parenting time more likely?
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 04:26 AM
3

You appreciate if you get 50/50 and think of the dads who gets tossed every other weekend and told to appreciate that Count your blessings if you get 50/50 and cherish the time with them
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 10:43 AM
1

Also it’s doubtful you will quality for a mortgage unless you have a good separation agreement in place so they know what your expenditure is
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 01:51 PM
1

Sure but when you poll women on cheating emotional stuff doesn’t often get counted
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 11:56 AM
13

This is exactly why when you poll women on cheating most will say they don’t because emotionally connecting and dreaming about someone isn’t physical many can dismiss it as not crossing the line Where men tend to cheat physically rather than emotionally. In the end it’s seeking something to fill a void in their life in an unhealthy way.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 12:25 PM
3

It’s natural to be depressed when experiencing big losses and changes in life. We always want to move ahead, not backwards, Be grateful for the things you have, really think of it, it helps a lot in these situations You have a job, roof over your head, food in your fridge,loving and supportive parents . There are things you can control and others you can’t. Concentrating on things you can’t is going to make you feel worse
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 12:55 PM
1

Put your kids first, Last thing you want is resentment to build because you wouldn’t let them do stuff with the mom in the summer I presume you take summer vacation with them too right? So how many weeks are you really talking about ? 2 weeks ? If so and your mom wants to take care of them on some days having your ex take them on a couple other days during the day is fine Otherwise stick them in camps Forcing them to sit home and come up with shit to do for such a big age gap means the older kid…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/25 03:41 PM
1

So how much notice do you have and for how much? Like details matter in this if it’s you are gone for months at a time in moments notice vs a every other weekend with notice
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 11:50 PM
5

What amount of travel are we talking about? Can you have the kids when you don’t travel? Is your schedule set? Or is it always last minute? Can you schedule the travel yourself?
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 10:56 PM
1

If you can show you can do week on and week off then what she thinks is irrelevant
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 10:55 PM
1

You mean like how men deal with it
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 07:22 PM
1

I can show up My point was illustrating a big gap you see normally online with women complaining that they express their needs and nothing happens And on the other side having men say their partner often comes off as nagging and complaining and it makes them pull back The problem often being the way it’s communicated, so this is a pattern I see play out At no point do I state that this is all the time but there is a strong correlation between the two Your experience may be different but I am pre…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 05:14 PM
1

I think you may be missing the point entirely, People, men and women, get defensive when they hear someone critiquing when they are trying If you want someone to do better you don’t hammer them with shame, doesn’t matter if a kid or a grown up If you go to your kids and tell them “you are such a slob you don’t clean your room, you are so disgusting” do you think that’s an effective way to get them to change their ways? You talk about why you want a clean room, how to do it and heck may even use …
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 04:56 PM
1

So now you are projecting Your experience is not indicative of everyone else’s . Also be careful with hindsight and using rose colored glasses on what you say and express to a partner. We all are extremely good at remembering what we want us to be like rather than how we actually are. Far too many use “you always” or “you never” when they express their needs It’s often about putting down the other person or making them feel foolish rather than problem solving together A good idea is to record ar…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 03:12 AM
1

Too many women use critiquing as their way of expressing their needs , “nagging wife” is so common it’s a common joke Also this is the divorce men section of Reddit hence mostly men.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 01:36 AM
3

Where do you live? Rules are different depending on where, where I am you have to show material reasons to change custody and getting out of “child support” is very much frowned on as the only reason to seek more parenting time
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 10:23 PM
5

I agree to a certain point depending on how much to make. I would want the person I am with have a job they are happy with and make a decent wage with that, the more equal the better and I would celebrate if they made more However someone doing minimum wage job, no job or anything like that I would stay far away from.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 12:22 PM
13

I am called financially abusive because I wanted us to budget. When we were discussing how much to save and I asked how much she needed per month beyond the fundamentals , so just for spending money, I was now controlling and she made a point that her friends agreed She had no concept of saving and hid thousands of personal credit card debt
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 03:25 AM
4

OP should listen to this, you have to be perfect while it grinds through the system, no emails no phone calls, no stalking the house or school
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 06:19 PM
3

You are absolutely correct It’s the quickest and easiest way to get what they want, fastest family court is having your partner arrested. Good luck in trying to fight it Just hope you have a good support network or friends and family to live by because otherwise you will be homeless
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 06:17 PM
4

Converse with her that you are a bit worried about intimacy, that she is the first one after so long and you are nervous. You can do other intimacy stuff, making out, kissing, caressing etc Otherwise she will think it’s all about her as every women does if a guy can’t get hard instantly and maintain a iron wood erection,
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 02:21 PM
3

Never punish. My love is unconditional for my kids, But I would try to have conversations with her to try to understand. Compassion and empathy is what I would want her to know from me
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 09:20 PM
2

Do you have records of financing the Reno ?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 05:08 AM
1

I get it, it really is very hard right now, especially with wither. If you do go on dating apps be open and upfront of the situation, you will come off as a guy who is just looking to get laid . It will get better, I promise you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 02:02 PM
2

I’m say the best thing right now is to prepare yourself mentally and physically to live by yourself For loneliness joining social groups is a good way to combat that, for example sports or gym classes, hobby groups , even hiking groups You will meet people there, some maybe in the same situation as you. Being a “going through divorce” man living with your partner is not going to attract a lot of people and so it may hurt your self esteem more by going on the apps and not getting a lot of matches
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 01:23 PM
38

Sometimes you have to make the other person a monster in order to justify your decisions and feelings, this can then start a path of only looking at the bad things and being resentful of your partner if they are doing ok You have to be the bad person cause otherwise her decisions wouldn’t make sense
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 07:01 PM
2

Minimum That’s why you want to resolve things without lawyers as much as possible and use them sparingly Remember they bill by the 15 min usually , minimum $200 and hour for a cheap one So that 1 email ends up costing you $50 Fill out paperwork etc and you are in the thousands quickly and often without much to show Only one who gets rich in divorce are lawyers
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 09:55 PM
5

When it comes to house prices, you are better off when they are low to sell and buy as if means savings on commission than you are when they are high Suggest you get things sorted first before selling so you know how much you can afford, If it goes though lawyers you can kiss tens of thousands out the window
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 09:43 PM
5

You need to express what you are feeling to her, how it makes you feel unwanted and unloved. How not being even asked the courtesy of what you had planned and not being even considered to come, See what she reacts to when you express to her how you are hurt , she will either dismiss or downplay your feelings in which you know it’s pretty much over Or you make her realize that you do care Most likely without knowing more info your wife has checked out and asked your friends to take her away from …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 01:11 PM
1

How did they use social media against them?
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 12:19 AM
2

Absolutely, she just want to be able to say he wouldn’t change or do x so I am justified in the divorce It’s a way to make peace with the decision
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 11:18 PM
7

Most likely she wants to see how things are without you and set herself up without having you around So yeah odds are this is the final nail in the coffin but she will convince herself that she really is seeing if you can change or whatever else the problem is Separation can work if you have an actual goal for it ending. Either it’s time based like 2 weeks, or goal oriented like a month of someone being sober with alcohol and doing A.A. meetings etc
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 06:14 PM
1

Well there it is, hoping you will give up because of cost 50/50 unless she can prove you unfit is what it will end up at
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 02:20 AM
3

If you can, figure it out together, Maybe through mediation or anything other than having lawyers writing emails back and forth The only one who gets rich is the lawyer Also ask what you can do to lower the bills If it goes to trial expect it to be in the tens of thousands minimum for a cost
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 10:08 PM
10

I think a lot of what you are describing is your own mind telling you stories that then collaborate what you think. Men today are told they need to be tall, so you are self conscious about your height even though you are taller than average You hear people are racist so you take comments people make and turn them into racist ideas You don’t think you have enough money so a comment about not having a jacket which could have been innocent gets to you. A comment about your glasses has you flying of…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 01:29 PM
9

I think a lot of guys have been in your situation and have have the exact same concerns So a couple things I note. You being single , unless you are in good shape and earn good money is going to be “fun” for the first few months until meaningless sex catches up to you and you sit alone in a small place. Maybe you will find a partner that’s compatible with your high libido, but maybe not, if you are older how long will that last anyway ? Sex is great and all but without the connection after a whi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/24 01:43 PM
2

Because as soon as you tell other women that it was all your partners fault and you didn’t do anything wrong (regardless of the situation) they will imagine that there is more to the story. Just as you may if some women said her husband was the worst. Having some humility and showing growth shows you as a better character. And really it’s no one else’s business but between you and your ex You are showing yourself as the better person by not speaking poorly of your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 01:31 AM
8

I can’t see any good coming from even hinting at the fact you had a dead bedroom or your partner was evil. I would go more general in that you had different view points on how to be together, we both had communication and other relationship issues that did not improve. Unfortunately neither of us were happy in the relationship and despite giving the best to try to resolve it, it did not work out. At the end there are regrets of course, but I am happier and excited for the next chapter in life. A…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 07:54 PM
1

You will be too sore to want to have sex, They typically say to restrain from sex for at least a few days
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 03:56 AM
8

You should certainly tell her that you don’t want kids and 100 percent if you have a vasectomy, Otherwise when she finds out it will break all trust. There are different types but generally don’t count on it being reversible And if you two sleep together regularly she will know something is up just from not being able to have sex for a little while after Then what would you say?
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 08:25 PM
5

Doesn’t stop you from changing the arrangement, take charge or the finances ,
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/24 12:29 AM
1

Well there you go Loss grievances are huge, as they say you don’t appreciate what you have until you lose it and being alone is not a good feeling This will pass in a few weeks
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 12:54 PM
7

These are all typical responses She is using sex to get your attention, she’s telling you about it in hopes you will lust after her, she used sex as a way to control the relationship before no doubt And now she can’t so she is desperately trying to show you how sexual she is to invoke feelings in you either as a way to make you jealous or get you attention She’s flailing right now , she’s lost you and she is realizing that now, she will probably try other attempts to get you to notice her again …
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 12:42 PM
9

What do you hope to gain ? She’s looking for you to react, trying to get attention and feel wanted Let her sink her own ship, just worry about yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 12:24 PM
17

How will divorcing possibly make you more motivated or improve your life ? Do you think you “deserve” a hotter wife and that would bring you happiness? Go do something else other than online then, go do healthy activities and do the things you want to do
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 09:15 PM
2

If you have already made up your mind you need to ensure your decision makes sense so you create resentment in your head to support the belief that the other person is bad. It’s also possible sometimes that people are so full of shame that they believe they are unlovable and so retreat inwards in the twisted belief that they are saving the other person from heartache by pulling away so they hate them and thus believing it is easier for the break up I mean the human mind is wired and the thoughts…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 11:13 AM
3

No, if the sessions end up being a bitching session from one person who never takes any responsibility then it’s a waste of time . You can get more out of reading books on communications and love languages and you should.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 11:50 AM
16

Best way to tell everyone how cringe you are
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 11:08 PM
9

Good luck having someone agree to that But yes, if you own the house and they came with nothing this is a good idea
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 12:41 AM
0

No it’s about researching this and understanding things rather than just painting things black and white , Perspective is a big thing
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 12:41 PM
-14

That’s too black and white, people can change , it’s figuring out what was missing in the relationship and developing new tools Now some people will cheat and feel no guilt or shame, that’s very different
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/24 03:23 AM
1

Generally if you can’t come to an agreement with what to do with the house it gets ordered to be sold
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 09:55 PM
2

Ask go split it down the middle before taking it further but yeah it’s worth fighting for
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 11:55 AM
1

Sometimes when the love tank is empty and running on fumes for both of you , you have to find the extra power to work it through
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 03:11 PM
9

Work on the loveless marriage, good therapy, read relationships books, have her read them too Then if that doesn’t work you can talk about divorce in a healthier position
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 07:51 PM
1

Also here are better ways you can feel safer 1) rule of no grandpa alone with kids 2) talk to professionals about this stuff instead of Reddit people who sharpen the pitchforks anytime anything like this is mentioned 3) get an assessment done on grandpa if he is at risk of reoffending , may even have done this before 4) have your kids with a therapist to watch for any signs of abuse You will need this anyway if you are getting divorced You are still in shock over the discovery and want to react …
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 11:58 AM
1

Why would you blow up your life for what her dad did 20 years ago and I can tell you police arrest records are not always very accurate too In any case you feel betrayed but there are better ways to handle this and if you are worried about your kids you will be in a worse position divorcing because there is no way in hell you are getting full custody out of this unless he fiddled your kids and your wife knew about it If your kids do not exhibit any sort of issues like aversion to go to grandpas …
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 11:52 AM
6

Dude, it’s the other way around, men can age like fine wine, work out, be healthy and you will have plenty of women if you so chose. Women’s attractiveness generally start to rapidly decline past the 40s with some exceptions of course . At this point you could even start a whole new family if you wanted where women would be unable to
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 09:25 PM
6

The big thing you owe yourself is trying to fix this relationship because I can promise you there will always be issues with the next person and being without your kids for a week and otherwise looking at happy families kills me a bit inside . Learning healthy communication without blame is the key, finding solutions together is key, it’s not easy to do and I can promise you she probably isn’t very happy either Read some good books on love and relationships including how to do healthy conflicts …
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/24 03:23 PM
4

It’s a much longer progress than you think Take the 10 days to read about it all If possible have as many details figured out with your ex if possible to lower the stupid cost of lawyers Only one who wins is their bank account
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 06:03 PM
3

start looking at things you should be grateful for instead of focusing on what you lost. Anger and fear comes from that sense of loss and sense of being taken advantage off. and i know your pain of being financially smart, saving money and spending wisely only for all that hard work to go out the window.. it's a deep sense of loss and frustration. but you can rebuild, you have the ability to.. at the end you have a job, you have a roof over your head and food in your stomach and you are a free p…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 01:02 PM
9

I know I deep down wish I could have a happy little family, I know my kids would like too and It is impossible and that is what hurts the most The romantic fantasy is dead and I wish it wasn’t
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 12:03 AM
1

income wise, yes. however it needs to go beyond the "singles tax" that exist since you are no longer splitting costs of living.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 02:45 PM
2

This is why I have huge problems trusting or believing anyone anymore that claims their partner was abusive and they were arrested. feels like 9/10 times it's just a move to better themselves in court.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 01:25 AM
3

If you don't' think you did anything wrong in the relationship or could do anything to be better prepared for the next one then you are just going to fall into the same trap over and over again. problem usually is that they are better at twisting and talking but learning healthy communication and setting boundaries is really important with this stuff
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:31 AM
10

it's good for awareness, but lacks a lot of action items in that book. it's good that you can see and change the errors in our ways. unfortunately it's too late. good stuff to read about too is healthy communication
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 12:30 AM
2

i had to get a police escort to get stuff from my house.. have it arranged with your lawyer when you can come get it. it's your personal stuff, you are entitled to it however, unfortunately you are probably shit out of luck for being back in the house so you should be filing a motion to sell the place so you can split the proceeds.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 10:41 PM
5

most places what you split is what you gain together, not what you had before you got married. if it isn't the case where you are then yeah, you would need to have you mom on title for a lot of things and her will stating that if she dies it goes back to you. or even smarter.. why tf would you get married again anyway? how many times do you need to learn the lesson?
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 12:51 PM
0

how about talking to your wife about what she needs to control her anger? have her talk to a therapist about this. send her away for a few days somewhere and take care of the kid yourself. tell her if she ever gets so frustrated to call you and you take over being with the kid. and then be ready fi she does anything again you need photographic or doctor proof and then you go Childrens Aid and divorce lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 11:51 AM
7

I think the main thing is to make sure you know you are done having kids.. divorce can make you very emotional about this
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 11:43 AM
5

Same here brother, 4 months in she was pregnant after lying about being on birth control obviously. love my kids as well but don't ever want to repeat that mistake again.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 09:14 PM
1

then it's sitting down and talking about what you both want out of a relationship and what isn't being met right now, in a calm, non blaming way. if she doesn't want marriage counselling, what does she want? if she doesn't trust you, what will make her do that? ask what she needs in specific ways and if she doesn't want to work on it, ask if she wants to divorce then because you are both obviously miserable.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 03:01 PM
2

it's time to leave when you have exhausted all other possibilities. That means you have read some good relationship books together you have tried to use a marriage councilor to fix the issues you have (not a vent session, cut that shit off if all it becomes is her venting) you have tried approaching things in different ways and nothing changes. then you can leave without having that nagging doubt in the back of your head that you should have done more and when your kids ask you why you can actua…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 11:39 AM
7

one of the things that helped me is have a list of things to be grateful for and add one thing everyday doesn't have to be big, can be a small thing.. and if you don't think you can have anything to be grateful for you arn't thinking hard enough like even something as simple as do you have all your limbs? can you see a beautiful sunset? do you have a job? do you have a roof over your head right now and food in your stomach? when you start to focus on only the bad things its easy to spiral.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 12:56 AM
1

exactly it's so stupid.. but i guess it could be a lot worse
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 09:46 PM
3

dont' forget there is "her truth" and the truth.. doesn't always mean the same thing. so has to be pretty extreme, like dead or in prison. and even that i would question on how they picked that person.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 09:41 PM
1

it's even sneakier.. anything less than 6 days out of 14 you pay full custody.. so they strive for 5 days so that you pay full.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 09:31 PM
1

not quite so if you have anything less than 40% of the time you pay full child support to the other party anything else and you both pay child support to each other based on your income (so essentially it cancels out the majority) but it could mean that even at 50/50 you pay a bit to the other parent.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 09:30 PM
1

where in Canada are you? division of assets are pretty straight forward in most places (eg. ontario) it's just a math question. you take what you guys have together now, subtract what you had when you got married and divide the rest 50/50. for child support if you don't have the kids at least 40% of the time you pay full.. anything else it's based on the wages from you two so unless there is a very big difference in wages it shouldn't be much.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 11:24 AM
3

grass is not greener on the other side. before you nuke your family again.. (since this isn't the first time you said) consider trying to work out the issues first.. it's going to be cheaper than divorce have you ever talked to a therapist about the issues you are having? ever done relationship books etc?
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 02:24 AM
2

i'm not a lawyer. but here is my take You can ask your mortgage company for a pause, but odds are anything more than a 1 or 2 payments isn't going to happen you can't. the rights are what's best for the children so if she is the one taking care of them and "feels threatened" and you have a place you can be then she can ask the judge for exclusive possession of the house and you are boned. she can even just go to the police with false allegations and you are out. most likely you will have supervi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 09:19 PM
1

suggest you join up in social settings may it be sports or meetups like hiking groups, cooking classes, something to get you out of the house and moving. you will feel better if you do because sitting at home miserable is definitely not fixing anything.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 02:48 PM
8

it's not always as easy as you make it sound. so you have a bad relationship, you try to work on it.. you have kids you know if you break up it will be horrible.. you think, maybe it will get better later on or you think that you don't' want to put your kids through this so you put on a brave face and try to make it through. then something happens and you find a way to cope with things, may it be porn, sex with strangers or an affair partner that ignites something in you that you have been missi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 02:18 AM
4

anything can be fixed if BOTH partners want it and are willing to work on it. it doesn't work if only one of you do. you can do therapy on this, read relationship books and work on starting over in the relationship.. again, only if both of you want to. but it's not easy and especially if you have been betrayed there will always be mistrust also you are asking in divorced men, evidently if you are here you were not successful in fixing the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 10:12 PM
3

lol, love the logic she has. the way it works is the value of the house subtracting the mortage, that's the equity, that's what you split. did you own the house before you got married? who's on title of the house? there can be a lot more to it
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 10:03 PM
7

she's using threats of divorce to control you and manipulate you.. this is normal toxic female trait next time she threatens divorce say "ok, let's do it then" otherwise if you really don't want to be divorced, offer that you both read relationship books and do some goal oriented (not venting) therapy
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 01:24 AM
3

often with this kind of sexual stuff it's the thrill of a new person / excitement that's driving it, not because you want to betray, hurt or otherwise don't find the immediate partner attractive. there is such a thing as sex addiction and yes females can have it too. I don't mean to excuse the behaviour but rather explain more the underlying thing of it which may help you move on from it. right now your mind is in panic mode, it's worth speaking to a therapist about it all. what is happening rig…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 09:52 AM
4

it's probably more "my life is boring and not how i imagined it, i want some excitement"
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 01:30 AM
3

you are better off than most divorced guys i can tell you that. be the best dad you can be and fuck her. and in the mean time figure out what your weak points were in the relationship and work on that too.. relationship books and youtube videos I found for starters were great, although made me sad that i didn't do it earlier.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 09:14 PM
16

it's time to start being grateful for what you do have instead of looking at what you dont.. nothing makes me more sad and triggered than thinking of what i don't have but when i change my mindset to what i do have then it helps.. i may not be where i want to be, have the life i hoped for, but fuck, it could be worse. just read through this forum and you can see how men are easily screwed over in divorce, that could have been you.. do you have your son and he is healthy? that's huge, do you have…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 09:01 PM
2

may want to check out the nofap subreddit or even sexaddiction and what you are doing is going to be difficult but you will feel a lot better about yourself on top of being prepared for a more healthy relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 01:57 PM
15

I hear you, it's pretty darn depressing when i used my money on the house and family and she spent hers on herself, vacation with friends, eating out and expensive clothes and in divorce she gets to keep all her shit and the money i spent on the house now benefits her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 12:45 AM
4

I think a lot of men have that fantasy, i had it too. but then there is reality and thinking that all the way through and how i got my last kids was definitely used as entrapment upon which then because of the kids you try to work through a toxic relationship and it drains the very life out of you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 11:27 AM
12

I feel for myself it was the idea that we could solve the problems using logic. that we were a team to fix the problems and think long term. getting divorced makes me feel used, like nothing i did mattered. I feel financially raped and what i feared most as a child is something that's happening to my children now and i feel guilty about that. probably because we are told continuously that it's always our fault.. we weren't emotionally vulnerable enough or we didn't prioritize their happiness (bu…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 01:00 AM
13

number 2 is definitely a bingo in my world. no accountability for anything she does or did, anything she did wrong was a direct result of how she felt at the time. but anything i did was recorded and noted and used for any future engagements. if you got annoyed, snappy, upset, raised voice.. all that was now the problem rather than what was talked about.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 01:19 PM
7

how did you manage to even get the 1 apology? mine was always clouted in the "well that was how i felt at the time, so i shouldn't have to apologize for it" but if i said something bad in an argument then it was used against me in every argument since.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 12:00 PM
10

you are letting her set all the rules because of guilt for your kids,. she wants the money and the kids, remember that. she isn't looking out for your best interest or the kids, she's looking out for hers but disguising it as "what's best for the kids" in her mind and there is no logic or illustrations you can make to change her mind on what she think is "fair" time to make a firm stand, worst case for you is that you lawyer up and get actual proper custody arrangements.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 12:39 PM
11

we all want to be the hero in our own story and how we perceive things are not how others do. you are perceiving her words of her having anxiety around you as you are the bad guy.. instead of the fact that she probably gets reminded of how shitty she has been around you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 05:42 PM
13

because, like in most things, women are driven by emotion not logical thinking. now add in lawyers who love conflict divorce because every email is $300 in their pocket and you got situations where e-mails just go back and forth with no real progress.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 12:26 PM
8

i get it, I had similar feelings of guilt and panic as part of me thought that maybe there was a chance to get her back but if i slept with someone now it would all be over. the reality is, it was over a long time ago.. takes a while for the reality to come in and then there is sadness as the reality of the situation sets in. it gets better though.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 11:55 PM
6

empathy is about feeling what the other person feels, so it's like understanding their feelings for what they are going through. women like to throw it around when it doesn't sound like you "validate" her feelings.. eg. you get get defensive instead of accepting their feelings. it's part of the keywords of today together with gaslighting, narcissist and emotional intelligence and half the time they don't know what the hell they are talking about.. but that being said. i saw some reasonable video…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 02:23 AM
1

from what i read on it the two parents share an apartment and cycle in and out of that and the main house. which is cheaper than 2 separate houses with enough bedrooms for both kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 10:01 PM
5

I have seen arrangement where you split the house so the kids don't move, but the parents have a place near by and then cycle in and out of being in the house or the apartment nearby that way its' easier on the kids and you don't have to get two houses with two bedrooms etc. but it's difficult to make work if you have a toxic partner
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 05:14 PM
10

take the time to heal, no need to rush into anything. and start a gratitude list, don't go into victim thinking. yes it's painful to have to be without your child for a week, but be grateful you do get to see him so regularly and that you can form the wonderful relationship with your kid.. use the time off to recharge and prepare for when you are with them (e.g. do the cleaning / meal prep etc when they are not there) and then work on healing yourself, be ok with being single for a while.. you h…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 01:15 PM
5

well it's not females, it's your ex. don't generalize just because she had a vagina that everyone with a vagina is the same. same how you probably don't like when all men are put in the same pot from one asshole. so you really do have a choice right now.. you can plot some revenge and read red pill stuff about how all women are evil and be miserable and be a victim. or you can be a better man, work on your body, your career and your mind. nothing is a better revenge than when an ex sees how much…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 02:14 AM
8

revenge does not give you dignity, the opposite in fact. you are playing the victim card really hard right now and i get it, it hurts a lot and it keeps hurting but like anything the more you let it take up your head space the worse it gets, that's why the advise is to live your best life.. because the more you let these memories define and control you the longer it will hurt no matter what revenge you can think of, all it will do is cement you as pitiful. you will not feel better for more than …
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 01:50 AM
2

true but there are genetics at play too that makes it harder to work against
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 05:24 PM
9

how they handle conflict. how they talk about others if they take responsibility for their own issues how the relationship is with the parents. what her relationship with money is like. how she treats her body (and how her mother looks will tell you how she will often look later in life)
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 11:27 PM
7

if you own it together then no. but if she really wants to she can go to the police and file false accusations that you threatened her or she feels unsafe.. then the police will remove you and you are on bail with conditions not to come near the house until it goes through the courts. so watch yourself.. it happens.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 05:02 PM
2

where are you located? generally it's 50/50 for extra expenses, daycare, swimming lessons, health, etc etc. if they are necessary.. if they are not necessary like going to sports and you don't agree with it then it's the other parents responsibility to pay
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:32 PM
4

no, because it creates resentment and doesn't resolve any conflicts, issues you have. you start putting the other persons happiness above your own, so for me, that meant that I would agree to things i didn't really like doing just to make her happy, but i would avoid asking her for things that make me happy as i didn't want to have the fight or the conflict related to it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:26 PM
5

i agree with some of your statements 1) same thing, neglected myself, was comfortable in what i was wearing and felt that i couldn't take time for myself to go to the gym or join sports. 2)my work wasn't as demanding as hers so she had little respect for me, even though i made the same and eventually a bit more. i had taken a job that paid less to be more available when we had kids and she used to bring that up all the time when she made more 3)definitely too soft, let my emotions get to me.. wo…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:01 PM
1

what is your goal of separation and couples therapy? was it just to test to see if you could be alone by yourself? if you are divorcing and put in the paperwork and no plans on reconciliation with your wife and are living separately and are clear with the other partner what your situation is, then go for it but if you are going for long term, may want to take some time to work on yourself, you don't want to make the same mistakes
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 04:10 PM
8

you aren't doing this for her benefit, you are doing it for the kids benefit. that doesn't make you a simp, that makes you a good dad. don't' let that negative voice tell you otherwise, you love your kids and are doing what's best for them, not what is best for your ex
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 01:18 PM
2

some call it trauma bonding even. but i think it's a deep down belief that if the other person wants you sexually then your mind can rest with the belief that you are still desirable and that it wasn't the cause of the infidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 03:49 PM
3

probably thinking they have it all figured out now and wont fall into the same mistake. while still wanting that "happy ever after" life and a women who will only be with them if they have a ring on their finger.. so get's pressured into it all.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 01:08 PM
1

I mean that's a hard position to be in. you have to really think about how the relationship was and if it's worth fixing. If you truly love her but there are some issues then it can be worth trying to fix. if you only want to get together because of the kids then that may not work well. but expect to have no privacy/trust from her and do some heavy duty therapy. she will have good days and very bad days and it will take a few years for her to move on from it, if ever. in the beginning of this st…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 01:07 PM
3

if you haven't already done so, both of you should read some books on communication and love style (love language, 5 minute relationship repair) and or watch youtube videos on proper communication (even though he's a bit of a cuck jimmyonrelationship has some good point) . i wish i had done that when things started going sour but I always had it in my mind that things would get better when X happened.. and it never did. I can tell you it's painful to go through divorce and with kids it's even wo…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 01:27 PM
3

concentrate on spending the time with your daughter and making good memories right now, financials you can worry about later when she is grown.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 07:31 PM
8

if you paint the other person as the biggest monster in the world, then you don't have to live with the reality that you were a bad person. so it's easier in the head to say you did everything right and it's all the other persons fault.. that way guilt doesn't eat you up.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 01:47 PM
9

the reason why it's hidden is because in their mind if you don't know, it doesn't hurt you. they don't want to give up the relationship but this helps temporarily fix it in their mind with a fantasy that once X happens in the relationship they wont need to cheat anymore
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 11:33 PM
8

i don't know any person where the dad doesn't do the cooking, all yard stuff, maintenance and lion share of house cleaning not to mention grocery shopping etc. women's excuse is, i'm too tired from working, my job is more stressful than yours.. i have a longer commute or i have more work outside of the normal job hours. teachers are especially bad at this, but in summer vacations will still not do more because they deserve a break.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 08:56 PM
1

i'm on the other side of this, my parents gave me money for a downpayment that i "borrowed" but they never pressed for it to be repaid. I also paid off my ex's student loans. al that money i had, was considered gifts by her and in all fairness.. probably was in some extend, but i'm still going to try to recover that.. i'm pretty miffed that not only do i have to give her my money she doesn't even recognize all the other stuff. i also used most of my money on the house, which i now have to share …
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 04:38 PM
1

well in all fairness, if this was turned around and it was your parents who gave you $70k how would you feel in this situation? in terms of material goods in the home, split that 50/50.. the value on stuff is much lower than you think as it should be based on what you could get on kijiji if you sold it if you had stuff prior to the marriage you get to keep that first.. same with her. financial situation shouldn't matter for custody.. since she is on the hook paying you alimony or is that not con…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 03:39 PM
4

deep breathing, meditation are all very helpful for me
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 02:36 PM
3

things to work on that i have which may work for you. 1) calling someone out when they use the blame game, express your feelings as "I felt X when you said/did X" 2) boundaries... "if you call me names, i'm going to stop the conversation and leave the room for half an hour and then we can come back, i'm not abandoning the conversation, i want to continue, but i need that time and will not tolerate being called names" 3) being healthy with your mind and body.. breathing exercises, gym/exercise 4)…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 01:04 PM
2

can't go extreme, but you can maybe if you are not in the process of divorce pay back some loans you had from your parents/close family. i'm sure you must have borrowed a bit from them at one point. or maybe gifting them a $5k thing to payback your parents/close family since they are in such financial difficulties.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:41 PM
5

what you are going through is normal. it's fresh, it will take time. you are grieving the relationship that is no more. What you are missing is the relationship, not the person. you are a guy, it's never too late to have a family... since you don't have kids you have a lot more options for actually getting a healthy relationship and starting one. doesn't matter if you are 50.. it can still happen. just work on yourself, figure out what went wrong in the relationship and as part of that, be bruta…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 01:14 PM
3

well you probably can't go back. can you go forward? can you do stuff to build on the relationship? can you go on dates? can you create some plans? starting over may seem like a wonderful idea, but fantasy is often not reality with this stuff and it's a lot easier to try to water the grass than to rip it all out. i would also suggest reading some of the typical relationship books like 5 love languages etc.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 05:59 PM
6

I suggest you wait until you get your new lawyer so you don't somehow get yourself into a bad position them suddenly wanting to talk now is very suspicious. i suppose they can e-mail you their proposal but don't act on it without a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 05:45 PM
4

the 5 love languages, i liked "5 minute relationship repair" (though my ex refused to read it, because you can't fix out issues in 5 minutes she stated like an idiot) I also read the book that's typically recommended on here " no more mr nice guy"
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 02:51 PM
6

prepare for the worst, hope for the best as they say. if you are actively working on things that's a good sign. as soon as that stops, that's when it gets bad. read books and listen to youtube/podcasts on relationships.. i found them 1000x more useful than a marriage councilor you can start to download and gather all your financial papers from when you got married, bank account statements etc. maybe it's also time to repay any loans to your close family that you have forgotten about, like your p…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 01:29 PM
3

problem is that whatever extra you earn and shows up on your taxes will be used to calculate spousal/child support so keep that in mind. so unless it's under a LLC you made up yourself or is cash it can come back to bite you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 07:46 PM
6

you have to be real with yourself for what you want. It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself than an escort is the way to go. An escort will not love you, want to be with you, spend time with you. they are there for the transactional use of their body. Don't mistake intimacy with sex, they are there for you to masturbate into essentially. That may be all fine and good if that's truly all you want. But if you have an addictive personality you will find that it's a slippery slope down a…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 12:54 PM
1

couple things i would note 1) no matter how you perceived yourself in the relationship, it wasn't a good one.. they overstepped but often there were a lot of things missing in the relationship. You need to be able to spot this or there can be a next time. 2) if you continuously shame the person, tell them how horrible they are and try to control their moves and actions then it will not end well. (not talking about the initial shock of finding out phase, later on) 3)you will need to learn forgive…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 12:45 PM
10

go to estate sales and you can pickup nice stuff cheaply. browse facebook marketplace for another gold source of furniture etc. IKEA furniture is great in that you can always get missing replacement pieces from IKEA if it's a current product and it holds its value well since people know it, meaning you can often sell a second hand piece for what you paid for it later. IKEA as-is section is also good.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/24 01:57 PM
2

well it makes sense to have the conversation of "what now" what do you need to be more happy, what does she need to be more happy. maybe she wants out too but don't want to pull the plug either out of fears of where to live, impact on kids etc.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 09:24 PM
3

I think you have done a lot with therapy, but it's obviously not enough to fix the relationship i'm sure she feels the same way as you. Anything you can do to create a spark? dates? fun activities together? something to get out of the rut? I would suggest really trying on that side first, if nothing else it will set your mind more at ease if you do decide to pull the plug oh and i found relationship books 10x more helpful than any "couples therapy" ever did.. unfortunately it was too late when i…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 01:19 PM
1

yeah what the law says she is entitled to. fair for her may mean she gets 80% because she thinks you can make up for it later.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 08:18 PM
2

fair and what she is entitled to unfortunately aren't going to match up. I would start from the "worst case" scenario for yourself.. how much she is actually entitled to including alimony and use that as the baseline.. anything better for you is good, anything worse and then you have to judge if going through lawyers make sense. giving her an extra $10k just to move her out of your life is worth it if you are a high earner, don't nickel and dime it to death, thought there will be a limit of cour…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 07:53 PM
3

well the main thing is being up front with what you really want. if you are just looking for a hookup, be upfront with that, that you are going through a divorce and that at this time in your life you are not looking for anything heavy. if you do that, then say go at it.. just reflecting on what kind of person you want to be.. do you want to be the 40 year old guy going through a divorce hooking up with strangers on POF every week? or casually dating a couple times a month? either way it's whate…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 06:06 PM
3

yes, being physically fit will help attract women, because you will appear more healthy so the other more important aspect is for yourself.. your health. working out, doing some physical exertion will (as long as you sign this off with your dr) not only improve your own health but can also improve your mood, it forces you to get out of the house to interact with the world albite a tiny bit .
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 02:24 PM
1

if you are in separation you should be good, just double check to make sure you are not in a place where you have to be officially divorced before you have someone new or it gets used against you. then go have fun.. just be smart, last thing you want is to knock someone up while this stuff is going on or get a bad STD. drama is the last thing you need right now so make sure you don't get dragged into something that you can't handle but the occasional ONS or FWB, could be ok.. as long as you don'…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 02:19 PM
19

yeah she will not admit she is verbally abusive even if you point it out. but that is the standard weapon of choice for a toxic female covert narcissist she's trying to get a rise out of you so that she can then use that against you.. your reaction to her being toxic is now going to be the problem
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 12:28 AM
1

as the saying go, prepare for the worst, hope for the best. also suggest reading some relationship books with her.. 5 minute relationship repair.. love languages etc. hell even youtube videos on how to conflict resolution and about hormonal imbalances. ​ you want to be able to tell your kids if it all goes to crap that you tried your best.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 02:13 AM
3

check ins, do some stuff together activity wise an be better than just talking he will probably want to vent a lot which is good too but you can feel pretty lonely and abandoned going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 09:19 PM
6

nothing was more infuriating than having sessions that was essentially just venting sessions for her to feel validated.. and if the therapist ever said something she should do different after the session she would make sure to tell me that i didn't explain things the right way and had me apologize. i hated spending money on therapy.. felt like such a waste and therapists are smart.. they know damm well that if they don't validate the women the sessions would end and so would the money flow.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 11:23 PM
7

this.. you should see the outrage when a women has to support a "deadbeat" stay at home dad.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 01:45 PM
7

you looking to date or just have sex? dating, a while.. need to get in a good headspace if just sex just remember to wrap it up before you go.. don't need to suddenly get sucked into a bigger issue while going through divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 09:38 PM
4

that's very reasonable absolutely and it would make sense to do everything for your sons sake so it sound like she has more flexibility in her day to day to run events since you can't make certain time slots. but yeah it's maybe an a hole thing to do but again, concentrate on your time with the kid and have a conversation with her that you support activities and would like to find a way to show support for him.. make the conversations about him not you and she may listen.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 05:16 PM
3

I understand what you are coming from and the fear of being replaced by this step dad is high. no matter what your kids will still see you as their dad, especially at 8 years old. your ex has replaced you though and that' something to come to terms with. concentrate not on what they do together, but what you do with their child, why didn't you sign them up for soccer? swimming? it's hard to swallow this stuff and we dont' want to miss out with our kids, i get that.. but be grateful that she is i…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 02:49 PM
3

scenario 1 has longer term issues and is terrifying if you already have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 02:40 PM
10

that's true, it's not all women and frankly no guy is perfect either. i think my biggest issue i have is seeing all the BS that's made normal in society and yet guys are always seen as the bad guys. Toxic female behaviour is so common it's in jokes to the point where i thought i had to just suck it up because everyone has it like that and it's normal and if I couldn't take it just meant i wasn't man enough. I was also an idiot and i bought into it all, when you have some women going off about ho…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/23 02:15 PM
5

what's the point of a comment like that?
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 02:18 PM
9

no one wants to hear about their parents sex lives. concentrate on being a good dad and tell him how much you love him and that it isn't his fault.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 01:06 AM
1

what exactly are you to change with? how would you measure it? what are the time lines? it sounds like a cop out whereupon if you don't do enough to please her then she can still say she tried and look like the hero in her story when she pulls the plug on you. which means when you think you are actually working on things she works on gathering evidence she can use against you. or maybe not. by all means if there are things that are shitty about yourself always worth to change anyway since you wi…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 03:24 AM
1

well, i would get a few comparisons from realtors for what the house value is and then averaging that out. her mission is to value the house as low as possible. the 6% realtor fee seems high, get some quotes from a few realtors on what the clear picture is for what's involved in selling. i wouldn't give her any credit for having to worry about selling the house or cleaning it up.. she wants the house so that's her cost she has to deal with. or you can also get a professional evaluator if you wan…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 12:51 AM
14

I am beyond angry at my ex and i can't see myself ever forgiving her. but at the same time, she's flawed, severely and so am i. So I forgive her for being flawed and delusional and instead of having her pre-occupy my mind i am working on me not giving a flying f*ck about her. I know being able to move on and live my greatest life without her and being the best dad is going to be the biggest f*ck you to her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 12:45 AM
3

an effective way to kill a spider is also burning down your house. You have to play out the movie in your head of what will happen if you do various scenarios and what your end goal is and see if it all aligns. so let's play out what would happen if you do get her fired, odds are she will find out or it will come out someway or another that you had something to do with it, frankly, even if you didn't odds are she would still blame you. She is now going to be super hostile with you and feel victi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 03:42 PM
2

some people are really good at finding just the right button to push over and over again until they get the reaction they were hoping for. your "wife" just did that to you and you.. so yeah, it's a trap and you fell into it, i think we all have at one point. but yeah you can't blow up, got to keep your calm and gather yourself. if you want to be part of the kids life you have to make sure she can't do some shitty false allegation against you. she may not have an attorney yet but she is obviously…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 10:01 PM
19

i think you have to remember that just because your divorce went ok, others didn't and when things don't go right it's when you post.. you vent you warn others. there are a lot of things happening in divorce you don't possible imagine your (ex)wife would do, but yet, here we are with a ton of stories of similar behaviour. so yes, some are way over the top and having a victim mentality is not healthy. it is also important to understand what yourself did wrong and how to correct those things in th…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 05:53 PM
1

That makes me so mad to hear. so if you can accept you have a problem and actively working on it it is used against you, where as if you lied and hid the issues which would mentally be bad on you then you could have had the kids how f*cked up is this system.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 03:33 PM
1

I hear you i made mistakes too and my ex was a covert narcissistic c*nt but i was also very wrong and how i was and what i did. I accept those flaws in myself. honest, do the 12 steps if you haven't already started in your rehab.. it's well worth it and actually covers this thinking. I any case be a good dad, look forward, fix yourself. over time people will see who you are and that is what they will judge you by and your kids need their dad badly a few months, even a year is not going to kill y…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 03:11 AM
1

i should have added.. if you are a male. seems being female gives you a halo in society.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 03:07 AM
2

I hear you, it's terrible. and unfortunately what you are describing is all too common. addiction or cheating automatically makes you the asshole no matter what.. it automatically makes everyone take the other persons side no matter how much of an abusive asshole they are, it doesn't matter. the reality is that you are probably both broken, but you checked yourself into rehab and she didn't.. you did something that was visible and she didn't, in the eyes of everyone else you are the problem and …
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 03:29 PM
2

would be a lot easier that's for sure
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 04:17 PM
11

there are no upsides except maybe if you marry someone considerably richer than you and with a higher paying job then you can fuck them over when you get divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 03:03 AM
3

it can work but there has to be a goal / reason for it if the reason she wants to do marriage counselling is to validate herself that you are the problem then that isn't going to work so the conversation should be, what do we want to get out of it. if the sessions end up being just sessions where she complaints about all the stuff you don't do or do wrong in the relationship it's not going to be very useful.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 11:28 PM
7

oh that is exactly how it went for me too if the therapist somehow even hinted she was in the wrong, after the sessions she would make me pay and ensure that i knew it was really all my fault
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 11:27 PM
2

the quickest family court in the world is accusing your ex of something terrible so they get arrested. guaranteed to have at minimum 6 months if not closer to 18 months of them having to fight that charge while you have full control of everything.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 11:58 PM
2

well you can speculate as much as you want one way or another but see what happens and have a backup plan if it is shit ​ financially it should be really clear cut.. you have bank accounts and investments each of you and splitting that is just math. for the house that gets tricky but you can get both real estate evaluations as well as people professionally giving the value of the house. just have to agree to something. if she has all the money in the world it could be very beneficial for you as …
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 10:23 PM
18

no, this is where you are wrong. "Guys, internalize that shit but don’t talk about it openly. We aren’t going to change it anytime soon, and you’re just hurting yourself" we do need to talk about it. it's time to have that conversation in society. we can have those talks without going extreme. If women in general want to be equals it's time to be equal in all areas not just dumping half their shit onto our full plates and calling it equal. far too long do you see extremely toxic female behaviour…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 04:24 PM
2

definitely agree to this ​ also suggest reading some relationship books. 5 love languages, 10 minute relationship repair.. stuff like that. find out what it is that's making her unhappy and talk about how to solve that together.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/23 12:52 PM
2

sounds like resentment is building up. Most likely the spouse is feeling like they are working hard and then criticized for not being present enough you probably feel resentful that they aren't showing appreciation for what you do at the house/parenting etc. i think it sounds more like having a conversation without accusations but more about how you feel instead. .e.g. "when you are on the phone, i fear that you do not want to be with me" and having those kind of talks. i know with my ex it woul…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 01:30 PM
2

this is nothing compared to what others go through.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 12:59 AM
1

it was based on the gains from start of marriages, so didn't technically take half but rather half of what it increased. house on the other hand, no matter who bought it, is considered a marital house and so is split 50/50 regardless.. how fun that is. but what really gnaws is how she would spend money on herself to the point she ended up with credit card debt i spent money on the house.. so at the end all the money i had spent on the house essentially ends up half of it going to her. where the …
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 01:27 PM
1

taking me to the cleaners. false allegation's, lawyer costs up the wazoo. ​ she had nothing but debt coming into the relationship. so even though i essentially bought the house i had to split it with her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 02:22 PM
9

because she got knocked up.. was on the hook for child support regardless. figured i would give it a go.. plus tax incentives to being married but what a charade it all was. ..really just got married so she wouldn't look bad in front of her dad and friends..she had already been married before so she didn't want the wedding, but wanted the ring on her finger. i stupidly didn't realize how much it was fucking me over doing it. i thought i was the exception to the rule
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 09:45 PM
14

common tactic for women with low self esteem. she in her head after sex is fearful of how she is in comparison with porn and so shames you with it instead of expressing her own fears about if she is inadequate. they just don't have a filter/ understand that the words they use are hurtful and if she is like my ex will never see it/ apologize for it, but rather just throw it in your face that the reason she feels this way is all because of you. you need to learn about healthy boundaries. use sente…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 12:28 PM
6

we have to take responsibility for how we chose. the vetting process was not right for me and at the same time she got pregnant early on and i felt trapped. well i was trapped really. but i could have made different decisions and i have to live with the consequences of that.. that's life. hopefully learn a bit about myself in the process and work on being a different person that has better boundaries and don't get manipulated as easily. it's easy to just say they are the reason, or play the vict…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 04:59 PM
7

never got a ring from my exwife. she didn't want to spend the money i guess and i never bothered her for it as i don't really wear jewelry anyway. i don't know what she plans to do with hers, probably store it together with her other ex husbands ring, kinda like a little trophy case of lives she likes to ruin
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 03:20 PM
2

my immediate family knows, my friends know. but other than my immediate boss i haven't really shared it with co-workers mostly as i'm still in the middle of it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 12:01 AM
1

most places look at a snapshot of what your finances were when you got married. then a snapshot of what your finances are right now. the difference between the two is then split. REGARDLESS of who put what in, who spent what, who took out loans etc. but this is stuff that's done as part of equalization, at least where i am and is part of the divorce proceedings. considering the amount of gifts i gave her, it feels incredibly unfair. I would have been better off wiping my ass with the cash. so le…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 05:31 PM
2

fight to get enough custody that hopefully child support isn't needed to be paid. is your ex going to be in the same position? maybe a talk to have.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 02:27 PM
8

What do you deep down hope will happen if you tell people? is it for revenge, do you feel it's unjust? what will happen when you tell? what do you hope to accomplish? her family will stick by her no matter what.. and if they don't, is that in the best interest of your children right now? ​ the best for these things is just to move on. you can't change the past so what you can do is make sure you have the best future for you and your children. That's what your motivation should be. You will come …
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 12:45 PM
5

if it's like most of this stuff she's seeking someone else to validate that it is indeed all your fault. if that's the case it's useless if it's actually about coming up with solutions to problems that you have, like no sex.. then sure. maybe so the thing is to know, what exactly does she want to get out of it. if the answers are all about your behaviour and how you are... then it's time to nope out of there.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 11:59 AM
-2

first keep your mouth shut with her about anything she is no longer your ally and she will use everything you have told her against you. then do therapy for your sex addiction and 12 step in case she starts using that against you as a way to keep you away from your children and see a lawyer for what you need.. and dont' give her everything, if you want a chance to see your children you will need a place to live and have space for them. she will not go easy on you, don't let your guilt dictate ho…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 02:48 AM
18

i know for myself i was naive when it came to women. always thought they wouldn't take advantage, they were the fairer sex etc. in highschool i lent a girl that was sorta a friend money so she could go home to visit her dying grandmother in thailand. she even gave me cheques that just bounced. then i "saved" a girl later in life who was going bankrupt by helping her bail out of expensive credit cards only for her to do do more debts.. yeah she paid maybe 5% of it back.. but that's it. then with …
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 12:20 PM
1

i think it's more, why are you dating? cause there is a difference between hooking up with people and dating. ​ go sleep around if you want to.. but don't' jump into a relationship right away. just be careful if you do sleep around not to get caught up in stuff or use it to mask your emotions or let it consume you. you need the time to learn to live with yourself, to reflect on who you want to be and what you want to do rather than being codependent on another person to "compete you"
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 07:35 PM
1

so she's right in a way.. you base the buy-out on the amount the house would be worth subtracting the realtor fees. e.g. $500,000 house - 4.5% or whatever realtor fees =$477,500 then subtract remaining mortgage and split in half. that half is what you should be paying her. but it sounds like she thinks it's added on to the amount you pay her not subtracted. ​ otherwise ask her how she would find the value. you can get an official appraisal.. you can both get one and split the difference or you c…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 12:32 AM
1

so you have children, and your child looks nothing like you in fact, is obviously "black" and you are "white" emotions flared for him and the reasons didn't make sense. he wrongly projected his fear in anger (which is common) and he did so anonymously. but yeah let's not have empathy for the guy, even though he when a reasonable explanation was found out apologized and was ready to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 12:38 PM
38

and you didn't realize any of this before you had a kid? or got married? what makes you so sure he is a racist? or this is just something you decided all of a sudden? and do you really honestly think having your child grow up without a father is a good thing? that all he will do is put racists thoughts in his head?
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 09:59 PM
1

mom had sex with strangers is sex life i would say go the high road
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 09:00 PM
-1

you dont ever tell your kids about parents sex life. they don't want to know, they don't need to know.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 07:51 PM
3

what the hell kind of lawyer do you have. get them to get a court date set pronto. ​ plus get your lawyer to request that your ex provide certain dates/times you can be with your kids and state how it's parental alienation otherwise. time to use the lawyers what you pay them big bucks for.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 11:13 PM
5

probably more of listening to my gut feeling about things. and not relying on anyone to make me happy, it's about what i can do. if i am feeling lonely, then be part of a group doing stuff, hiking, gym class etc. not feeling that i "need" a women to make me happy but rather do what i can to make myself happy . the only thing you can control is yourself, you can't control how others feel, think, or do.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 12:47 PM
2

therapists need to know the other person a bit to get an idea about how they perceive you
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 12:21 AM
2

well if she has seen the therapist before expect everything to be extremely one sided if the therapist hasn't met you before they should be wanting to talk to you to get a sense from you how the relationship is. just be calm, collected and and be prepare to give your views on things. it may be a meeting about doing divorce it may be a "this is what i need for us not to get divorced" it can be anything, you don't know. but also not a bad idea to talk to a divorce lawyer before going so if that is…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 11:47 PM
3

Back to If a man cheats he's a disgusting horn dog if a women cheats it's because her needs wasn't being met also more women will cheat "emotionally" which is easier to hide or deny and lastly a guy being the person a women cheats on is unlikely to develop feelings to the point he tries to get the women away from their marriage or blow up the situation by telling the other partner meaning that more guys are "found out" by the person they are cheating with telling their partner.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 02:16 PM
1

why don't you ask him instead of making assumptions.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 01:09 PM
4

problem that always happens when you have a bad past is that there is a lot of fear about opening up about it because you know the other person will judge and change their view on you. so the first thing you do is dribble a bit to see what the reception is like and then you give a bit more and a bit more until you see the ugly truth. then backtrack a bit when the reception is hostile.. this is probably what's happening now. i'm not saying your reaction is right, but that is the natural thing for…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 04:33 AM
2

you don't talk about your sex life with your children... they dont want to know. otherwise focus on being a good dad when you are with them, don't talk down about the mom and you can put your child into therapy as well to prep for it all especially if you guys are having fights already.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 07:15 PM
5

one day at a time i miss my family as well. doing lists of things to be grateful for helps not get into that dark place.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 08:54 PM
1

how did you end up in a situation where you are so far away from your kids to begin with?
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 08:36 PM
5

Everyday, Painful to think they miss me and not being able to do anything about it Painful to think they don’t miss me It’s also painful to know how much I miss , the little stories from everyday life, the little fun things they do or say. I hate so much not being with them.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 03:17 PM
4

when she "left" that would be considered a separation date. especially if it's the "we are getting divorced, here are the papers"
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 09:04 PM
6

if it's after your official separation date.. then it shouldn't
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 07:54 PM
5

I miss having my family. i hate the idea of going on dates now because we could have done that. but i also get angry thinking of how she was and why we couldn't have a normal life. and i hate how my kids now don't have that opportunity
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 05:00 PM
5

I would say you have good cause for unjustful enrichment by her possibly. especially if you paid mortgage, did it come out of your account for the mortgage payments? or did you pay her dad who then paid the mortgage? but yeah she played it well. was probably part of her plan B all along.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:21 AM
6

threatening with divorce is a manipulation tactic used to make you get your way or else. it is not a way to actual have meaningful dialogue for what each other needs are. in these conversations maybe it's time to say "ok" if she threatens and otherwise ask why.. why do you want divorce... oh i don't feel loved.. why don't you feel loved.. well because you don't pick up your dirty socks i ask you to.. why does that bother you so much.. etc etc get down to the root issue. the problem here is you h…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 11:58 AM
1

that was good. with hindsight there were so many things I ignored in a delusional hope that everything would get better. I knew deep down that it wasn't and i didn't take the right steps to prepare myself. so i would also add that it's a good idea to have a snapshot of what your financial health was like when you got married. what did you own, what your bank accounts were like. also good to have a good relationship with not just your friends but your own family too.. i know with my situation the…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 12:54 PM
4

I think that's a good idea probably doesn't want to miss out on photos of their kids.. and if you can come to an agreement to both share photos i think that would be nice.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 08:36 PM
1

child may be feeling guilty.. play the long game here. even if she says she wants to be with mom now, be the best dad you can be when you do see her. and then who knows.. in a year she may be saying "i fucking hate living with mom she drives me bonkers i want to be with my dad" and even that can be temporary because she got mad at some rule that was enforced.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 01:00 PM
1

i don't think there will be much consideration for where the kids want to live anyway when they are under 12, regardless of what they would have told anyone. it's more of being able to show you can be a good dad, if you haven't been involved much doing parenting classes. having a safe space for them to be (e.g. bedrooms etc) but no matter what it's an uphill battle
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 03:34 PM
1

i'm no lawyer, but from my understanding there has to be serious reasons to want to look into therapist notes. not just a "my children said they wanted to live here" sorta thing. otherwise who the hell would use therapists?
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 01:47 PM
1

dont' make guilt or shame for yourself let you get manipulated into a huge payday for your ex wife she chose to leave and now she wants to cash in. she can survive in a small rental apartment just fine. you can take care of the children if need be..
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 12:24 PM
2

you don't have to get married. but you also can't live life in fear.. if you want kids you should try to have the best possible partner for it and then take what you learned about yourself and relationships into the new marriage. do some work, read some books.. all the stuff you probably should have done before the first marriage. learn about healthy boundaries and being who you are. the ones that fail i think are people who go into the second or 3rd marriages without doing any work on themselve…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 12:37 AM
2

if people ask what happened i would ask them what they have heard. and then you can correct if you want to. ​ unfortunately there are going to be people who wont believe your side anyway and there are going to be people who don't care screaming it out to everyone in fear of what they may have been told will come off as desperate and petty.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 02:18 PM
1

shallow is only liking the wife because of the physical attributes.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 01:14 PM
1

have you had the conversation with her on health and that you want her to be healthy and what she needs from you to do that? what does she say about exercising together? throwing stuff at her that you want and not asking her is a recipe for disaster on this. and also do you give her time to exercise? do you say, let me take the kids this morning if you want to do a quick workout
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 01:12 PM
9

​ you sound shallow on the physical part.. there are better ways to handle that. e.g. work together to both eat healthy.. do the cooking.. exercise together or give her time to do it/take a load off so she can. the physical violence and abuse on the other hand is something that needs to be addressed. that shouldn't' be happening. maybe do some therapy with her on that side of things. ​ also i think you are vastly overvaluing how you will be on the open dating market.. you have 3 kids, child supp…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 11:05 PM
20

the "i deserve someone better" is definitely something that was said by my stbex oh and this comment was a beautify too that she shared her sister told her "there is nothing special about him, why are you still with him?" after she napped someone rich. i think in the beginning everything was ok because we were the best option, then the comparisons comes out and they feel they could have done better. "why didn't you get me a push present" -> apparently some acquittance of hers got an expensive gi…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 01:30 PM
1

quick google has these as the top professions with high divorce rates Bartenders. Exotic Dancers or Adult Performance Artists. Military Supervisors. Medical and Healthcare Workers. Gaming Services Workers. Flight Attendants. Telemarketers and Switchboard Operators ​ i'm actually surprised teachers aren't on there.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 11:13 PM
2

we all have issues to deal with. question is if she's willing to work on them and you are willing to wait as those issues gets worked out. she's sure to have issues with you too and if you are willing to take responsibilities for those. could do therapy, self help books etc. if doing therapy it's important for the therapist to talk to you too and get your version of events otherwise the situations gets skewed but it also can't just be venting. you can't change anyone, but you can express hurt an…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 12:59 PM
3

oh god yes this sounds like my ex. the zero filter, zero self awareness and zero retrospective analysis and everything my fault. when i was honest with her about something and "opened up emotionally" then it was just used to shame me or for her to get angry then share it with all her friends/family because that's "her tribe"
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/23 10:29 PM
1

you know the house well from living there.. if with the appraiser make sure to point out all the issues you know of, small or not. ever had a leak in the roof? make sure they know. is there a certain spot in the floor that always creaks.. make sure they step on it any issues with plumbing? was something not done to code.. any electrical goblins.. any backyard draining issues? have pictures of the yard if it looks like crap from not being maintained
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 12:49 PM
3

just be careful not to do anything that will harm you in the long term.. last thing you need is to be arrested for public intoxication or sexual assault
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 03:39 PM
11

i hear your pain you don't really want to end the relationship even though your wife cheated and she wants to divorce. But, it's over. If she wants a divorce and wants the house etc. it wont be long before her friends will convince her that you were the narcissistic/ abuser... or maybe they already have or she already believes it as a justification for what she did. you are better off filing first than having her conjure up a case/reasons to get you kicked out of the house.. right now the only r…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 12:08 PM
1

i'm always reminded of simpsons when Bart exclaims this was his worst day in his life in which homer replies "worst day of your life.. so far!" it feels like that when you are in a hole and think it can't go any deeper and suddenly it does there is a time to start doing grateful lists.. there are always things to be grateful for and sometimes they may seem silly but you are probably better off than you think do you have a roof over your head? do you have fully functioning arms/legs? are you able…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 11:32 PM
4

I wonder too if they are also just better at hiding it with men being naive and thinking they wouldn't cheat and then lying on any surveys that they have never cheated as it's easier to live in denial so they don't have to come to the conclusion that they were actually the bad person.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 11:47 PM
2

not sure if you have noticed but the hot topic of today is how men are horrible. we are apparently all abusive and narcissistic and then of course there is the problem that we don't live up to the standards set in romance books/movies / tv shows so they look at you and think they can do better. "i deserve a man who will do X for me"
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/23 11:44 PM
2

it's worth trying other ways first your kids need their dad and not having them in your life at minimum half the time makes it even lonelier not to mention the impact on the kids overall. so at minimum some couples therapy with clear goals you want to do.. not a place to vent but for solutions. sounds like she's pretty miserable too. so you have to go away for work, that sucks for her, if it's more than a week then i get it.. but she has to remember too that if you get divorced, it will essentia…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 08:04 PM
3

sad part about jewelry is that as expensive as it is, you get pennies on the dollar if you try to sell it. only worth is the meltdown price of the gold.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 01:37 PM
8

"He refuses to go to couples counseling" He doesn't want to pay someone to listen to me complain about how everything is his fault! oh this!! holy hell, nothing like having her vent all kinds of BS and then paying them for it on top. and if the therapist does indicate something she didn't do right, after the session she was pissed to high heaven and i had to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 01:42 AM
1

you are probably SOL they would consider your time / effort as "gift" and i doubt you have anyway of proving how much money your time was worth back then. you could maybe claim unjust enrichment on part of the house from when she moved in with you until you got married or sold e.g. the difference in price between what the house would have sold for when she moved in until you got married. you should get some money for and not just all her since you can show you paid rent and you did renovations t…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 12:55 PM
2

couple of things to see if you can use 1) did your wife ever let you take care of the kids alone while she went out/went on vacation etc? if so document this. she can't come back now and say she's afraid of you taking care of the kids if she was ok with it when you actively were an alcoholic. ​ 2) if you have a therapist and have been going to therapy, continue to do so. You can ask your therapist to write a letter stating that they do not see any concerns with you taking care of your kids (hope…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 01:29 PM
1

I never got a wedding ring.. she couldn't be bothered.. yet wanted me to spend thousands on hers..
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 02:02 AM
2

I did the same, was also used as a way to control my behavior during the marriage, threaten divorce and see me crumble and give in. it was one of those nothing else is working, maybe pity would. obviously that doesn't work either.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 03:46 AM
3

as everyone else have said you can't get the time with your kids back the amount of people who would beg to have 50/50 so they can be in their child's life is high. although i can understand your motivation for the children to have happy lives maybe there are ways you can change to be more involved with them while you have them and if it's them being in afterschool programs for a few hours a day that's not bad Also i would double check your numbers on child support. it's rare it only changes a b…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/23 04:26 PM
2

in Ontario Canada we use form 13.1/13.2 government form you can download for free. https://ontariocourtforms.on.ca/static/media/uploads/courtforms/family/13\_1/flr-13-1-e.pdf it's goverment form so overly complicated but it's what's used here and at least gives you a good list of what to look at for assets. The idea is that you write down what your worth is right now (half of house, shared savings etc) and she writes down what she owes then you come to a number and if one is higher than the othe…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 02:06 PM
10

I 'm not sure why it would be important to get some ones HR involved.. really.. what's the point ? you are better off if they are employed and her AP is.. you want her to move on so you don't get stuck with some BS like alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 02:25 PM
4

so where i am in ontario canada child support is based on the idea that the child's life shouldn't be impacted financially as much. so there is an online calculator based on your earnings for how much you should pay and how much she should pay. if there is a difference then one party pays the other (e.g. 1500 for me $1450 for her.. so i pay $50/month) based on a 50/50 or up to 60/40 split. however, if it's anything more than 60/40 split to one side then the party who has the kids the most do not…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 10:26 PM
2

I feel for you and I feel the exact same thing, it's been 4 months from taking my 4 and 8 year old kids to school, reading to them at night and laying next to my little guy as he fell asleep, playing with them and hugging them. i am struggling so hard right now with not seeing them, not a picture, not a phone call, nothing.. and all i'm told is to be patient and wait and to play the long game. Every time i think of them i break down and cry and knowing that it can still be months is even worse. …
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 09:12 PM
2

I was deeply unhappy about housework division too. I did vast majority of cooking and cleaned a lot on top of the typical "manly duties" like cutting grass, car maintenance, garbage recycling and any other "typical guy" things. i felt like those duties didn't count and she never saw it. i suggested we wrote down all the different tasks there is to do around the house on cards and take a look at it all spread out and then divide the tasks between us. she refused. i think she realized that there i…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 09:09 PM
3

maybe have a conversation about opening up the marriage or have her see a therapist about her low sex drive. though she will probably counter saying she doesn't feel love or respected enough and that's why she doesn't want sex.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/23 03:38 PM
16

she wants you to leave so that she can claim you abandoned the house and everything else so you get nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 02:25 PM
1

try to see if she's willing to look at alcohol addiction. and then do what you can to have witnesses or recording of her behaviour so you can showcase that in case things go down badly. also you need to learn skills to de-escalate the fights effectively.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 05:38 PM
2

i really caution on the cheating. mostly because when it gets found out.. and it will eventually in someway or another. no matter if she killed your dog you are the bad guy in the eyes of everyone in society, kids, friends, judge. so you can see how bad divorce could be for you, now imagine it without much support and everyone in your life just labelling you a cheating a*shole anything she did wrong, may it be dead bedroom or not, will not matter. if you think you are alone now, it will just get…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 05:32 PM
1

well it is possible to save it.. do you want to? the age old saying of prepare for the worst hope for the best may be in line here. so talking to a lawyer, understanding what is needed, start documenting what is happening between you two would be the way to start. maybe even time to gift your parents some money. then you can still try to work on the relationship, but just know if it turns sour you are not ill prepared. if she moved out could even be that she "abandoned' the family home so someth…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 01:12 PM
6

it's a money pit there are books that actually provide insights and solutions that are worth reading instead. "5 minute relationship repair" was a book i wish i had read earlier,.. ex refused to read it though saying our problems are not solved in 5 minutes.. completely negating the whole premise of the book the 5 love languages was a good solid read too. but a lot of the solutions means both sides realizing something has to change and unfortunately my ex was firmly in the camp of "i don't do an…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 02:05 PM
75

of course it's our fault, how often do you hear of a married women take responsibility for how she acts, it's all a reaction to how we are apparently. and if you apologize for what you did, then it just cements the idea that it is indeed all our fault. I think it's a combination of many things today 1) not as much financial need to stay together, she wins the lottery when getting divorced. not only from spouse but from supports 2)dating apps where she will get a lot of attention no matter what..…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 03:23 PM
2

have to show value of what you brought into the marriage vs what you had when it ended for equalization.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 01:10 PM
1

Thank you, very basic but it may work =)
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 06:15 PM
3

you are not going to get a lot of sympathy on here. ​ but i can tell you that most likely there are a few reasons it could be, and again, this is just me spit balling without knowing you. 1) could have avoidant attachment style.. she gets close to you, you want to put distance because you fear being vulnerable.. to do that you seek out being with other women 2) you could have sex/love addiction, you seek the thrill of talking to women not your wife 3) you could feel so insecure about yourself an…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 02:00 AM
7

having done marriage counselling in the past i feel it's completely useless. She used it as a place to get her feelings validated so i was paying to have her say the same stuff to them as she said to me without really any solutions to anything. It was too late, but reading books like 5 minute relationship repair and 5 love languages had more info in it than therapy. in the end the marriage counselor for me was a way to show that i was interested in saving the relationship.. but i wish i had just…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 12:13 AM
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