Divorced and nofap?

louderthanspeech · 2024-04-12T02:10:44+00:00

I'm in a similar place as you. Separated. Struggled off and on through the years with seeking out risque videos on streaming services as a way to escape and cope woth the mental, emotional and verbal abuse endured.

My therapist just so happened to release a new book that he had been working on for over 10 years during my marriage imploding. I'm almost finished with the book and it has been my saving grace through this journey. I've had 3 months one stint and now I'm on 1 month this go around. Even have been abstaining from alchohol (which has never been a problem) in order to FEEL all the feelings and push into the unknown.

His book could not have come at a better time. It's called "Faith & Sex" by Steven Luff on Amazon. Not super religious (despite the title)... it's worth picking up if you're going through similar stuff right now. He also went through a divorce a few years back and digs into what Real Change looks like in the face of adversity.

You're not alone brotha. Message me if you ever need support.

DivorceCoachTeddy · 2024-04-10T22:48:50+00:00

The problem with social media is that every issue and every piece of advice must be black or white. If you indulge, then you’re labelled a deviant loner, and if you abstain, then you’re considered a Christian goodie two-shoes.

However, there is a balance in life that exists with or without humans taking things to extremes. Porn, in and of itself, is not the most toxic thing for a man if it’s seldom used. As other commenters have mentioned, a man who does not ejaculate at all is not doing his physical well-being any favours.

On the other hand, a man who watches porn daily is undermining his ambition to meet and create intimacy with a real woman. The healthiest men I know are those who can strike a balance in life, in everything they do.

Never take anything to the extreme in any direction. It’s a life that’s unsustainable and filled with guilt and relapses. Use porn sparingly, don’t let it affect your mental health or ambitions, and don’t let others guilt-trip you into becoming someone they themselves are not living up to behind closed doors.

TreetopTarantula · 2024-04-10T07:53:40+00:00

Scientific literature says men who orgasm less than 21 times a month are at higher risk for prostate cancer. Use it or lose it.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/ejaculation_frequency_and_prostate_cancer

Comfortable-Long-419 · 2024-04-10T04:21:01+00:00

Seriously though. Totally with you on this one.

Comfortable-Long-419 · 2024-04-10T04:20:29+00:00

I AM THE KING OF MY CASTLE!!

kublakhan1816 · 2024-04-10T03:52:15+00:00

I don’t do nofap or whatever but I try not to think sex very much or masturbate. If I need to just get it out of the way I will just be quick about it. But yeah it doesn’t help me much with my feelings about the divorce

ABBucsfan · 2024-04-09T18:07:52+00:00

Yes. I'm a Christian and have been trying to abstain from it altogether. Be good for months then slip occasionally. Sometimes the beating yourself up can be detrimental even though you when to want to stop as well. Better to think time to start a new streak and see how long next one is. I can sorta relate. Wasn't unhealthy sexual habits as much as her seeing she's pregnant and done having kids and never even seeing her naked again. Held strong for a couple years I think but the rejection got to me. I wanted to feel desired and my self esteem was hurting. In some ways I almost feel it's harder than when I was a single guy in my early 20s. I do not believe in remarriage so it's gonna be a long commitment for me (which does add pressure at times or feel daunting....)

Stay strong brother.

Oh I'll also add that times I slip up I realize my brain can really be in the gutter for a few days and make every day things into twisted fantasies. Porn definitely messes with your head

Joocewayne · 2024-04-09T17:39:44+00:00

You’re not alone. I avoid porn like the plague. I treat masturbation like a medical procedure and get it done as quick as possible with as little imagination as possible.

I had a bad bought of fantasizing about my ex and went through a porn phase.

It’s destructive and not natural. On some level, your brain recognizes you aren’t engaging in the activity and merely watching. Porn effectively makes you a cuck. Your brain knows this shit. Deny all you want. If you’re jacking and not involved… cuck.

I’m ready for a million downvotes and angry replies.

Bluerednaz · 2024-04-09T17:32:58+00:00

Try to cut it out if you can. Otherwise touch yourself to your hearts desire

Thebadmamajama · 2024-04-09T16:25:27+00:00

Focus on hobbies, socializing exercise and work.

That said, occasional use of porn isn't an anti pattern. It's a problem if it's a daily (or more frequent habit), and essential for being aroused.

abodahim · 2024-04-09T14:10:50+00:00

Im in the same boat. You life will be much better without pornography .

tragicaddiction · 2024-04-09T13:57:49+00:00

may want to check out the nofap subreddit

or even sexaddiction

and what you are doing is going to be difficult but you will feel a lot better about yourself on top of being prepared for a more healthy relationship.

JakobCbol · 2024-04-09T13:57:46+00:00

I found it easier to stop drinking than to stop pornography. Stay strong - and remember you will always regret masturbating. First week or two is the hardest.

Title	Divorced and nofap?
Author	LeftySmithy
Upvotes	2
Comments	26
Date	April 9, 2024 1:21 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bzs1la/divorced_and_nofap/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorced-and-nofap.1514577 https://theredarchive.com/post/1514577

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