Empathy.

South_Masterpiece543 · 2024-03-13T19:46:10+00:00

Women are the ones with empathy issues and low emotional intelligence. She is projecting and avoiding accountability.

From the Happy Wife School YouTube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/live/iDWg5PN4vH0?si=RdaccvkO--e5Xe9R

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-03-11T13:34:13+00:00

What you have is a situation where your STBX is battling resentment. That is how your past behaviors still affect her. Resentment occurs when a person feels they had to make a choice they did not want to make, and as a result they suffer the consequences. The choice they made was often the easy choice to avoid short-term guilt. The trade-off is long term resentment. Let me give a simple example.

Going out to dinner party with wife. You tell her you love a pair of shoes that look great with her dress and encourage her to wear. She knows they are uncomfortable and tells you. At that point she has a choice. If she choses not to wear, she’ll feel guilty. If she wears them, and is uncomfortable, she’ll feel resentment towards you. Guilt generates a feeling of remorse- ie she did something to you. Resent generates a feeling of anger.

Here’s what you need to understand about empathy. It’s not about what you did then or the position you put her through back then. It’s about you understanding the resentment she is carrying now. You need to understand she’s angry. Acknowledge and accept. Support her right to be angry and understand why. You need to understand she made a decision where she sacrificed for you. Thank her and acknowledge that. Recognize her strength, commitment and courage to do something for you. Recognize the sacrifice and the impact to her. Clearly understand how it affected her.

SpiritualEnema · 2024-03-11T04:48:58+00:00

Has she self reflected about her part in the relationship? Has she admitted her faults?

If not she is just trying to rewrite the past to cement her victim mentality. Do yourself favor and take no part in it. If nothing else it will drive her nuts.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-03-11T04:31:13+00:00

I have moderate ADHD and until I dated someone else with pretty severe ADHD, I had no idea what I had put many of my relationships (personal and professional), including my ex-wife, through. Demanding empathy on something like that is really difficult because you can't walk a mile in their shoes. I guess if you both take the time to sit down and talk about the shit that hurt her, you can get a better idea - but no point in that unless you're wanting to reconcile. And even if you do, it won't make the resentment go away.

SunAndMoon23 · 2024-03-11T03:46:40+00:00

Bro you’re in a divorce men subreddit so naturally the answers you get will skew toward the problem being with the spouse. I’ll try to offer a more balanced voice here since your situation is very similar to mine.

I have no doubt you are doing all you can to show empathy. But there are a couple of unfortunate factors that could potentially be at play here:

1) The damage done is quite heavy and it’ll take a lot of effort and time to undo the impacts of your previous actions. It usually takes many more acts of kindness to compensate for acts of hurt. Please bear in mind I am not talking about who is right or who is wrong here. I am simply shedding light on some psychology. Fair or not, sometimes logic can’t overrule deeply rooted emotions. 2) It’s also possible that there’s an incompatibility issue here. I like you, have owned my previous actions, felt bad about them and vowed to do everything I can possibly do to not let it happen again. Sadly, there were many instances where I still unintentionally upsetted her. As I found out (many shouting matches) later on, it was quite evident there’s a stark difference between my perception of what the impacts of my words/actions are and how she actually feels. We can say our spouses are too sensitive, short sighted, etc. But it doesn’t change the fact that they feel the way they feel. Long story short, if there’s a huge fundamental difference on communication style and the perception of right or wrong, it's very hard to grow or even maintain a healthy marriage.

Anyhow, I wish you nothing but the best brother. Be jt divorce or staying together, I hope you find happiness.

Subtle-Catastrophe · 2024-03-11T03:21:47+00:00

This chick is trying to pull a Jedi mind-fuck on you. It's just as straightforward and cynical as it sounds. Snap out of her hypnosis and cut that woman off from any communication.

potatotornado44 · 2024-03-11T02:36:07+00:00

First off, why are you talking to your ex about this sort of stuff?

Second, what is feeling bad going to do to brighten your future?

Leave her in the dust, and build the life that you want.

bimmu · 2024-03-11T02:26:49+00:00

Even if your empathetic, they still blame everyone else for every problem, never once will they self reflect that maybe they aren't perfect.

tragicaddiction · 2024-03-11T02:23:26+00:00

empathy is about feeling what the other person feels, so it's like understanding their feelings for what they are going through.

women like to throw it around when it doesn't sound like you "validate" her feelings.. eg. you get get defensive instead of accepting their feelings.

it's part of the keywords of today together with gaslighting, narcissist and emotional intelligence and half the time they don't know what the hell they are talking about.. but that being said.

i saw some reasonable videos from this youtube guy jimmy on relationships. although he sounds like someone i would rather punch than listen to, he makes some good points on communications and validating feelings which will show empathy

Title	Empathy.
Author	Comfortable-Long-419
Upvotes	9
Comments	14
Date	March 11, 2024 2:06 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bbrvza/empathy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/empathy.1426093 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426093

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