I'm dumb...

Mark_Foureh · 2024-03-12T18:50:41+00:00

mine monkey branched as well. months of in house separation that she initiated saying "i need space to heal from your abuse", " i don't know if i want to work on it with a marriage therapist" , she even told me "im not going anywhwere, i just need time" and it was all bullshit. she was living in my house and taking advantage of my resources until i finally wised up...about 6 months. it was awful. i filed and moved back in with my mom at 40 because my mom had a place i could stay and still host my kids half the week. only 18 months after we split, i am divorced, i have my half of the equity in my home in cash to go find my own palce, i got sober, in shape, got my head together with my own emotions and forgave myself for the mistakes i made in my marriage. i got 50/50 custody, and im free from a whole family of toxic people. The ex looks dark, sullen, and unatractive to me now. always pissed off looking when i pick up the kids. no one is biting for her, and in the mean time all my old female friends have made advances at me, and i am dating one of them. life is great now and yours will be to. plan the work, work the plan. good luck broski!

the-don-carlo · 2024-03-09T21:34:21+00:00

Sounds like she was seeing if her new guy was gonna commit or not. She kept you on the side burner. They all do this Monkey branches and manipulative af.

FF boys , never buy the cow

ChillaxBrosef · 2024-03-09T19:17:11+00:00

Because you had hope, and love. Happens. Love is tricky.

Now you know the path forward, as painful as that may be. But it’s the direction now, just try your stay amicable and get it done as quickly and frictionless as possible

FollowingDesigner275 · 2024-03-09T17:35:59+00:00

Bro don’t feel bad. I was in the same boat.

BabyYoda55 · 2024-03-09T16:55:18+00:00

I showed mine spreadsheets of all the stuff I owned: tools, guns, sports memorabilia and trading cards, plus all my accounts. She had them all printed out and in a binder when she gave me the divorce papers. Man, I just thought we’d be together forever. 😂

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-03-09T05:37:01+00:00

The best defense is a good offense. Get your attorney quickly.

Isthisthereddits · 2024-03-09T05:32:14+00:00

Mine tried this, but by manipulating me. She said maybe we can talk again in 3 months and see if reconciliation can happen. All while dating around/sleeping around. So I was trying to build up what she was actively tearing apart. At that point all bets were off. I got an attorney. She either used public aid or relied on consultations to get the answers she felt she needed, but not once did she retain an attorney. So I had the upper hand with knowledge/preparedness on my side. It worked out in my favor. Was it fair? Was her actions in trying to manipulate my motivations fair? As they say all is fair in love and war. I never once in the process tried to manipulate or take advantage. I conceded a lot in order of brevity. She showed her true colors through the whole process. I am not sad at the loss. I am only hopeful for the future. God, luck, the spirit of life, nothing at all. Whatever you may believe in definitely had my back. As things did drag out, but eventually there was a point where everything lined up perfectly in my favor. Remember you didn't choose this, but you choose how it molds you every day. You can be mad, but choosing anger every day will make a man sick. I can attest to that being a fact. I decided the anger I harbored was detrimental to my mental health and made me miserable. So I said enough is enough.

probebeta · 2024-03-09T00:21:53+00:00

When I go to the bar to get a drink, women have a laser focus on what I'm buying, how much I'm paying, how much I'm tipping, among other things of course. They are paying attention to their surroundings every single minute. You have to know that by now.

Can't say I love that it's like this, but it's the way it is. I still like women, their beauty, sex, and I feel life is a lot more interesting with them. Just gotta be careful...

upandatom85 · 2024-03-08T23:31:31+00:00

This is a copy pasta I share with everyone who needs it. Most of this will apply to you. If you think part of it does not apply just wait a bit... this is what is known as the list. Feel free to add to it. It will only help others.

Don't drink. It'll only hurt the situation. Trust me. You need to stay calm drinking will not help with this.

Do not lose your temper. If you do not stay calm you will lose. She wants you to get upset. She wants to be able to call the cops on you.

You can be darn sure she is going to try to get an EPO (emergency protection order) against you. All she has to say is there is escalating behavior and she is afraid for her life and boom. It'll cost you 10k minimum to fight it and have it thrown out.

Give your firearms to someone so she can't say that you threatened her. She may try to have your firearms taken away. It is difficult to get them back from the police.

Record every conversation and prepare for false domestic violence accusations (CUBE ACR records calls automatically and can also record on your phone in the background. Its free in the app store). Check your local laws regarding recording. An illegal recording proving you innocent is better than none at all.

She will try to provoke you to get you to say things to use against you. STAY CALM! RECORD EVERYTHING!

Lift heavy weights.

Walk. Daily.

Learn to meditate.

Get therapy. Honestly, it will help. No matter how tough you think you are we can all use a little help.

Change all passwords. INCLUDING YOUR PHONE! Mutual or not. Be sure she does not have access to your accounts of any sort. Get a new credit card. Fully separate finances. Figure out what you still need to pay and what is her fucking problem now.

She will try to clean out your account and will take anything she is able to. You need to prevent that. Chances are she is way ahead of you on this.

Secure important paperwork including tax information and anything she can use against you in a safe location.

She's 10 steps ahead of you. She's already told her friends/family/attorney. She's got big plans for your money and property.

She will try to get you out of the house. Do not leave your home! If she wants to end the relationship she can leave. If you are gone from the home she will claim abandonment and keep rights to the home.

Document every fucking thing. Keep a notebook in your phone(New safe password). Record interactions and important notes. Record all interactions. Women lie! Sucks, but it's true.

She will try to rewrite history. Things that happened will not have happened. What was said or done will not be the same as reality. This is called GASLIGHTING. Look it up and understand it! She will make you question your grip on reality. She will rewrite your history to make you the bad guy in her story, to justify what she is currently doing to you and what she has done to you.

If you're wondering if you need a lawyer then you needed one last month. Lawyers suck and are expensive. Get a good one.

Research GREY ROCK/180 METHOD, then implement It.

Research MONKEY BRANCHING and understand the female imperative. If she's leaving you she probably already has someone else. Sorry.

Research and understand BRIFFAULTS LAW.

Research and understand the LIGHT SWITCH EFFECT.

Research and understand DARVO TACTICS.

Look up FEMALIE SOLIPSISM.

This is a catch all list. It may or may not completely apply to you. Most of it will I'm sure. Good luck. Stay strong.

Books: the first one is a Canadian book!

-Surviving your divorce by Michael Cochrane

https://www.google.com/search?gs_ssp=eJzj4tFP1zc0Sso1K8tOMjdg9BIrLi0qyyzLzEtXqMwvLVJIySzLL0pOBQDu5g03&q=surviving+your+divorce&oq=surviving+your+&aqs=chrome.1.0i355i512j46i512j69i57j0i512j46i512l3j0i512j46i512.7999j1j4&client=ms-android-rogers-ca-revc&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8

NO MORE MR NICE GUY is a book you should read.

If she cheated.... check out LEAVE A CHEATER GAIN A LIFE. And/or CHEATING IN A NUTSHELL.

If anyone has any advice or info they would like to add to "the list" please let me know.

AirSailer · 2024-03-08T23:27:54+00:00

I filed, so my ex didn't catch me off guard on that. What did catch me off guard was how naive I was about women's (in)capacity for real love and the court systems bias against men. I had a rude awakening on how much I would be viewed as the bad guy simply for being the man. In my own mind I fell for the lie that is modern marriage.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-03-08T20:25:49+00:00

We all fell for it.

Bank records showed mine was funneling cash to a separate account, maxing out her 401k while asking me to help her pay her credit cards for over a year. All this while I was working my ass off to remodel our home so we could sell it at a nice profit and move out of state to be near her family. She filed the exact day we established residency in the new state.

It was quite the setup and I had no clue.

TheBoyBand · 2024-03-08T19:34:06+00:00

Not dumb at all, I was glad mine served first so I could see her ridiculous demands and “wants” cause I was ready to do “BeSt for MotHeR of ChilDreN cuZ of Da KiDs” and it exposed the snake she was really out to be.

Edit: THEN I said lets play! got an attorney who about fell off his chair laughing his ass off at her.

Ecstatic-Shopping313 · 2024-03-08T19:12:01+00:00

Hey I did the same thing. Luckily, it doesn't matter. Just wait till you're served and hire your own. I recommend hiring one with a history of beating her lawyer. Mine was coincidence (or God) but I happened to hire the best in my city and she hired probably the worst. Mine wiped the floor with hers. My ex hired her because she was an outspoken misandrist, so she figured she'd fight more passionately. Really it just meant she allowed her emotions to cloud her judgment.

Title	I'm dumb...
Author	Comfortable-Long-419
Upvotes	24
Comments	28
Date	March 8, 2024 7:05 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1b9w8vk/im_dumb/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/im-dumb.1426120 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426120

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