My divorce happened in 2005 in New York. I now earn half of what I earned when the divorce occurred ($90k to $50k) and my current out-of-state sales job is going 1099 and I don't have the $3500 it will take to hire an attorney to take the case. He has a reputation as an aggressive attorney and I was very excited about having him take my case, but he would not consider taking payments for the retainer and I cancelled the appointment.

I am currently making about $50k but paying almost $2700 in child support & maintenance. The lawyer I spoke to said that I would have to be earning $120k in order for that amount to be fair. I have never earned more than $90k in my life and have paid over $250k to my ex since 2005.

I know that I can apply for downward modification, but the person who hears the cases in family court is, to quote another attorney I spoke to, a "raging feminazi." And as an out-of-state resident, it is not practical to bring the action on my own to Supreme Court.

I got divorced to try to bring peace to the children, who were real tired of hearing us fight all of the time. I was miserable, and even though my youngest was 3 when I made the decision to divorce, I determined that I just could not exist for 15 or 18 more years of married (to her) living. Since I indicated that I wanted a divorce, I have been arrested twice for violating orders of protection, been hauled into court numerous times for violating the support order and have eventually moved thousands of miles away to avoid having to interact in any way with my ex.

Last spring, I felt suicidal. I went to sleep every evening and woke up every morning with a 200# weight on my chest from the economic stress of having to make those enormous payments every month. I didn't see any realistic way of paying my bills. New York State mandates that 65% of my take home pay be sent to pay for child support. So out of my (then) $4500 gross salary, I was netting about $1000 a month. However, the 65% didn't cover the almost $2700 that was due to my ex, so she sued me for violating the support order. I had to go to family one more time to pay that $3000 in arrears. Now I am back in arrears (about $2000) and the state will be coming for me again. I have no bank accounts, no investments, no assets except for my 9 year old car that I use for work. I was on the razor thin edge now, I really don't know how I will make it after January 1 when my salary disappears and I go all commission.

I'd like to say I have a dilemma over filing for downward modification, but it's really not a dilemma. There are no resources for me, my current home state can't help me since the case is in New York, there are no resources in New York that I can use because I'm not a resident anymore, and they also don't handle support modifications. It is surely looked at as not as important as the divorce, or custody, and I understand that. But I'm drowning and I can feel what that weight on my chest feels like and I hope I don't ever go back to feeling that way.

Thanks for letting me share MRS.