M: "You not liking something that I do, is on the same level as me not liking something that you do - regardless of what it is." F: "No. it's not." Thoughts?

racin36er · 2012-12-08T03:53:37+00:00

You don't. Move on. If you really want to try and have her understand, utilize things that have nothing to do with the other. Such as 'If you go to a store and steal something, it is wrong. If I go to the store and steal something it is wrong.'

Once she understand you are actually two separate people, and that what you BOTH do matters independently from what you're relationship is, you move it to the target point. 'You not liking that I go out with the boys one night a month and get shitty drunk is valid; you don't like that I do it, and if it's important to you, I won't do it. Conversely, I don't like when you drop our daughter off at your mother's to go shopping with friends when I'm at work. Since it's important to me, and I've agreed to stop going out with the guys; that means that YOU will show ME how important I am to you by NOT going shopping anymore.'

If after a discussion(somewhat like the one I just pulled out of my ass) ends in failure; leave.

Nepene · 2012-12-08T07:30:56+00:00

In my experience people have an annoying tendency to mix moral rightness with attraction.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Association_fallacy

For example, if a famous person they like rapes or kills someone whoever got hurt probably had it coming. If someone else does the same they are a horrible person.

So let me guess your moral status in her mind. She broke up with you when you were down, you still somewhat idolize her? It's a common recipe for a lack of respect and her not viewing you as attractive.

Since the above moral theory, that the quality of your moral character is primarily dependent on how much she likes you, is a major foundation for her mindset it is unlikely you can get her to change her mind.

Women are, personality wise, normally attracted to two big things. Excitement and trustworthiness. Simplification, but it works as a rough guide. You have to make her lots of fun memories of exciting/ trustworthy times to make her happy. A relationship quality woman will remember the good times more and have a reasonably high tolerance for bad times.

Then when you need her support or need her to stop being jealous you can call in those memories.

E.g. She worries you want to have sex with ex woman. You then say something sexy that you previously said in bed and remind her of some good sexy times.

You spend some time together, you cuddle her, make her smile, show your love. She says something wildly offensive that makes you feel crap. You frown at her, turn your back, and walk off. You make clear to her in other times that you stay with her because she's good, not because you have to and she remembers that and apologizes.

Sasha_ · 2012-12-09T02:44:06+00:00

In my experience, women decide whether they like/respect you and if they do then what you say or want is right. If they don't, then you're always wrong. Men listen to what you say, then decide whether you're right or wrong. I don't know why it's like that but seems to broadly be true.

2012-12-10T18:30:13+00:00

It is completely out of line. Now you know that you're talking to a woman who thinks she is worth more than you are. She isn't. Leave her where she belongs (in the past) and find a woman who is worth your time. There are freakin billions.

rightsbot · 2012-12-08T02:46:19+00:00

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