Hi guys. Before you say speak to a doctor, I have. I'm here because I know some of you have struggled hard on your own and have been through much. Your perspectives and experiences are extremely valuable to me and I would be grateful to get some input of some kind.

I am really conflicted because i hear all the time around here and from other people that I don't need antidepressants, i just need to harden up and deal with things, sad times are a part of life etc but every therapist and doctor I have ever been to has recommended that I be on some form of anti depressants.

My diet is okay, i get decent hours of sleep and i lift in the gym 6 days a week and have a few pleasures and hobbies here and there and had a part time job till yesterday...but i still feel so empty and numb and then crazy bad.

I've been giving it my best to improve every aspect of my life but I've been on a slow mental decline for so long now. I'm burnt out from living and just want an escape. I cry randomly when I'm in my car on the way home from the gym or after seeing friends or just when I'm alone at home. I had to quit my job yesterday because I can't cope with everyday life and the rest of my life feels like it could spiral out hard at any moment. I regularly want to die and fantasize about driving into poles so I don't have to live anymore. I know this is not normal but I am so stuck in what to do. I have been trying the usual things, the things that are supposed to help but I still feel lost, stuck and empty inside.I don't want to be here you know? What the fuck is that? How do you deal with that?

I feel like I have to go on them at this point because I have so little left in the tank to keep going but I wanted to hear you guys out because this is one of the only rational and truthful places I have ever encountered. I am honestly at the end of the rope and I don't know what to do.

tl;dr should I take antidepressants if I feel that I can't live anymore?