As a guy who was in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship, you don't have to take that.

burritosandbeer · 2012-09-21T20:05:50+00:00

I left an abusive woman, and I was able to avoid most of the 'What? You can't handle a girl hitting you?' ribbing by answering the question of why I left like this:

"I was thinking seriously about her, but when she decided to hit me, I knew she would have no qualms about hitting our future children, and I've no mind to go to jail for hitting her back when she does."

offthetwig · 2012-09-21T23:03:56+00:00

That is so crappy. Nobody should ever be given shit for having the guts to leave an abusive relationship. Hug from a girl who just got free herself. :)

primaloath · 2012-09-21T21:22:07+00:00

This coupled with my teachers and even family telling me I was dumb and who I was wasn't good enough took a toll on me.

Teaching people that women always go for good men (as opposed to going by their evil hypergamous instincts a lot of the time) leads to two problems. First, it makes women more likely to go by their evil hypergamous instincts rather than suppress them. Second, it creates the perception that if a man cannot "keep" a woman, he must not have been a good person.

baldrad · 2012-09-22T02:30:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ErasmusMRA · 2012-09-22T06:39:37+00:00

This coupled with my teachers and even family telling me I was dumb and who I was wasn't good enough took a toll on me.

Unfortunately we tend to re-enact the abuse from our childhood and fall into the same abuser-abused roles in our adult relationships. Those are the roles we are most familiar with, unfortunately they're also dysfunctional. You've dealt with one abusive relationship in your life, now it's time to deal with the others.

2012-09-22T09:30:50+00:00

I prefer the doctrine of: She ain't worth that bullshit.

I think men have a predisposition to fixing things, or at least not letting things "go to waste." I have an Ice maker in my back yard I found by a dumpster, took apart... and it's on my "to create" list.

Whether she was abusive psychologically, physically, or just sort of broken on her own... I've never wanted to give up on it, even if I wasn't happy. It's the socialization of, "you're not doing your job if she isn't happy!" Women may suffer from co-dependance in relationships which are abusive, but men suffer from... well... chivalry? I can't put my finger on the right word... but I feel like you guys/gals will get what I mean.

She fucks up, you confront it, she get's sad, you try to make it better.

I hate to say something so gender bias, but this is a situation in which men are morally superior. We try to fix things, whether we fucked up or she fucked up, we try to make it better; to put this in a controversial perspective, battered woman's syndrome. She's abused, so her reaction to abuse or kill in return in understandable; men who are abused try to make things work, and retaliation is rejected by Western norms and values.

DougPatterson · 2012-09-23T11:30:44+00:00

I was actually in a similar boat in high school, and I know how hard it is to get out, especially when you don't have anyone there for you (the one friend I had was a radical feminist who supported most of the abuse)

If any of y'all on here have had the misfortune of going through something similar and need someone to talk to, don't be afraid to reach out either on here or elsewhere; whether you're dealing with it now or struggling to get past it, there's not a bad time to reach out

rightsbot · 2012-09-21T19:24:19+00:00

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Title	As a guy who was in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship, you don't have to take that.
Author	baldrad
Upvotes	49
Comments	15
Date	September 21, 2012 7:23 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/109gzq/as_a_guy_who_was_in_a_mentally_and_emotionally/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/as-a-guy-who-was-in-a-mentally-and-emotionally.1013036 https://theredarchive.com/post/1013036

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