So I wasn't really even thinking about it back then after it happened, but I'm writing this post because my friends are making me crazy about it, making me think I blew something huge here.

So yesterday I threw my own party alongside my sister for our graduation, so I literally knew everyone there. There was one girl mostly standing alone with her cousin most of the time, who were invited by my sister. She's an old classmate and before she left class we had a school trip in which we were pretty close, and there was definitely something there. Sadly, because I didn't put any effort in it after that, we kinda lost contact. After that we were colleagues for a short while and texted a bit, but that's it.

Later that night, I started some kino with her on the couch and she responded pretty well to it. I started getting closer and literally everyone saw what was happening, but I didn't do anything. Then my friends started betting money on that I would kiss her, which is where they started to force me to do it. Sadly I'm still a fucking beta kid apparently who is still pretty scared to kiss a girl, but there were other reasons why I didn't want to kiss her that night (which I thought of while on alcohol, which would mean for me that it's even worse in reality):

-Her little cousin was watching her all the time and kinda keeping her off of me a lot, while we interacted with each other with some stupid small talk but it was clear what she was doing. Also warned me a few times lol.

-Apart from the fact that I literally knew everyone in that room (since there were still like 9 people there) my sister was sitting next to me.

-She was going bad on the alcohol and eventually even puking. It took us 3,5 hours after that to get her home. So basically, she was so drunk that she had no idea what she was doing (so it didn't have meaning anyway) + she kept turning away because of her cousin. Those weren't real signals of her wanting me to leave tho, but I'm not gonna waste my time explaining why I think that.

-Knowing her personally was kinda what held me back. Also inexperience combined with surrounded by people that were kinda watching my every move lol, although that was me thinking straight. The alcohol in me ignored it anyway.

In the end, I didn't kiss her, and handling her while she spent 3 hours puking was a pretty solid 'good job' on that I held back lol, and another friend later said to me that it was better because, if she'd remember this, she'd think of it as a horrible experience (as was everything else after that clearly) and she'd have regrets anyway having so little control over the situation.

Did I make the right choice?

TL;DR Had a 'chance' with a drunk girl I knew personally on my own party. Eventually didn't go for it and had zero regrets, but my friends are making me doubt those choices resulting in me writing this post anyway. Basically what held me back was:

-her little cousin tried keeping her from making that step with me

-My sister was sitting next to me, also I knew everyone in that room

-Too much alcohol, even puking for 3,5 hours long right after this 'chance'. Wouldn't have any meaning anyway

-I'm not experienced while surrounded by people watching me

Did I make the right choice?