Help with male survivors of childhood sexual abuse?

Please do not say things implying that he is anomalous or anything in the realm of 'women are the primary victims of sexual abuse, men are the primary aggressors.'

That has a huge probability of shutting him down faster then anything.

For me this kind of speech(I am a female victim of female abuser) used to cause me to suffer from suicidal ideation.

yasee · 2012-05-02T20:30:49+00:00

Hi, I am in the same field as you! This organization operates in my area and has some great articles in the resources section.

EatingCrow · 2012-05-02T20:48:23+00:00

Talk to ToySoldier, if you can get a hold of him. He's also a victim, and I'm sure would be happy to help.

EatingCrow · 2012-05-02T20:33:09+00:00

It makes a difference whether the abuser was male or female. A boy abused by a woman might not be believed because people don't believe women do such things, or taken seriously, because he's supposed to enjoy it. A boy abused by a man will suffer in different ways.

Here's a paper:

Female sexual abuse of children: ‘the ultimate taboo’

EatingCrow · 2012-05-02T19:59:57+00:00

1in6.org.

pcarvious · 2012-05-02T22:08:56+00:00

Male survivors of sexual abuse by women usually have their sexuality questioned if they said they don't like it or didn't enjoy it. This undermines their own self-image and can be pretty damaging. Further, a great many of the survivors will not talk about the events to anyone. Men are told to not cry about these things. Instead we bottle it up and it finds the only outlet we're honestly emotionally allowed anymore. That's anger. Anger, as you well know I imagine, is the worst possible outlet for negative feelings. It burns you out, then becomes internalized. You become angry at yourself and the world around you. "Why was I the one that went through all this bullshit? Why the hell did that bitch, and all those bitches, have to target me?" It's not healthy and is very destructive. It's a cycle, you get angry, then depressed, then angry again, existing at two distinct ends of the negative emotional spectrum. Moving further, and further, and further until you commit suicide or get help.

Embogenous · 2012-05-02T20:48:43+00:00

I am a female social worker who is an advocate for women's issues, so this is a difficult thing for me to do... will not get in to debates with anyone about why I am an advocate for women's issues

We aren't opposed to women's rights (except for a crazy few, ignore them). The antifeminism you see here is opposition the feminist movement or idealogy, not opposition to their stated goals (I am not antifeminist myself).

There's less coverage/knowledge of male abuse, so they will mostly likely feel like what happened to them was very uncommon.
Since men are taught to always want and pursue sex, they often downplay the abuse. I remember a study where adults were asked about their sexual histories as children; of the people who were determined to be victims of sexual abuse, 64% of the females felt they had been abused and 16% of the males had (though this was from the early 90s, may have changed since). I was raped ~4 years ago (I was 15), and the first thing I googled on the topic was "can men be raped by women"; I think it's likely that men very frequently feel this way. Male-on-male wouldn't be as bad because of the common knowledge of prison rape, but would still be an issue, I should think.
Though this would presumably be far less common for children, men are expected to be strong (it's pretty much the defining point of masculine gender roles); since being raped is pretty much the most vulnerable situation a person can be in, it's hugely emasculating and makes you feel weak and pathetic, and can come with added guilt as well; I'm sure all victims think "why didn't I do x differently, why didn't I just punch them in the nose and run", and for a man I feel that effect would be much greater.

Those, I think, would be the things specific to male victims. Beyond that, same as usual, I guess.

ENTP · 2012-05-03T00:48:14+00:00

Why would you bother mentioning that you're an advocate for women's issues, when the only point of this post was to get this guy help?

thrway_1000 · 2012-05-03T05:43:57+00:00

I hope these help. I think I may have more if you need them.

Reference material plus where to get help and more information:

These two, may, only deal with Domestic Violence, but I'm sure they can direct you to others that can help in your area:

Title	Help with male survivors of childhood sexual abuse?
Author	EatingCrow
Upvotes	17
Comments	24
Date	May 2, 2012 7:53 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/t3sll/help_with_male_survivors_of_childhood_sexual_abuse/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/help-with-male-survivors-of-childhood-sexual-abuse.1022669 https://theredarchive.com/post/1022669

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