[Originally posted to AskReddit; they directed me here] [I'm relatively new to reddit in general, but I set up this second account for privacy reasons to ask this question.]

Hello, I'm a male in his junior year in college. In October, a girl on staff (we are both RAs in a dorm) came to my room after a party. Neither of us had been drinking much, and we had been friends for a while. At first I just thought she wanted to chat, but then she lay down on my bed and refused to go, asking to keep talking and maybe get a massage, etc. Soon we start kissing, and she takes her top off, I take off her bra, she takes off my pants and starts initiating oral sex. At this point she had pushed me down on the bed and was on top of me. She continued for a while, and I asked if we would have sex. She said no since it was "that time," and I was like oh ok no worries- sucks for us though. She said ya it sucks, etc, but continued oral. Then I asked if she had ever tried anal, and she said no. I asked if she wanted to try. She said ok let's do it but go slow. So we try it slowly for a while, laying down side by side, and she indicates that it's uncomfortable, telling me to slow down even more. I do, and then after a bit she asks me to stop. I stop right away, and ask her if she's ok. She said ya it just felt a little strange. So we took a break and talked for a while. Then I asked what she wanted to do- leave, try again, just hang, etc. She said we could try it again, so we do. Again, after a while she asks me to slow down and then to stop, same as before. I stop. Except that time, after I did, her breathing became stertorous and it occurred to me something was wrong. She started crying. We just lay there for a while as she cried. I asked her what was wrong- she said she was just having a panic attack, that it happens sometimes and she can't control it. I just lay there and comforted her. We talked a little bit more, and after what seemed like a very long time she got up, got on her things, and left.

Since then, we haven't spoken. I figured the combination of trying anal for the first time and the panic attack was just really embarrassing for her. She had said things before, like that she smokes so many cigarettes b/c of stress, some horrible things that have happened to her, etc, that I took to mean she wasn't the most emotionally collected person and she was dealing with a lot.

A couple days ago I got a call from the director of community standards for our university, saying she had filed a complaint of sexual assault against me (again, this happened in October, just for time reference). I went in and outlined my story as above. Now they're offering me a letter, which if I agree to means I confirm that I sexually assaulted her and I will lose at minimum my job and get something on my record. If I reject the letter, I go before a panel who will weigh our case and could give anything from a dismissal of the case to expelling me.

What do I do? I feel so lost. I've told no one else and I really don't know how to deal with this. I have a year left til graduation and without the money from being an RA I can't afford this school. She seems to have the whole system on her side and I feel like I'm guilty til proven innocent. If I need a lawyer, which is starting to seem like the case, how do I go about getting one? (considering I live in New York and have little money as it is)

tl;dr: a girl verbally and actively consented to sex. months later, she's saying it was rape, and I stand to lose a good deal. please help