Okay so to quickly clarify I'll do a small background so y'all can understand.

I knew this girl for one summer like 3 years ago. Because I was only 1 year into TRP, I was still basically a pretender as far as mimicking the behavior of an "alpha". Didn't have the requisite experience to back it up, even though physically I was basically there.

Not long after we met, she started getting touchy feely, laying her head on my shoulder, feeling my chest and biceps, being super open to kino.

I started hanging with her one on one, and she would constantly buy me food and coffee and started taking me all different places around the city,(big metro area) introducing me to all her friends and shit. Within a few weeks of meeting me it was my birthday and she wrote a super thoughtful postcard and spent $100 on a gift, like right on the 1 month mark of us hanging out (literally had not done anything outside of hugging, picking her up, etc cuz I was a beginner)

Because I was a huge beta/pretender, and she was the hottest girl I'd ever seen in my life, I felt heavy oneitis set in very quickly.

So after a little while, I knew I was either gonna A) get friendzoned for acting beta or B)end up in a relationship which I knew I'd fuck up.

So I chose C) which was self reject, not return her text and basically ghost the shit out of her. After a while I felt super bad and tried to reach out but she was pretty upset and let me know about it.

So I didn't see/talk to her for a couple years.

I spent that entire time in RP self improvement journey. Lifting like crazy, progressing my business to new heights, improving everything basically. All the clothing, social skills, getting my first plates and LTRs out of the way, dealing with the heartbreaks, etc. All that experience.

Then a month ago, my favorite plate and I are sitting in a coffee shop eating avocado toast after fucking (don't ask) and old Oneitis chick walks in with this decent looking chubby, short guy.

I instantly notice her looking at me over and over. Then my plate and I leave. Her apartment is across the street, and after I'm done with her I come back to the shop with my laptop.

I see oneitis in there still, we make eye contact and I laugh say "excuse me ma'am I'm gonna have to ask you to leave"

Her, "why"

Me, "cuz you're making all these other girls look bad" (cringe but I said that shit with so much authority it literally did not matter)

She instantly laughs and then basically jumps into my arms, talking about how she missed me so much.

We ended up hitting it off again, and she was super into what I had going on. The guy she was with turned out to be gay, and we sat around for about 15 minutes talking.

I asked for her number (even though I still had it). And told her we'd hang out soon.

So basically, to summarize: the hottest girl I've ever seen, I curved back in the day because I self rejected. Now shes back in my life, and I honestly feel that oneitis coming straight back.

All the infatuation and the "feelz" and this nonsense about how perfect she is and how we are gonna get married and have super athlete babies came straight back to the forefront.

Could use some advice...

I honestly thought about this girl when I was fucking other girls, and she basically was the motivation for my self improvement, because I sort of felt like I wasn't good enough for her.

Even though it wasn't something that I consciously said until now I think that's true. I was always trying to convince myself that I am the one in charge, I'm the man, I'm the prize. I feel like I want to chase her even though that's not even what she wants.

I can't even describe this shit properly. Anyways, let me know y'alls thoughts