any suggestions or help

SwallowedThePill · 2016-04-18T10:59:26+00:00

Seems like you had a goal, which motivated you. Set new goals, small ones, big ones, and go for them.

Also try to find your emotional center, being pissed about shit isn't gonna change anything.

scarthearmada · 2016-04-18T17:47:59+00:00

First, a RP-Friendly Relationship Recovery Process:

Initiate a 30-day No Contact Period. Don't text her, don't email her, don't call her. If she tries to contact you, don't respond. At all. During that thirty day NCP, you are going to accomplice three goals. First, you're going to learn a new skill. Second, you're going to either gain (muscle mass) or lose (fat) a few pounds, or increase your bench if you're already at a good weight. Third, you're going to go out on at least one date, and at least end the night on a kiss. And don't settle on this one: she has to have a comparable or greater SMV than the girl back in Texas.

After 30 days, you can flip her a low-commitment text of something that reminded you of her. A movie she was talking about wanting to see that you saw? Or one that you saw, perhaps "with a friend" that you thought she'd love. A bar with a band that reminded you of a place you went to? A weekend getaway you guys took together? Stir her into thinking about you again, but then don't chase her.

If she was really into you, she is going to be curious about what you're up to. It's an almost guarantee that she's going to reach out to you at this point. Don't chase her. You might be shit tested hard. She might try to lure you into talking about all of her problems, friend-zoning you. Don't talk about your relationship, don't analyze things that happen. Be fun and interesting, and drop a seed about possibly seeing her again at some point. Don't let her dump her emotional baggage on you. If she starts to, end the conversation first. Tell her that you have to go, as you're meeting someone for something. (Hopefully you are, but if not make it very fun or potentially romantic. "Hey I'm going for drinks in about an hour, I have to go get ready. Let's talk soon, bye.")

Restart your TRP game, and maintain frame. She has to want you, and want to chase you. If she doesn't, then you already lost her, and move on. Some women are worth a second chance. Not very many, in my opinion, but some. She needs to be attracted back into your frame, not be validated further by having you chase her.

If (4) and (5) are failing, then move on and don't look back. C'est la vie. "It was just your turn," except you don't need to pretend it was all about an exchange of sex and physical goods. You should want to move on to pursue your own happiness, as should she. So, if it gets to that point, have the courage to do it.

Second, the posts around here talking about "abundance" mentality are absolutely key. Or as your dad or grandfather might have said, "there are a lot more fish than what you see at the surface." You have to understand that even if things don't go "well" with this girl during (4) and (5), you will still be able to find sex, excitement, and happiness.

Third, how long is too long until you're no longer attracted to her? That's certainly going to be relative, in the same way that it's difficult to say how long will be too long until she no longer has those feelings for you. Some people suggest it's the number of months (or years) that you were together divided by two. So, if you were dating for 36 months, she'll still have some feelings for year 18 months later. If you were dating for a year, she'll still have feelings for you 6 months later. Others suggest it's divided by three. So, again, 36 months of dating -> 12 months of feelings for you.

Of course that doesn't mean that you're not going to be able to fall for someone else during that time, nor does it mean that she'll wait around wallowing in feelings for you as well. You can and probably will have very strong feelings for multiple women in your life, sometimes at the same time. That "one man + one woman = soulmate" stuff is the result of clever marketing and melodramatic poets.

Fourth, is this one as special as you she seems now? You can't know right now. Seriously, even if you rationalize every aspect of your relationship, and rated all of her qualities, and then compared them to every other girl in the local market, you still aren't going to know if she's going to be worth it for the LTR or marriage. Not right now. You need to back up, disconnect, and work on you. Hit those steps up above; accomplish something, feel better about yourself, and improve your SMV. And go on at least one date, preferably more. And if you can close, close, and close hard. I firmly believe it's important to get laid by another girl (at least your ex's SMV equal) in order to disassociate sexual pleasure with your ex. It helps kick the pedestal out from under her, and it's about the only thing you can do to accomplish that in your mind.

We, as men, shouldn't spend our days and nights hamstering out the details. We should be out chasing, hunting, accomplishing, and conquering. Let the fairer sex sit at home with friends, wine, and chocolate to hamster out why things didn't work, and where to go from here.

Title	any suggestions or help
Author	jnsu_
Upvotes	1
Comments	3
Date	April 18, 2016 4:09 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4fa50t/any_suggestions_or_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/any-suggestions-or-help.104121 https://theredarchive.com/post/104121

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