A child telling tall tales about her dreams, or a real problem during the first week of school?

kachapati · 2010-09-04T18:51:56+00:00

As a parent, you have the gravest responsibility to above all do no harm. Contemporary society is so puritanical, so aimed at jumping to conclusions that my concern is more for the child being harmed by the reaction and the actions that follow more than I am concerned that anything harmful has happened to this child. A child does not have to have seen porn to dream about, imagine or become confused by sexual issues. She could have seen a very tall man kiss his very petite wife.

Apologies for the wall of text, here was my reply...copy/pasted:

I understand everyone's compulsion to seek an interview through the police however I would suggest either an appointment with your trusted pediatrician for a recommendation and physical (our pediatrician always reminds each child that it is ok for her to do a private exam because mommy is in the room and it is ok for mommy to check the area if the child ever has an owie but no one else) or attempt to find the best child therapy center in your area. If a therapist suspect abuse they must notify the authorities.

I am a fairly sex-positive mother of 4 sons. I remember vividly masturbating with various toys and objects at a very young age, from 3 on up. My sister and I used to wonder about other little girls we knew, questioning each other if we thought they did the same...I was about 6 years-old, my sister was 7. I have a very clear memory of a dream I had at about age 5 or 6. The dream was of a man I knew walking around my parent's bedroom naked. Going into the bathroom and coming back, sitting on their bed next to me, also naked, being affectionate...placing his arm around me. I remember being very confused at the time because this man had never been in my parent's bedroom, he hadn't been to our home for a very long time. Even at that age I thought the dream must somehow be based on reality but I couldn't figure it out. I knew that it was a dream, that I had never really seen him naked or in my parent's bedroom. Yet because of the dream, I felt that I clearly remembered what he looked like naked. Here it is, 36 years later and I still remember. I remember spending a lot of time thinking about this and trying to figure it out. I was never comfortable around this man again, although he had done nothing. Well, I was never comfortable around him until I was an adult. I remember when I was trying to figure out this dream that a couple of nights previously i had woken up and couldn't sleep. I went to my parents room, where my dad was watching TV. he let me cuddle until I fell back to sleep as he watched his movie. The movie was about a woman that had an affair. At some point I decided that the reason I had this strange dream was because of the movie I caught snippets of, that I really didn't grasp or understand. I thought about this periodically throughout childhood and even now, and I am perplexed because obviously there was no nudity on TV back in those days. I think my 5-6 year-old mind saw something on TV that I wasn't quite mature enough to grasp and my subconscious mind ran with it. I know that I didn't want to see this man for a long time after, not due to fear but due to my own confusion with where this dream had come from, why and what did it mean? Obviously, it made an impression on me, I have remember it all so clearly this many years later.

As I parent, I understand how upsetting something like this is. When one of my sons was not yet 3, we caught him behaving in a sexual manner that we thought he had to somehow have seen somewhere. We freaked the fuck out. I was a stay at home mom, our kids had never been left with anyone before, we didn't use babysitters. We finally just realized and accepted that this son was simply just a very sexually precocious child. Now, at 14, he is clearly the most sexual of our 4 sons, very open about it...is totally comfortable discussing his masturbation habits and sexuality with either of us.

My advice is to behave responsibly, take your daughter's comfort level seriously but to try not to freak the fuck out. I would not go the police route. If you do not have a close relationship with your pediatrician, I would research finding a well respected child therapist. There is no harm in keeping her home from school for a few days either until she is more at ease or until you find another school.

ignatiusloyola · 2010-09-04T21:18:01+00:00

I agree with the way it was handled. It could be a dream, or it could be abuse. We hear so much about false accusations on this subreddit that maybe we might forget that it does happen sometimes. There is nothing wrong with investigating the story, so long as all parties are treated fairly under the law.

akrabu · 2010-09-04T19:39:50+00:00

I can't say there is enough information for concern. I had weird dreams and fantasies as a child. Then again I wasn't sexually molested, so I don't know how a molested child acts.

I guess when I was 6 I knew enough about sex to know better.

I guess I also find it hard to believe that in this day and age a male authority figure who wasn't the parent would ever be left alone long enough with a child for something like this to happen. I'm guessing the daycare probably has a policy about leaving the instructors alone with a child.

2010-09-04T23:17:44+00:00

i really dont know, my guess would be that if it occured once id consider it just a dream, if it happened more than that id be way more concerned even then it could be a dream, or not but it could be some other psychological issue other than abuse

Title	A child telling tall tales about her dreams, or a real problem during the first week of school?
Author	mistyriver
Upvotes	17
Comments	4
Date	September 4, 2010 5:15 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/d9l6g/a_child_telling_tall_tales_about_her_dreams_or_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/a-child-telling-tall-tales-about-her-dreams-or-a.1047696 https://theredarchive.com/post/1047696

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