Did other men's fathers sit them down and have a similar discussion with them when they were growing up?

Swan_Writes · 2009-07-05T00:54:58+00:00

I realize that I am slightly to the side of this topic...however,

My father taught me to be a survivor, rather than a victim. When I was still a young girl, probably 5 or 6, he told me about how men and women are made to fit together, that this was adult love, and how children are created in that love. We never talked about fear or abuse, we talked about awareness and strength.

When I was 11 or 12 he gave me a book called "the encyclopedia of love and sex" , told me to hide it from my mom, and to flip past anything I felt i was not ready for, and that I was welcome to ask him any questions. I think I read the whole book that year, though I don't remember talking to him about it.

Latter, when I was sad about not finding a boy to kiss, my father's advice was to grab a likely one and go find a secluded spot...though this was not something I tried.

When I went to boarding school as a freshman, he gave me a collection of condoms in a verity of sizes.

He trusted me to hold to my own way, and to be honest, and so it was. He says that if a child has not learned a life lesson by the time they are about 12, then the parents are not the one's to teach it to them.

It is easy for me to love my father, he trusted me in most ways, and usually has a wonderful sense of humor. Even when I was 21 and dated a 34 year old man, all he did was shake his hand, look deep into his eyes, and say "Don't worry, I like younger women too" Although, to be fair, we did then take a tour of his antique collection, which included a number of guns, not all of which where antique.

Other than some odd comments, my mother waited until I was half way through college to dare the subject of men...I told her it was way too late, and that perhaps she would like an education from me? That was the end of that topic.

disposableacct23 · 2009-07-04T22:50:28+00:00

Mine went a little differently... it was my mom who said I shouldn't have sex with any girls b/c girls that age have no idea what they're doing. Even if I'm extremely careful, she might not be, even with other guys. And if she gets pregnant, I might have to pay for it the rest of my life, and it's hard to prove that the kid's not mine. Like your story, it definitely scared me, and though it was far-fetched I think I'm still a little better for it.

2009-07-04T23:55:42+00:00

Not mine. You are privileged.

2009-07-05T03:58:55+00:00

My dad never really told me stuff like that, although it's good advice. All he told me was the typical religious bullshit (mormon) and said stuff like "if you get a girl pregnant you're going to marry her", useless stuff like that.

I'd like to be more like Swan_Writes' dad, I'd tell my kids all about sex and offer advice to my sons and/or daughters on topics like that. I think the worst thing a parent can do is put themselves in a position where kids don't feel comfortable talking with them about sex and relationships like mine did.

2009-07-05T02:42:31+00:00

My mother pretty much hijacked my upbringing because she was very pious with her religion, to which my father didn't subscribe. So she was worried he could be bad influence, and I can't recall ever having a moment like that with him.

All the serious talks we had were in light of her religion, and in particular all the sexual education I can recall receiving from her came from the religious book "Questions Young People Ask—Answers That Work"

Its 39 chapters answer many questions, such as: How can I cope with peer pressure? Should I quit school? How can I say no to premarital sex? Why say no to drugs?

Hahaha… god.

sahilamin · 2009-07-05T04:13:29+00:00

[deleted]

What is this?

hgielrehtaeh · 2009-07-05T01:15:43+00:00

My mom gave me the book "Are you there, God, it's me, Margaret?" when I was 11 or 12.

I am naturally curious, though, so I sought out information, going as far as reading my parent's parenting handbook in the section about talking to your kid about sex. Then again, I read most of the book.

2009-07-05T05:33:50+00:00

I got that speech a few times. Thank you Dad.

peturh · 2009-07-05T02:11:03+00:00

I learned from TV and the internet, my parents didn't talk about it and I didn't want them to.

2009-07-05T13:32:16+00:00

My parents didn't offer such wisdom. Or any wisdom. I don't remember having any of those 'talks' - no women, no drugs, no anything. This was especially odd considering that my parents did not allow me to take sex-ed classes that required their permission. I more or less raised myself, learning often from other people's mistakes (especially my older brother's). My parents let me do my thing, they didn't worry when I stayed out late without calling, and I didn't get in any trouble. I can't really say whether I would have prefered such advice when I was growing up, but I consider myself to be fairly well adjusted in spite of a complete lack of guidence from my parents, and I certainly don't hold this lack of guidence against them.

I am 22, I have never done drugs aside from a little bit of pot and an occasional cigarette, and I am sexually apathetic. Sex is great but I don't have a whole lot of drive at this point in my life and I am 100% happy with that. Perhaps someone who reads too much into the situation might blame this on my parents, but I don't think that is the case.

2009-07-05T04:10:42+00:00

I've never met my father, so I can't say we had this conversation.

auldnic · 2009-07-05T09:27:41+00:00

Mine simply said 'don't make me into a grandfather yet' when I was around 15.

Title	Did other men's fathers sit them down and have a similar discussion with them when they were growing up?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	45
Comments	30
Date	July 4, 2009 10:29 PM UTC (17 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/8y9bs/did_other_mens_fathers_sit_them_down_and_have_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/did-other-mens-fathers-sit-them-down-and-have-a.1053638 https://theredarchive.com/post/1053638

Comments