Quick Questions

AlfredApple · 2016-05-13T05:26:31+00:00

I like to think as myself as a somewhat smart person

Stop speaking like that. You are not "smart" if all you have to talk about with girls is tech and school. You can impress your teachers with that attitude but not women.

I blank out and have no idea what to talk about.

Stop thinking you are responsible for thinking about what to talk about. "How to win friends and influence people" book will help you maintain conversations about things the other person wants to talk about.

BlackSamKnight · 2016-05-13T06:26:01+00:00

You needto learn how to be a conversationalist.which is 80% listening. Prompt them to talk about themselves and the conversation will flow naturally. Learn to enjoy the awkward silences. If you always break itthey sense that youre trying too hard. If theyre the ones to fill the silence with sighes, sounds or a new topic you now know theyre invested.Silence is also an excellent time to utilize eye contact.

SeekingTheWay · 2016-05-13T09:09:20+00:00

conversing with girls is almost entirely not about what you say, it's just a play. you are not trying to get through sofisticated information. you are just having fun.

save that deep thoughts for serious ltr or your bros.

TheRedStoic · 2016-05-13T10:46:19+00:00

1 I like to think as myself as a somewhat smart person and education oriented so when I talk to girls I tend to talk about tech and school.. Should i dumb down when I talk to girls?

No. You should do whatever works best to be engaging. If you're passionate about what you do, and great at it, talk about anything. Hell I've picked up chicks talking about musical theory to mechanics and everything between, even advanced semantics. Whatever you do own it, be a master of it, and make it fun and passionate. Light hearted discussion is not exclusive to casual topics, it's a method of exposition. No matter how smart you think you are remember, no one fucking cares, and you shouldn't either. It's not an attractive trait, though the fruits of its application certainly can boost smv.

2 When I start talking to be people, after the first few questions and asking questions based on peoples responses, I blank out and have no idea what to talk about. How can I deal with this?

So you've got the ice breaking down but you're living in your own world. Be interested in their lives, question them, ensure your speaking less than them, people are narcissists, remember no matter how smart and educated you are, the other person knows something you don't and presume it's interesting from the outset. Dave Carnegie's 'how to win friends and influence people' should be your summer crush book, and 'the art of likability' podcast should cover commutes and audio. You'll be fine, just be fun, be interesting, and be engaging.

And here's a repost of my icebreaking submission from a while ago: maybe it'll help you narrow down your failing points.

summary

You walk up to a new person, maybe you're introduced, you shake hands, Hi! My name is redstoic, what's yours? How are you doing?

Ensue awkward silence.

If you have this problem you need to understand icebreakers. Here's a quick experience based lesson.

body

Icebreakers, in my experience, are best orchestrated based on the following 3 rules.

Invoke likeability. (Practice an hour a day for a week).

Invoke action. (Practice an hour a day the following week)

Invoke emotions. (Practice an hour a day the final week)

In that order.

Likeability

when breaking the ice beyond the introduction, you need to come across as likeable. Presuming you've already covered basic tenants, such as being comfortable in your own skin, setting boundaries, being physically fit and attractive, now you must work on appeal. How do you appeal to a random person? presuming no knowledge of their personal predilections?

Simple actually. You swap highlighting what you know for what you don't. Instead of reaching on topics you're informed in, ask what they enjoy their biggest highlight today. If you don't know anything about it, that's fine, ask questions! Most People love talking about themselves, it feeds the ego, women especially. Ask them what they're doing in their life and take a stance as an interviewer doing a biography. You want the truth, but you want it to look and feel exciting. and by God you will amplify what they're saying to make it better sounding or dismiss it

tips for this stage

- ask them what the highlights of their day were. Good, bad, confusing, let them speak on it. Good tip, I say "speak on that" frequently. Very frequently. Works well, just maintain your curious poise and let them bury themselves, or, qualify themselves.

- repeat their core perspectives to themselves. so you felt really excited! Why did that mean so much to you? What spurred this on? What will you do with it? Use open involved questions. - stay active and present. missing what they've said is okay, ask them to repeat but always say it as a clarification, did you mean this? Wow that's a bit new to me, could you explain it differently?

invoke action

If you've already gotten down likeability, you're halfway to invoking action. One of the most important facets of breaking the ice is setting a dynamic that is dependable. Dominant vs submissive. Interrogator vs qualifier. You invoke action by using commands, usually formed in a way that begs deference to context. This us the area where you ask the small favor, borrowing a pencil or pen, checking the time, saving your seat, etc. Allow me to create an example.

incorrect

Hey, buy me a drink, I'm going to use the bathroom.

correct

You look like you could use a drink, how about you grab us something and I'll lock down a table?

incorrect

Well this is how you fix the situation.

correct

Of course you'd probably do x right? on affirmation yeah that's what I was thinking. on negation interesting I hadn't thought of it that way, what would you do?

Remember, every statement made should be a call to action. Simply open questions, such as do you have the time are worthless to break the ice. They must be accompanied by a command or proposition. propositions are about things, and necessarily include a judgement, a judgement necessitates involvement and a truth or falsity. In short, it forces people to choose a stance.

emotion

Now that you've gotten them speaking, qualifying themselves happily, sating their thirsty ego, you need to harbour that emotional connection. An appeal to emotion is a tricky thing. It must be an appeal to a seemingly moral judgement, which directly implies a stake. in either how the world should be or ought not to be. People, especially women, live heavily inside their emotional preferences, so making statements that appeal to morality are a quick easy way to have people break that last barrier to comfort with you personally. Take advantage of the information already garnered, you know what they consider a high or low point, it's almost guaranteed there's an emotional attachment to that.

Correct: that's quite unfair, getting skipped for the promotion isn't it? It always hurts a little knowing my effort goes unrewarded

- notice you are not attacking the other party in this. It's much better than outright agreeing the person who was promoted is somehow in the wrong. That's up for the conversational partner to decide. Here's where you should also be heavily escalating comfort kino. Obviously not to finger banging, but touching cheek, shoulder, small of the back, brushing away their hair, locking eyes close up to drive a point, etc.

Incorrect: man that sucks. Bet the boss is an idiot amirite?

- red flag! You do not place blame without knowing precisely what the emotional reaction of the conversational partner is towards their boss. A LOT of girls I've played absolutely love their "male" boss, and funnel anger towards their competitor for the raise. Be a risk taker, but don't volunteer your head for the chopping block. THEN AGAIN, any emotional response is better than none, but you're not here looking for mediocrity are you?

lessons learned

- ice breaking requires three connections IMO. Likeability, a call to action, and emotion. - you should be using kino from start to finish, by the emotional segment you should be heavily escalating. - even if you're shredded, 6'6, manly man, custom suits and hundos for days, failing ice breaking is a practice in self destruction. - be present in your interactions. - practice practice practice, BEFORE doing an fr or asking for help. As a always, we can't help those who don't try. And our help is limited in effectiveness to those who don't have solid data.

Title	Quick Questions
Author	Anonrp7
Upvotes	3
Comments	4
Date	May 13, 2016 5:06 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4j4tl7/quick_questions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/quick-questions.105372 https://theredarchive.com/post/105372

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