Old High School Crush Help

[deleted] · 2016-05-16T14:17:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

fnordsnord · 2016-05-16T19:59:38+00:00

Okay little brother - you are in the high weeds, and are about to step into deep water.

There is NOTHING like a high school crush, no matter HOW long ago, to grab you HARD by the gnads and make you act against your best interests.

I shit you not, this happens to guys at their THIRTY YEAR REUNION and BEYOND. What you are attempting to do is FRAUGHT with emotional risk for you.

Landmines abound.

So my first advice to you is to remain radio silent and game other women that do not have this emotional history for you. That is the core of abundance mentality is internalizing two facts: This one is NOT that special and There are more.

Odds are good, though, that you're going to ignore me and attempt this anyway so this would be my approach:

First, stop texting as quickly as possible. /u/innaxe 's observation is correct, but does not go into enough detail.

If she has broken up with a long term boyfriend, she's looking for affirmation, admiration, and validation. Especially if she was the dumpee. WARNING: She can get these from you via text without giving up ANYTHING AT ALL to you. Do NOT let her do this. She remembers your puppy crush and is hoping to get her self-esteemed patched and to use your admiration to do it.

Text back: "Hey! Long time, no see. We should hangout and catch up." Then name a time and place. Do not ask her when she is available. DO not ask her opinion of the venue. Give her a place, date, and time and end with "See you there!"

If she declines without offering an alternative date, she's not interested in seeing you. Just say, "K. Maybe another time" and go radio silent. She's not into you and you're not going to change that via text.

If she accepts, respond with "K" and then SHUT UP. Do NOT text back and forth and for the love of St. Cassanova, do NOT get sucked into a chat about feelings. Do not declare your love, admiration, or that's she's pretty over text.

If she declines BUT offers an alternative date/time, she's into you enough to give you a shot, and is probably legitimately busy and not just fucking with your head. Take her up on the alternate date/time and then SHUT UP. The above advice applies. If she can get what she is looking for via text, you lose your chance to escalate the game.

Now - the venue: start someplace cheap. That way if you get shot down, you're not out a big investment. Go with a coffee shop, cheap bistro for drinks, or even ice cream or frozen yogurt if it's hot out. As SOON as you greet her, start with indirect or soft kino. TOUCH HER as soon as you see her. Go for a kiss or at least touch her arm and go for the cheek. (Note: I'm not advocating tonsil diving here - just a greeting that makes it clear that this is a "date," not "friends hanging out.") Get a table, not a booth. Sit across the corner, not across from her. Use lots of light kino to get her used to you touching her. Touch her arm, hand, or shoulder as appropriate when making points as you speak. If you have high school triumphs to look back on (touchdowns/MVP awards, or even debate wins) you can remind her of them, but do NOT spend the whole night talking about "old times" because "old times" were mostly you crushing on her and her not putting out. Reminding her of this is NOT a good move for you. Instead talk about the cool things you are doing now.

After no more than an hour, evaluate: does she seem into you? Or is it time to have to "go to work." If things are going well, bounce. Go for a walk in the park to look at the (free) sculpture garden. If that walk ends at an interesting bar, so much the better. A couple of drinks will help her relax and a second venue will make it feel like a second date. Continue your incidental kino for another half hour or so, then bounce again and try to get her to your place. Then escalate and attempt to close.

That would be my playset if I were you.

LockedOnTheRedPill · 2016-05-16T13:47:08+00:00

Don't put her on a pedestal first off. She's nothing special, and you need an abundance mentality to remind yourself of that. If you treat her as something special, you are more likely to mess up than if you treated her as just another girl.

wetassassin420 · 2016-05-16T19:14:02+00:00

Game her like you would any other girl. The good news is she's already comfortable with you, so whatever your date is should absolutely start with her meeting you at your place (or possibly hers if you pick her up and her logistics are better).

Don't worry about fucking it up. You relationship was dead with her, so who gives a fuck what she thinks about your intentions now. I've been in two nearly identical situations with old friends that reached out to me on social media in the past two years and I'm batting 500. One was a slut just out of a ltr, easy lay. The other wanted me to be the orbiter I was 10 years ago; the 10 years weren't kind to her, hard next there.

Also no need to say you are going to bed. Just don't respond. That comment alone tells me you need to read the side bar.

Docbear64 · 2016-05-16T13:31:31+00:00

You're so worried about not fucking it up that you're going to fuck it up. We cannot ensure the lay and you are already over invested without knowing her true intentions for contacting you .

If you want this to work step 1 is to take her off the pedestal, she is not special , in fact she is just like every other woman . Once you've gotten a little further in conversation ask her out for drinks if she's into you or at least the idea , great and if not you never had a real chance and she just needed your sweet sweet validation.

Step 1 though SHE IS NOT SPECIAL, she is a new woman on the market after a long time relationship, she is not the same girl you crushed on 5 or even 10 years ago. Good luck

Title	Old High School Crush Help
Author	ThinkPinkEugene
Upvotes	1
Comments	10
Date	May 16, 2016 11:11 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4jknxs/old_high_school_crush_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/old-high-school-crush-help.105521 https://theredarchive.com/post/105521

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