A curious double standard

Rockbottom503 · 2021-08-23T13:08:55+00:00

This isn't new and isn't specific to female children. Some 13 years ago I had police called because I was at a park with my son just after school had kicked out and the local mothers meeting didn't recognise me. It's more a distrust of men around children.

lilzoya · 2021-08-23T15:36:15+00:00

Hi, I'm a female lurker here, 17. I'm adopted from Asia (Kazakhstan) and have white parents. Whenever I'm somewhere with my dad, people often see us as a couple, and that I'm some 'woman who's brought here by a rich man'.

So yes, I think my dad's going through a similar thing here. He often reassures people that he's out with his daughter. It's a weird feeling, for the both of us.

sgt_oddball_17 · 2021-08-23T13:43:48+00:00

In the mid "aughts" (2000-2009) I would noticed odd looks at the playground from other women . . . even when my wife was with me . . . and even though my daughter looks just like me, minus her nose, which is her mother's.

The "all males are predators" indoctrination had already started taking hold over 15 years ago.

akstary · 2021-08-23T15:14:46+00:00

You are 100% right, though I think it happens with adult male/child male relationships as well. It is the same reason that some people get uncomfortable with a male working at a nursery or daycare. Its quite sad really.

I am a married woman, and my husband will probably end up being a SAHD one day (he has the option to work weekend shift, so it just makes sense). It upsets me to think he might have issues watching our children at the playground or calming our screaming toddler in a grocery store.

SpookeyClown · 2021-08-23T22:24:16+00:00

Try being a black man walking his white niece to the park. I get the cops called on me all the time. More likely because of the race and gender difference and not so much because I'm black. They always demand to talk to the girl's parents and take her home.

biff64gc · 2021-08-23T15:43:59+00:00

I hear about these stories, but haven't seen anything close to this in my personal life/experience so I wonder if it happens in some locations more frequently than others. I've never had issues taking my daughter out and my friends haven't had issues either.

GivePuppiesBazookas · 2021-08-23T18:07:27+00:00

This actually happened to me a few years ago when I was dating my wife (now ex). There was an 11 year gap between us, I still look young but she looks really young due to her small size. We got pulled over one day when I picked her up from work. Cop looked in the car for about 2 seconds, said to hold on. About 3 minutes later I was surrounded by more cops, probably 3 or 4 more. I was told to get out, was cuffed, thrown on the ground, my fat the time gf screaming. She was whisked away to a fucking ambulance by a female officer and I was held for like 45 minutes before the cops even spoke to me. They came over and asked what i was doing with a minor at 2am, mind you, this is over 45 minutes later, with my gf expressing she isn't being kidnapped. All in all I was held for like an hour, most of that time on the ground in cuffs, only to be let go with a citation my blinker was out.

Here is the kicker, I had to also pay for the ambulance the cops called.

Gazmeister_Wongatron · 2021-08-23T18:46:57+00:00

I'm not a parent or guardian, but this does remind me of a curious situation I found myself in a few years ago when I was working as a teaching assistant.

A female student from one of the GCSE classes I worked in needed to use the lift to get downstairs because she had recently sprained her ankle and was walking on crutches that week. Now the rule for the use of the lift was that students could only use it if accompanied by a member of staff, and there was a CCTV camera inside so that any activity in the lift could be monitored. Anyway, the girl asked me if I could take her downstairs via the lift and I really didn't think anything of it - I had used the lift many times before with students of both genders and never once did I think that there would be a safeguarding issue.

On this particular occasion though, as we were coming out of the lift I was spotted by another member of staff, who approached me later to tell me that it would have been a better idea to ask a female member of staff to accompany the female student when using the lift.

I remember being a bit taken aback by the comment and went to speak to the school's safeguarding officer right away for clarification.

It wasn't so much that I was offended that anyone would find my actions questionable, but more so I found it interesting that in this day and age someone would think that there could be potential for abuse in an opposite-sex situation but apparently the potential for abuse goes away if the staff member and student were both the same sex. The mind boggles.

Anyway, the safeguarding officer I spoke to that day came to the same conclusion I did and didn't think I had done anything wrong either given that there was a camera inside the lift specifically for the purpose of keeping everyone safe. The only thing he did say was that if I ever felt uncomfortable about using the lift with a student was to ask a second member of staff to accompany us, which I agreed with, although in practice this wasn't a practical solution.

cicero44 · 2021-08-23T19:39:45+00:00

was at a gas station with my daughter, 8 years old just a couple weeks ago.

She begins to ask my daughter not me, where shes going, whos going to meet her there, does she know where shes going, is mommy going to meet her lastly, are you going to have fun with DADDY?

all the while at eye level, bent down making direct eye contact,. it wasnt till walking out did i realize what was happening. i was dumbfounded.

Colour-Me-Shocked · 2021-08-23T17:02:31+00:00

I was shopping with my daughter and she was being particularly difficult that day, she let me know she needed to go to the toilet (sometimes this is a ploy though, there is a children’s peppa ride just outside the toilets which she loves)

Any way as we are walking over she mentions she wants to go on the peppa ride, to which I said no as we were in a hurry. She proceeds to start crying and shouting ‘no’ at the top of her lungs, so… me not being the mood for a tantrum in a supermarket I just picked her up and carried her to the toilet, little did I know there were 3 women and a man following me and as I was holding my daughter over the toilet (stupid me forgot her toilet seat)

I overhear them saying ‘is that even his daughter?’, ‘the little girl was really distressed’ so when I exit the toilet they’re still there and one of the cheeky bints asks me straight to my face ‘are you her dad?’

At this point I’m literally suppressing my rage, I put my face right in front of hers and said ‘Girl what’s my name?’ And my daughter responded in a gleeful tone ‘Daddy!’

I then proceeded to fire a tirade of insults at all four of them, telling them all to take a long walk off a short pier.

It’s the same when I take my daughter to her play group too, if it’s just me with her I get horrible looks off all the mothers there like I’ve invaded their special safe zone or something.

DavidByron2 · 2021-08-23T14:42:06+00:00

Tough to tell. I think they get it happening for little boys too, but yeah ... I kinda would have to lean to saying it's more often with a little girl. But you know you can never really trust those memories and would need to count the data points.

Little boys normally start being treated like total shit (ie as a man instead of "children") between around 8 to 14 years old, depending on who's killing, raping or segregating the males.

Studies have confirmed that even babies get more prompt attention from their parents if they are female, and I think even from strangers depending on if you clothe the babies in pink or blue to hint at their sex, even if the strangers don't know the sex.

Dwellicon · 2021-08-23T17:36:21+00:00

not new...?

Papa_Fatsack · 2021-08-23T15:52:03+00:00

It’s statistically more likely that a girl will be sexually assaulted than a boy.

Title	A curious double standard
Author	DaftV
Upvotes	69
Comments	24
Date	August 23, 2021 11:20 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/p9xrej/a_curious_double_standard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/a-curious-double-standard.1060358 https://theredarchive.com/post/1060358

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