Backstory: I was emotionally abused by my mother throughout my formative years and as a result I grew up with no backbone or ability to stand up for myself. As I'm sure many of you can imagine this brought low quality men to me like moths to a flame and I would bend over backwards to please them. [TW] Was raped 3 times between the ages of 19-21 Figures the first guy willing to be in a relationship with me would be a drunken decade older than me vapid loser. I was 22 and he was 31. As per my mother's conditioning I valued his feelings over my own well being and am now paying the price. We were together 3 years. The last year he became increasingly nasty to me. Name calling, wall punching, screaming at me who refused to stand up for myself and never instigated a fight or fought back. Pissed on our dishes in the sink that we used to make our food to punish me for washing them wrong. To top it off turned out to be cheating with a younger girl who he left me for.

This all went down a few months ago. I'm broken and recovering and am furious that I was so blind to see abuse as love. BUT I'm growing up and growing a spine.

This is a small little blip compared to the backstory but I'm so happy with myself for my response. Especially relating to my history with men as I reintegrate into dating. So this guy my friend group makes it clear he likes me.

Reason #1 I'm proud is I don't really give a fuck. Before my relationship any attention a man showed me I immediately reciprocated and wanted their approval. This guy seems cool but gives me fuckboy vibes so I proceed with caution and agree to meet and hang out.

Reason #2 I'm proud is I stood up for myself! The dude started saying how we were going to cuddle/basically telling me I was going to spend the night and I replied telling him I wasn't comfortable agreeing to be touched or stay the night before I got there. He replies saying it was a "joke" (Sure, Jan).

Reason #3 is I apparently have a spine! I was pretty turned off by our convo thus far but hadn't written the dude off yet. I was having a bad day already and was not up to entertain a man and realized going for the hang out would be more of a chore than fun for me with the mood I was in so I texted him letting him know I was backing out for the evening because I wasn't feeling it.

He gets all pissy and asks "what he did" as if my not feeling it isn't a good enough reason. I'm proud most of all because I still have no issue with any of this. I'm fine with him being mad or feeling rejected. It's not my problem and for the first time in my life I DON'T CARE!

He can be mad and in his feelings and I have no desire to please him. 3 years ago I would have fallen for his complaining/projecting onto me and gone over to make sure he knew it was me not him... but I'm just shook that I'm FINE. I FEEL GOOD ABOUT VALUING ME OVER HIS FEELINGS.