Hello,

I find myself in the position of thinking, which may be dangerous by some people's standards. This post will probably be a bit all over the place (sorry about that) and may be slightly embellished at points (I am writer after all). Embellished or no, the core of it is the truth or at least the truth according to my perspective. The truth according to my research and even experiences - dreadfully unscientific, I know. I won't be linking any studies, I imagine a lot of the people in this sub have seen them. I am happy to provide sources for anyone who asks, though it may take me some time to dig them out and I obviously have a biased take on them (like anyone else). For now, I just wanted to share my opinions on Feminism. How I once called myself a Feminist and how my general values haven't really changed but certain perspectives and my understanding of what Feminism is has.

I am not really an activist. My interest in human psychology has some basis in my education, I studied Psychology for two years. However, the reason I am interested in the human condition is mainly because I love the dramatic arts. I love exploring the world through writing plays and poems and my favourite form of storytelling in any medium is one with a heavy focus on character and character development. So when I say I am interested in the human condition, humans in relation to each other and even philosophy; it is more of an interest as a by-product of my true passion. My activism is in the forms of plays and poems. I'm more someone who waves a flag in the background, trying to subtly put my opinions out into the world and hope that people agree. I want people to draw their own conclusions from my work, even if the conclusion in my mind is completely different. I am more a worrier about social issues than a grand fighter. A bard - if you will - that skips around in garish outfits and brings (some truth but mainly) joy through being a performer. So when I say I was a Feminist, I was never one to go to rally's or even attend the meetings. Friends of mind would attempt to get me to come to such events and I would always mean to go, but why would they always require me to get up so damned early?

So it begins in the cold crisp December of 1991, being born with a feather in my cap and singing Dancing Queen by Abba. I had ten pets in total growing up (most of them hamsters)... Nah, you don't need to hear this. All you need to know is that my mother is a Feminist and that somewhat shaped my opinions growing up. Now, my Mum is what you would call quite a moderate "2nd Wave" Feminist. She certainly isn't in lockstep with the feminism of today and actually has a lot of opinions that would make a male advocate proud. Brings a tear to my eye. This was my version of Feminism. I thought women had it worse off, but my Mum would often talk about the men who are left behind. This was the sort of feminism I could get behind. At least at the time.

Flash forward a number of years to where I would attend university to study drama, a highly lucrative career choice I might add. So far I have starred in dozens of amateur plays and performed a couple that I wrote myself. I have earned a total of 0 from my degree. A total of which I am entirely proud at this point, no seriously. I love the art. It suits me fine as a hobby. If I were to try and take my art mainstream, I would dread the insidious pressures that would likely be placed on me to make my art politically correct to the standards of our time. I don't want to be famous either. That is something I could do without. Any who, gratuitous sharing time is over. I had a friend at Uni, let's call her Laura, because that was her name, that was the worst kind of Feminist. She would be bitter. She would get offended by anything she liked (it seemed) and would get completely horrified when I would bring up men's issues. Arguments that my Mum had made, were suddenly extremely problematic even though she had studied feminist history for years...

For a year after University, we lived together. This woman was completely intolerant. I remember when we had no gas for a time. She had her Mum come down to visit and wanted to cook for her. The gas had broken that very morning before I went to work. I had got home and sorted it later that evening. It wasn't hard in the end (I believe we had to hold down a certain button to get it working again). She had arrived home after me, and started asking why I hadn't fixed the gas earlier. Baring in mind, I had a friend over from work as well and this was all in front of him. I said I had been at work but it was fixed now. She said it didn't matter now as she had gone to her girlfriends to cook for her Mum. I said something along the lines of that being good as it meant she had found a resolution. She flipped, saying I had said a horrible thing, had a massive go at me in front of my friend. Saying that it was my responsibility to fix the gas and how I had failed her and caused her stress. She said she was willing to forgive me because we were "mates" so I said "We are no longer 'mates', I'll be civil with you but I have no further desire to be your friend"... Not really, I crumbled under the pressure and apologised. Please bare in mind, that she was at home all day.

There was me and one other man in the house, we were treated like absolute shit by her. Everything was our fault, and nothing was ever good enough. I opened her door (when it was already slightly open I might add) to ask her if she wanted dinner. For this one instance I forgot to knock on her door. The moment she called out I backed off and apologised multiple times. A few days go by, I get called into a room with another mediator housemate to talk about my nonchalant attitude and how it was unacceptable. She had said that men were always invading women's spaces and I treated it like it was a joke. I didn't understand this, I made a simple mistake. I hadn't even seen her before I stopped myself and I had apologised at the time. If I was nonchalant, it is because I didn't think there was anything more to say.

You might think that this was the time I started seeing feminism for what it was, but I put it down to one person and moved on with my life. It was however the foundation for my mental revolt to the idea. A few years later, I start seeing her ideas in the mainstream more and more. Prominent people who have created policies and considered authoritative on the subject having an increasing influence over the discourse. I see it start to creep into my place of work (I work in education btw) and I remember thinking... "This can't be the modern form of feminism" but I realise. It is. Male victims getting ignored (as a male victim myself, this hit home), homelessness being ignored, the lack of resources for men in vulnerable positions. I start to realise. Yes, it is in part due to the empathy gap of society but Feminism uses this to (for the most part) ignore and even actively fights against help for men. Erin Prizzey is no longer allowed in her own refuge for daring to suggest that domestic violence is not a gendered issue. The demonisation of men by the mass media and ignoring male victims because violence is "mainly perpetuated by other men". All this and I see that the empathy of the left wing is completely absent, it is just that men need to do better. We need to tackle toxic masculinity. Men as an entity need to change. Arguments that I had put down to a crazed loon years before were now being paraded as enlightened. That's when I had an epiphany, Patriarchy theory is more than just a theory, it is a belief structure and a harmful one at that. It puts men at the epicentre of oppression, and any epistemological disadvantages are at the route cause of masculine incompetence and dominance.

The empathy gap has always existed and Patriarchy theory utilises the ignorance of this to construct a narrative that is completely false and completely harmful. I no longer believe that women have it worse, I'm not even sure I believe that men do (although I think there is a concentrated push that means it is trending that way). I instead believe that there are unique benefits and challenges to both. That's not to say that each individual man or woman will be subjected to these injustices nor does it mean that each individual man or woman will be gifted the benefits. Men at the top are afforded more status and respect but men at the bottom are treated like dirt, not given a chance, laughed at, scoffed at and you would think that Feminism for all it's self-declared empathy would realise that the best way to resolve male violence is through looking at the underlying conditions that these men find themselves in and trying to resolve the situation at the source. Instead the focus has purely been placed at the top. The marginalised are still completely invisible and all men are being compared to those with status. It is hyper-agency and to place it all at the feet of how masculinity is toxically enforced, is harmful and erroneous. We hear nothing of growing up in poverty, nothing of repeated patterns of behaviour... No, it is all the so-called social construction that is the Patriarchy and if men could learn to stop being... Well... 'Men', the violence would stop as well. Even the violence visited upon men by other men. All of the responsibility to fix these issues, lies at the feet of men. Men need to do better.

That isn't empathy, that isn't equality. That is fundamentally sick. You have all these men, sitting in positions of power. Playing lip service and hating on the little guy. Yeah - What else is new? They're not real men, they're disgusting. "We need to learn to change their masculinity". These high-status men sit there, saying that men need to do better all the while failing to provide the resources that would help men to grow and develop. That would help these poor communities thrive. No - instead we have to focus on a nebulous concept of toxic masculinity and somehow resolve that. All this does is absolve those who can make a difference of blame. Men can say we need to do better. Women can blame men and then no one has to do anything. All the while people are going to get hurt when a rising number of men turn their backs on the society that has turned its back on them. Violence against women will likely rise, the men in power will obtain yet more power. The men and women at the bottom will continue to struggle. Communities will continue to fall apart but it's okay, because men are able to signal their virtue and women are able to continue to get the support they need. Feminism will inadvertently usher in more of a "Patriarchy" than we have now but it's okay, because we have an easy scapegoat. It is victim blaming and we can not have true equality with it in place.

Now, I've researched most of this... Some of it is my own inferences which could very well be wrong but the research for men's issues is there and we know that higher levels of violence come down to three main factors. Health, education and wealth. Men are the poorest demographic in my country (as well as the richest), the least educated and it wouldn't surprise me if they were the least healthy. Mentally, physically or otherwise. Boys are falling behind in school and there is a crisis in boys education. These are the marginalised and they are largely ignored.

So my conclusion, is that Feminism (in particular Feminism) guided by Patriarchy theory is a hate movement. Notice that I don't say hate group, I pick my words carefully. But the core of the movement bases it's whole ideology on the notion that men are the oppressors and women are the oppressed. Men have the agency, so men must make the change. I would say this mindset is sexist against both men and women, but I digress. This can be reasoned however they want, but it is still blaming a group based off of nothing more than the fact they share anatomy. This mentality encourages tribalism, resentment, collective guilt and disgust. It decreases empathy, which (let's face it) was already lacking in the first place and creates a worse world for all but the select few. And it encourages this mindset with a clear conscience because it is morally righteous. Individual feminists may be believe they are standing for equality but the actual theory of Patriarchy is a Moral Culture. More akin to religion than a predictive theory. I would say that most religious people are moderate, but if you look at the aspects of religion that encourages toxic behaviour. Us vs Them, resentment, collective guilt, disgust, the moral righteousness. These are exactly the elements of religion that makes it so dangerous to give institutional power. To decided policy and laws. As a result, I would argue that the moderate feminists are inconsequential, the movement itself is ripe for abuse from disingenuous opportunists and it has no checks and balances in place because any critique just comes from a place of privilege and thus is only a means for men to retain their unjust power. People may say my opinion is too far, I don't believe so. It is exactly the kind of mindset that has led to oppression in the past and I don't think I am wrong in this assessment.

I am not a Feminist (to be clear, I wouldn't even necessarily call myself an MRA - I have given up caring for these labels), because it does not stand for equality. I just find that feminism does not match my values. I do believe that men should be able to cry without judgement. I do believe that women are sometimes not taken seriously because of their sex. I do believe that the courts system could do with some work. I do believe that men and women should be able to pursue any avenue that makes them happy. I do believe that we should be helping women victims of abuse. I also believe we should help men victims of abuse. I believe all manner of things that Feminist's would agree with and all manner of things that Feminist's would disagree with.

I believe that no one should be put in a box because of the gender they happened to be born as. I believe Feminism does. In theory and in praxis, Patriarchy Theory (at its very core) separates people into neat little categories. My values have always been the same and I will not betray them.

TLDR ~ Patriarchy theory is sexist, based off of false assumptions and utilises common misconceptions around men and women that have always be wrong. The ideas behind Patriarchy Theory are toxic and will lead to more oppression and a worse society for most people. It reinforces stereotypes and encourages resentment. The idea of society having an influence on gender roles isn't without it's merits but the fact that Feminism uses this to justify stereotyping, placing people into groups of oppressed and oppressor based on immutable characteristics, using this as justification for treating the groups differently and scapegoating certain behaviours onto the oppressor groups; only means that this is a new ideation of motivated reasoning to justify bigotry. Meow.