I do CS at university. 23 years old. I have done well at high school but took half a gap year because I was in a situation where I could study any science/medical/IT degree but never thought about it before. I joined medicine but quit because of depression and being afraid to commit to a path of at least 10 years. I was afraid because it is a long time and I never thought about being a doctor.

I applied for CS the same year and was working towards the degree for 3 years. However, I cannot shake off this feeling that career in IT is also not for me. I know exactly what to do to get a job at Google, what steps to take and how to get there. I have all the tools & knowledge at my disposal. No excuses. The problem is that I can't execute those steps. I was telling myself to build that Android app but I never did. I was telling to myself to go through those tech interview books and solve problems online but I barely made any progress.

People in IT told me that one must love to program and constant challenge of learning to advance. Otherwise, I will be forever stuck as a code monkey or some shitty IT jobs which involve little programming earning peanuts. I did QA, Ops roles so far and I hated them. I am definitely more interested in programming but have to face the facts: if I cared about it, I would have already built those apps, scored prestigious internships and have a thirst for knowledge. Tough. Some software developers are also stuck in shitty jobs and find solace in building their own projects that they care about. I can't even do that, imagine me doing the job in development which I find not interesting.

I was diagnosed with depression by a doctor. I told her that my unhappiness stems from being on an uncertain career path. To which the only answer was SSRIs. Also, I feel like having wasted my parents money pursuing this path. They are poor and sacrificed a lot.

To not completely dump my current path, I was dreaming of being a digital nomad - work remotely while moving every 3 months. That, however, requires to be good at programming and I don't think I have interest or natural ability to go for this dream.

I am interested in biology, chemistry, technology, politics. I would program in my spare time but I would probably not advance much in as a professional developer because I don't have the drive/passion for it.

There is also a wave of automation coming up that will eliminate a lot of jobs out there. I am ready to work like a machine to be on a winning end. On the other hand, quitting would yield nothing as well. How can I explore other paths without money? Surely, it sucks less to work in a job than to be poor and depressed.

Finally, I feel like a total pussy to complain about my circumstances. There are people living in the world who starve, work shitty jobs with primitive tools for a dollar a day. My grandmother became a dentist while starving in Siberia during Soviet Union practice to banish people. Wtf is wrong with me? I have food, roof over my head, a job...just feel unfulfilled and don't like the current line of work.

Is there something wrong with me?