Have you ever heard the stereotype that women-loving-women “UHAUL” each other? (I’m bisexual, so this is something I’ve heard about and seen in my friend circles).

This happens when a relationship between two women moves quickly enough that they feel ready to spend a lot of time together, or even move in together after a few months of dating.

I think this happens because women are able to transcend levels of safety quicker than we can in relationships with men.

Levels of safety: physical, mental, emotional, and psychological.

Around a woman, I generally feel physically and psychologically safe immediately. I trust that she won’t physically harm me, and I trust that we have many life experiences in common. I feel that I can understand her motives, most of the time, after getting together a few times.

Alternatively, I do not immediately feel physically or psychologically safe around a man I’m dating. This takes time and vetting.

Though a man may not feel mentally, emotionally, or psychologically safe around a woman for a while, he will almost always feel physically safe around you immediately. This is why he may feel ready to progress things quicker than me (though of course, an HVM will respect my pace).

It feels great, therefore, that I have the power to pump the brakes on things I’m not quite ready to do. Out of town trips? Date nights in his apartment? Nope, I don’t feel physically safe enough yet.

Adding him on social media? Being seen kissing him in public? Nope, I don’t feel socially safe enough yet. Do I want others to see us and assume we’re a couple? Do I want to appear “claimed” by this man? Social safety is important, too — and these are some of the questions I ask myself before allowing him access to another stage / layer of safety.

If a man is interested in you, he may feel comfortable quicker than you. You have the power to pump the brakes on how quickly you move things along while dating.