"Lurker" here. I'll post my question first, then backstory. How do I get over my fear of TRP?

I know females very well. I'm high SMV and frequently have females giving me all sorts of IOI's, practically begging for me to open them. But I find myself not wanting to fuck with it. I like some ideals from MGTOW, but I want more secs. I need to make some changes to my mindset though.

Backstory: Throughout high school, I had some serious gf's and flings. The pursuit was always to lock down an LTR with a babe and get into her pants from there. Worked out well, until I hit University and settled for the first girl to give me LTR-type attention.

I vowed to treat her perfectly, unlike I had done in previous relationships and thus became BETA. Badly. As in buying flowers, doing over-the-top romantic shit, negotiating for sex, etc. It got bad and we both turned crazy. I ended up HARD nexting her and telling her to "abort that piece of shit" when she gave me her "I think I'm pregnant" final defence to keep me in the relationship. I 100% knew it was bullshit. We barely fucked, and I ALWAYS wrapped up. So that felt good.

Fast forward 6 years. I hook up with 3-5 girls a year and focus on achieving my goals and enjoying time with friends. I want more though. Especially after lurking on TRP for months, continuously improving myself, and dealing with a few girls here and there.

My internal rationalisations: I'm too busy, I'm here (at the coffeeshop or gym) to work, abundance mentality that there will be 10 other girls giving me the same IOI's, etc. I also hate being this fake, smiling, awesome guy who pretends to care about this conversation when all I want to do is fuck.

I think my main issue is a lot of people are a fucking DRAG on my energy. Maybe it's my roomate (male) who always needs attention and validation, talking excitedly at me about the most mundane activities of his day. Or his 3-year old daughter, who is 15x worse. Or his baby mama, who is a terrible representative for the female species. All she does is go to raves and pawn off the child, while upholding the image that she's a great mother and their family life is amazing.

I hate having conversations, unless it's with my friends that I work out, play basketball, go hiking with etc. Every other conversation takes me so much energy to be this charismatic version of myself... It's like I have an introvert and an extrovert inside of me, and the extrovert only lights up when the other person is fucking interesting and of substance.

So I guess I operate on the assumption that most conversations are going to be boring and of little substance/growth. It takes a lot of mental energy to engage in these boring small talks, and even more energy to decide on the direction this conversation goes and to take it there. Most of the time I'm conversing with people I just want them to go away so I could get back to what I'm doing.

I think another contributing factor would be my childhood. Absent father who worked his ass off to support my controlling and critical mother and I. I was adopted, wondered if I was loved growing up and often by myself because no friends lived close by.

How can I change these internalisations? What strategies can I employ to turn things around? I know myself decently well, and I'm looking for some outside perspective on this. I appreciate your time.