I felt two conflicting things at once; I felt intellectual pride and at the same time, the awareness of being dumb as a stump.

I know I am smarter than some of my ex-coworkers (Ironically I've had the same manual job as them, so what good is being smart for me, really?) Although they are more muscular and could eradicate me, physically, with ease, I guess evolution has evolved "another type of muscle" - my brain. And I feel there's a certain shame that goes along with that, shame about the "sneakiness" of the intellect; and also sadness; because the smarter you are, the more your thoughts are unique, isolated, intricate phenomena, that ultimately only you, the carrier of the thought, can relate to in its originality.

I felt smart because I knew all these things. But... (lol)

at the same time, all these thoughts that I deem revolutionary and original, I'd probably just heard somewhere and it's just my poor memory that makes me think "I thought of this". I mean, all the guru's I've been listenening to have known this all along, and I am only realising it now?

Anyway, feeling smart because of knowing how dumb you are, and feeling dumb because of knowing how"(smart) you are... it's an odd thing to experience

I guess I will take more LSD next time so that all these silly concepts shall perish, maybe