I'm in a relationship since 4 months and we meet every weekend. When we meet, I'm quite active, humorous etc. But when I'm by myself I do absolutely nothing, I don't meet any friends and I don't socialise, most of my time I'm laying in my bed being a miserable and depressed piece of shit like I usually am.

Everything just stresses me out so much, I'm thinking about ending the relationship because it's "too much" for me. I'm constantly looking for red flags (and there are red flags), I'm focusing on the negative side of her and our relationship, as if my mind is trying to sabotage all this. I try to avoid her a bit and I have to force myself into seeing her, although I'm having a fun time with her.

I don't know what to do with this.

Additional info: This is my first "real" relationship with a girl, I'm 23. She has a higher SMV than me. I lie to her a lot. Red flags indicate that there's a chance she's cheating in the present or is going to cheat in the future.