A common position I see from many psychologists, (even from this self-proclaimed [a lot of emphasis on self-proclaimed] mens support group: https://mensgroup.com/self-improvement/guy-friends-everything-you-need-to-know/male-loneliness-2/) is that the primary reason men avoid expression of emotions is due "toxic masculinity" and homophobia. It is often argued that due to general fear of being perceived as "gay" and "weak", many men tend to repress their own emotions, which in turn stuns their ability to express themselves, their ability to speak about their issues, and their ability to form meaningful relationships. The solution presented by many psychologists, of course, is to "educate men to move on from a self-defeating model of masculinity." However, this entire position is at best contestable and downright dangerous.

First off, the entire idea that men are not speaking about their issues is arguably intellectually dishonest. A recent study of middle age men who committed suicide (https://documents.manchester.ac.uk/display.aspx?DocID=55305) found that almost 90% of the middle age men who did commit were seeking out the assistance of some star of mental health professional, and almost 50% were actively in therapy. Evidently, men are discussing emotions, it's just thah the services in which they rely on were never designed with their best interests in mind.

As for the men who do actively repress their emotions, a recent study of almost 2,000 adolescent children conducted by the University Of Missouri found that the primary reason young men tend to avoid emotional expression is not because they thought it made them weak. In fact, the study explicitly stated that none of the men studied felt that emotional expression made them "weak," nor did they attribute emotional expression to homosexuality. The primary response from adolescent men surveyed was that they had felt that discussing their emotions was a "waste of time."

While the study had never stated any distinct cause for this, I personally believe this phenomenon can be tied to the gender empathy gap and male disposability. As stated in the study: "The researchers found that girls had positive expectations for how talking about problems would make them feel, such as expecting to feel cared for, understood and less alone. On the other hand, boys did not endorse some negative expectations more than girls, such as expecting to feel embarrassed, worried about being teased, or bad about not taking care of the problems themselves. Instead, boys reported that talking about problems would make them feel “weird” and like they were “wasting time.” What sticks out to me here is that girls had positive expectations for emotional expectations, expecting to being cared for and understood, whereas young men did not expect the same from emotional expression, stating that it would be a waste of time. What this indicates is that even as adolescents, young men understand that any display of emotional expression is looked on down by others. While many psychologists and sociologists would argue that it is because we expect men to align to a form of "alpha masculinity," I would argue that it has more to do with male disposability. It's no secret that men are disposable in western society. Father are expected to work 60, 70, maybe even 80 hours a week to shoulder their families financial burden. Family courts discount fathers to merely financial objects, homeless men receive far less aid than homeless women, and in the event of a war, it tends to be men who get drafted by the millions to die over a thousand miles from home. Abiding by the concept of male disposability, the dismissal of male emotions is simply a mechanism to maintain this. If a commodity is disposable, you cannot humanize it and you cannot view it with empathy, otherwise it stops becoming disposable. This same process can be applied to men. You cannot view men, the disposable gender, with empathy, otherwise the entire institution of male disposability crumbles.

Lastly, the presented solution of "educating men beyond a self-defeating model of masculinity" is nothing short of victim blaming. Evidently, the issue is not that men thought emotional expression was weak, but rather they were not receiving support when they did discuss their emotions. Therefore, the issue cannot be summed up as merely in mens heads. Requiring only men to move beyond a "damaging thought process" not only blames the victim of the issue, but ends up reinforcing they very same gender expectations related to male emotional repression. This solution of "moving beyond a self defeating model of masculinity" simply asks men to change to benefit society, effectively continuing to act as a disposable commodity, rather than asking society to be more accommodating to men and their unique needs. I would be more than happy if psychologists would finally recognize that not all mens issues are the result of a fundamental deficit in masculinity (i.e, toxic masculinity), and recognize that asking men alone to make improvements to themselves without asking society to be more accommodating to men is a fundamentally counterproductive solution.