was wanting to talk

UnHope20 · 2022-07-26T00:54:21+00:00

Sorry to about your losses. I'm experiencing some guilt and self-hatred too. It's difficult with grief because you can always see those areas where you feel like you could've done better or prevented it.

As irrational as it seems the sense of responsibility and need to blame just stays with you. It really sucks and I'm sorry.

I wish I could snap my fingers and take away your pain (And mine) but I can. So instead I'll do the only thing an internet stranger can do and offer you a digital symbol of our solidarity with you in this ✊🏾

a-man-from-earth · 2022-07-26T01:17:17+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you've been going through so much pain. Do you have someone like a counselor or a therapist who you can talk to about all this? This is a lot to bear for anyone.

I would also suggest looking into Stoicism (the philosophy, not the popular notion of it). One of the important ideas in it, which has helped me a lot throughout the years since I discovered it, is to accept the things you cannot change. You shouldn't feel guilty for things that were not your decision. What other people do is mostly outside of your control.

If you did make mistakes, accept responsibility and commit to doing better from here on. But you can't change the past, so focus your energies on the future.

It is unproductive to hate yourself "for not being able to save even one of my friends." As you say yourself, it keeps you from succeeding in life. So it is essential that you denounce that feeling. Such feelings arise naturally, but you should just observe that and tell yourself that no, you don't want to stay with this feeling, but you want to move on and make your life worthwhile.

I would also recommend that if it's possible at all, that you volunteer with an organization that cares for people in need (or animals in need). Something like a soup kitchen, an after-school program for kids in the neighborhood, or an animal rescue center. Showing, even in small ways, that you care will help you to move on.

TheDudeExMachina · 2022-07-26T02:03:15+00:00

My best friend ended his life a few years ago. I was the last person he talked to. I wasnt able to function for minimum a year, probably longer, and it is haunting me to this day. Then the woman who raised me died. One half of my family is FUBAR due to substance abuse. I am working through my shit since years and I am making progress.

I get where you are right now emotionally. If you want to talk, I'm there. PM me. I am not a professional though, so all I can offer is someone to talk to and some tangible advice on how I accepted my feelings and am working through it. No platitudes, promise.

Cyb3rd31ic_Citiz3n · 2022-07-26T10:08:33+00:00

If you're living in the UK, Andys Man Club always has its doors open for men (18+) who are in dire need being in a supportive, attentive, male only environment.

Our opening times are Monday, 19:00, every free. No charge for use of service. No waiting lists. Come and go as you please. Run by volunteers, we don't offer professional help, guidance or therapy - this is support by men, for men.

Find your nearest branch using the AMC website: https://andysmanclub.co.uk/

shdfos · 2022-07-30T12:55:49+00:00

The fact that you've gone through so many challenges and faced so many tragedies in your life and are still able to reach out here and seek support and share your story tells me that you have a lot of strength in you. And I bet that inner strength is a real gift to your brother and can be a gift to other people who are facing major challenges in their lives.

Having gone through all that, it makes sense that your emotions will overwhelm you at times. That's more loss than most people face. And the grief will probably be there for a long time.

Just my gut sense is that you have a ton to offer to the world in telling your story and/or connecting with others who are experiencing major loss in their lives.

Wishing all the best for you.

Title	was wanting to talk
Author	rockandahardplace08
Upvotes	21
Comments	5
Date	July 25, 2022 11:34 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/w83t5t/was_wanting_to_talk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/was-wanting-to-talk.1124828 https://theredarchive.com/post/1124828

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