OYS #12

Age: 28, partner 25

Together: 3 years, 2 y/o son.

Stats: 6'0, 84kg, 15.5% BF

Lifts: DL: 215kg, SQ: 145kg, BP: 125kg, OHP: 80kg

Read: Rational Male, The Way of the Superior Man, MAP, NMMNG

Reading: NMMNG

 

Posting this on here for OPSec purposes as there's potential (low) my girlfriend saw a link to this post on main sub.

This week has been very turbulent, and for the most part I've dealt with that internally without letting it seep out. I am still deep in my girlfriend's frame and I've got a bad case of oneitus, there's no denying that. At the beginning of the week I was floating around seeking comfort and being generally needy, but I realised this is just fucking weak and not the way I should be acting as a man.

After reading around, I saw a comment from /u/strategos_autokrator, suggesting the Affair 180 as a strategy to turn a relationship around. This is my end goal, which to a degree is part of my problem; there is way too much emphasis on the success of THIS relationship. Of course we have a child together, but it's also oneitus that's driving this.

After implementing the 180 strategy, I saw a positive change in the relationship dynamic, a stark contrast to the dynamic that was presented when I was floating around being needy and actively trying to make things better (surprise surprise), though internally I was still craving validation, comfort and affection and feeling emotionally wrecked. I slipped up on the plan a bit last night, and we ended up briefly talking about the elephant in the room. Ultimately I said there's no point beating around the bush, things aren't great at the moment, but that she needs to trust me more than she trusts her anxiety in the improvement and future of our relationship. Maybe counterintuitive, but this conversation seemed to be productive to the end goal.

Ultimately, EVERYTHING comes down to the fact that I do not currently believe she can be easily replaced. My external is pretty solid, it always has been. I've been wasting my time working predominantly on external shit, that has very little ROI. My internal needs a lot of work. I have done a lot to combat my feelings of insecurity and vulnerability through Muay Thai, and I feel significantly more confident. What I've been neglecting and hiding from is improving my GAME. I have done next to zero work on this, and it shows.

This is what I need to do, this is my stay plan is the go plan. I need to develop a confidence in my ability to easily approach, attract and close women I'm attracted to. Everything I've had in the past has just fallen in my lap, including my current relationship. Last week at the gym, fuelled with pain, I was getting IOI's from a girl in the gym after she asked me if she could use some equipment etc, the conversation didn't go much further than that. But I thought fuck it I need to start taking action, I went back over and introduced myself, and Rambo'd a close attempt. 'Hey, what's your name? I'm bla bla. Do you fancy going for a drink?' Despite a poor execution and zero buildup, I'd actually taken some action and I was proud of that.

I've also been going out to work in coffee shops every day, which appears to be inspiring some level of dread, as she was curious as to why I've started going out every day now.

THIS is what I need to capitalise on, this is the action that will positively impact me the most regardless of whether or not my relationship continues or ends. I've been watching a lot of Coach Kyle, which is a great resource. I just need to find somewhere to go to actually start implementing and practicing. My hometown seems like an awful idea, a lack of quality women and a chance of being 'caught'.