My friends are ignoring me: am I at fault?

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-01-07T16:16:10+00:00

Friendship breakups are really hard, especially when you thought you'd be friends forever. We don't really talk about it enough, considering how painful, but also how common it is for people to just... grow apart. You can say your friends are like family until you're blue in the face, but at the end of the day, the only thing tying you together is common interests and a similar life stage/goals. If those change, there are no bloodlines or family members to hold it together.

Media really warps the view of adult friendships, but what you're talking about, drifting in your early twenties, is super common and even healthy. Don't focus on who is wrong. Work on making new friends, with more realistic expectations. If you want to talk about endometriosis, I'd recommend Reddit or other forums. Meanwhile, just try to connect with similarly minded women, through work or church or even a library book club.

herzogin_eva · 2023-01-07T15:59:28+00:00

I would say this becomes more common as the years go on. You should get closer to your husband and family. You and your friends all get deeper into your own lives and true, fulfilling connections with people outside of your family is rare as you get older.

AutoModerator · 2023-01-07T15:02:20+00:00

Title: My friends are ignoring me: am I at fault?

Full text: Hi everyone. So, I(F22) don’t have a lot of friends, only two I used to talk to pretty often. I’m a conservative woman so I struggle making friends my age. Now, my 2 friends are ignoring me.

The first one is religious like me but I’m more strict or traditional I’ll say. However I don’t have an issue with her being different. I realized a pattern of her getting frustrated when I don’t agree with her. One time I had an important issue to deal with and she only focused on a little detail once I shared it and literally ignored my messages until she found out I was « correct » (just the opinion I follow tho I respect other people). Now she has been ignoring me since I told her I wouldn’t watch a 20mn video because the girl didn’t seem qualified to speak. Not shaming her or anything but I have a short attention spawn. I tried talking about other things and sent messages on two different days and she hasn’t responded, it’s been more than two weeks.

The other friend is busy with college but I noticed she would make more time to talk to her bf and ex friends she has beef with. Before that I was okay with her taking 1-2 weeks to answer but I didn’t feel the same connection to her. I recently had big news to share with her, she said she had 6 hours to spend in a car with her bf so she would be there to talk. She stopped responding after 10-15mn. It’s been two weeks, she came back from vacation (so another 6-hour trip) but still hasn’t responded.

I just wanted friends to share good and bad news with. I recently got diagnosed with endometriosis (no cure and affects life a lot). I need support but there’s no one expect my husband, who can’t give me the support another woman would. I plan on ghosting them whenever they respond. I feel so alone despite doing my best. Do you think I’m too needy? What should I do?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

hissyyfit1 · 2023-01-07T19:42:54+00:00

To be honest, I don’t think being conservative is what is causing difficulties in your friendships. I turned 23 a few months ago and I’m a religious, conservative, catholic school kid. I went to college in a small town and later a big city in New England; now I’m finishing up school in another city. Never had an issue making or maintaining friendships because of conservatism. I have accepted, however, that I have to be selective with the friends I choose to keep because a lot of women our age are not likeminded.

There are details we aren’t getting in this scenario. For example, the most obvious detail: how do they feel about you? Do you act a certain way with friends that turns them away from you? Have you asked them or are you even aware of this? Or, are you choosing the right friends? Do you feel like you want friends so badly that you’ll befriend anyone? This isn’t necessarily a bad thing; you could look at it as a practice run for building friendships later on. Also consider that many people in their 20s are finding their way in life, which includes inevitably losing people we used to be close with. Maybe it isn’t a personal thing for your friends.

Does your husband’s family have any women you can turn to? Do you have cousins or close, female family friends? Do you have any avenues of making new friends (work, school, volunteering, etc)? I’ve made friends online that I eventually met in person and am still close to, also.

Losing a best friend, imo, is worse than a breakup, depending on how close you and the friend were/are. It sucks to lose a friend especially when you receive difficult news. I think at this time, you should seek help from female family members and if you don’t have that, there are tons of communities out there dedicated to women who have the same condition as you do. You aren’t needy and you certainly aren’t alone. Looking forward, I would definitely stop blaming being conservative on maintaining (not making) friends, put yourself in more social situations if possible, and look online for support communities (maybe there are even groups in your area you can visit).

Natural-Barnacle9353 · 2023-01-07T19:55:24+00:00

I wonder if you not taking the time to watch the video your friend sent made her feel like you don’t value her input/want to discuss the things that are important to her. Someone sending you a video or clip is often a way to connect/share feelings or start a conversation they find interesting. If this has happened before, or you also often disagree over small details, your friend might feel shut down and as though it’s just too difficult to keep talking to you.

A lot of times friendships do move on as you get older (I often say that some people in our life are seasonal friends and it’s completely ok that we move on to different adventures). But if your only two friends are both pulling back it may really be worth seeing how you’re communicating and making other people feel I conversations.

I only say this out of love and care. As I have an acquaintance who now at 50 has essentially no friends and their family also avoid regular contact. The person is kind and caring, and very confused and upset as to why they keep ‘loosing’ friends. But it’s honestly because they are just so painful to communicate with, they can’t let small things go, will often argue over something that is shared lightheartedly or with an overall picture etc.

This may not at all be the case for you, but definitely worth considering as a just in case because it can really impact your future happiness.

Title	My friends are ignoring me: am I at fault?
Author	boreduser07
Upvotes	2
Comments	15
Date	January 7, 2023 3:02 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/105r194/my_friends_are_ignoring_me_am_i_at_fault/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-friends-are-ignoring-me-am-i-at-fault.1146635 https://theredarchive.com/post/1146635

Comments