As much as I hate to admit it, personality or any other aspect about who you are, matters very little in dating if you're overweight or have unattractive facial features, or both.

Yes personality and other factors, do matter. But only once someone is attracted to you physically to some degree first. Good news is at least physical attraction is more fluid and subjective than most hardcore black pull folks would lead you to believe, but physical attraction is only fluid after people have experienced something amazing about you that they otherwise admire: this becomes a problem because strangers don't know anything about you other than how you appear that day: how you dress, and how you smell and groom, how you face looks, how in shape you are, and your body language and perceived confidence.

The person who most of their life has been an ugly duckling or overweight or both, will be treated differently most of their life than their attractive friends and colleagues. Rejection happens so often that telling them to be confident is like telling a guy with a missing leg to grow a new one, and most attractive people don't understand this perspective nor can they empathize with it.

I recently polled a bunch of men in a private fitness and dieting focused Facebook group about their stories with how they were treated both in dating and in life in general once they went from overweight to a normal BMI. The ones who had good facial structure and frame (good bones) reported that opportunities would come far easier and naturally to them, and they would get attention from ladies without even trying at times (as in, the girls were hitting on them). One even mentioned after he lost the weight, a previous crush of his who turned him down multiple times throughout his life, suddenly was VERY interested in asking him on a date (which he rightly rejected).

If they didn't have a good frame or had a weird jaw or were short, they still got treated far better by women and men than when they were overweight.

Thus, I have come to the conclusion that things like "charisma", "good game", "good at flirting", and "confidence" are MOSTLY associations people make with attractive people. Tell me of an ugly salesman that is successful.... haven't heard of it.

The opposite is true as well, if you're unattractive, people assume you "deserve" your fate. Judges giving lighter sentences to attractive prisoners, job opportunities coming to people more easily because they're attractive, and more dating opportunities and larger friend groups to people whom are attractive. There's been studies on these things if you want me to link them, let me know.

My point is, all this hullabaloo (isn't that a fun word btw?) about personality, game, charisma, being friends first, "find someone at your social group with the same interests", et cetera......all of that is not going to matter very much to the unattractive or overweight man or woman.

If a guy or girl has good bones and just is overweight: the BEST thing they can do to improve their dating, social, and career success is to lose the weight and go to the gym. The guy doesn't necessarily need to bulk up, just get a little toned, same for the overweight but good bones girl.

After the person has gone to the gym and gotten to a normal BMI, they should THEN focus on the other aspects if they're lacking in their life. But even if he/she does nothing else but lose the weight: he/she will find more success through that alone.

Succes then builds on itself: you don't act confident, you gain confidence: it's something you cultivate and aquire through repeated successes. Telling someone they need to be confident is goofy: they need to do things to make them more successful so confidence becomes a natural result.

I guess, the long story --> short of what I'm trying to say:

TLDR let's stop telling people all these white lies and instead involve the tough love that they need to improve their physical appearance as much as possible and lose weight to a normal BMI before talking about personality, charisma, game, or confidence.

Of course, if you're overweight due to a medical reason, then that's a different story: do as much as you can to maximize everything else or find someone else who's similar to you. (P.S. most overweight people don't find other overweight people attractive: although they are more likely to settle nevertheless)

But I will say the outlook looks bleak even then: false hope is deceptive: I'd rather be a nihilist than pretend the world is different than it is. Get to the gym and maximize your attractiveness before asking the world why you're single.