Having to ask out the opposite sex makes you vulnerable to rejection.

Signal_Ad3125 · 2023-01-28T19:09:49+00:00

I’ve had so many rejections I’ve pretty much become numb to the feeling of embarrassment. I’ll just shrug it off in a moments notice and then flirt with other girls but I don’t really make any formal moves on them.

Malaysian girls aren’t the coquette types and they’ll just shy away when I ask them out. Even when I can tell if they reciprocate the attraction.

Just throw your line out there bro. Words are just words after all. Choose your target of course, Asian countries here don’t suffer much from police against fraudulent harassment charges.

g1455ofwater · 2023-01-28T20:37:57+00:00

I don't think it's changed all that much, it's still predominantly left to men to create the relationship.

Royal_IDunno · 2023-01-29T00:26:02+00:00

Us men have to deal with rejection all the time, reason why most women don’t ask the guy out first is because they fear rejection etc… like bruh how do you think we feel? Lol.

kongeriket · 2023-01-29T06:43:29+00:00

Routinely reading some of these threads reminds me to be grateful to biology (or God, if I were religious) for having been born in Eastern Europe. Yeah, the communist experience as a kid was very haram but, at the same time, we didn't get (and still don't!) a lot of this crap. Though, to be fair, this sub isn't even reflective of the majority of the West, let alone the world.

In any event, what helped during my teen years?

We'd encourage each other (as boys/young men) to try. And reward those who tried, even if they got rejected. Sure, it sucked to get rejected, but then you'd get a high-five and maybe a beer and a cigarette from the kid in the group that was well-off(-ish).
A culture that didn't reward helicopter parents (quite the opposite!). We were left to our own devices from the age of 7 or 8 as a matter of absolute routine and course. Given the key to the house/apartment as a necklace and the parents went off to work. You're on your own buddy. This was done to girls too. This engendered a much higher sense of personal responsibility.
We tried (at least some of us) to avoid measuring our worth by the amount of women/girls attracted. Sure, it didn't always work (teenage hormones are one hell of a drug!) but at least we tried.
Brotherhood. We had that among closer friends. With some of those guys I still keep in touch now even though we may live on different continents.

Some of that can still be replicated today (and in fact is) on most of the planet.

Early-Department-234 · 2023-01-28T16:55:57+00:00

Rejection?
Men are afraid of having the police involved for approaching women.
There is the urban legend that in the Toronto clubs, the Toronto Police are on standby to arrest men for criminal harassment while the Paul Bernardos and Ted Bundys go on serial murder sprees undetected in the Gay Village.
There was a story where dozens of gay and transpeople went missing or were murdered in the Gay village and the police claimed that they didn't have any leads. Toronto Police were busy citing men in the nearby clubs for criminal harassment of women.

Swingstar731 · 2023-01-28T17:45:30+00:00

Im sincerely terrified anymore. I dated a woman who became a monster, cheating on me and then falsely accusing me and everyone attacked me. I'm currently being stalked and harassed by an entire gang of people that she has sent out to try and ruin my life. They've even created fake phone numbers and facebooks and even pretended to be a girl that wanted to date me just to get me to send nudes so they could blackmail me and Intimidate me from speaking out about what she has been doing to destroy my life. I couldn't even confront her about it without getting labeled a stalker and harasser myself. It's insane and scary and im fearful of people anymore. I've called the police over and over and they do nothing but talk down to me and ignore me. Yet she has destroyes my family, my career, my social life and run me out of town. Her homewrecker even threatened to kill me and gave me a specific date and everything. But the cops do NOTHING. I was forced to defend my home all in my own and I'm at a total loss here for what do to.

ideas_now · 2023-01-28T16:35:23+00:00

I had a co-worker with whom everything seemed to be really good. We were spending a lot of time together and neither of us were each other's manager. When I asked her out, (I asked if she ever want to get a coffee sometime) she could easily detect my intentions, and we were never friends again.

Since that experience, I've dated other women and I've had great experiences, but that was really difficult.

Perfectly-Not-Wrong · 2023-01-28T21:34:08+00:00

Men should stop doing that task for a better future for Men.If you are not doing it, someone else will do it is a fear statement promoted by feminists to keep up their demand always.

If more men stop approaching women, do you think women will be happier or just will live alone?
No. They want more romance than Men. But they want Men to make the first move & approach them for many of the advantages they get out of that. That is their strategy.

Its high time Men have some self respect.

Slibye · 2023-01-29T02:19:09+00:00

I stopped asking women out for dates because of the constant rejection, and again these were dates and i became numb afterwards and starting to not ask people out anymore.

Only time i had a date was when a women asked me out and it was my first date. And i had a bad time with that first date…

Forcetobereckonedwit · 2023-01-29T04:31:38+00:00

Ain't changed a bit. Women are somewhat more likely to start a Convo now but men always have to escalate.

Angryasfk · 2023-01-29T09:29:38+00:00

I don’t ask women out at all. I’ve waited to be approached. It has happened, although they tend to be “less direct”. Either conniving with other women to “set up” something, or getting third party women (like my sister) to tell them to get me to ask them out! Women tend to “hover” and expect you to “take the hint”. That said, I could probably have had a lot more gfs if I’d been more “aggressive”, and loads of rejections too!

It would be nice if women did recognise the risk we take. The “cavalier” attitude many guys take is really because they’re jaded by all the rejection they’ve received.

notsureoftheanswer · 2023-01-28T23:53:20+00:00

I asked a coworker out, we went to a park after lunch and when walking I tried to stop and kiss her and she just turned her head. It was an awkward walk back to the car lol.

I don't have issues talking to women or asking them out. Doesn't matter if they say no or not. As an older thick boy it surprises me what I can.

coffeeinvenice · 2023-01-29T01:17:43+00:00

One way of looking at the issue is to look at it from the perspective of personal strength. There is the traditional custom in many societies of a man asking a woman out, and is turned down many times before the woman accepts. This could be looked at as an expression of male strength. Some women/people will ask themselves, "Is the man strong enough emotionally to handle rejection once, more than once by the same woman, or many times by different women? Or is he not emotionally strong and does he get frustrated easily?" Men are physically stronger than women on average, so perhaps there is some subconscious fear that a man who is unable to control his frustration may physically force himself on a woman's life or even sexually assault her. So having to be the one to initiate relations and being turned down a few times before being accepted can be seen as an opportunity for a man to express the masculine virtue of self-control and ability to handle frustration. To symbolically express his strength as a man.

On the other hand, when it happens all the time to a guy, he can be forgiven for starting to think to himself, "Is this worth it? I should just give up on dating, trying to date someone just makes me feel sad, bad about myself, and frustrated. What did I do to deserve this? I'm a good person - at least I try to be - I obey the law, hold down a good job, treat people with respect, try to better myself. Why should I spend so much emotional energy, time, and money trying to meet the expectations of women, when legions of them don't demonstrably have that much to offer in a relationship? It's kind of undignified."

5de1 · 2023-01-29T16:26:54+00:00

I'd be interested in any of your recollections of having to do so and how awkward you felt. One of the comments will be my anecdote.

Cold approached dozens of women, got rejected by so many of them. Even the 30% who give phone numbers, 90% of them ghost right after.

Honestly I just learn to shrug off the "creepy" and "predator" comments. Who cares about those ladies who want to ruin your reputation?

For a looong time the onus of initiating relations was always in the men's department. It's not easy, it's scary, and often men messed up and were offensive while trying to initiate... It's good that now things are changing.

That is true, I've been cold approached by a few women.

Title	Having to ask out the opposite sex makes you vulnerable to rejection.
Author	ideas_now
Upvotes	29
Comments	26
Date	January 28, 2023 4:33 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/10nj5yx/having_to_ask_out_the_opposite_sex_makes_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/having-to-ask-out-the-opposite-sex-makes-you.1149925 https://theredarchive.com/post/1149925

Comments