So STBXW and I have been married over 10 years, but essentially friends and "room mates" for about the last 2. When we've tried to get back to more, it doesn't go well. So we're both starting to figure it makes sense to go ahead and get divorced and get on with life.

On the simple side, no kids. And we own two houses about a mile apart -- one is mainly an office/shop, but we can essentially separate fully, and physically divide things, without "moving out".

On the more complex side, she had a number of hard hitting medical issues about 5 years ago, and while isn't considered legally disabled she hasn't been able to return to work yet. That's in progress, I'd guess a year or two off...she is doing work at the moment, but it's for non-profits. (Flexible and good for the resume, but worth $0.)

In general, I want to be fair and supportive, and also not a complete idiot. And her being supported is very frustrating for her, even now. (Texas is pretty limited on support, max 5 years + max less of $5K/20% month.) I have told my lawyer about the possibility of all this.

So far basic plan is:

  • Use my lawyer who does (only) uncontested divorces. Obviously they actually represent me legally, and she is welcome to have her own review things. I like my lawyer a lot, and it's a flat fee -- if things become contested (beyond just explaining pros/cons, etc) I would get kicked to getting a different lawyer. (I think this is good incentive to keep things from getting expensive for no reason.)

  • COBRA is stupid expensive, but good medical insurance is essential for her and good for 3 years. She thinks that's a decently safe clock, plus an incentive to keep ahead of.

  • I know all the stuff about not moving out, but in our case seems best to just use the two houses to our benefit, both for separate living in and putting stuff. We also have a storage spot we can keep undivided/to sell/etc.

  • Texas support just isn't that much or that long -- it doesn't seem like much of an issue. From talking to my lawyer it seems like I could pay more in the first year or two by our own non-required agreement (let's say if I paid in addition, COBRA plus her mortgage) but to also keep the decree as the legal minimum should things change. I'm not interested in putting that into an additional "contractual alimony" agreement though.

  • Will would be changed to remove her, but I'd leave her as 50% on the life insurance for those 5 years. (Same as now, my disabled father is currently they other 50%.)

  • She won't be able to refinance the house she keeps in her name anytime soon, and I'll likely keep paying at least part of the note. My thought is to structure an agreement around the house, that says if it's sold, I'm due half the equity at that future sales date. But if she ever refinances, then the appraisal from that refinance date is set as the fixed value amount my equity portion would be split from, for a future sale later. (So I get some benefit from being on the note, and she has incentive to refinance.)

  • Most of the "stuff" is either don't care, or easy to split. Things like vehicles, pets, and guns are already well defined as to whose is whose.

  • I'm already recording full time anytime we are together, on a personal recorder.

To the last point...we're both legit friends with most our exes, and I think (after a gap of not much contact for a year or two) could be actual friends too. But things can go south, so I'm not opposed to being prepared. And I know things get different when when people start dating...we need to be separate and have little contact in the post-divorce period.

Pretty sure r/Divorce would just say "good plan"...so I thought I should ask in here where I've been lurking a lot recently, in case I'm way off base. :)