I (27M) recently ended a 5 year relationship with my partner (24F). We both called each other names and labelled each other with shitty traits. Manipulative, controlling, emotionally neglectful, etc. I feel that no one will get the whole story because no one else knows the situation. I just want to get opinions on what kind of relationship this was.

We both have treated each other horribly in the past and are trying to remain friends. My qualms with her were relatively simple things such as cleaning up her messes, telling her that not everyone is a total piece of shit like she believes (although, I still think most people are), and limiting the amount of rant time I could take per day. These were not the things that made me leave her. And so begins the story...

During the beginning of our relationship, we lived in different cities. Our first time alone together, we drank a lot of vodka and did the whole cutesy make out thing. She wanted to have sex with me but I said "No, I don't want to." She then pushed me into her bedroom door, told me she's going to fuck me, and threw me on the bed. I took my own clothes off and we both willingly had sex, even though I said that I absolutely did not want to. I wanted to make her comfortable at the expense of my comfort. We tried a long distance relationship but I ended it because I didn't want that.

Fast forward a year... She moved to my city and we hooked up again. I willingly had sex with her this time and felt safe a secure.

In the beginning of our relationship, we both had alcohol problems. I attacked her twice and she also attacked me twice. Albeit, mine were more vicious. During that time, I drank far too much whiskey one night and texted a girl to send me her tits (Yeah, douche fucking move, I know). I hid it for over a week but never sent another like it. She caught me and I didn't want to fess up so I lied and was caught right then and there. I admitted it. I couldn't justify it. It was a stupid thing to do. We gave up drinking and continued our relationship.

The arguments that existed alongside the drinking subsided for a little while but came back just as bad later on. Pointing and waving fingers in each other's faces was now the extent of our violence. Stupid arguments over things like dishes were commonplace. Arguments over how I don't understand her were even more common. Arguments over how I'm always trying to control her and manipulate her when I don't get the response that I want. Things I wanted were for her to stop being a slob, reach out to me emotionally, connect with me spiritually. Basically, I wanted her to open up to me like she had in the past.

We both have anger issues and screaming matches were common for a little while. She would always tell me that I'm emotionally neglectiful even though I would attempt to comfort or console her when she appeared in distress. When she told me that she needs space during that time, I backed off. When it came to the point where she wasn't telling me things, I got suspicious, paranoid, and thought I was fucking psycho. She would always ask me where I'm going anytime I'm leaving. If I weren't home when she was there, I got a text message or phone call asking where I was. After a while, I told her to stop it. I didn't want to tell her every detail about my life and if I'm going to the corner store or if I'm out with friends for a couple of hours. This keeps up until the end of our relationship.

Fast forward 3 years... We move across the country. We move a month apart and maintain excellent communication. I drive across the country and we find an apartment relatively quick (she had been staying with family). During this time, she comes out to me as a lesbian. I was totally cool with it. She's had lesbian encounters in the past, so I only expected it. (My mom came out in my teens and my dad was really fucked up to her about it, so I tried to do the opposite of my dad.) Not long after, she tells me that she wants a girlfriend... My response, "What's your type?" I was totally fine with it but I asked in return the sexual freedom I offered her.

Then, a month later, she tells me that she's still in love with her ex-lover. I get hurt, say a bunch of stupid shit and then get over it. A couple of weeks go by and the truth finally comes out... She had been conspiring with her ex-lover to leave me for 2 to 3 years of our relationship. They were having a phone affair and continually talking about how wonderful their past sex life was. I was NOT okay with this. My line had been crossed and my trust had been broken. She severed ties with him.

I left her days later when her cat pee'd on me while I was sleeping... for the third time. A huge argument ensued over her responsibility as a cat mother. I wanted her to wake up and wash the sheets and blankets and to clean the bed. She refused and told me that I was trying to control her.

Fast forward a few more weeks... She now has a new man in her life and constantly brags about him. I think its wonderful that she has found someone that she thinks understands her, and I show nothing but undying support and unconditional love. Of course, I compare myself to him at times but only when it pertains to things that I offered her that she flatly rejected. One night, I'm super stressed and I ask her to pet my hair, she refuses. After I had shown her support for a previous freakout 3 days prior, I was flatly rejected emotionally by someone that I consider a friend.

One night while talking, she told me that she steals men's hearts with sex and crushes them, and finds delight in it. I realized at that moment, that the first time we had sex, this is what she was doing. And why I was adamantly opposed to doing it. I feel that I was taken advantage of. I feel that the entire relationship was without trust. I feel that I had been controlled and lied to.

I was a piece of shit. But so was she. Our actions could never be justified. She now refuses to take any sort of blame for ending of our relationship. I'm happy alone, she's happy with someone else. We still have a rocky friendship but would love for remain friends. We both have no problem stripping our lives of each other though.

TL;DR: Man leaves relationship because he believes he is being controlled and manipulated. Partner says man is to blame as a control freak.