I think this group has it the worst.

nigglereddit · 2013-09-17T10:49:38+00:00

I don't like to disagree but I'll throw the UK's social services' hat in the ring.

My brother has a son by a woman he's not married to. She was and is an alcoholic drug addict with a long history of severe mental illness who was in court on a monthly basis for theft, assault and more, and who neglected and abused both the baby and my brother.

This led social services to place the boy on the "at risk" register - a list of children who are at immediate risk of harm by their own families. Being on the register means the child can be taken away at any time by social services. In this case that meant that if the woman had a major episode, social services would turn up with the police and take her son away.

My brother wrestled with social services over this for over a year. He pointed out that he was and is straight, sober, well adjusted, employed and stable. Surely, he reasoned, he could be named as primary carer? That way, if the woman had a problem, his son would not be taken away but instead be left in his sole and very safe care.

This suggestion was met with blank incomprehension by social services. They simply told him no. When he eventually managed to escalate the issue, he was met by a senior social worker who pointed out that his request was both impossible and ridiculous - he clearly couldn't be named primary carer because he is just the boy's father.

Read that again. Please.

Those are the actual words they used: you are just the boy's father.

So the boy remained on the register. Every time the woman stole a car, smashed up the house, attacked a neighbour, passed out on the street or was taken to hospital, my brother had to race home to try to get there before the social workers and police, so that his son would not be taken from him. This went on for an entire year, about twice a week.

Try to imagine that. Living with the constant threat of having your child taken away because social services think your alcoholic junkie ex is a better parent than you because of her sex.

anonlymouse · 2013-09-17T10:12:35+00:00

That's pretty bad.

TheCameraLady · 2013-09-17T17:05:01+00:00

Do you still have to pay support?

Juan_Golt · 2013-09-17T19:45:36+00:00

Not to diminish your issues. Here's what it's like in the states for an unwed father.

Make a parenting agreement prior to birth. Mother accepts payment and assistance during pregnancy, then reneges at the last second and refuses to name you as the father.

File paternity suit to seek legal remedy. Months later finally acknowledged as the father. No custody, no visitation. Back child support assigned with interest for the time when you weren't legally the father (and you'd already paid).

Custody/visitation finally allowed, but zero enforcement of infringement. If mother doesn't give you your time, the police will tell you to go to court, the court will ask why you why the police didn't find a violation. Contrarily if you violate the court order you'll be arrested by the cops, and/or sanctioned by the courts.

10-20K in legal fees later (if you're lucky) you have equal custody and the child is 3-4. But because you were never married, you must have court sealed paperwork with you at all times to prove you have legal parental rights. Mother can show up with the police at any point and if your paperwork isn't 100% complete and up to date, forget your parenting time.

Everyone at every link in the chain is looking to take something from you. Every police officer is looking for a reason to arrest you, every court is trying to find a pretext to avoid giving you time. You must be provably perfect 100% of the time. In contrast any mistake by the mother will be treated with the utmost discretion.

rightsbot · 2013-09-17T08:42:17+00:00

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Title	I think this group has it the worst.
Author	lillojohn
Upvotes	25
Comments	18
Date	September 17, 2013 8:40 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1mk81m/i_think_this_group_has_it_the_worst/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-think-this-group-has-it-the-worst.1163655 https://theredarchive.com/post/1163655

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