EDIT: it's a long post. Writing it helped me a bit, but still quite confused.

Guys, tell me what happened. Two weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years. She lied to me about going out with friends and I found she met another guy.

Little background. I was always very attractive (good looking, rising star lawyer, PhD candidate); she was always very attractive, or even more (model, young lawyer).

When I first met her 4 years ago I was having regular sex without commitment. I was partying, smoking weed with friends (without being a stoner), was very good at sports and generally considered attractive.

I never had sex with someone so beautiful though so I engaged into the relationship (as I though it was essential for this particular girl). I didn't treat her very well in the beginning, never posted a photo together, never "told the world" that I'm with her. Was still flirting with some girls too.

The time has passed and I have changed. I wanted to be mature and manly (25 at the time). I though I had enough adventurous sex in my life and wanted new goals/problems/etc. I made my decision to be with her for the rest of my life, start a family and become a power couple.

We started living together about a year and a half. After some time, we experienced some problems. A few months ago she started arguing with me about her uncertain situation, she said she wasn't sure whether I was going to propose to her, etc. She said she was always living in fear, which was also imposed on her by her family. They said it's clear for them I don't want to treat her seriously.

But at that time I did! Because of my decision that I will spend the rest of my live with her -> I did things to "cultivate the love" I felt for her. I was imaging her leaving me, just to feel jealous. I was idealizing her in my mind (to confirm myself that she is the one).

So I... tried to explain to her how I feel (sic!). I said I want to spend the rest of my life with her, I love her, I want to have kids, I want to propose to her, etc. Not my style, but I was convinced that she needed it.

Next night I found out she met with some other, older guy. I packed her things and told her to move out the next day. She is trying to contact me ever since, texting and calling, writing emails.

It's been two weeks now. I already had sex a few times with younger girls than her, so it helped. But she had the prettiest face i've seen and it's still hard for me. I know deep down there that I made the only good choice, and probably even that it will be for the best for my future, etc (had job offers from abroad and wanted to stay in my shitty country because of her).

I'm just not sure I get it all, need some clarification on what has happened. She said the reason was that she didn't feel special, loved and cared for. I just can't agree with that. Maybe in the past, but certainly not lately. She said she need some sign of my love and respect, some security because she was always defending me in front of her family ("he is going to propose, don't worry", etc.). She met new girlfriends, all "single and successful", started partying with them - I was very happy for her.

My girlfriends say she is right and these are the reasons, because every girl can get tired after chasing the guy for so many years.

And I don't know what to think about it. I have some "red pill" explanation of what happened, but not sure if i'm not biased... Here it goes: I stopped smoking MJ because she wanted to. I agreed my friends are bringing me down and restricted contact. I started to develop an interest in art as it was her hobby. I was basically a whole new person, created by her in a way. I told her I only thing about her, can't imagine my life without her... I thought it's the "next level", after my alfa-immature sleeping with everybody and not giving a fuck behavior. While I'm writing this I can't believe I became this way.

But the reason I'm writing this is different. I have a slight fear in my mind, that maybe she was right at some point: maybe it was my fault that she was waiting for the ring for too long, that she was always fighting with stupid questions why haven't I done this yet. Maybe I should have fucking tagged her at my Instagram pictures or Facebook status or whatever. I hope not, I don't want to be that needy guy never again.

What do you guys think. Can I be alfa/trp again, or was it too much -> and the next time I want a relationship the same shit will happen.