So I am just wondering why feminism says its for equality (nebulous term) between the sexes and is against gendering terms like mailman for example but their whole system is gendered to pit men against women.

For example feminism = equality while having "fem" in it's name

and

Patriarchy = the bad society monster but now they are saying that it's not meaning men (its now just nebulous) even though patriarch = male leader figure.

If they seriously ARE just for equality between men and women then why don't they remove those gendered terms and just stick with egalitarian or a new non-gendered word for equality that is fighting against a new, non-gendered term for that bad society monster?

I asked a derivative on r_ask_feminism and was wondering if anyone could tell me from a feminist POV (or not, I am not a feminist at all)