How to deal with seeing kids less

zulugains · 2018-08-10T14:12:34+00:00

Honestly dude, keep things in perspective. There are fathers in stable marriages that see their kids less than you will ( I.e people in the armed forces, work jobs abroad etc) the most important thing to focus on is the contact you have with the children ( FaceTime , phone calls and emails) and the quality of the time you do spend with them and really that is true if you are divorced or not.

2018-08-10T03:26:03+00:00

It’s the most painful part of the whole situation, and she knows it.

If you’re lucky and your STBX is interested in making the transition peaceful, then you’re fortunate. It’s going to hurt. Accept that, and take advantage of every opportunity to see them, call them, text, etc.

But it’s going to hurt. I force myself to stay busy at night, which is when it’s the worst. I wish I had better advice, but what might help is to get involved with a hobby or organization or second job that keeps you busy. It’s been the only thing keeping me sane.

Good luck to you.

ArrrrmBaaaaaaaaar · 2018-08-10T03:31:30+00:00

Try to keep yourself busy when they aren't around. Get together with friends or family. Go out "shopping" (even if you don't plan to buy anything), join a gym, join a social club.

Also, call them and (if possible) video chat with them. Hopefully your ex is willing to make that kind of access easy for you.

At first, being alone was very hard for me. I kept myself busy any day I didn't have my kids.

It's going to be an emotional transition no matter what. I hope some of these suggestions can make it just a bit less painful.

Good luck

Bloody_hell_Donny · 2018-08-10T11:47:42+00:00

The expectation that you NEED to see your kids less is a lie. Demand 50/50 custody and make her PROVE you can’t see them more than that. If you have to alter your schedule or lifestyle do it. Men are conditioned to accept being abused by the court system, but in reality we have equal rights as the Mom. DO NOT move out of the house or allow her to move out of the house before you have a parenting plan, that’s where most men make the biggest mistake during divorce. If you let her HAVE the kids more than you w/o an agreement then the burden of proof is on you as to why she is UNFIT to care of them the majority of the time.

Ridewithme38 · 2018-08-10T11:20:48+00:00

This is the same job you had before the divorce right and your expenses shouldn't be that much higher, why do you have to see them less?

If you moved out(which most people will recommend you NOT do) as long as their is no paperwork saying you can't, stop in after work. Bring dinner, or if it's late, offer to read them a book before bed.

One of the best decisions I made is a daily phone call. No matter what I'm doing, I'll stop at exactly 4pm every day and call my daughter. This gives me a chance to catch up on what she's doing, tell her about my day and see if she needs me to pick up anything or stop over for any reason. I've stopped over A LOT on days that weren't my days to drop things off or just see her on the basis of those phone calls.

Title	How to deal with seeing kids less
Author	FamiliarPudding229
Upvotes	4
Comments	5
Date	August 10, 2018 3:06 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/96397x/how_to_deal_with_seeing_kids_less/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-to-deal-with-seeing-kids-less.1185815 https://theredarchive.com/post/1185815

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