During an argument with my partner (f30) of 13 years punched me as hard as she could in the shoulder. I (m31) come from an abusive home and she knows. This has sent me into a spiral and I don't know how to reconcile with her even though she admits it was a serious mistake.

d_nijmegen · 2021-04-13T16:18:35+00:00

My wife hit me once. It was a backhand in frustration.

All I had to do is stand my ground on it never EVER happening again. And it didn't, it's been years.

That's all you can do, forgive honest mistakes, not patterns. Those need to be broken.

witwats · 2021-04-13T16:26:03+00:00

She publicly acknowledges the assault and attends counseling.

If this is a one time issue, then this will help resolve it.

If it is an ongoing issue, then you need to be able to demonstrate that you are not at fault and that she accepts responsibility for her actions.

Otherwise, you run the risk of being first victimized by her (again) and then demonized by society and the authorities for being male in an abusive relationship.

Ryuujinken · 2021-04-13T17:36:09+00:00

Tell her you don't want an apology, but a change in her behavior. Next time you just walk away and get out of that relationship.

whatever0609 · 2021-04-13T21:37:14+00:00

As a female, you need to get out of that relationship. They don't tell you guys this, but they're ALWAYS sorry. Until it happens again

pappo4ever · 2021-04-13T19:26:43+00:00

Tell her if it happens again you will leave. But this is important: If it happens again, leave.

2021-04-13T19:51:27+00:00

Abusers never stop. Leave now.

HeadHigh71 · 2021-04-14T02:14:03+00:00

Wasn't a mistake...she's upset that she might get in trouble. Don't be fooled by her sweet words, puppy eyes or affection. It's a trap.

If the roles were reversed you'll be in jail right now and served with a no contact order because she fears for her safety.

All the people saying it's an honest mistake is exactly why no one takes make victims serious.

WingsofSky · 2021-04-13T20:46:26+00:00

Go with therapy.

2021-04-13T22:54:07+00:00

Don't reconcile. It she is capable of hitting you "by mistake" then she has no moral compass and will do it again. Walk away for you own safety.

Metraxis · 2021-04-13T16:51:03+00:00

You don't reconcile with her. Once she his you, she's shown you that she does not respect your humanity. There is no coming back from that.

We-are-Thoth · 2021-04-13T22:14:25+00:00

File a police report?

onelanderino · 2021-04-13T18:56:23+00:00

Unless she's a professional MMA fighter, I don't see the problem. She only did it once. If she continues to do it, dump her. But there's no need to bitch around.
While doing research for my bachelor's thesis many years ago, I talked to some WW2 veterans, and to one Auschwitz survivor. By the time the man who survived Auschwitz was your age, he already lost all his family, and endured severe physical and psychological abuse. Yet he managed to both organize and attend conferences all around the world, in which he taught future generations about the horrors he witnessed.
And here you are, complaining about your GF hitting you on your shoulder. Get your shit together.

UnconventionalXY · 2021-04-14T00:56:51+00:00

It's an example of poor impulse control. Unless the perpetrator is prepared to actively work on moderation of emotional impulses, it's going to happen again regardless of regret over the incident. Next time she could be regretting literally plunging a knife into his heart.

Diomil · 2021-04-14T03:20:25+00:00

If this is a first time then forgive her, if it happens again then you have a tough decision to make.

haikusbot · 2021-04-14T11:44:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Rimu05 · 2021-04-15T19:59:49+00:00

I have sincère doubts this is the first time this has happened but people at Relationship advice really love excusing red flags. If he reflects on this marriage, he’s going to 100% note that there were toxic behaviors. This idea that people go from 0 to 100 to me has never actually held up.

Comments