There's been so many times I can remember in my life where I was miserable and felt misunderstood and like the world around me had lost it's mind. Where I felt like God was so far from me because the truth didn't feel like the truth anymore. But in fact these were the times God was the closest. Because in the blurry haze of my reality I needed God's intervention, I needed Him to focus a lens I could not hope to touch through my efforts alone. I could no more easily focus this particular lens then I could part the clouds overhead to reveal the sun so I could navigate treacherous terrain ahead. Yet I see so many blind men stumbling into the dark valleys ahead saying, "Follow me! I know the way."

Men like that still learn very valuable lessons through a repetition of error and adjustment. After all even in the gym you must fail upwards towards greater strength. But a wise man asks God to remove the scales from his eyes as he begins the new journey. A wise man knows the ego is there attempting to reflexively protect him from any discomfort or risk. The ego can act like a shield protecting you from what is in front of you, but like a shield it can obstruct your view as you hold it up. That is until you can learn to maneuver comfortably around it through experience. But sometimes as men, we need to see everything and get hurt bad. We need to be afraid so we stop living a life that is walking death. A life that is not even a life.

That is where I learned the most on the path. I learned that the way I was living my life meant I had no ownership and thus no actual presence. I was a ghost in my own home, unconnected and ineffective. I had a family, a nice place, and things I liked. But I couldn't see what I was actually doing because I was sleepwalking through all the motions because I was blind. And the ego constantly protected me from connecting the dots keeping me in denial. When I finally saw it I realized I had no stake in my own life. I had no ownership over my plans or my path forward. I was just renting the life I was living in and it actually belonged to someone else. It was because every single relationship I had was in essence transactional. My sex life was based on being provisional, my business life was purely me being tolerated because I was good at what I do, and all my friendships were lukewarm. And my shield hid it all from me.

I was able to throw that shield down by trusting God to hold it for me where it was needed, but to let me get hurt and learn the lessons I needed. Because He is a good father and that is what a good father does. He lets his children take risks and learn how to navigate a dangerous world. Without Him I would not be who I am. I would still be sleepwalking through my life. So ask yourself this.

Who's holding your shield right now?

Can you see what you need to see to stay on the path?

Do you trust God to hold that shield for you and let you get hurt when you need to hurt so you can learn what you need to know?

I never started to truly grow in the way I have until I stopped asking God for help with momentary things and started asking God how I could cure my blindness.

These are important questions.